017. - Molly Young

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. Want to make a podcast? Spotify's got a platform that lets you make one super easily, then distribute it everywhere, and even earn money. We like that. All in one place for totally free. It's called Spotify for Podcasters. And here's how it works. Spotify for podcasters lets you record and edit podcasts right from your cellular telephone or your computer. So no matter what your setup is like, you can start creating today. Then you can distribute your podcast to Spotify and everywhere else, those other places that podcasts are heard. Video podcasts are also available on Spotify. And when you want to take conversations with your fans to the next level, Q&As and polls are the best way to get them talking. With Spotify for podcasters, you can earn money in a variety of ways, including ads and... and podcast subscriptions. And best of all, it's totally free. Zero catch. We've been using it ever since we started How Long Gone. And ever since I discovered Spotify for Podcasters, I feel like having the option of turning off the Q&As and the polls on the user dashboard has really helped boost my creativity and take it to another level. I highly recommend giving it a try. Download the Spotify for Podcasters app or go to www.spotify.com slash podcasters to get started.

Hello. Hello, TJ. Hello, TJ. What's up, mate? I hear a Canadian siren in the background there, buddy. What's going on? Jesus. The feds coming for me, dog. You know what I'm saying? Which feds are coming for you, Chris? Well, the Mounties, eh? They're coming to deport me back to America. And you're like, please. Yeah, exactly. Take me, dog. Take me. No, no. I'm going to act like I'm struggling, but you can take me. I'm glad that passed. Yeah, I'm over here. I'm looking at a picture that our friend Truett Dietz tweeted us saying if Chris and Jason combined into one person and it's a picture of Stanley Tucci wearing a very CB outfit. The outfit's fire. He's wearing a nice brown leather loafer jeans. I wouldn't wear brown loafers to be fair, but sure, continue. No sock, but the loafer brown matches the leather on his belt. So there's something. And then denim button-up shirt, denim jeans, same color. Tasteful goatee. And then the part about Chris is he's bald. And then the part about me is... He seems to be manning a very expensive wood fire where he's created a nice Neapolitan-style pizza. Yeah, so I'm the famous good-looking actor, and Jason's an oven. Just to recap. Boy, you look like a damn oven. Boy, you look like an expensive imported Italia oven. But now that I'm thinking about it, I mean, it is true. Tucci is a raconteur, just like Big Teej. And then he'd be dressing just like Chris Black. And also plays gay pretty well, just like Chris Black. God damn it. Where's the line? I'm looking for one and I can't find one. Is Tucci... Is he gay? I don't know if he's gay or not. I think he's not.

Actually, I don't know either. I think after everyone saw Devil Wears Pee, they were like, shit, I don't know. Even his mom was like, damn, I don't even know if he's gay. That's true. I mean, him and apparently in 2019 Out reported that Colin Firth and Stanley Tucci are starring in a gay love story, which sounds like a pretty good movie. Ooh, Big Firth. Big Firthy, baby. Big Firth. What else is going on, bro? Well, I would say not much. We have reached the point in the quarantine where I need a second haircut, and it's making me sad. I've already done two. I'm already on my second. I'm going to get hit my third on Friday. Every two weeks, baby. What number on the Clippers are you, if you don't mind me asking? Like a two. I don't like sharing personal stuff like this with the fans, but two. I do a three and it's too short for me. Well, I mean, bro, it was too short. What does that even mean? You know what I mean? I like the lived-in personality that a five has, but I threw away all my Clipper guards except for the three, so I'm kind of fucked. It's normally something I would just order on Amazon and it would show up in eight hours, but it's just buying stuff on Amazon doesn't even... It's not even really a thing anymore. No. Well, it's also like it's going to get here in fucking June. So what's the point? It's either sold out or it's getting here in June. Well, I mean, I might have to hit ATL, baby. They open everything up on Friday. So I'll be back at Barry's. No problem. I saw that. Is that something that you are actually considering? No, but they are popping. I appreciate that the South is just absolutely unhinged, just doing their own thing. I think other places are doing it, but Atlanta or Georgia is getting a lot of press about it. I haven't talked to my parents yet, but I would love to.

They're pretty much rule followers, so I doubt they'll be out wilding at fucking Popeyes or hitting the local Costco, but you never know. But if the ban is lifted, then it's not really a rule to be broken. Yeah, but my mom's a medical professional, so she's probably like these fucking dumbasses. Because that's what I'm worried about are the people who are the rule followers who just trust that they're in good hands with their government and their... You know, they're governors and mayors and congresspeople. Yes, exactly. I don't want Mrs. Black. No, I would hate for Gary or Linda to come down with the COVID and have to have Big Chris come in and play doctor. You know what I'm saying? That's what you think is going to happen? Also, I just love that sentence. I hope my parents don't come down with COVID because then Big Chris would have to come and take care of them. What the fuck are you going to do to take care of your parents who have COVID? You're like, I got you a Chrome Hearts respirator guard. That would be fire. That would probably make them feel better just on site. Just seeing that would live. Is there something I can do? Maybe I could go for a run. Would that help? No? Okay. Would me leaving help at all? Because I'm really down to do that. I don't know, dude. I don't know. My sister has these twins. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. The whole family unit is locked in except for CB running wild as usual. Well, this is now a nightmare scenario for you that I want to see come to fruition as the whole black family under one roof. It's the new family stone. Well, you know, years ago when I was managing Cartel, I did pitch a reality show idea where my dad and I would share an office and all the antics that would ensue. Really? Yeah, the idea of black and sons, where my dad, a straight-laced accountant, and his doofus son and all his drug-using buddies under one roof trying to get business done, that's a recipe for success to me. So nobody was sniffing around when you were pitching out Black on Black? I mean, I was sniffing around, if you know what I'm saying. That's kind of where I was going with that. That was the plot of the show, actually, is my dad's in the next room while me and my friends are doing coke.

making phone calls so everyone else in 2003 was like dude i have this bomb restaurant idea we should do it like and and then we'll like have like live music there too like that's their coke idea and you're like i want to share an office with my dad it'd just be funny i just knew it was a recipe for success well maybe um maybe there's still chance or you could fire up the the youtube live or the the ig tv IGTV. What's up? It's your boy, Chris, and your boy, Gary, coming to you live. Gary Black's going to be the new John Legend, and you're going to be the new Deegan. My dad, the one thing my dad can do that's really fire, because he's been an accountant for so long, is he can use an adding machine without looking, no misses. He's looking at a piece of paper and hitting the adding machine, no look, fire, full hand, no question, always right. Very impressive. paper full of numbers in one hand adding machine in the other hand no look glasses down on his nose you already know visor the whole thing he doesn't he doesn't have a visor but luckily he does have some very chic oliver peoples that picked out for him so he is he is seeing it straight you know what i mean gary black is fucking stunting on you hoes he is stunting um shoot all right well i guess we should talk about our guest i guess we should Yeah, enlighten our listeners about our guest today. Today we are talking to Molly Young, who is originally from San Francisco but lives in New York. She is the literary critic for the New York Times. Excuse me, New York Magazine. Sorry, she's a literary critic for New York Magazine. Damn, that's fucked up. Yeah, I've never met her before, but I know her on the internet through Chris Chang. Yes, she's very smart. She also had a book come out in 2018 called DCT with Penguin Press. And that was co-written by Joanna Aviles, which is also an illustrator. I don't know, bro. She's funny. She's cool. I think she's losing her mind. In fact, she told me I'm losing my mind. So I feel like she might be unhinged, which is great for content. Hell yeah. And it's also, you know, we can add her to the list of...

smart, cool, busy people who we don't deserve to talk to, but still somehow managed to pull it off. You know, in some ways, Jason, I would say that's the brand of our podcast, actually, is smart, overeducated people that are literally doing charitable work by talking to two idiots. So what does that say about us, psychologically speaking? Well, you know, some people like junk food. Do we subconsciously yearn for validation from our peers more than we realize? It's not subconscious, bitch. I'm so jealous of people who went to real colleges and have smart people jobs. Are you kidding me? I love to interlope. Ain't no sub. Ain't no sub. Ain't no sub. All right, let me call her. Bet. All right, this episode of How Long Gone has brought you back. Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and that are just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada.

