Rerun: Lena Dunham (277)

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. I'm just a little upset today as we start this podcast. Oh, no. Well, I mean, we've had a great run. You know, the album came out today. It's in stores everywhere, which means jackjaguar.com, shop.howlonggone.com, as well as Amoeba Records in Hollywood. But we were left off kind of an important list, the Hype Beast 100. Okay, the Hype Beast 100 what? It's a list of the most important movers and shakers in the streetwear industry. Okay. And I kind of don't understand what we have to do. Maybe our shit isn't ugly enough, and that's something that I've considered. But if you have any tips on what you think we should do. I think it might be the problem is we actually make too much streetwear, and we have sort of grown out of that cage. And now we're just kind of, we're just a line, you know, we're just a clothing line at this point. We're considered more of like a ready to wear kind of business than we are a street wear business. Is that safe to say? If you do enough cut and sew, then people kind of start looking at you differently. You know, the price points a little differently.

The stockists, of course. Of course. The stockists have changed, and our attitudes have changed. Is this a ranked list, or is it just a bunch of names? It's just a bunch of names. There's some friends of the show on there, you know what I mean, of course. Fuck them. Yeah, but fuck anybody that's on that list. Obviously, Kanye West, J Balvin, all kinds of important. Best menswear brand, Louis Vuitton. Best womenswear brand, Jacquemus. Best collaboration, Balenciaga and Gucci. I mean, they're just giving out awards left and right. Yeah, I love the streetwear of Gucci. I do too. Nothing says streetwear like Gucci and Balenciaga. Yeah, and also the streetwear work that Jacques Mou has done. Well, he makes sneakers sometimes. He's made a t-shirt before. Yeah, he's made a t-shirt, but was it an awake t-shirt? Definitely not. No, definitely not. Exactly. You make a great point, Jason. So we're left off that list. It's a tough end to the year. year but um something to grow on for next year right exactly something to work towards and spirits are still high because because you know the album is is out today we did a special t-shirt with sam jane a nice white long sleeve co-branded with our label and uh you know otherwise i did have to I have to see Hunter again in the afternoon because of my busy schedule, which is throwing off my chi, but I'm happy to be podcasting with you, Jason, because this is what we fucking do, baby. Yeah, I haven't even had time to work out at all, but I think I might go to the gym later this afternoon for the first time in what seems like a week, which is exciting for me, but it's hard to get over that hump when you're out of the game. You don't have that... It's not a part of your daily routine when you haven't been able to go. So that first step back into Equinox is always the hardest, right? No, it's true. Luckily, I have ladder pre-workout. My body will vibrate in a certain way, and my hair will tingle so much that until I knock out that cardio, I'm basically...

ready to be hospitalized if I don't work out. When Jason's gone off the ladder, he's a threat to himself and others until he gets on that treadmill, and we need to watch that. Don't put the Glock 9 in his hand. I'm liable to wrap the Tesla around a telephone pole if I don't pull out those kettles off of a full scoop of Laddie. You haven't gotten to the point where you're doing more than one scoop, right? No, no, no, I wouldn't do that. I would never do... two lines at a time. You would never take a supplement, a medication, or anything like that over the suggested dose. You always take two Advil every 16 hours, right? That's what you do. I'm a doctor's order kind of cat. You know what I mean? I'm really into it. Don't risk it. Don't chance it. Those guys make the big bucks, and that's not for you to decide. Speaking of risk, Jason. You feel the same way about COVID vaccines and stuff like that as well, right? Yeah, exactly. Speaking. Yeah, speaking of COVID, it seems like New York is popping again. When you say popping... Well, it just seems like the cornballs of the New York media industry are once again trying to trace how COVID infected people who party every night, which is a little bit of a... boring i'm just like what year is it guys like the we don't need the the basil to to new york pipeline yeah why why is that so tantalizing for people i don't know because it's tattletale shit it's a really is it just goes back to tattletale shit and it gets clicks i'm sure and it gets it gets your peers talking about you which i guess is the author but i the the tattletale part that makes sense but i feel like that pendulum swung both ways where the first time it happened It was like, oh, the reason why COVID hit America was the Mew Mew party. And at the time, it was like, oh, that was sort of like a badge of honor. Like, I got the hottest, most chic COVID you can get. But then the other side of it is, you know, the shaming of people who needed to go to a Mew Mew party.

And now, thanks to you, my kid has to take Zoom school, you fashion motherfucker. Exactly. And, of course, we are on the other side of celebrating guests who were proudly members of the COVID-positive family only because they were invited to a cool fashion party. And that's who we pod for. That's who we pod for. It's much worse. Yeah. I mean, the thought of getting COVID in Paris at a Miu Miu party versus getting COVID at the BuzzFeed holiday party is a pretty wide gap. You know what I mean? As far as... As far as coolness goes. Or simply the buzz stop. A lot of people don't talk about that. The public transport. Yeah, the buzz stop. The buzz stop. That's where everyone parks their bird scooters in Santa Monica to take the BuzzFeed bus to their work pods. Shout-out to everyone who works at BuzzFeed. You guys rock. No shout-out to BuzzFeed. That's the third. Yeah, that's the lowest on the totem pole of places to catch the new variant. But I think this is just our new normal, and this is going to happen, and apparently it's not as deadly. But the way people are talking about it and making corny jokes about Christmas and, you know, oh, no, ha, ha, ha, ha. I hope I can stay inside. It's just like. You guys aren't funny. This shit is not funny anymore. You know what? I think we'd be better off if we just ignored it completely. So I'm part of the problem as well. Okay. Well, it takes a big man to make that realization, and I'm proud of you for doing that. Let's start the movement. We ain't going to talk about no COVID, no more. Okay. What else is there to talk about then? I'm at a loss. Absolutely nothing. That's all I got. Have you seen Succession and COVID? I watched Succession while being positive. I'm going to go on live and watch Succession COVID tonight if anyone wants to chime in. I'm also going to have wine all the time. I can't wait until I see 50 people on a Zoom Christmas Succession watching party. That's really what I... This is just... It really has... It's really interesting.

how COVID is exposed. Truly, the corniness level is higher than we could have ever imagined in this country with not only people you'd expect it from, but our peers. And that is succession and COVID are the two things that have exposed that the most to me in 2021. I like that we're using the word exposed. In pertinence to a viral infection as well. That's just good copywriting. Yeah, how could I not? It kind of comes naturally to me off dome. But I told you about the Netflix thing I watched and liked, Single All the Way. Yeah, I wasn't able to get through that one. Well, that's a mistake on your part. It's great. I also like that Netflix has done this thing now where every relationship in one of their cheesy movies is biracial. Every single relationship is biracial, and the parents... Or if there's a family dynamic, one of them has to be adopted in a wheelchair, whatever it is. Of course. And I think that's great for the inclusion, of course. I'm not knocking that, but where it's like, all right, slow down. What is the magic number? What is the golden ratio of... of straight whites to non-straight whites in terms of casting to where it's like okay this is a this is a natural fit sweet spot yeah i i that's a great question we should ask some of the executives of the netflix corporation about that we're driving the train while we're building the track so everyone gets a pass of course and it's better to err on the side of over overdoing it versus underdoing it that's very true no that's very true and i i think that but but just let me implore you again to watch single all the way it's better than succession uh it's it's it's more entertaining than pin 15 or whatever you guys are still talking about it's a classic gay christmas movie and that is something that i had didn't know i needed in my life but i what are some other classic gay christmas movies you you said the word classic so i feel like That's what I'm saying. I think Iggy Azalea voice, the new classic, is what I'm talking about. I think this is a genre Netflix may have invented and is pushing. If any of our listeners want to make a gay Christmas movie list, I would love to plow through those over the holidays. Or be plowed by that list. Yeah, I'd like to be plowed. I'd love to be yak'd.

senselessly by that list of four films. Three of them available on DVD only. Yeah, it could be a DVD only thing. And those might be... Tough to track down, so for some of those titles, you might have to look in the adult section. That's just a streamer tip. I do a lot of streaming, so I want to pass that on to you. I do a lot of streaming. Sorry, I just saw a tweet that says, and just like that, NYC is locked down again. I'm going to kill myself. Okay, we do have a guest today. We do. LD. Big LD. We've been talking about having her on the show for quite a while. Jason and I are both fans of her work, starting all the way back at Tiny Furniture from the... the classic girls program on the HBO network. Her piece de resistance. Her book, which I read in one flight from New York to Vancouver. I devoured it, as they would say. But Lena has been around the Hollywood block. She just got married. I think she's living part-time in London. I can't keep up, Jason. But Lena Dunham is our guest today on How Long Gone. This is a Christmas treat, isn't it? This is a Christmas treat. Usually we would be giving you a Chris and Jason episode, but Santa came early and he delivered an actual celebrity to the How Long Gone metaverse. So you're welcome. And just like our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ as it pertains to the Jewish community, this is just one of many gifts to come. It's not a Christmas, here's your present. See you next year. Yeah, that's true. This is just one ingredient in a menagerie of guests. Yeah, we're a Hanukkah forward as far as eight days is kind of the gift vibe that we give. But let's tap in with Lena and see what's going on. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you.