That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions, but how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone. It was brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs.

handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive. And that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code how long taskers book up faster, especially for same day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code how long with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. Hey, what's up? Not much. How do I turn off the camera? We don't fucking know. Just kidding. You got it. Okay, cool. You probably were the best person at finding that out out of all of our guests. Some people never got it. That's true. How are you? I'm not used to audioing with multiple people. Wait, I can't tell if it's on speakerphone or not. No, you sound good, actually. I do? Okay, great. Also, did you just say audioing? Yeah. Let's get into that. Welcome to the show. What's up? Hey, guys. How are you guys' moods today? I have a good mood today. My mood is, I would say, I'm looking at 70%, but I kind of hover around 75 to 80, so it's not bad. Okay, but so you're on the low end of your spectrum today. Well, I think it's hailing right now, which kind of is bringing me down a little bit. But honestly, I need sunshine so bad. I'm desperate. dying for some heat have you ever tried a sad lamp no i haven't but i feel like you have yeah i have it didn't work it was just i mean what seems really obvious after you get one is that it's like really bright interesting wow okay it's like staring at the sun and so it's impossible to do anything while you're while you're sad lamping and also it just didn't work i think the quality of the light i mean

There's no replacement for sunlight. No, you're right. From God's mouth to my ears. Yeah. Where are you right now? I'm in Cape Cod. Oh, wow. Finally, our whitest guest. What's going on up there? Just a family home situation? We need the Cape Cod scene report, please. Yeah, no problem. Okay. So here, here's the timeline. I came back, I was in Mexico and I came back on March 12th and there was a woman on my plane who was like coughing loudly the whole time and not wearing a mask. And the entire plane was like jumping out of its skin. And then, yeah. And then seven days later I got really sick, but I didn't have the symptoms. I didn't, they weren't respiratory symptoms. I was just super achy and I was like sleeping 20 hours a day. So I'm kind of hoping that I had COVID, but I don't think I actually did. And then two weeks after that, I just obviously stayed indoors, didn't leave the house. And then two weeks after that, my older brother had gotten really, really sick with the virus. And yeah, he's recovering now. So my dad has a little house in a town called Woods Hole, which is like a scientific... research community in cape cod it's like um what the fuck are you talking it just went from white to very white yeah this just took a turn i thought i thought no one could out white me but thank you god we finally found someone a scientific research community yeah we're gonna need you to unpack that we're gonna need you to unpack that a little bit well it's basically there there's a bunch of there's like a bunch of institutions here there's a big marine biological laboratory and then there's the oceanographic institution And then the big one is the federal, it's called NOAA. And it's like the federal agency devoted to tracking weather and waterways. So anyway, everyone here is like a scientist. And the reason why I'm here. So anyway. This sounds a lot like LA. But yeah, keep going. Yeah. Anyway, girls. My grandfather, interestingly, was a virologist. He studied.

viruses and so he did a bunch of research here and like bought a little plot of land and then that went to my dad who also did research here and he built a little house on it and now i'm here and i am not doing research wow this is this is like a pretty good situation i feel like for you it's really wonderful it's also it's kind of like your typical cape cod beach town but because it's just an academic hub everybody here is a nerd and so there's no kind of there's none of the like status anxiety that you get gross i love status anxiety are you kidding me that's my high really yeah i love being the poorest person in a rich area that's my that's fully my nut i don't think i mean I guess I just don't do well with nerds because they can tell that I'm going to like flick their ear or something. I have to be careful. But is it at capacity, you think, because everybody that has a house there, like come to their house? No, no, it's pretty empty. It's like 10% full. It's really just the year rounders who are here. And then me, my husband and I were kind of carpet bagging. But one of the benefits of that is that there is like one section of town that's really fancy. And it's a private road and pedestrians are allowed to walk onto it, but it's not really encouraged. And once I was walking on it and someone told me to turn around and go home because they could tell I didn't live there. Go home! There's all these like, you know, multi-million dollar houses, but the people aren't, the summer people aren't there and their gardens are just like in full. spring like flowers jizzing everywhere mode and so beautiful i've just been going and like harvesting like thousands of dollars worth of daffodils and tulips and stuff and just bringing it back to my my little house and setting it up in my office it's like robin robin hooding so you're not a scientist but you have pivoted to floral arrangement exactly i you know i haven't i haven't picked up any

covet hobbies unfortunately i'm not really a hobby guy you're not no i anything that i remotely like i either am not good enough at or i try to turn it into a job so i i don't know what it's like to do something just for joy but don't you think don't you think it's fun to be bad at things sometimes um you know i wish i did that would make my life a lot easier uh but i'm i'm not i like cooking or something is so it's so enormous to me that i'm not even able to approach it it's too like i want to be good at it immediately i can't i couldn't handle the five years it would take to be decent you know so you you're not able to to process or understand the the pleasure you get from sucking at something and then slowly over time mastering it no i think that's why i'm not you don't you don't like the journey you only want the destination yeah i mean i don't know i feel like i know jason is kind of a hobbyist It sounds like you are too. I'm crafting, yeah. You are? I'm not crafting. No, I'm not crafting. I am doing a lot of things around landscaping, cooking, stuff like that. But I'm not knitting or anything yet. Well, here's my question for you, Chris. If you don't have hobbies, if there isn't a constant... um, if you're not constantly setting up ways to distract yourself and trick yourself into being busy, um, like what do you physically do? Like when you're not working Twitter? Uh, well, I mean, I guess I exercise or I read or I socialize, but you're saying in these, but I feel like those all exercises more for vanity and mental space, but I don't know if I consider it a hobby for, I've never thought of it that way. Exercising is absolutely a hobby. But I think you might consider exercise to just be like a basic function that all humans should do. And so maybe something more niche to be a hobby. I approach it as an athlete. So maybe that's the difference, you know. But, you know. This is life. This is your life. This is not a hobby. Exactly. Yeah, I'm training for the Olympics. I just don't know which one.

The rest is just details. Yeah, exactly. But I mean, I don't, I don't even really like, I've tried to be the person who uses this time like wisely and watch like, you know, French films, but I'm, I can, I can, instead we watch too hot to handle Netflix's new disgusting show in two days and I feel great about it. Like I don't, I can't, I'm not able to use the time as wisely as some people are, I think. I think that's good, though. I think everyone should just do exactly what their instincts tell them to do. If that's, like, bake bread and knit, that's good. And if it's just to, like, watch shitty Netflix or masturbate nonstop or, like, drink soda or whatever, I think you just have to, like, go with that. I'm glad you touched on what I'm doing and then also what Jason is doing. I am drinking a lot of soda. Jason is definitely masturbating with a Coca-Cola in his left hand. No, I am not. I am not because there's no time to do that. There's no opportunity. Yeah, there's no opportunity. That's the reality. And those holes in the yard are going to dig themselves. Coincidentally, those... The yard is the only place I could really jack off nowadays. Oh, because that's your only alone time? Yeah. Local tall man arrested for jerking off an own yard during Corona. Yeah, the backyard wasn't doing it for me anymore. Understood. Understood. Well, so are you seeing, Molly, are you able to see other, like do you have any friends there, like local resident, townie buds that you can socially distance but have a chat with? There are a couple people who I, when I go on my walks, we wave and like stop and talk from 20 feet away for a second. But mostly all of my social contact is in the form of structured, like planned FaceTiming, which is kind of a bummer, but it's better than nothing. Were you doing that? Were you a big FaceTimer before? God, no. Not at all. I mean, did you?

Did you guys FaceTime each other a lot before this? Absolutely not. I don't FaceTime with other dudes. You know what I'm saying? No, but I just don't. I just find it to be generational maybe. I don't know. Jason and I are older than you, I'm sure. I'm 37. He's 43. It's not true at all. But I just think that... Like when I see young people that just FaceTime instead of call, like that's just how they operate. That really freaks me out. But I don't FaceTime. This is the most I've ever used FaceTime. I don't even want to call. Yeah. I mean, I think calling is coming back after this, though. It is. It's so much fun again. Are you sitting on the phone like a teenager, like braiding your hair and chatting with the girls? Yeah. Actually, right now, I'm literally twirling my hair. Damn. Let's unpack that. What was that? I said, let's unpack that. Let's not. You know what I realized before we got on the phone is that we all have names that make it sound like we're in the witness protection program. Wow. I mean, what is an example of a true, authentic name then? Because you hit the nail on the head, but it's a hard thing to quantify what makes a witness protection name. I don't know. Who's the best named person you know? Vlade Divock. Shit, I don't know. All my friends... Chris Dillia. All my male friends have fucking Bible names, and I love it. We're all just Chris and Joseph and John. We're going over to John Smith's house. It's literally all my friends have names like that. I'm going to look at my call log right now and just see my text log. Dylan, Hunter, Ryder. Yeah, exactly. I mean, literally, Eric Chakine, I guess that's a different name. But then I've got, I mean, it's crazy in here. It's normal as hell. Dylan, Drew, David, Jill.

Matthew. I mean, that's just boring. This is some good pot, guys. Yes. I don't have any flavor in my life. You need some more seasoning on your recently called list, Chris. Molly, are you... You need a little pepper with that salt. Are you in witness protection? Is that where we're going with this? No, no. It's just an observation about our super generic names. It is super generic. Do you have a middle name, Young? Sorry? You have a middle name? Beth. Oh, yes. Yeah. Damn. You're white as hell, too. I feel it. I mean, look, like, does anybody in your family have a funky name? I mean, I'm Jewish, so there's a lot of, like, wacky Israeli names, like Moisha, Menachem, things like that. But those are just kind of, like, mushy-sounding names. I've never thought about that, but you're right. They are mushy sounding. So while, um, while you're in Cape Cod, are you hanging out like in the water shredding and stuff like that? Or is that, is that disallowed? Uh, it's not disallowed. There's no like shred, there's no shreddable areas near where I am. Um, although on Saturday I, uh, on Saturday there was a little storm swell and I drove four hours and took three ferries to go surfing. What? two hours are you that big of a shredder no not really it's just so addictive and you know i mean it's like if somebody told you that you couldn't exercise for a month you'd go crazy yeah i'd be doing wild shit yeah for sure so are you surfing in new york yeah in long island damn that's sick it's really fun there's some really really excellent people don't know this about new york but the surf is like actually genuinely incredible when it's good i don't buy it I promise. Okay. When did you pick this up? How recent is this? Or is this a long-standing hobby? Well, I mean, I surfed when I was a teenager because I grew up in California, in Northern California. But then I went to college on the East Coast, and then I moved to New York, and I didn't have a wetsuit or anything like that. And then maybe like two years ago, I kind of got back into it and then got.

I'm completely obsessed and now it's all I want to do. So what's the gear, what's the gear, like what's the upstart cost of being a surfer? I feel like it's pretty high. No, it's actually not. It's really low. Like you get a Craigslist board for like $200. I guess that's kind of a lot. And then you get kind of a used wetsuit, which is a little gross because you know that somebody's like peeing it, but you know, you rinse it out. That's okay. And then you don't need any other equipment. Is the peeing thing a real thing that happens? I mean, yeah, it's just inevitable because if you're in the water for a while, it just comes out. It probably feels pretty good, actually. It feels incredible. I mean, let's be honest, who doesn't love peeing themselves? To be honest, you know. Usually it happens, you know, as long as you're peeing yourself because it's something that you are trying to do versus something that's happening to you. It's better that way. But surfing is something that I feel like is very difficult to be good at. Am I wrong? Or does it come naturally to you so it was gratifying immediately? Or is it something you've had to really work at? That's an interesting question. I think you're right. It's really hard to get good at. But I will say that the... What's the best way to put this? The learning curve is such that... You can get to the fun part really quickly. You can go out one time and stand up on the board and ride a wave. And that's as good as it ever feels, really. So once you get to that point, you're just kind of refining your technique. You're always chasing that dragon, that first pump. Oh, my God. I've chosen tennis as my later in life athletic pursuit because I feel like it's easier on my body. And surfing seems to require a car. Yeah, it does. It does. Tennis is social, though, which is nice. Yeah, that's a good point. Tennis is pretty social. I guess surfing – but do you go alone or do you go with somebody normally, don't you? I usually go alone. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, that also appeals to me because then you're not dealing with some other bozo to get there on time. Yes, exactly. But you have to get up at like 4.30 in the morning.

Yeah, but it's kind of fun. It's like when you get up to get on an airplane or something. It feels exciting to be out on the streets when nobody's out. The phenomenon of seeing Dawn in New York is not something I'm used to. Yeah, I've only seen Dawn after doing too much coke. I don't know what it would be like to head to the beach in a wetsuit and look at the sunrise. That sounds pretty enthralling. I love hearing about your wild cocaine days on the podcast. No, that honestly does. The only time people see the sunrise is either waking up to the airport or doing coke. What are the other reasons for that? Ecstasy. Oh, true. Good point. I didn't think about that one. Jason, did you have wild cocaine days too? I had a lot of wild times, but I wasn't really that into coke as much. I did coke a decent amount of times, but I never got bit by the bug. I was always kind of like, eh. The consequences outweighed the benefits pretty early on for me. But I did like other drugs a lot more. Well, if you're going to ask us, then we must ask you. What I don't... What I didn't like about cocaine, because I don't, I don't habitually do it now. And I guess I didn't either. But what I didn't like about it is that it just kind of, it was like me, but at 3x speed, which I don't, I'd rather just change the underlying substrate than make it faster. Wow. Damn, spoken like a true surfer. Oh yeah. And when, when you're operating at 3x. A lot of bad things are going to fall through the cracks. You're going to say a lot of dumb stuff. You're going to smoke a whole pack of Newports in like 45 minutes. Also, like my worst fear, my worst social fear is being, is like I'm so terrified of being annoying to people, like the quality of being annoying. And I think it's because I'm a middle child. So like somebody on either end was always telling me that I was being annoying. And cocaine is just like.

It's just like a shortcut to the most annoying version of yourself. I would tend to agree with all of that. I think for some people, cocaine makes them a little bit better, though. Really? It's rare. But I think so, yeah. Like all things. I used to think that alcohol made me a better person. Ah, yes. A common mistake. I've heard that before, too. I've heard that. But when was your heaviest partying phase, Molly? Was it college or in New York? I would say I went to college in Providence, and I would come into New York and go to Misshapes and all that stuff. And so that was when I was kind of dabbling a little bit. But I was never a big party person. We were just talking. Jason was actually a nightlife titan in Los Angeles. Oh, I know. She's like, oh, I've done my homework. I know him. But the Cobra Snake is coming out with a Rizzoli book, and Jason just had to sign his release form. So I can't wait for that. Oh, my God. That's so incredible. That makes me feel so old. Yeah, I know. Same. I wonder, though, if young people even romanticize Miss Shapes and City Space in that era at all, or if it's just not even on their radar. I think it's not on their radar. I think he was planning on releasing all these photos in a book, but he had to wait for enough time to pass so they could kind of become vintage and desirable again. So I guess like 2000. 2004 to 2010 or so is, you know, 15 years ago. Well, my friend is the, my friend is the editor in chief of the new nylon, which they just relaunched today. So it seems like timing is perfect. Oh, wow. I used to love nylon. I mean, nylon was pretty big deal in its time, but I, I tie it very much to that era, you know? Um, but it did give us Corey Kennedy, the first, the first indie it girl. So I would never want to take away that title.