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Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world... writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable. And they're just easy, but, you know, still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. You know, they focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts.

Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. I'm sorry for the delay. I was literally chasing my dogs through the yard trying to get them to reenter the home because I'm really bad at country life. Country life. That makes two of us and I'm not even a city kid like you are. You know what I mean? It's really a problem, and I come up here with all these delusions. I have a house outside the city that I share with my parents, and I come up here with all these delusions, and then it's just me chasing my dogs to the yard screaming and upsetting my neighbors. Is there a hot tub or anything? So not a hot tub. If you came up, you'd be like, there's just a library of old science fiction books. and like my dad's modeling clay. Yeah, that's not like a sexy weekend. Is there maybe like a, is there a bog anywhere? There's fully a bog. There's a valley. There's a valley. Basically, it's just my mom being like, check yourself for ticks and then a fight about what time dinner is. And then I thought I would differentiate. So I built another house 10 feet from behind my parents' house. So now it's just my phone ringing and my dad being like, turn your lights off. We share an electricity bill. God damn it. That is, you love it though, I feel like. You like the punishment. I really do. And like every conversation I have with my friends is me being like, I really need to create some boundaries. And I'm being like, yeah, but if you really felt that way, would you have built a home 10 feet behind your parents? Yeah, I know. That's true. As your place to quote unquote relax. And my husband, my poor husband is here with me for the first time and he's literally in.

the kitchen right now, like making an omelet under my dad's instruction. I feel like a monster. Hey, babe, babe, I got to go podcast with these guys. So if you hang out with my dad, that's what I said. And then he was like, can you stay to finish the omelet? I was like, I can't be 10 minutes late. These guys are cool dudes. Damn right. These are hip dudes who I never thought would want to speak to me. I can't be 10 minutes late because of your fucking omelet. That's the respect we deserve. That's the respect we deserve. Also, it's a little late for an omelet, but that's just me. The Europeans eat omelets for dinner, don't they? That's true. He referred to it as breakfast. I didn't question him, but yes, it's late. You're like, we're newly married. I didn't question him. I didn't want to start a whole thing. You know what I mean? I don't want to start a thing. I'm letting some stuff go because we're only a couple. Couple months in. But, yeah, that's. And also, if he's going to be in the Dunham family, he's got to learn how to make an omelet on his own, doesn't he? Yeah, he does. And if he's going to be, I mean, he's already been put through so much. My mother took him. She was like, I want to take Luis to his first American supermarket. And then she chose one that was 45 minutes away. And so he had to do 45 minutes of car. time with my mom each way just because she thought it was a more sort of representative. Sure. What is your mom? I would love to know what your mother thinks the most representative grocery store in America is. Well, the thing is that the one she chose is not. It shows her sort of like coastal delusion because the one she chose is like an upscale grocery store. Like more of an artisanal market maybe? It's more of an eataly. It's called Guido's. Okay, okay. It's more of an Eataly. It's more of an Eataly. Like you couldn't really in good conscience call it a supermarket. You can't call something a supermarket if they like make their own pancetta. Yeah, I agree with you. So your mom took him to a provisions house and not a supermarket. 150% correct. It's like this, the place where we live in outside the city has an interesting, it's like sort of like half of it is provisions house. Half of it is like full mess.

And you can sort of make your decisions. And I tend to be attracted to the methier side of things. Different kind of provision. Thank you, my love. I'm just going to show off. Thank you so much. For the listeners at home, look at this omelet, guys. Do you want to describe it? Damn, you have some country loaf there as well. I know. I love you. And my husband just kissed you on the head. We have some country bread. I'm going to try to eat quietly during your bites. Thank you so much. When we had Leslie Arfin on the podcast, I remember her husband made her a sandwich and she ate it the whole time, unapologetically during the podcast, didn't try to eat quietly. And it was a power move that, honestly, I was turned on by almost. Leslie Arfin, like, is, I mean, having spent a lot of time with her in my life, that surprises me in no way and is so fucking on brand and impressive. I, as someone who both feels disgusting and has a podcast of my own, I would never chomp loudly during your podcast. Yeah, because we love to talk to fellow elite podcasters. That kind of gets us going a little bit. And I noticed those headphones you have on. That's no joke. You don't have the Beat Studio headphones on. I feel like I'm watching that Beatles doc right now with you. You got those cans on. I'm going to brag, which is these are actually my husband's a musician, and these are his professional headphones. He knows. Which I also use for elite podcasting. You should see my podcast partner, my podcast wife. You guys know what it's like to have a podcast spouse. Yes. Watching her proudly change the batteries in her microphone. Every 30 minutes, she's like, I'm sorry, we've got to hold. I've got to change batteries. I'm like, you just want to show us that you know how to use this piece of equipment. That's impressive. Yeah, actually, I just met your podcast. wife when we had our live show in new york she was a what a what a great gal she is she's the best she's the chicest she's the smartest she's the coolest i never i never really thought i'd have a friend like that that's how incredible she is um and she told me she had a lot of fun at your live show she got wasted we did a lot of um indoor smoking in the green room so it really felt like i was like watching the strokes in 2001 kind of vibe so cool

I just quit all forms of... I'm the only asshole who started smoking at age 33 with a serious chronic illness. It was sort of a... It was a fuck you to the world that was really a fuck you to myself. The finger turned inward. Yes. And the fingers smelled bad. And one of the things that made me stop is I was smoking... I was living in London. I was smoking hand-rolled cigarettes. And I woke up one morning and realized I had a yellowed... Oh, mate. And I was like, I can't be this person. Like, I'm literally, I'm playing with fire when I just wake up in the morning. How could I be adding this to the mix? I've been smoking for two weeks, and my hands look like Pete Doherty's. Something's got to give. Exactly. The energy was. And I was like, I'm not a person who, like, I'm also like, if someone's going to get a side effect from a medication, it's me. If someone's going to get lung cancer, it's me. I'm not going to be. the William Burroughs of smoking. I'm going to be the Jamie Winehouse of smoking. You're not going to do it for attention. You're doing it for destruction. Yes, and I don't want that gig. Whereas my husband stylishly smokes like one cigarette per evening while looking at the moon, and that's a different... That's what Jason thinks he looks like smoking, and I've tried to tell him that it's not quite that. He tells you he's looking at the moon, but he's playing Angry Birds on his mobile, just to let you know. So, you're 100% correct. Since I'm a podcaster, I want to turn the question towards you guys, which is, how does it feel to be elite cool guy podcasters? I've listened to the pod. I've read the press. You guys are really taking over this pandemic with your kind of... You remind me in the best way of, like, it's 2004. and I met some funny guys at Luke and Leroy's. Like, what cool energy to be shopping around. We will take that. That's great. You guys where you're like, I met these really funny guys. Should we, like, meet up with them for – should we meet up with them at Citarella tomorrow and steal some things? Like, it's really cool. Not to, like, hook up with them, but, like, not not hook up with us. That's exactly – Like, something might happen.