Yeah, it's funny. I remember, it's funny how that type of person, there's like a certain, I guess it's just having visual charisma, right? That somebody could become famous just by being documented and not by being like heard or not by anything they did, but just the kind of the way their personality was somehow broadcast through a computer screen. Yeah, we never really even heard their voice or heard them speak or anything. It was just photos. On Cobra Snake or MySpace or something. Yeah. It's kind of interesting. I mean, I don't know if that's good or bad, but that's really making me think now. Shit. What do you mean? I mean, you're right. That's just crazy because now I feel like we're just overexposed to people's personalities so much that we're able to make a judgment pretty quickly. where I think it's more captivating if you're just looking at someone. I talk about the lack of mystery all the time. I think that's killing a celebrity in some ways. I think that mystery is something that made celebrities alluring, and now we don't have that. Totally. The lack of mystery is killing everything, because you can't project if somebody is not slightly mysterious. It's so important. But I think that if you're a musician or an actor or, you know, whatever, I think that the pressure from the powers that be to participate in social media, even if you're like an editor of a magazine, it's like it's so pushed on you that you have no choice, really. Like, I don't know who has that luxury anymore. Yeah, we're just kind of everybody's forced to, like, monetize every aspect of their personality. Yeah. But I mean, I think if you're, it's interesting if, I mean, if you're an actor or musician, I feel like it feels more natural, but I remember when Instagram became really, really ubiquitous. A lot of people that I knew that were like writers or editors or whatever were like, I don't want to do this. That's like not what I, that's not my thing. Like I, I literally don't do this, but it was, I think some of it was also.

based on the fact that like, I think for women specifically, it was like, you had to look hot and be dressed well. You know what I mean? Which I think is, is not necessarily a job thing or shouldn't be a job thing. You know what I mean? So it's like, but it was, it's, that's a weird time. And now it's just like over the line. Like I can't imagine someone, you know, not using Instagram if they're famous, unless they're old, you know? Yeah. There's a few, like, I feel like some people are able, like, maybe Frank Ocean or something is able to kind of avoid that and have a little bit of mystery in his life. I mean, he has more than other people, but he even gave in a little bit. Because I think it's hard to, like, if you're young and you obviously want to be famous or continue to be famous, like, it's so easy to participate, you know, and you get instant gratification. I mean, the dopamine from the likes is real. Well, Molly, do you feel like you have to show some of your personal life a little bit more to get higher success in your career as a writer? Not really. For the kind of work that I do, I don't think I need to have an Instagram. Maybe I'm just flattering myself by saying that. It doesn't hurt. But I don't think writing about books for New York Magazine, I don't think they're checking out my social stats. I hope not. Well, I feel like if you read an article or if I read an article that I really like and I want to look into whoever wrote it more, the first thing I'll do is go to their Instagram because it's like a direct feed of this person's life and you can kind of get a summary or form an opinion about them just based off of photos of themselves. Right. Right. That's true. I don't think that's necessarily a good thing though, but it is true. It's not a good, I mean, I would rather do that than, I mean, people aren't really looking at someone's LinkedIn and getting a gauge of their personality. Speak for yourself, bro. LinkedIn and Venmo are the two best social networks that are underappreciated in my opinion. Wait, expand on that, please. What?

I mean, there are people out there in this world, Molly, who don't hide their Venmo transaction record. So you can go and look at what these people are paying for and they're either saying it outright or they're saying it with like emojis. So it's like people are like, you see like couples that are so cheap that they're paying each other back to like toothpaste or you see people like buying drugs or being like, it's Venmo. I have a whole thing. Venmo has ruined our society. It's ruined. It's because it's made everyone cheap. It's made being cheap acceptable and nothing is less chic than being cheap. Totally. Yeah, Chris, of all the years I've spent with Chris going out, he's the cool dad of the scenario who is always just like, I would rather just pull out a wad of 20s and pay for all of this than hear people figuring out a bill at dinner or something. I just don't. And it feels good to have guys like that around. I think young people are literally like, okay, well, you owe me $3.18 for that latte. And it's like, dude, we can't live like that. Life is too short. It's just Venmo is amazing. And LinkedIn is honestly amazing. LinkedIn, I would say, is the new Facebook. I would say you guys got to get back on. I mean, I have a LinkedIn that I don't use and I don't have a Facebook because it's just frightening. Facebook is absolutely fire, and you're wrong. It's incredible. Facebook is like people watching at the airport. It's all the cross-sections of the world. Facebook is not absolutely fire. The Facebook company is absolutely fire. Jason, have you ever received offers of employment via LinkedIn? Like a legitimate one? Any kind. I mean, well, I would like to screenshot sometimes from LinkedIn where I'll go on and it'll be like a job offer has opened up that is perfect for you. And I'm like, oh, great. I wasn't even looking, but I'm happy to see what's going on. And then it's like security guard at Dolls Kill on Fairfax. Which is the last time I screenshotted it. It was like, oh.

A position has opened up in asset protection at Dolls Kill on Fairfax in Hollywood. Asset protection. But then I'm like, could you imagine? You'd be great at that job, I'm sure. Oh, yeah. I think so, too. He's very big, so he could intimidate people from stealing. I think security guard at Dolls Kill is how pornos start, if you ask me. That's true. That's true. Honestly, that's true. Have you worked a lot of funny jobs, Molly, or are you a person who hasn't done dumb shit like Jason and I? I have worked a lot of menial jobs, but they're not funny. They're just kind of boring. I wash dishes, and I babysat, obviously. Actually, my first job was, this is kind of funny, when I was 16. I grew up in San Francisco, or actually just San Francisco and also north of the city in a little hippie town called Bolinas. Are you familiar with Polinas? I've heard of it, but I don't know anything about it. I like funky little NorCal towns, I'll tell you that. They have really good olive oil somehow. I'm not really familiar with the Ye area, to be honest. I've only been to San Francisco like 10 times and never really liked it. That's fair. Well, Bolinas is worth a Google sometime because it's a storied, it's an unincorporated hippie town with a lot of really cranky people in it. Sounds like wild, wild country kind of vibe. Oh, 100%. Like all of those people just migrated slightly south and settled in Bolinas. Oh, but my job, my first job was I worked at a store that, do you guys know the... global streetwear powerhouse huff oh yes oh and and one day after 420 a day after 420 which is actually a huff day now because of the socks well in 2004 2004 it was just it was just a little shoe store and it was the guy who started it was a guy named keith huff niggle aka huff and i just

I worked at... This is so sick. I'm sorry. I just love that I know all of this information, but just hearing you recount it with such a literary voice is pleasing to us. It's so much better for you to say Keith Huffnigold than me. It's so much more pleasing. He was a great boss. He was very patient, taught me how to tie or lace a shoe the correct way, and didn't get mad at me when I was like... being introverted and hanging out in the back room with the shoes more than i should have i was also i also worked in footwear distribution um at a younger at a younger age so i can relate to being in the stock room and just you know kind of hiding out from the people and the smell of new shoes that kind of intoxicating whiteout smell that is that is truly yeah that is truly intoxicating i miss new shoes i haven't had a pair since quarantine started molly speaking like a true sneaker head I know. Do you have pictures of you online where you're licking new Jordans or anything? No, no. I have a very good screenshot of Mario Batali burying his nose deep into a pair of Yeezys on the Hot Ones TV show where you eat spicy wings. It's good. That is so smutty. It happened before he was Me Too'd, so it has an innocent feel to it. He'll share it with you for $10 via Venmo, if you don't mind. Were you into skateboarding culture, or was this just like a job? No, not at all. It was just a job. Yeah, it was just a job. Not a very remunerative job, either. What was your vibe in high school? Stoner? Cool. Who are you hanging with? Well, that was the problem. I didn't really have – I didn't have a lot of friends. I also dropped out of high school. Sick. Me too. When did you drop out? I didn't – well, it was the end of – I didn't go senior year, so junior year. You people make me sick. That's nice. You made it pretty far. But you went to college though. I don't understand. Yeah. Yeah. So I dropped out in sophomore year and then I kind of –

Did you drop out because high school was not hard enough for you? No. It wasn't one of those good dropouts? No, I just really didn't like it. I didn't have any friends. It was just not a fun time for Molly Young. Damn. I'm sorry. But I did eventually go to college. And the funny thing is that, I don't know if you guys know this, but in California, actually, I don't know if this is true. Anyway, I didn't get a GED. I didn't know that you needed a GED if you wanted to go to college. I didn't know that you had to take the SATs. I didn't know any of that stuff because I obviously didn't have a high school counselor or whatever they're called, college counselor. And so after a couple of years, I applied to some of the UCs, like UC Santa Cruz, UC Santa Barbara, and obviously didn't get in because I didn't have a high school diploma for GED. They're like, yo, you forgot some paperwork, so. Yeah. And then I applied to, I think I read something, maybe I read that like Brown University was more loosey goosey. And I didn't, I didn't know that it was like a good school, but I knew that it was kind of more relaxed or that's what I'd heard. And so I called the, I applied to Brown and then I called the admission office. I was like, hey, my name is Molly. I just applied, but I don't have a high school diploma or a GED, so I just wanted to ask if that was okay. And they were like, yeah, we'll make a note of it in your file. So you're telling me you got into Brown University without a high school diploma? Yeah, it was like literally the only school I got into. It's inexplicable. Do you know how cool it would be if I'd gone to – fuck, no one told me that. I didn't know you could do that. Well, I think not everyone can do that, Chris. No, I know. So how did you go from no high school diploma to accepted into one of the most prestigious universities in America? Well, I think, I mean, A, I think I was like some prime diversity material because I'm sure they didn't have a lot of dropouts. So maybe that had something to do with it. I never thought about it.