But it's not our goal. It's like not the goal, but if at the end of the night everyone hooks up, it's fine. Nothing is more 2004 than that. No, it's like when my friends and I went over to a guy named Fred Beebe's house and like slept over on his mattress and we're like, who's going to get fingered? We're not sure. And it feels good to... to rediscover that energy because i've been away from it for a long time yeah that's a that's something that we didn't aim to provide but i'm feeling very satisfied that we did yeah um and it look it feels great i mean this is all fairly new still you know what i mean so i think that that the um the the train is is still rolling but yeah it's been really fun but also the you know you're only as elite and cool as you know the eye of the beholder there's always someone else more elite and You've got to stop the tracks at some point if you want to make a buck. The coolest podcasts in the entire world make $38 a week on Patreon. 100%. They've still got to work at an Amazon facility. I pretty much don't talk to straight guys, so this is a big... We've heard that a few times, that we get a pass there, luckily. That really warms my heart more than a Luke and Leroy reference. Well, Chris is good at gay baiting. I'm good at code switching. So we're like a nice little, you know. It kind of feels like a conjugal visit with a straight guy, doesn't it? Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Because I read about you before I started listening, and I liked that it took me a second to understand that I was dealing with heterosexuals. The minute you were piped into my headphones, I knew I was dealing with heterosexuals. And that's not bad. That's not bad. That's not bad. There's still a few of us left on this planet. We've definitely had like turbo gay guests who halfway through the show are like, wait, you guys are straight. And we're like, yeah, we're straight. And they're like trying to hit the button that says leave meeting. Yeah, totally. They're raising their hand with a concerned question. There's like that emoji that's like a skeptical guy with like a detective's glasses on or whatever. I recently was exposed.

There's a thing where people, you can raise your hand in Zoom with a Zoom emoji, and that's something that people do to talk. I know. I just saw. I'm not going to name names. By the way, if you guys are looking at me and I'm squinting, I look like a cartoon of someone who got jizz in her eye, but it's salad dressing. Oh, you've got a bit of, quote, unquote, the lad's vinaigrette in the eye again, haven't you? That's exactly. Yeah, I saw a very successful, famous actress raise her hand in a Zoom meeting using the raising hand emoji. And I was like, bitch, you're an Oscar nominee. You can just talk. It feels like a weird extension of consent gone too far. We're on a Zoom to talk. Everybody just talks. That's the only point. I'm surprised Helen Mirren knows how to even use that button. to say like my zoom manners are getting so lax i think it's like today is the last day you guys are on my last day before my christmas holiday begins oh yeah holiday is a loose term because i work from bed and i never stop but you know this is my last one of my last scheduled meetings but i feel like it's been getting real lazy like before i had something where i didn't like Now I'm literally picking up the computer and having it on a tour through the home with me while I tidy things up. This is the first Zoom you've done in a week where you're wearing a shirt, is what you're saying. Yes. This is the first Zoom I've done in a week where I've done anything to arrange. I mean, I'm talking to straight guys. I had to arrange myself a little bit. Interesting. So would you arrange less in a safe gay space if we were? Yes. I'd be wearing a nightgown if you were gay. You'd be wearing a Homer Simpson. Yes, 100 percent. I just found I was going through things and I just found a bra I purchased at a vintage store when I was 27 or so. That is like a cotton bra printed with Garfield eating lasagna. Are you good? Do you say am I good? Are you good? Not sure. I'm like concerned. I was like, who did I think? Who did I think was the audience for this?

Because it's an interesting bra. It's like sort of a risque shape, but the pattern is... Okay, so there's a very certain type of fella who's going to be like, I haven't gone soft looking at this bra. Yeah, who's going to be like, I love your Garfield bra. So it has a little bit of a sexy cut to it despite having lasagna printed on it. Well, it has to have the sexy cut to it. Otherwise... Sexy cut. sobering print yeah the titty the titties the titties garfield kind of diagram come together yeah that's a rare fella there's three guys out there who would like that and god bless you if you can find one of them i know i know i just i was like pulling it out the other day i was like should i show this to my husband i was like why don't i just keep it in the sort of like you know there's a lot like he's never seen girls and i'm like there's a lot that i just like to think like is publicly available for him to discover and yet i'm somehow magically keeping private. Do you think that will remain the case? Well, you mean that he's never seen girls? Because we talk about this a lot on the podcast because Jason and his girlfriend don't follow each other on Instagram and he claims that's the secret to their relationship. And now I'm hearing that other people are doing that, but you can't. You can't go back. You have to start like that. Well, does that mean that you don't know what your girlfriend's Instagram personality is like? Well, I kind of know a little bit because I have seen it here and there. We don't block each other. I could pull up her profile and look at it if I choose to, and I probably have done it a couple times. She's a wardrobe stylist, so most of her Instagram is just pictures of her work anyway. How long have you two been together? We've been together like four years. We actually just got engaged a couple months ago in Eataly. Congratulations in Eataly. We got engaged at Eataly. Culver, at the Westfield Mall, it was really nice. Century City. By the way, I love going to that Century City Mall and enjoying just a little cappuccino at Eataly. It feels so perverted.

I had never been. I had never been until a couple weeks ago. I had to do some, Alex and I, my girlfriend and I were doing some shopping for my twin nieces for the holidays. Oh, yeah. I love, I love malls like in a deep way. I'm from Atlanta where that's our culture. Like malls are part of our DNA. Yeah. And man, it felt like a warm hug walking into that shit. Oh, it was great. I love malls because I grew up in New York. And in Soho, we didn't even have like any chain stores, much less malls. And so. My friends, my like friend Isabel and I, who were both like downtown New York kids, used to beg our moms to take us to the Paramus Mall so we could go to the Limited too. And so like, to me, like that reverse commute into New Jersey to get like baby teas with ice cream cones on them was the most chic, glamorous. And I remember like coming home with like a bag of just like $2 crap from the Paramus Mall and being like, you can't get. I'm fancier than I am. Now, that's what I call perverted, Lena. I know. But, you know, when you're, you know, you always want to be different. You always want to get something that nobody else has. And if you're a Soho kid, you're going to have to go to the Paramus Mall, wherever the fuck that is, and hit the limited to T-O-O. I'm so happy you know that, and that's why you're a straight guy that I can talk to. That's cool about not following your girlfriend on Instagram. I mean, I think this was like we met. We got together. He had never seen the show. And then by the time that it even occurred to him to watch it, it was like, I live with this person, so why would I watch? It's going to be a little much. It's like watching 30 hours of your wife is insane. It's also like 30 hours of me getting railed by men he doesn't know. Yeah. Getting railed by Adam Driver, for Christ's sake. Well, yeah, I was going to say, like, 30 hours of me, like, taking it from behind in a semi-violent way from Kylo Ren is, like, not what my husband fully needs to experience. He's an open person, and I think he wouldn't... A man can only be so open. At a certain point, he's like, oh, God. Yeah, you can only be so cool. I know. A man can only be so cool. No, I feel that same way, like I was saying, my girlfriend is a stylist, and...

She did a shoot a few months ago with Adrian Brody, who, you know, I don't have to tell you. An OG sexy creep face. He's been creepy and sexy since you guys have been in diapers. Oh, my mom's friend Sylvia Placci is his mom, and I remember my mom telling me that her friend's son was Adrian Brody, and me being like, well, I found my way in. Now I finally have a way to fuck Adrian Brody. But she simply did a photo shoot where she just put him in a few different outfits and spent four hours with him. And I was just like, I don't want to fucking hear about it. I don't want you to tell me that the shoot went well and the photos came out nicely and the magazine was happy with them. I'm just like, zero words should be spoken about this because I know how you feel about it. It'd be like if... Like, hey, babe, I had Dua Lipa come over and I gave her a massage. She's going to be like, all right, I'm done. Are you very into Dua Lipa? I mean, you know, I'm a straight guy with a penis and a brain. But, I mean, I'm not, like, infatuated with her. But, you know. I don't like Dua. Dua is one of Jason's top picks. I'm a little more refined with, you know, what I'm saying. I'd love to know. I'm curious because, like, I feel a little bit out of the loop. Like, who are the top picks these days for you guys? For a couple of smart guys. who, you know, are a couple of, as the kids would say, respectful kids. Who do you fancy? We were just talking about this the other night, actually. And because I don't think, Alex was just like, I don't really think about celebrity dudes like that. She was like, I just don't, I don't think women think about it the same way as men do. Well, my thing is like, I don't, and I definitely don't now that I've met. Nothing will turn you off more than meeting an actor. You thought this guy was hot. You do one table read. It's over. Literally, though, you're right. If I meet actresses, I'm often like, ooh, she's incredible. I want to be her friend. I want to know her. When I meet actors, I'm like, let's never revisit this. I mean, there are some great ones. The pussy just dries right up. Just because I don't love vanity in a man, it's not hot to me. If a man has highlights, it's just over.

It's over. Lena, to be fair, mine are natural. It's kind of from the sun in LA. I don't want you to, I don't want you to get caught up on that. Or you'll hear it a lot of like, if a guy ever like posts a selfie photo of them, then that's like a big deal breaker in terms of the vanity. Oh no, there's a lot of deal breaker. I'm plugging in my computer while we talk, by the way. That's why I'm bending over and looking harried. No worries, bro. And also, I'm sorry that my dogs are like... deeply worked up at the moment. That's okay. I'll clean this all up in post, girl. Thank you, baby. It's about to be Christmas. I don't have the energy to even pretend to you that I care. Also, when you meet an actor in real life and you see the clothes that they dress themselves with their own brain versus the clothes that are given to them by a stylist or, you know. in a film you're like oh that's the clothes that's the clothing you picked out for yourself this is a massive turnoff well it's like i thought that you were like a man who knew how to layer and instead you're like wearing a dodger's t-shirt it's just really but but like there are definitely some like my friend i just made a movie with my friend john bernthal and it's like you know he's it's a totally brotherly relationship but he's He's, like, everything you would want him to be. It's, like, you're, like, this guy plays, like, cool, funny, tough, smart dudes in movies. And, like, he's more than that all the way. But, like, the reason that was so amazing to me is I was, like, it's the first time it's ever happened, basically. It blew your mind. It took you right out of it. Yeah, it blew my mind. I was, like, I can't believe that, like, in real life you really are, like, a Muay Thai fighter or whatever. Because, like, most of the time it's someone being, like, When I read that Jeremy Strong profile and it said he broke his foot running in dress shoes, I was like, I've worked with nine actors who broke their feet running in dress shoes. I don't know why anyone's making fun of Jeremy Strong for something that all these motherfuckers are doing. It's a rite of passage in Hollywood. Yeah, 100%. Chris recently suffered an ankle injury from walking around London too much in a pair of not worn in La Mer boots.

It can happen to your best friend or neighbor. It can happen to someone you love. And maybe we should make a PSA. But here's my question. Do you guys like my wallpaper? Oh, it's quite festive. Yeah, the tour we've gotten of the country house so far, even though it was not the point, it's nice. Thank you. That means a lot. I only am asking because I just moved in and I built it during the pandemic. And the best detail was that my father was overseeing the renovation. It's a very small house. It's a modest house. I want you to know it's just a mere one bedroom. One bedroom? One bedroom with a couple of nooks. Where does the valet sleep? My husband sleeps in the big house with my parents. We're still adjusting to that. Yeah. It's all new. I told you it's all new. I'm not quite ready. I'm not quite ready. What does it say is that my dad oversaw the renovation. And speaking of, he sent me a photograph of shirtless men installing the roof. And he wrote, hot guys, in quotes, on your roof. And I was like, thanks, Papa. And then he was like, they were hot. They were hot. But it was just, I was like, thanks for this eye candy. I got it at like 10 a.m. at work. That's a cool text to get from your dad, though. I can't say I've ever gotten something like that. I can't wait to have kids and text my daughter, you like what you see, pic, to some random laborers. My dad, personally, my dad texts me all the time, like, sup, bitch. He's 70. He's so funny. My dad was, like, OG. Like, he used to say, like, in a really, like, he's really waspy. My mom's really Jewish and my dad's really waspy. And my dad used to say, like, Before Eddie was saying it, he'd be like, get up out my grill, kid. He's really funny and in a way that if you get it, you get it. But we were at dinner last night and we were talking about when my relationship with my husband started and why I liked him as a texter so much because we were introduced via text. I was like, I'm used to talking to a guy for two minutes and suddenly he texts you, pick of ass. And my dad was like, pick of ass?

so shaken. And then he was like, what was that guy, Russian? And I was like, he actually, and I was like, here's the best detail. I was like, Papa, he was Russian. You're right. In Soviet Russia, Aztec pick of you. Pick of ass. And like, the thing that's fun is like, some people can't say things like that to their dad, but my dad is like, so intellectual. He's like very much just like, um, an observer of culture. So he can like, I unemotionally hear that a guy texted me pick of ass and he's just interested in it on a social level. I think Papa sounds a lot like me, how I might be in his situation. So you're a good example of what my spawn might turn out like. He's cool and fun. And I feel like you would be a similar thing and don't have your kids call you Papa. It's creepy. And the energy is weird. Oh, I know. I wasn't going to say anything. I did it because I was really obsessed with Jane Austen books and Jane Eyre and stuff as a kid, and all the girls called their dads Papa. And so I trained myself to call him Papa. I switched from... That's more of a Papa, and I think Papa is a little bit of your own flavor attitude. Yeah, and Alyssa always, whenever we have any kind of issues, she goes, Papa, where are you, Papa? And I'm like, oh, God. But my mom said I can't call her mama because it makes her feel fat. Mama does have some of that energy to it. Yeah. So back to who. So your girlfriend was like, I don't find male actors hot in that way. But who are your. No, it's not like she doesn't find them hot. I think it's just like I don't think women think about that as often as men think about that. Like we're in a group chat where there's a pic of Dua Lipa once a week minimum. And is it just like you're like. oh, she's looking good today. I like this fit. No, no, no. I'm jacking off to a photo of her every single day. Every single day. Whereas my fiancee does not touch herself to a photo of Adrian Brody. Yeah, I mean, we're not that respectful. We're respectful to a point. I'm into more, I mean, I'm into like a Lea Seydoux, Sofia Coppola, Chloe Sev. No, no, no. His number one is Hailey Baldwin. He's Hailey Baldwin. He's very in the lead.

Haley Baldwin has absolutely nothing to do with the gallery of indie icons you just named. Agreed. Because, Linda, you're going to learn quickly that I contain multitudes. To quote Walt Whitman, your house has many mansions. Exactly. Exactly. Thank you for bringing it. That one stings. But I am interested because I know Lea Seydoux, Sofia Coppola, Chloe Sef, can I say something? I don't want to push. a psychological reading but is it almost like you want to be that guy but in some ways you really are the hailey baldwin guy damn damn it really makes you think yeah i feel like there's a walt there's a walt quote for that as well you know you got something under your under your hat a hundred percent well i think what we're saying there i think what we're saying there is like you're a bit of a like it's a bit of a philip rothian who i am versus the man inside me, kind of. I struggle with all of these things, but I think it's my imposter syndrome of being around smart people and sophisticated people when I'm just merely a bumpkin from the suburbs of Atlanta who has graduated. So I think maybe that's part of it. Can I say, though, that that psychology, because you clearly are smart and clearly are sophisticated, but that psychology of, like, I'm just a bumpkin is... The psychology that's made every man who's hurt me hurt me. I once had a boyfriend say to me, how is this ever going to work out if you're an intellectual and I'm just a thug? This was like a Jewish man. This was a straight up Jewish man. I had a feeling he wasn't actually a thug. I was going to ask, but I kind of assumed. First of all, I would never use the word thug. But secondly, it's like he wasn't a heavy in the mafia. a Jewish man who just like had chosen not to go to college. You weren't being courted by, you weren't being courted by DMX or something like that. I mean, he was a Jewish, a Jewish man who chose not to go to college is really good. I'm simply a thug who's running his father's shoe business. I don't know what you would want with me. Literally, literally the energy, but like, but I was like, Oh, these people who are like, you're an intellectual and you are like,

going to best me with your the sophistication of your opinions so i'm like gonna use that as an excuse to like devalue myself but in the process hurt you deeply i'm not saying you've done that to anyone chris i'm not saying that it's an open door for gaslighting and you know us straights love to do that we invented that we make it look good vroom vroom i know actually the level of style that you bring to gaslighting because when women try to gas i'm saying women do everything better, but when women try to gaslight each other, it's clunky. It's clunky, isn't it? Yeah, it doesn't work. It doesn't work in the same way. Damn, I never thought about it. I never really unpacked gaslighting as it pertains to sex. I had to explain love, but like, in a great way, I'll stop saying my husband because it sounds very smug, Louis, who I am married to. Alyssa also always goes, my husband, who's my husband, who's chosen to marry me. Louis, like, in a great way is like not that he's not that up on Instagram culture. He's not up on like new pop psychology terms. And when we met, I had to explain triggering to him. I had to explain gaslighting to him and I had to explain love bombing to him. Can you explain love bombing to me? Love bombing is like something that's attributed sort of to certain kind of narcissistic personalities or whatever. Often it can be both sexes do it, but women talk a lot about having it done to them, which is basically when you meet someone. And they, like, attack you with praise, connection. It often, like, people who are love addicts might either be very receptive to love bombing or do a lot of love bombing. And so you've basically been so kind of, your guard has been let down so deeply by a sense of someone being enamored with you. that by the time they start slipping in dark, uncomfortable, and inappropriate behaviors, you're already supple in their hands. Wow, very well put. Yeah, very well put. Much like a golden retriever licking you, knowing that he's going to shit on your pillow. I thought you were going to say bite you, and where you took it was different and good. But yeah, I had to explain love bombing to my husband, and he was like, but isn't love bombing just...