I've never been able to say I was diverse before, so that would have been extra cool. I was trying to figure out what type of diverse you were, but I don't know if dropout diverse is what they're looking for. Yeah. I think they're looking for every type of diverse but that. Except that. Yeah, exactly. If you maybe were missing an arm or something, that would have been better. Yeah, no. The admissions people, it's like, look around, you guys. What do all these people have in common? High school diplomas. They're intelligent. Wow, that's amazing. I really didn't know that was possible. So then you just went to college like a normal person and then just started your adult life? Yeah, more or less. I went for three years, not four years. Because you finished early or because you just couldn't take it? No, because it's really expensive. But you can... It's possible to finish in three years if you try. But yeah, I mean, no, it totally changed the course of my life. I think I wouldn't. Yeah, it didn't even occur to me any of the things that happened that happened at college, like the fact that people had ambitions and ideas. These were not things that I was familiar with from my previous life. So. Chris and I are still not familiar with those things. Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. We have a podcast. It's pretty cool. I'm sorry. I'm reeling from this. If I told my parents this, they'd be very upset. Wait, why? You're so successful. I am not fine. No, I'm, I'm, I'm fine, but I've always, you know, I have imposters. I just want to be, I just think it'd be really cool if I had. a college diploma from a reputable place. Well, I think when you're in your 20s and 30s and you have managed to lead a happy, successful life without going to college, then you kind of feel like, oh, I'm better than you guys because I was able to do it on my own. But then as you get older, you start to see some holes in your growth and development that may have been filled in by having a college life. And then you kind of yearn for those situations.

Don't you think that the best feeling in the world is the feeling of having gotten away with something? I feel like you've just gotten away with something. Are you talking about being a little stinker? Yeah, that's the best. You make a good point. That's why people shoplift at a young age. Or shoplift when they're 40. It's the same thing. I do feel like I've gotten away with something to an extent. I've got to get these paper towels somehow, bud. Exactly. But I don't know if I don't know. I mean, at the time, though, when I was dropping out, it was literally like your life is over. You're totally fucked if you drop like that. That was the sentiment from above. So I think it pushed me even further in the direction of quitting because I was like, fuck authority, obviously. So but I don't think nowadays it is it is quite so catastrophic to not go to college or to drop out of high school. Why did you drop out? If I may ask. Well, because I was, well, there's, there's a few reasons, but I had an excuse basically because some teen rivals of mine had placed a dead deer in my driveway. And, and so I was able to, I was able to use that as, as ammo because the cops told my parents like, Hey, that's pretty serious. Like that might be a death threat, blah, blah, blah. So, Just want to give a big shout out to being vegan in high school. It really pushed me out the door. Wait, Chris, what did you do to antagonize them? I was vegan. We were vegan and we were straight edge and we were loud and proud. Also, I grew up in suburban Georgia, so it's pretty redneck. Having a deer in the back of your truck is no big deal, really. If you want the whole story. Chris's, um, what was that episode one of, of public announcement podcast? Yeah. The episode, the first episode of, of my other podcast is literally that story. And then we go talk to the guy who put the deer in my yard. We find him and talk to him. You should go back and listen to it. All of our listeners. It's the, the production quality is that of a, uh, this American life style. Like it's, it's very, very well done. And the story is insane.

The story is insane and it's kind of crazy. I hadn't thought about it in a long time. And then we found that guy. He's like a Matthew McConaughey type kind of. So he was really good to talk to. He was really down to clown with us and get into the story. You know what I mean? I put that deer in your yard because you were a pussy. That's why I did it. Exactly. If you want to break it down. But I think that I haven't met. You are the first. high school dropout I've ever met who went to college. I'm just so shocked. This is so cool. Oh, happy to be of service. No, thank you. Hey, look, thank you. Yeah, I think back in the day, we were told like, oh, if you drop out of high school, you're just, you know, you're going to become a porn star or a drug addict or you're going to fall into a life of crime. And nowadays it's like, oh, I'm just going to be a coder now or something, you know? Totally, totally. Yeah, now it has some cachet. But I think college is prohibitively expensive for, I would say, 90% of the population. Totally, yeah. Because you know, even if I was broke, I ain't going to no community college. You know what I'm saying? We can't go to a college that don't even have a champion reverse-weave sweatshirt in the bookstore. Hey, look, I actually went to a couple – I went to community college, and I loved it. It was fantastic. What did you love about it? Just the small community feel? Just the fact that... The tuition price? Yeah. A cool $15 a credit. No, I mean, it's just like the people in my classes. It would be like, you know, a 19-year-old single mom and like a 73-year-old retired therapist and just... The stakes are lower. A lot of people are doing it just because they would love to learn something and they're not doing it because their parents are pressuring them or to get into a good career. Yeah, there's like a purity. There's a purity to it. And the cross-section of people is one that you would only otherwise find in like an AA meeting. Yes. I understand the variety involved.

It accepts all comers. That's one of the things about college that Chris and I did not get to experience was that melting pot of all people, which has affected Chris and his life now. It has affected me a lot. That's why he can't leave New York. No, I've gotten better as I've gotten older, but I had very little patience for normies. I just had no... Like I had no patience for people who, who weren't cool to me or like did something interesting. I would just like write them off immediately as like, I don't have time for this bullshit because I was able to skip those parts of my life where I was forced to be around people like that and socialize with them. Um, but now I think I've understood that, you know, everybody has something to offer. That's nice, Chris. No, I'm serious. It's like a weird, you know, it seems like it's like a very obvious thing to realize, but you know, many people never, realize that so well done chris well it's taken me a long time to become i mean i'm probably i probably i would say my maturity level is probably five to seven years behind my actual age oh i have a question i have a question about that this is well this is a selfish question because i'm actually asking for professional advice but let's say let does that quality come in handy if you're trying to get someone to pay you and they're like extremely delinquent in paying you like What's your tactic there? I'm actually really not the guy to do that. I'm not good at that. I think you just keep following up, but what I think is the worst is when people will try to do it publicly. I think it's so embarrassing. But sometimes that's the only option. No, I would never do that. I just think that's like, maybe my faux wasp is coming out, but I couldn't do that. No, I hear you. And you could also never do an airport. public tweet. No, no. Delta, my flight's delayed. That's crazy to me. That's just so insane. Is it delinquent to the point where you could take legal action? Yeah. Molly, are you trying to talk about the idea of playing dumb or innocent as a means to get a delinquent invoice paid? Oh, I was thinking more along the lines of

playing like threatening and combative do you have a lawyer no i don't have a lawyer chris what am i a millionaire look i've got a few lawyers and let me tell you something they're great and you should get one just to have multiple lawyers not like on retainer but i got guys i could call if i need to bang their line and get somebody threatened with a letter of course they're all guys but but the question is the question is is it enough money to care about I invoiced this company in September. Under Armour is notoriously bad for paying. What did you say? I don't want to repeat it. I said Under Armour is notoriously bad. Wait, I don't understand. We're just making fun of Under Armour. I just said that to make Chris laugh. That has nothing to do with anything you're saying and I apologize. Okay, great. Shall I continue? Yes, please. Okay, so I'll make it quick. So this company didn't pay me, and obviously this happened before. I invoiced them in September, but it was like 30% of my income last year. And so I kept following up, following up, following up. And then a couple months passed. I went on vacation, and when I came back, and they still hadn't paid me. This was like a month and a half ago. I thought the only thing I could do was... this company has like a fancy office on Lafayette street. And I thought I would just pack up my laptop and go work in the office. I like this on my own projects and like drink all the cold brew and eat all the expensive snacks and like print thousands of pages in full color and like basically collect interest on their debt. Yes. Yes. So did you feel yourself kind of going crazy thinking about how you can get justice for this? Yeah, I feel like the only way to legally menace a company is to just take rational behavior so far that it just horseshoes back into insanity. There's actually nothing super crazy about going and asking for the money. It's kind of like a Tony Soprano level justice, but it's obviously completely insane. And then the quarantine happened, and I couldn't do that anyway. I think, unfortunately, I think that this quarantine is going to cause a lot of delayed...

payments to be like oh sorry like it's going to add months to the process because now everybody has an excuse the same way like if a big company won't wanted to do layoff six months ago they're going to do them now and blame it on coronavirus and everybody's gonna you know that's fine basically um but if it's that much money which it sounds like it's considerable and the company is obviously still in business and operating i would i would I personally would get a threatening letter. That usually works pretty quickly. Or you get the home number of the accounts payable and just ruin their lives. Okay, cool. I like that. You should also maybe create a fake New York magazine article, like a 10-pager outlining the whole thing and be like, all right, guys, you have 24 hours before I click the publish button. We can do it two ways. Yeah, that's a good idea. We make exhibits all the time in the agency business to show clients what headlines would look like. This is what your story would look like on goop.com. And then they're like, oh, here, take my fucking money. Exactly. This is how your story would look in the Wall Street Journal front page above the fold. Great. Great. Okay. That's a good idea. Have you felt that urge in your body to publicly shame them on social media? And do like a 12 tweet thread? No, just because that doesn't seem strategic. Although I don't have anything against that method. I think it's kind of fun to watch it play out. What is not strategic about it? It seems like it could be effective. It just kind of seems like self-destructive. Yeah, it is. But, you know, some people, they just get pushed to the point where they don't know what else to do, you know? I mean, 30% of someone's annual income is a lot of fucking money. Yeah, it's true. I like the threatening letter. I think I'll try that. And also, you could write the threatening letter yourself using legalese and then put a fake law firm and Fifth Avenue address header on the top and they're not going to know the difference.

Oh, that's great. Maybe I'll have my husband design a crazy letter or something. Yeah, it's perfect. And give it a real powerhouse name and look up a very expensive address. Maybe it could be the three of us, Young Black Stewart and Associates. Young Black Stewart and Associates has a very nice ring to it. We should go ahead and make the merch now. I feel like that would pop. Yeah, I think so. I mean, honestly, though, that is chasing money. It has been a reoccurring theme in my adult life. But something happened in the last two or three years where it's gotten much easier. People pay so much faster than they did five years ago. I think a lot of the public shaming of those who weren't paying has sort of straightened things out a little bit. Or maybe you're just richer than you were two or three years ago and you don't feel yourself checking that email every day. No, I mean, it just used to be like, I would just be owed like substantial, substantial amounts of money. And it would be like, everybody would just say there's nothing they could do. You know what I mean? And it's like, which I prefer to a non, are you getting a non-response, Molly? I get the like, we're working on it. Hang in there. Response. Oh, fuck that. Is this, I'm just, you know, I don't want, I don't want you to reveal too much, but is this a startup? No, no. It's like a very well-established creative agency. Interesting. Okay. One last idea. Try to find somebody at the agency who is a Molly Stan and try to use a little honey to get some bees. Find a Molly Young simp at this agency and be like, hey, I have this little issue I'm dealing with. Do you think you could help me out with it? And then he'll be like, oh, God. And then he will. he will make sure that that check gets cut. Yeah, and then you can send him an autographed glossy 8x10 just as kind of like a peace offering. You can send him a cameo thank you or something like that. Damn, that'd be sick. You should get on cameo. That's a great idea. Is that the thing where you pay people and they make you a video or something? Yeah, yeah. Should I go on cameo? Celebs. Should I go on cameo maybe?

If you did, what would you set your price at, Chris? Either $50 or like $600. It has to be funny. It has to be like $1 or it has to be like $1,000. I agree with that. I've never gotten one, but it seems like a really funny gif. I feel like I should think about it more often because it makes people's day. It makes people's day, but it has a dark energy to it. These people are supposed to be celebrities in their... wishing some dumbass in Iowa a birthday for like $23? I mean, it's a little dark. But you're right. Any number between one and a thousand is just pathetic, you know? It's pathetic, exactly. Who needs this? This is auxiliary income. It's only for jokes. Yeah. It's undignified. You know what? It's another encroachment on mystery. I think you'd be eroding your mystery if you opened up for business. I don't want to know what Bam Margera's kitchen looks like. Molly, I don't know how familiar you are with my brand, but my brand is pretty life out loud open book. I disagree with that. Really? I don't think there's much mystery with CB. He doesn't even post a selfie. Well, that's because I'm a man. Good point. I feel like you keep the kimono pretty tightly wrapped. Oh, yes. I am a demure woman. Thank you for noticing. Keep the kimono wrapped. A demure geisha. Exactly. Wait, before I forget, can I tell you guys a cool suggestion that maybe the listeners will like, too? Sure, please. God bless. It was a real left turn, but I am looking at a cardboard box right now from... a company called Miami fruit. Do you guys know about this? No, no, but sounds sick. This is at both your alleys. So it's Miami fruit.org and you can order, you basically just order a variety box. It's a little like organic farm in Florida that grows exotic fruits and they send you, they send you like a mystery box full of fruit and it's all fruits that are like, you've never seen shit like this. Exotic.

Yeah, like from Avatar. Miami fruit sounds like a Bravo show, but go on. Yeah, it does. And so then you unpack the box and then it's a whole, it takes up a lot of time, which is nice in quarantine because you have to go through and identify all the fruits and then you have to figure out like how do they each ripen and what do they each taste like. And so the past week, the past week I've just spent every single day and there's like. a delicious new surprise waiting for me in the kitchen. So you, so you've had to look up and prioritize like, all right, on Tuesday, the star fruit should be good. And then on Thursday we have to eat that dragon fruit or else it's going to turn like you have to find it all out. This does, this is pretty cool. Am I wrong? It's not, I mean, yeah, it's a splurge, but it's just so cool to be like 34 years old and tasting entirely new tastes. So is there a new exotic fruit that you could recommend to our listeners that they might not be aware of? Have you guys heard of a velvet apple? No. No. Is that a print song? It's a dark purple fruit. It's not an apple. I don't know what it is, but it's this dark purple. It's like the size of a tennis ball. And you cut it in half, and it tastes like the way a medieval tapestry looks. Oh, my God. It sounds like a lesbian bar to me, but go on. This sounds like a Stevie Nicks is a fruit. Where do I begin? How much is the box? Give us the price tag. I think the best value is to get a large box, which is pretty giant, and it's $97. But there's a promo code for $50. Enter Molly Young at checkout. Are you promoting your little business on our podcast? Look, if you wanted to plug your small business, wait until the show is done. You could have gone about it a different way. No, no. I wish I were sponsored by MiamiFruit.org.

Dot org is so fire. So anyway, just a recommendation. No. So, so is it too much fruit for like one person? Like is it, is it $97? It better be too much fruit. Uh, it's a ton of, it's, it's a lot of fruit, but if you're like a fruit person, you'll be, it's like, if you have two people in your household, you have a healthy fruit appetite. I think a large box. Cause you can also. Okay. You can also space out. You can put things in the fridge to slow down the ripening process. And then I had an extra... God, what was it? I had an extra fruit that was kind of going bad, and so I made a hair mask out of it. Oh, my God. Quarantine is real. I'm calling the cops just to do a mental health check. Molly, how long until you start referring to these fruits by their Latin name? i did learn a good one um passiflora incarnata is the name for passion fruit plant oh when the joke is real yeah yeah that's really that's really good actually that sounds like sexy uh is are you making like smoothies are you hitting raw like what's the deal like with most of these you gotta hit raw at that price point it's like when you go to sushi and they go no soy sauce It's the same vibe but with fruit. Yeah, you're right. You don't want to muddy the waters with Khalifa brand almond milk. No. Are you a cook by nature, Molly? Yeah. Well, I think that was part of the – to tie it back to me leaving high school early, I moved out of my house. And so I learned to feed myself and make simple foods at a young age. So I've just kind of always – I've always known how to do that. I mean, nothing fancy. I make really, really simple stuff, but I like cooking. It's relaxing. Jason's a big cook, but I don't think it relaxes him. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn't. I think Jason's a little more ambitious, so I think it stresses him out when he's trying to really nail it. Jason, what's your latest project, food-wise? I would say I recently got into the idea of videotaping.