Being nice? Great question. It's being nice in a toxic way. It's being nice in a toxic way. Like, I'll tell you the best example of love bombing. I was seeing someone who I knew was a problem, but it happens sometimes. And we were going on like a little road trip. And I was like, can I pick you anything up? And I was like, sure. I'd love a kombucha, what I'm drinking right now. And the sober woman's rosé. And he was like, Okay, great. And then we get in the car, and he handed me a kombucha, and I started to drink it, and he was like, do you notice the name of the flavor? And I looked, and it was called Love. That's love bombing? That's corny. I don't know if it's love bombing. Yeah, the whole thing was dramatic. It lasted about two weeks and had just peaks and valleys and troughs. Hold on. Where was the road trip? Where did this take place? We were headed to Santa Barbara. Okay, so a classic LA to Santa Barbara road trip. A classic LA to Santa Barbara with like a stop so that we could admire the surf. Of course, of course. I was just making sure it wasn't long distance. I didn't know if it was like, let's do the whole California coast type shit. Well, I will tell you when I was 22, I mean, that would be insane. When I was like 22, there was this guy who was basically spending one night with every girl in my friend group. And let's just say it was my turn. It wasn't an intentional thing. He was just good. He was just fucking good. And he was sophisticated. Let me guess, though. Let me guess. Was he a little bit older, maybe? Oh, yeah. A little bit older, but not too much that it was creepy. Of course. Of course. I went home with him one night from, I'm going to date myself here, the Jane Hotel. You know, Lena, I don't want to burst your bubble, but the Jane Hotel is back in a big way. We can talk about that. We can talk about that after your story. Oh, no. Because I had some very stressful nights there. And I remember, like. That's the cocaine. I remember being stressed there as well. I remember.

like wearing this like little red dress from Topshop and like it coming home from Jane Hotel and being like, why is this ripped to shreds? But, um, but so I said, who mauled me? Who mauled me? So I went home with this guy from the Jane Hotel and then he was like, hey, do you want to be the date to my friend's wedding in Kentucky next weekend and we can drive there? And I was like, 100% absolutely. That seems like a great choice. I'll take four days off from my job at the children's clothing store and we can drive to Kentucky and back. And literally by the time we got to New Jersey, it was evident that like, not only would we never kiss again, we hated each other. And like the road trip was, it was like. By the time we got to Washington, D.C., we were sleeping in a Motel 6 in two different twin beds. No, no, no, no, no. And why I wasn't just like, I'm going to turn around. We're only in New Jersey. But it's like, you know, when you're young and you're just like, I made this choice and I have to stick to it. I'm living with this. Commit to the bit. Yes, commit to the bit is exactly right. And by the time we got to Kentucky, I mean, we were shattered. This sounds like that Zola film, doesn't it? It didn't have some of the certain drama of Zola. There was no human trafficking element. That we know of. You barely know this guy. It's so true. But yeah, so no, but this road trip was just to Santa Barbara and he did love bomb me. And then he did mention how attracted he was to multiple other women I worked with. And I was like, I need to remove myself from the situation. And it's, but I sort of share that also, not just to make myself sound sad, but it's like, even if in your life you feel like a sophisticated business woman who's like, I feel pretty on top of my shit. Like I've been in my career for over a decade. I feel pretty good about my relationships. But even then, you can get love-bombed on a short road trip. Yeah, no matter what. And that makes it even more frustrating when you fall into that trap, I'm assuming. Yeah, but I feel very lucky. I mean, hearing that the Jane Hotel is back in a big way makes me feel so fucking lucky to be out of the dating pool. We had a party in New York during our tour, and the guy that we had DJ was a friend of a friend. And he's like, oh, yeah, he has the Jane every Wednesday. I'm like...

The Jane Hotel, you mean? The Jane from 2008? He's like, oh, I don't know about 2008, but yeah, he DJs the Jane. Oh, my God. I remember seeing the Olsen twins there and being like, much like when I left the Paramus Mall, I will never be fancier than I am in this moment. The Olsen twins were heavily at the club in that era. I would see them at Kate's Joint having vegan brunch. You know what I mean? I have not thought about Kate's Joint in so fucking long. The thing about me was that I was absolutely... all of those places but just like to the side of a much hotter indie girl so like I was just like Jemima Kirk sidekick at bungalow 8 like drinking a diet coke cause my fake ID didn't work so I like I was at Kane's joint I tried to hook up with a waiter from Angelica's kitchen I've done it but I wasn't like you're not gonna find me in a picture from last night's party unless it's like me looking panicked, looking for my bag, you know? Unless there's a patron asking you where the restroom is or something like that. 150%. I will say, you know, I went to college in New York for one year before I transferred to Ohio. And during that year, I was very into going to Miss Shapes. And I had like a series of looks I had put together that in hindsight were so true. Like I had one sweater that was like, a low-cut sweater with, like, an attached Elizabethan clown collar. Like, there's things that you're like, oh, no. In your defense, the height of the Misshapes era is one of the worst-dressed times in our history. The amount of fucking neon that I owned from American Apparel that I would, like, layer with carefully and then match with, like, a pleather. It was fun, though. It was fun at the time. I was having a great time, but I looked like an aerobics instructor who lived in deep Florida. The looks did not age well for the fellas, either. No, but speaking of which, I was there with some of my pals, and a guy came up to me, and he was like, you're the prettiest girl in this place. Or I knew that there had to be some pretty girls in this place, and I was like, are you talking to me? Love bomb. And he was like,

can I get you something to drink? And I, at the time did not drink. And now again, I do not drink. I was like, well, yeah, I'd love a vitamin water. And he went around the corner to the bodega and bought me a vitamin water. You have to fuck him after that. I did something insane to show off for the guy I did have a crush on. And I took one sip of it and I said, it's the wrong flavor. And I handed it to my friend. You're a monster. A monster. And I feel so bad about it to this day. And I believe that he was in the entourage of Good Charlotte. This story has a lot of twists and turns, I must say. I know. To be fair, Good Charlotte was around a lot during that era. They would be at cool guy functions mysteriously with the invite. Do you remember also that there was a guy, I was recently telling, Lewis, about this, there was a guy who looked just like Julian Casablancus and would take girls home and they would think that they were going home with Julian Casablancus and they just realized it was like a dude named Jeff. That's actually what Jason was doing in LA, but it was just a... That's called stroke fishing and not everyone can pull it out. Oh my God. And then like, I remember meeting the real Julian Casablancus and being like, I don't know anymore. You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice to meet you, Jeff. Jason, how do you make... your zoom background all sexy and like um like like soft blurry there's there's a little function where you can have your background be blurred i'm only i'm only doing that because my office is currently being kind of remodeled so there's just like shit everywhere is my office is being remodeled code for i'm in rehab It does sound like that. And Jason's office does kind of have a rehab vibe if you take out the computer. You look like you're in a fucking sleeper cell, Chris. Come on. When I went to rehab, I told everyone I was at a writer's retreat. Well, some of us don't have... How long did you go? 30 days? I went for 30 days. How was your roommate? I had a single. Does that really... Is that cheap? That's called the rich difference right there. I like that. I'm so sorry to say that I was housed alone.