the process of me cooking things and to one day share it on social media which which is something that I've been sort of hesitant to do but people ask me to do it all the time and I've always been waiting on some type of angle to do it so I'm trying to figure out what that angle is right now but more so you know just like teaching people how to cook stuff and But I can't just show them how to make something. I have to like show them something in a new and unique way that's never been done or else I don't feel like there's a reason to. I want to watch this. Would it be like an Instagram TV situation? Yeah, Instagram TV situation. And then I would probably like voiceover, narrate the whole thing. This is no joke. He's incredible. It's like eating at a restaurant. It really is that good. Chris, don't gas me up like that. No, but I'm serious. You're not good at anything else. I have to carry this fucking podcast on my shoulders, but you can cook your ass off. Thank you for that, Chris. No problem. Here's a more focused question. What's an ingredient that you've been really maximizing lately? I would say zucchini. I've been really into – it's important for all of us to eat vegetables right now. So our immune system is pumping. And I've got really into perfecting the art of steaming or boiling vegetables and eating them like that versus roasting them or other ways of cooking them. Underrated. Yeah, I think there's a way to really get a pure, innocent flavor from it. And then the steaming kind of opens up the pores to receive what other flavors you want to add to it. olive oil or salt or lemon juice or something like that you can make some really like subtle delicate beautiful flavors with the with the steamed veg i love that damn jason that was poetic bro yeah i'm reeling fucking bars cold brew is hitting cold brew is cold brew is definitely hitting yeah molly what's your coffee intake are you just banging the cold brew i just i just started making cold brew actually today was my first successful batch

I made it too. I started making it during the quarter myself, and I got to say, it is hitting, but Jason, I found a replacement. I didn't tell you this yet. Okay. Spotify exclusive. Go ahead. No. Do you know what President's Choice is, either of you? Have either of you been to Canada before? No. Never heard of it. President's Choice. President's Choice is like the big Canadian store brand. It's like the grocery store brand, basically. And I found they have nitro cold brew in the can for $2.50. No. $2.50 Canadian? Yeah, so it's basically free for me. So you're finding out that the generic is actually hitting very well, like a Gildan shirt or something, for example. Exactly. It's the Gildan shirt of cold brew. This shit is hitting hard as fuck. Are you somebody who does caffeine have a really strong effect on you? Well, I don't know if it has a strong effect on me or if it's all I have, so I think it has a strong effect on me. But yes. Well, the first one of the day absolutely knocks the cobwebs off and lets me get those fucking workouts in. The afternoon bean is more just to maintain so I don't take a nap. It doesn't usually get me that jazzed, but I have to have it. What's so bad about taking a nap? Nothing. I just feel groggier after. I don't have much to do. I was going to ask, when you guys wake up from a nap, are you really hungry? That always happens to me. No. I guess I've never thought about that. But it kind of makes sense. When I wake up from a nap, I feel like I want to be comforted with food. I want my mom to bring me a sandwich or something that I eat. while still being like semi-lying down. Do you guys eat in bed? Absolutely not. That's disgusting. I do not. I do not. I will eat, I would say like 80% meal at kitchen table, 20% living room, TV, coffee table situation if you're feeling naughty, but never in bed. That's so civilized. So civilized. What's your ratio?

Chris, what's your ratio? Chris is table straight away all the way. Table straight away. I can't eat on a couch. I'm also just, I don't like to spill, you know? And I'm a little bit, I'm a little bit, you know, even though I'm a big grown boy, I'm a little clumsy. Sometimes Chris does a spilly? Sometimes Chris makes a mistake. You don't like balancing a plate on your knees? Well, Chris, I would argue if you put your meal on like a coffee table and then go Indian style on the floor, the chances of you making an uh-oh are even lower. You're right, but it's not comfortable. I don't know how your big ass does it because it's uncomfortable for me. I will do a full legs akimbo straddling the corner of a coffee table posted up. I've seen your little Gumby ass doing that before, and I tell you what, it killed my appetite. I'm glad you were able to eat. You're jealous of my akimbo abilities, and that's fine. No, I'm just saying if you're going to wear shorts that short, you need to keep your legs crossed. Understood. Jason, I feel like if you just stood up normally, I could walk between your legs without hitting my head. Like a California redwood tree? But speaking of sitting on the floor, have you guys ever heard of this? I recently discovered this lifestyle expert named Tony Riddle. Do you know about this guy? No. What is a lifestyle expert? Also, that could be Chris's title now that I think of it. Yeah, first of all, don't come for me. I've never heard of this person, but please go on. So he is – I think he's Irish or English or some kind of British, but he – He looks like a Viking, and he is a big proponent of two things. One of them is barefoot running. He runs 900 miles barefoot. Real freak shit. Real freak shit. Yeah, I'm sure he has hooves. And the other one... Just because he's Irish? Wow.

The other one is he's a big advocate of what he calls ground living, which is where you just live without any kind of furniture. So no chairs. You just squat on the ground. What the fuck? And so towards the beginning of quarantine, I was spending. I was spending days without using furniture just to see what it was like. And you just kind of alternate through all these monkey-like positions on the floor. It's a fun thing to do for one day. I've actually been sort of experiencing this lately as I've been doing a little landscaping project in the yard. And I spend a lot of time shifting my body around in different squat positions. And it is sort of like a weird little game. Maybe I'm already there. What's the gardening? Also, if you guys need to go, you can go. I'm so starved for social contact that I could talk for like 12 hours. This podcast ends when we say it ends, okay? Yeah, first of all, don't overstep your boundaries as guests and try to end the show. No, we're pulling up some of the grass. We're doing some landscaping, adding in some plants and things like that. But it's been a big process. Is mulch a part of the process? Not yet. Mulch has not been. I have done some manure-ing earlier in the year. Also, Jason drives a truck, so mulch really fits into his persona. At some point this week, I'll be loading things of grass into the bed of a truck and then dumping them in a place. Damn, you're such a man, dude. It's so cool. It's cool as hell. I've never dug up anything and I don't plan to. Do you have a composting situation? No, I think that might be a bridge too far. I don't think my girlfriend would allow that. Composting is too disgusting. I can't deal with it. I just learned about something called hot composting. No, stop. My stomach hurts. Hot yoga, good. Hot composting, I don't know.

Do you heat the compost up and then smell fume, like smell lines, Charlie Brown style, come out from it? Sort of. It's much cooler than that. But I just learned about this. Apparently, if you mix a certain percentage of food waste compost, like orange peels, banana peels, whatever, if you mix that with a certain amount of mulch, like larger wood chips, for some reason, the ratio of the... of those ingredients and their different rates of decomposition um it like starts microbial activity and on its own it'll get up to like 130 degrees so like if you stick if you stick your hand in a pile of hot compost like you have to take it out after 10 seconds because it's too hot i mean that's like the uh you know 130 that's like a nice medium rare Molly, are you okay? I think Chris feels a little jealous because the only natural food waste that he produces are empty Essentia bottles. And he can't really participate in this fun experiment. Wait, why is Essentia, why is it good? Why are people into it? Is it just normal water? I think it's already, actually I think it's over. I think it went Fiji. essentia mountain valley and now it's only reusable well i think especially in in la the it used to you know before big water was taken down by nalgene and and refilling every it was it was just like fashion like every six months or a year there was the the in vogue water brand that you had to have and for a long time it was essentia and i think it's it's all just branding if you ask me remember remember when you had the the smart water with the glass bottle jason oh that was good yeah smart smart water used to make a glass version of the bottle that looked exactly like the regular plastic smart water bottle but it was for like a hotel in miami and i got my hands on some of them and then i broke one extremely cool one of the cooler things you've ever done yeah i i actually um

Friend of the show, Ariel, Mr. Green, just sent me two new Nalgene's today. I got them in the mail today. So I'm an environmental warrior now. Molly, what's your water bottle brand of choice? Are you a Nalgene? Yeah, it's a good old-fashioned Nalgene. Do you like to do a big mouth hole or the small mouth hole? Big. So that it... splashes all over my chest. I'm small hive on this side completely because if you're doing anything except standing perfectly still, you're going to do a splashy with a big hole. Yes, I agree. But you like that. I'm also big hole hive. What the fuck? Why? Because it's better. I could be like jogging with small hole and not a drip falls. I hate this line of thought. Jason, I bet your freaky ass would drink a big mouth beer, though. You'd have a big hole in your Miller Lite. I forgot about big mouth beers. And I'm really surprised that you even remember them, Chris. Somebody who never drinks beer. Beer is honestly disgusting. Well, as somebody who doesn't do any manual labor. They kind of go hand in hand. Every time I spend a couple hours digging in the yard, afterwards I immediately want a cold, plain American beer for some reason. Molly, when you finish catching some sick waves, do you crack a Corona on the sand? No, because I have to drive an hour back to my house. She probably smashes a freaking sick... breakfast burrito with tons of guac inside and then you have like an acai smoothie no you know the truth is that i i have a little tradition called dunkin dunk out right oh no there's a dunkin donuts near the rockaway break where i go and so i dunk in the water and do my little session and then i drive to dunkin donuts and i dunk out by getting a like a

sleeve of hash browns and some coffee. A sleeve of hash browns. A sheath of hash browns. The fact that you're from Northern California and then you still embrace Dunkin' Donuts is shocking to me. I know, it's disgusting. I hate every single thing there, but it's a tradition. Dunkin' Donuts is... Liking Dunkin' Donuts coffee is a character flaw. I don't disagree. Have you ever had any dangerous moments at sea? Have you ever tangled with a shark? Have you ever been pounded on the reef sublime style? Anything like that? No. I mean, the thing I was most scared of when I first started in New York was that I would ignite like a lifelong blood feud with a local, but there aren't really any. Oh, like a look like this is our break. Kook, get out of here. Yeah, but there's people, I mean, compared to California, people are not territorial at all. Yeah, it's a little different over here. Like you snowflake surfers over there in New York. Yeah, I remember. Oh, go ahead. No, no, no. I just think it's different because of the amount of effort it takes to surf in New York. Almost you just all respect each other, I feel like. Yeah, and it's also, I mean, it's kind of. It's like the economics of surfing is all about scarcity, right? Which is like why people are so territorial because there's a limited number of waves and a limited number of people. And so it's like a zero sum game. But in New York, no one's really out there. So there's just an abundance of waves and there's no need to scrap over them. I've found. I would love to see scrap over a wave. Now that you put it like that, I'm going to go to my car and dump this fucking donuts on you. I just saw Molly Young tug on someone's leash. uh well molly what do you before we go what how would you rate your core one to ten it really depends how depends how much i've been in the water but if i if i surf a lot for like six months in a row my core gets so nuts that i have

My core is fucking nuts right now, dude. I'm not even going to lie. I not only have abs, I have babs. What is babs? Back abs or butt abs? Back abs. You can feel my abs from the back. What the hell? Damn, that's fire. Now you've got me thinking. You could feel the abs from the back. It's so weird. It's one of those things that when you're actually doing it, it doesn't feel like a workout at all. If I do it for a long time and my body is completely transformed, it's so mysterious. It's like if I started weightlifting and my face got prettier. I'm like, what? But I know what you mean. There are certain activities like that where when you're in the process of doing it, you don't notice it. But then when you're done, you're like, oh my God, I'm out of breath. My heart's really hurting and I'm sore and all that stuff. I love exercises like that. What do you do for exercise under normal circumstances? I just like prison style workout, like chair dips and push-ups and wall sits and stuff like that. Sick. Whenever I'm antsy, I just get up and do that for five minutes. And I do that like 20 times a day because I'm always antsy. How much are you sleeping during quarantine? Are you 12 hours a night or are we looking at like less? I've always been a solid eight-hour-a-night woman, but I have a lot of insomnia now. So it's been not so great. Have you been experiencing vivid dreams in the core? Yeah, I just have tons of dreams where I'm dying in different ways. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Okay, on that note, thanks, Molly. I'm sorry. Really nice talking to you. Have you tried CBD? I haven't. I've tried CBD before, and it never did anything to me. But is it? It's not a hoax? It's real? The answer is yes. It is real and it's also a hoax. I think you have to look at it like a vitamin or a supplement. You can't just take it once and it starts happening. I think you have to take it regularly for a couple weeks to have more of a holistic effect going on. Do you smoke marijuana regular style?

No, not really. Although I did just get, just as another fun hobby, I started growing a tiny little marijuana plant, which is like two inches tall. There's the NorCal. Oh yeah, it's legal over in Cape Cod, right? I actually don't know, but it's so small right now. You don't even care. That's fucking badass. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't look or smell like marijuana yet, but in two weeks, the first little recognizable leaf, I think, is going to pop out, and then it'll start smelling like weed. But all that to say, I don't really like smoking weed. It just makes me foolish and hungry. Those are two good things. Jason is foolish and hungry as hell. Jason, what are you... What? What did you say? You broke up for a second. Oh, sorry. Jason, what are the like beneficial, how does weed affect you beneficially? I would say. Sick, sick ideas. I kind of look at it. I mean, it helps me relax when I take it at night. And it helps me sort of concentrate on some things. And then it does help me create some, like the process of creating an idea from scratch out of nowhere. It can really help that process along. But then you have to remember to sleep on that idea and go back and look at it with fresh, sober eyes the next day because most of it is really bad. But you can sort of make something out of nothing through the power of being really high. See, that sounds great to me. I just never have that experience. And it doesn't give me the munchies, really. I get way more munchies from alcohol. The little voice in your head with marijuana is impossible to shut up, which can be good or bad. Wait, what do you mean? What little voice? Like if like if you're like, oh, I should I should like I forgot to make the bed or like fold along, you know, little things like that where if if I'm stoned, it'll that'll just keep pounding in my head over and over again. And then I'll be like, oh, I have to I just have to go do this or like, you know, wash my face before bed if I was feeling lazy or whatever it might be.

I won't be able to move forward unless I do that. Whereas if I was not stoned, I can be like, eh, I'll fold the laundry tomorrow. Whoa. So it's like externalized willpower? Yeah, it is. I would say so. But then that can be positive or negative. Huh. Cool. Yeah. I want that drug. But it takes me a long time to sort of mold how it affects me. Positively. It took me like a year of smoking and just being anxious. Back when I was chief and heavy, Jason wouldn't even hit the blunt. Yeah, it used to make me really paranoid, really anxious. And I was like afraid of saying embarrassing things or sounding stupid when I was speaking. And now I realize that, you know, you can say funny stuff. And if you sound like an idiot, it's not that big of a deal. Isn't that the lesson of life, guys? I think it really is. I mean, you know, all of this can just be boiled down to fear. You know what I mean? Wow, Jason. After 17 episodes of sounding like idiots, I would have to agree. This is fine. Wonderful. Well, thank you so much for chatting with us today, Molly. It's been a treat. Thanks, guys. This was very therapeutic. Amazing. Hey, that's what we're here for. We'll send you our bill. If you want to tell people... where to find you, and also tell them about your newsletter. Oh, where to find me? I don't know. You could just... Google my fucking name, dog. Yeah, you say it. I say Google my name every week, so you can say it this week. Google my generic name. And I have a newsletter for New York Magazine that you can find if you Google some version of Molly Young newsletter in New York Magazine. And I write about... book recommendations. And now is a great time to curl up with a book. Do you think just based on talking to us for the last hour and a half, is there a book that you might prescribe for us and our ways that could be assisted by a book? You know what I just read that was really good? This is a good escapist book. It's like a slim 140 pages.

And it's a book about a psychopathic art critic that was published in... Is this Jerry Salt's memoir? You really teed Chris up for that one. Yeah, sorry, you handed me that. Great job. Nailed it. What's it called? It's called Big Gulp Coffee. Oh, stop it. It's called the Burnt Orange Heresy. Kind of a crazy name. Chris opened for that band in 98. Yeah, we played in a basement with them in Tallahassee. Yeah, it's like Florida hardcore. And they're making a movie out of it. Or they already have. Yeah, they are. Yeah, yeah. I haven't seen it, but apparently Mick Jagger's in it. But don't let that dissuade you. The author is Charles Wilford. Okay. Big Willie. Big, big Charles Willie. Great. We'll look it up. I'll add it to my bookshop.org cart. I can already tell that the book is better than the movie. Yeah, I think that's a safe bet. Okay, great. Well, thank you so much for all of this, Molly. We will follow you on all of your ways on the internet. Thanks, guys. Take care. We'll talk to you soon. Bye.