I wasn't allowed to have a lock on my door. Okay, that's something. Where was it? Was this upstate or in LA or California? Massachusetts. Oh, no. You really wanted to quit. Damn. Yeah. I went to Massachusetts for 30 days with no lock on my door. And you know what? I loved it. I loved it. The way I thought I would feel about summer camp is how I felt about rehab. They don't even know what kombucha is over there in Massachusetts. How'd you get by? Actually, the food was great, but I gained like 25 pounds. But that's also like because I would literally like go down to the kitchen in the night and make myself four butter sandwiches to like do. Well, you know, a lot of us, you know, I luckily as a fellow sober queen, I luckily didn't get. Yes, my queen. I didn't get addicted to like candy, which I was really happy about. I had a brief sort of like whatever will have me moment, and now I actually feel like, I don't know, I'm addicted to work and feeling that other people consider me to be functional. Well, I mean, those are both more. I'm addicted to exercise and podcasting, so I guess that everybody's winning. By the way, I would do anything to be addicted to exercise. That's incredible. Have you tried hypnotism or ayahuasca? Any drastic measures? I mean, no. You mean to get myself into exercise? Yeah. This sounds like a joke, but it's not. I have a connective tissue. I have a genetic connective tissue disease that causes my joints to pop in and out of their sockets. So like most aerobic exercise is quite challenging for me, which sounds like. I spent all my childhood being like, I'm so sorry I can't do gym class. My ankle hurts, my knee hurts, my thigh hurts. And they were like, this kid is absurd. I want to say who has the last laugh except that I have a degenerative illness. It's not a satisfying gotcha moment. You have all this space upstate. Maybe one of those nooks should be filled with an infrared sauna. You know what I mean? And then you just get really into that. My parents have a little infrared kind of thing you can crawl into. And it's incredible. Let's call it an oven, babes. Let's call it a microwave, cutie. But I am really into this mat.

there's this like mat that's full. That's an infrared mat that has like healing crystals in it that I've spent called a bio mat. And I've spent a lot of time on a bio mat in my day. I honestly, you know what I got addicted to when I got sober was like therapy, various methods of like dubious self-improvement and filling my day with like unnecessary appointments. You do seem, you do seem like an appointment chick. I could see that. You know what I mean? You're shuffling around all over. You're in LA. You're in Beverly. It's a wonderful distraction. You're seen in Beverly Hills leaving an unspecified medical building. You know what I mean? The Roxbury Drive Medical Center is where it is. And by the way, appointment chick is like a whole genre of girl that I'm so fucking excited that you coined. Because being an appointment chick is like... You have to basically my life is scheduled between doctor's appointments. And I have such intense opinions about like doctor's waiting room decoration, like ways for him. Like I will literally lavish praise on a doctor for like their waiting room art because of how much time I spend in those spaces. And frankly, like the pandemic was so weird because all of these Zoom appointments, I was like, I don't even know who I am when I'm not, you know, trying to get an Uber to pull up to. chiropractors office in Glendale that I've heard is good. Do you, do you live in LA part time? I, so I've lived between New York and LA for like 10 years, but now at this point I am mostly, I'm between New York and London most of the time. Wow. Okay. But I do, I do spend time in LA. Well, as a member, as a member of the Hollywood community, it seems like the right thing to do. You know what I mean? Just to kind of remind them. Yeah. Remind them what I'm about. Like, but when I, but let's just, come to town i'm not really it's like i'm always like i'm here to do the rounds and then do the rounds is like i'm in my sibling's guest room for three days telling people i have a cold and then i leave those are the right you're not you're not over it you're not having a power lunch with your agent you're just kind of inside i went to my agent's house recently and then i was having a lovely dinner and then partway through the night um my right cheek swelled up and became fluorescent red because i had like a

like, even though I do have really good dental hygiene, I had somehow lost a feeling and like that had turned into like a full on like cheek in cheek swelling and incident infection. And I ended up in like an urgent care in Beverly Hills at one in the morning. And I was like, I can't go out. I can't be, I can't. I can't. What's going on? What's going on with you, Dunham? I mean, I'm no expert, but it seems like, I mean, do your parents suffer from similar afflictions? What's the flora and fauna in there? Yeah, what's going on? I'm the only one. I'm the only one. I have like six or seven diagnoses. I try to be light. I am fairly lighthearted about it. But like, I mean, I've had like so many surgeries, full hysterectomy. None of the, you know, the organs that are. optional non-essential non-essential worker non-essential organs i don't have any of those left gallbladder gone one kidney gone tonsils gone one time the girls on red scare said that i seemed like someone who would get my doctor to remove my uterus for attention and god damn it and i was like that's fucked up because this was literally the most traumatic experience of my life and I desperately wanted children and I'm living in a state of extreme heartbreak about what my body's done to me, but it's also a hilarious joke. I can hold both things. That's honestly the only kind of people I ever want to be around. That's what you have to be able to do, especially in the line of work that you're in. If you can't do that, it's going to beat you down. It is quite painful to hear that in your position, but Like I said, committing to the bit. But at the same time, you've got to commit to the bit. A good joke is a good joke. A good joke is a good joke. Joan Rivers once said that my tattoos looked like Stevie Wonder had drawn them and Michael J. Fox filled them in. And I was like, that is so rude to everyone involved. But like, I bow down. A perfect joke. Yeah, if I had an issue.

here's my thing. I actually never mind if the joke is strong. It's just like the amount of people who do a late, like the amount of times I don't look at my Twitter anymore. I haven't in like, I don't, I have someone who does my social media. I have for like three years just because I don't need that in my system. Smart. I recommend it for anyone who can just because I know, or anyone who can just like, like social media. I know we think it's essential, but again, non-essential organ. But that being said, I, The amount of people who'd be like, I've seen your tits more times than I've seen my own. I'm like, that's not a good joke. It's not a good joke. It's a four. If someone takes a picture of my body and puts it next to a picture of Pillsbury Doughboy, not a good joke, but it's a two, let's say. But if someone can come up with a strong, tight joke at my expense, I'm never going to have a problem with that. No, that's the best way to live. To quote Melania, be better. I really don't give a damn. Or whatever her fucking jacket said. I really don't care at all. Yeah, I really don't care at all is the more correct for the first lady of the United States. You know what I mean? You can't have those bad words out there. No, it said I really don't care at all. We were talking about this quickly. I just want you to weigh in. Do you think Barron Trump has had sex? How old is he now? Good question. I can Google it really quick. I feel like, guys, I'm going to... to say something i feel like baron trump is like the third rail like people get a lot of trouble about talking about baron trump i don't know if i can be a part of this do they really i didn't know that i thought what kind of trouble are you talking he's only 15 that's that's plenty he's 15 and 6 7 golly didn't someone get that's very tall that's all i'll say about baron trump is he's tall i mean Didn't someone get in an enormous amount of trouble for making a joke at Barron Trump's expense? Yeah, I think so, probably. We were only bringing it up because Jason's very tall, too. And Jason's not had sex. Not yet, but for his 42nd birthday, his fiancée's going to get him a prostitute. It's one of those kind of things. That's so good. Here's my feeling about jokes in general. I'm very hard to offend on my own behalf.

and I but I try to keep but I can get offended on the behalf of others it's I don't know what that is about and also at this point in my life like I've had so many brushes with saying what I think is a perfectly acceptable thing to say and other people being like oh just FYI you've crossed the line that at this point I'm like I'll talk about myself till the cows come home and make like a like a Luke and Leroy's gag but I'm sure it's almost like it's not even like I have to hold myself back because I've just trained myself so extensively to not talk about Barron Trump's sex life. Well, unfortunately, if we didn't talk about Barron Trump's sex life, this podcast might not exist. Here's what I'll also say. You guys are cool indie dudes. The standards are different for you. You can keep it funky. I am an old bitch from Gen 1 of the internet, of Twitter. cannot keep it funky. That's true. And it's a privilege that we exploit and take advantage of because if we don't, who will? Well, my sibling once said it perfectly. We talked about something that someone had said and not gotten in trouble for, and they were like, yet another privilege in a white man's privilege backpack. Look, I prefer a messenger bag or a rucksack to hold my privilege. A privilege rucksack. My shoulders kind of act up if I wear my... Sometimes I think, like, you know when people are like, if I were invisible for a day, what would I do? Like, what would I do? And I think, like, if I were an attractive, liberal, straight, white guy, what would I do? Like, what could I pull off? Where would you go to lunch? Oh, amazing question. By the way, hi, lovey. Do you mind that I talk? Here, I'll move so you can rest. Okay, my husband's having just a little rest right next to me, which is so nice. Where would I go? Okay, for lunch, I would be like, meet me at the Odeon, which I have an Odeon tattoo on my butt.

I think I did know that, and I think that that's totally cool because you grew up, that's your neighborhood local. It's the first place I ever went to eat food when I was born. God damn it. That's wild shit. That's wild. Thank you. I went on day seven of my life for brunch at the Odeon. That's the most Lena Dunham shit I ever heard in my fucking life. Yeah, dead ass. My parents probably drove through Chick-fil-A or some shit when I was in the car, you know? And I hear Chick-fil-A. Filet is delicious. I've never eaten it because by the time it came into my consciousness, I'd already heard it was homophobic. Yeah, I mean, look, I'm able to separate a man and his art in that case. I'm just kidding. I don't eat meat. I haven't eaten meat in like 20 years, so I haven't really. What? That's an interesting detail about you. What's going on with you, young lady? My dog, Ingrid, is having like a bit of a, I'm going to let her get up onto this bed. But, lovey, I'll be back. Guys, I want you to keep in all the cute things that I say to my husband so that the audience knows that I'm desirable. No problemo. Okay, thank you so much. But, okay, if I was a straight dude with, if I had your cultural imprint, I'd, like, tell all my friends to meet me at the Odeon. Okay. I'd have, like, a really loud conversation about my sex life that was somehow charming. And then I'd like go to APC and try some stuff on. And it all just fits somehow? Yeah, and it all just like sits on my body in a way that makes me feel so appealing. And then probably I would like head over to A24 and like green light a film about my lake house. And then I...

a woman who was intellectually superior to me, take her to King for dinner, sleep with her and never talk to her again. That sounds like the perfect day. Don't sleep on getting pulled over and getting out of a DUI easily. I don't know how to drive, but guess what? It wouldn't matter because I'd drive without a license. I'd make some gay men feel like I might be interested in them just to get their ketamine. I'll be right back with the baggie. Now you're talking directly about Jason in a way that I didn't know you could. Yeah, thank you. Also, you're showing off right now by drinking a fucking jug of water on this. A jug of water. This is an everyday thing that I do to keep my system intact. I did hear that you're supposed to drink half your body weight in ounces of water, but to know what that was, I would have to weigh myself, and I'm not willing. I'm not willing. I don't weigh myself either. Chris is also a non-weigher. I'm a feel guy. It's like when I play the bass guitar. I won't weigh. You're a feel guy. You don't weigh, but do you pull out the tape measure and do a wraparound? Mm-mm. I like to say I can tell if my pants are fitting, but I only wear stretch. pants so who knows i think we call that a life hack you know in the business the little games that we play to get through the day you know i know i know i should probably i think my trainer would probably like it if i got that serious but for some reason it just seems unhealthy to weigh yourself yeah like mentally unhealthy yeah it's it is i also think that a lot of people who have have had um brushes with addiction in their life can also have brushes with obsession and like addiction is very transferable And weighing yourself, for me, could enter into that. Like, I don't like to bring things into my life that I feel could lead me away from my purpose, which is remembering the mid-2000s with you guys. Yes, yes. I think that is true. And I also think that, I mean.

If it came down to it, taking 10 Oxycontin pills a day or weighing myself, I would still choose weighing myself, but I see what you mean. By the way, did you watch Dope Sick? No. I have a tough time. I tried to. No, no. I have a tough time watching anything, if I'm being honest with you. I think I'm so exhausted by the conversations around things. By the time I get around to watching it, I don't care anymore. I get that. I a hundred percent get that. But I love, I think I like Michael Keaton and I know that story, obviously. Well, the story is like, there was a lot in it that I didn't, I thought I knew the story. And then I was like, there's a lot of shit here that even I didn't know. And I'm pretty interested in the history of pills. Bit of a connoisseur. Yeah. My, my friend Danny strong wrote it and it's a beautifully written show and it's fascinating. And there's so much stuff in it. Just as a person who lived at the intersection of like chronic pain and. addiction. Opiates weren't my thing, but I spent a lot of time after surgery being treated with opiate medication. And I was like the amount that like whatever the Sacklers have influenced literally like the way that we are cared for in hospitals, it fucked me up. And also there's just like a lot of very graphic imagery of people sucking the coating off their oxys. Now, now, now you're getting me hard. I said I wasn't going to do this today. No, I think that, I mean, that's how I felt about, um, The Lady Gaga Bradley Cooper movie when he takes his boot off and smashes the pill backstage at the corporate event and snorts it. I was literally like, I am vibrating. That is exciting me so much. That's the coolest thing I've ever seen in American cinema. Look, we've all done corporates, right? That's like one time I was with one of my dogs and like they needed to get a treatment and they were like, okay, we're just going to like administer some Versed, which is like an intense. you know, an intense benzodiazepine type medication. And I was like, it's like what they give you before surgeries, but it's just like, it's like the straight into your arm heroin equivalent of Klonopin. And I was like staring at the dog in like insane jealousy. And I was like, these are the moments where you're like, I've beat it. It's out of my system. Like God willing.

I will be sober four years in April. I'm a proud member of this community. I feel very blessed. Thank you. But, like, I can't watch a dog be administered benzodiazepine. When you see Ingrid's eyes roll back in her head, you're like, I want a slice of that cake. Yeah, thank you for remembering. Ingrid's drooling again, and this time I like it. Yeah, I know. Ingrid's buying Velvet Underground 7 inches. On doggy Etsy. Ingrid's online shopping for scrunchies she doesn't need. No, there's a story about, I think it was a comedian that relapsed from dog Vicodin. Because it was in the house. I can't remember who it was. It was somebody pretty famous. And I was like, damn, that is a wild ass story. But this shit can get you where it gets you. It meets you where you are if you're not careful. That is so real important. You know, it gets you all over the place. And it's interesting. At first, I was like very, I've never been anxious about talking about anything publicly. But when I first got sober, I was scared about talking about it publicly because I was like, people are not going to think I'm a reliable woman. And then I was like, oh, people already talked about me like I was an actual psychotic monster. So me admitting I'm sober can only be helpful to some people and have absolutely no effect on the rest. So I just stuck with it. Did you do, did you do like a, was there like an interview where you talked about it or was it something that seeped out? It was like an accidental thing. I was doing Dax Shepard's armchair expert podcast and he said, God damn it. And it's like, guys. it always gets you where you least expect it. And for me, that was with Dax Shepard. At that point, I didn't realize Dax Shepard's record for like getting people to talk about deeply personal things. Cause for some reason, Hollywood seems to only feel safe with Dax Shepard, but you got Dax bitch. I got Dax so hard. And I remember texting my manager and being like, I accidentally said I was six months sober off Klonopin, but like, I think.

did it in a pretty subtle way and then like the podcast comes out and 20 minutes later it's like people magazine headline like lena dunham admits to pill dependency and i was like oh fuck i got daxed that being said it had to happen at some point and like i've talked about all my health issues in a public way and i feel like i it's only like being honest with people about the fact that i'm sober like only makes me like uh if it's helpful to someone that's great it only makes me like a better filmmaker and a smarter person to engage with. So there's no problem there. So, and also like, why are we comfortable talking about, I mean, there's so much that we're like, people sit on podcasts being like, today I was enjoying some Rose at seven 45 in the morning. So why can't you be like today? I was not doing drugs. No, I agree with you. I think it's a, I think it's more. I don't know if I ever, like, struggled with talking about it because I kind of am with you. I'm like, I don't know. This is just, like, this is what it is, you know? But it was really surprising to me how many people, like, said it was good to hear in a way that was, like, reassuring. You never know. Totally. And it's also one of those weird things where, like, getting sober, everyone feels like they're the only person who's ever had to do it. And they feel like they're the only person who is suffering in this way. And then we find out that. Like literally, it's almost like the amount of surprising sober people who have like, OK, that story about when the dog was being administered dog Xanax or whatever. I made a joke to my sober best friend. I was like, that looks delicious. And then I made a joke about having to throw up in the bathroom of a specific meeting downtown. And the woman was like, oh, the vet was like, oh, that's the grossest meeting. Amazing. That's really good. That's really good. It was so rad. And I was like, oh, okay, perfect. Like you literally were like perfect. That's really funny. That's really fucking funny. So, you know, so it's everywhere and it's positive. I also wanted to ask just because we were moving this podcast around a few times because you were in the final stages of something. And I just wanted to know personally what it was.

Oh, you're so sweet. So I made two movies this past year. It was a good year. I started a company. I got married, made two movies. And so I was finishing up the sound mix on this movie that I made in England called Catherine Calberti, which is a period piece, coming-of-age story about a young woman who lives in 1290. Great year. And it was a great year, and it's a movie. It was my favorite book when I was like eight, and so now I've turned it into a bit of a coming-of-age comedy. I like to say it's the first period piece about getting your period. I love an elevator pitch. Who's the leading lady, are you allowed to say? Oh, yeah. She's amazing. She's one of my favorite people in the world. Her name's Bella Ramsey. A lot of people know her because she was on Game of Thrones. She was like the young warlord who fucked with Jon Snow in the final season. She's an amazing actor and a total genius. And she is the lead. And then her parents are played by Andrew Scott and Billy Piper, who are two amazing actors, UK-based icons. Wicked. And we have a really great cast. And then I also made a movie that's going to be at Sundance in a month called Sharpstick, which is like more of a... uh, kind of indie sexual. My dad called it a sexual fable, which I thought was pretty good. Okay. I'm, I'm going with that. Um, but it's like, it's a more modern, I think it's like a little bit more what, I mean, I like to think it as unexpected things, but it's a little bit more on brand for me than, than a 1290 period piece. Who's in it. The stars of it are amazing. So the lead is a girl named Christine Froseth, who's amazing, and then my friend Taylor Page, who was Zola in Zola, who's one of the great actors of our time. Jennifer Jason Leigh, an indie icon who could join the Lea Seydoux Chloe Sevigny club. It's called the Mount Crismore, is what we call that. Mount Crismore!

And not because it's a mountain, because he wants to mount all of these ladies. Yes, got it. So that'll keep Jennifer Jason Leigh out of it. But she's incredible. And then my friend John Bernthal, who I mentioned is the one who is actually as cool as he seems. Scott Speedman. Oh, wow. That's my friend's neighbor. I see Speedman all the time with the dogs. Speedman's the fucking coolest. And for me, it was a big moment because I was very Felicity-obsessed youth, and Speedman was a big deal to me. And the first time I ever went to Sundance was to go to had a short film in the neighboring festival, Slamdance. And I was keeping a list of all the celebrities I saw in an envelope. And the first one I saw and the most important one to me was Speedman. Speedman. Speedman also looks incredible. You don't even know. He's in peace. It's crazy. He looks amazing. He is amazing. He's kind. And now I'm going back to Sundance with Speedman in tow. So that full circle moment for me is huge. What a story arc. ask a question you guys and maybe you want to put this at the beginning of the podcast because I'm scared people won't know do you think that in talking you guys I developed a kind of like sometimes I worry that because I was an unpopular child that when I talk to people I like take on their mannerisms a little bit in an attempt to be seen and I'm worried that in talking you guys I did like a kind of um like sup my men what are we doing today like I had a little bit of like a bro speak sup Sup, my men, is something that no one has ever said, so I can safely say you didn't do that. I don't think you have to worry about that. I think it was maybe just you've been in the English countryside. You've been very sort of... Oystered. In this very little... Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've been in this little world, and a big part of your earlier life was going around in your 20s in New York around a bunch of dudes like us. Yeah. Whether you think it's ridiculous or not, it's also... kind of comforting and maybe you missed talking sup my man honestly you just said something really real and i don't think it's ridiculous i think it's like exactly correct and i still have a couple of sup my men friends left and and i feel super safe with them like like the couple of of nyc gents who are important to my life are very important to my life but yes i think i

I got a little overexcited and I turned into 22-year-old Sup My Man Lena. I think that's a side the world needs to hear maybe. It had to come out. Okay. You forgot just how fun Sup My Man could be, right? That's actually 100% correct. And it was an interesting balance because I was trying not to do the thing I used to do. Like I think a lot of the reason I sometimes said things in my 20s that were like in any way scandalous was I just was like trying to join the party. but I'm not quite great at it. And so I was trying to set my men, you guys, while also not taking it too far. And it was a hard balance to strike, but I hope we got there. We got there. Oh, 1,000%. Well, actually, lastly, maybe this is because I can kind of relate to that, but sometimes I'll take it a step further where if I'm being interviewed or I'm on somebody else's podcast and they have a specific lingo and a way they talk to each other. Not only will I try to adopt and adapt to that, but I will try to out lingo them at their own game just as some type of, you know, whatever. Yeah, no, I think I did a little bit of that, too. And, like, you guys were really nice about it. I have to say you were really nice about it. Oh, well, we welcomed you. And we were very glad that you took the time to speak with us. So it's not the kind of thing where you guys will get off the podcast and be like. This stinky fucking bitch. That's what you're not going to do. We didn't get Dunham'd. It feels like this was a nice reciprocal podcast relationship while it lasted. We've been fans for a long time. Girls is an amazing show and I love watching it. You guys are sweet. I wasn't trying to make you do that. You're sweet. That's why we tried to get you on the podcast. I really like the podcast. I think you guys are really striking a balance that the world needs right now. And I hope that some straight men can take your lead. And I hope that a story like the Chris Noth one doesn't come out about either of you tomorrow. That's what I hope. Or Jeff Garland saying the word vagina on set so much that he had to resign from his own show. Larry David is next. That's what I predict. I mean, well, my thing is just that, like, I

I want to be able to continue to support you. So watch it. Okay, thank you. That's good advice from a Hollywood old-timer. Now it's serious. Before, I was just trying to keep my nose clean from my personal life and my family's, but with Lena. Yeah, with me relying on you. I think, yeah, before you were just trying to live an ethical life so you could die feeling happy about yourself. But now, but now. But now you're trying to maintain a podcast friendship with me. So the stakes have been raised. I'm not a religious guy, but now Lena is my God. Thank you so much. By the way, where are both of you? Who's in L.A.? I'm in Glendale, baby. You're in Glendale. We're in L.A. I'm in Beachwood. I'm in L.A. right now. Oh, Beachwood, yes. Are you at Pache regularly? No, I'm not at Pache regularly. No, I'm not. But thank you for asking. But you're close to Pache, right? Yeah. I don't really go. I don't know. I'm a West Hollywood guy. I go down, not up. So I lived in West Hollywood for six years. I'm glad we got a clean take of that. I go down, not up. I lived in West Hollywood for six years, and that was my spot. And I loved the fact that. I lived in like a cute cloistered area, but if I went one block away, it was like people who had, you know, wandered too far from One Oak and were fucked up. Yeah, that's what I like to be around as well. That's kind of my... And frankly, like if I'm in LA, what I want to be eating and drinking is like a not great smoothie from a place that also gives vitamin injections. We love Earth Bar on this podcast as well. Okay, thank you for knowing. Thank you for understanding that. I love Earth Bar. We love Earth Bar. Every time I've ever run into someone that I don't want to see, it's because we both can't stop going to Earth Bar. I can't quit you. That's your actual dealer. Well, the next time you're in LA, we simply must dine.

I would love that. What a cute way of putting it. You said you had one last question. What was it? One of my favorite parts about Girls is the sort of smash cut to black credits where the song that's playing that's perfectly prescribed for that exact moment drops right as the credits go black. Oh, wow. thank you because we were always i just dropped a kombucha top under my table and i don't know why i'm trying to reach it when i don't need to right now because you're going to lose its effervescence but this is more important yeah so yeah i thank you for feeling that way it was always important to have a song that made us feel you know um taken care of and like like we're in good emotional hands and but i i try to do the same thing with this podcast every episode there'll be a song that's sort of related to what we were talking about or the guests or whatever and have it drop right when the conversation is over so if if you were to pick a song for this episode what would it be why don't we go you're so vain by carly simon only because i feel like that was the song she wrote about her yes my man friends her sup my man friends since i'm a sup my man i always thought that song was about a woman but no you're so vain is like about like some people say it's about david bowie some people say it's about mc jagger some people say it's about jackson bratt like people are always saying but it's like carly simon was like a chill girl hanging with these bros and like one of them was really vain and thought the song was about him and so i feel like Now that we've established that we're all meeting up at Kate's Joint for you to maybe hook up with my friends, let's put that on. Beautiful. That's perfect. All right, we did it. Thank you, Lena. It was a pleasure. Have a great holiday. Enjoy upstate. A pleasure and honor. I hope you look forward to the email from my manager asking you to cut several things. Just kidding. We love it. We'll talk to you soon. Okay, bye dudes. Bye. Bye my men.

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