339. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts. or watch on YouTube. All right, I just finished my apple slice. Cosmic Crisp, if you wanted to check the tags. I thought you just called me Cosmic Crisp, and I'm like, that's not really my kind of stilo. Ain't a damn thing cosmic about your ass. No, that's right. How long gone? Another Sunday in slightly overcast Glendale. I'm not happy about that, Jason. We've got a couple more days of gloom before it hit 90. We'll be in Toronto, though, you know? I know. Toronto weather's looking pretty good. Oh? Oh, yeah. 65, a little bit of sun peeking out onto Ossington there. After how much it dumped in winter, I'll take that. You know, I talked to my cousin in Saskatoon. They're still dealing with it. They're kind of... It's tough out there, eh? We should send over some tuna and canned, some canned tunas to them. Yeah, so we'll be in Toronto on Friday for our live show on the 13th. I think there's a couple more tickets left if you want. We have some merchandise. You know, we might have to leak the special Toronto merchandise early this week because it's going to only be available at the show, and we need to let the haters know. If they were teetering on whether or not they should buy a ticket to see us, will this T-shirt? Well, it's more like if you live in Vancouver and you've got an extra $1,000 for the WestJet. Are you going to take it now to spend another $40 on the T-shirt? $25 for the ticket. It's Canadian dollars, of course. Oh, okay. Thank God. I was kind of running the numbers in my head. Actually, we're going to have to mark up our stuff. Oh, yeah? A little more. I mean, the dollar, it's not great. We can move the wording around.

Fees may apply, stuff like that. Keep it vague. I can fast talk like I just did for the Nissan ad to talk about our own merch. Well, the customs correspondent, that's 17%, I think. And that's net, not gross. That's right. If you just say enough of those words, people don't care. Just hand it over. And the problem is, though, actually, we're going to have to figure this out. They don't have Venmo in Canada. Oh, fuck. Cash only? Looks like it, eh? We're going to have to get a... A bin for our toonies? I'm going to get a fishbowl for people to drop change in. Actually, I don't know what to do. It might be cash only. Maybe the venue has payment capabilities. I'm not letting a venue anywhere near my merchandise. They're like, oh yeah, we use Salesforce. Yeah, we accept Visa's here, yeah. Visa's? We accept Visa as well as TD Bank. Canadian Express? I told you when I went to... uh, Halifax for the first time. They were literally like, Oh, you want to pay with a visa? And I was like, what? I like didn't know what they were talking about. Yeah. It was amazing. Beautiful place. It really is. It's like pretty breathtaking. Oh, I'm sure it's really something. It's like San Francisco without heroin. You know, it's like on the water, but it's beautiful. Okay. Well anyway, but yeah, we'll be in Toronto. There's going to be an after party at Tammy's as well. We're DJ them jeans on the fucking ones and twos. Who Tammy? I don't know who Tammy is. Whenever I'm DJing – I'm sure it's a real person. Whenever I'm DJing nowadays, I'm like, all right. Some people want to advance, and they have like five billion questions about this and loading. Everybody has too many questions. I know you don't care about us and you think we're lame, but look at the fucking thing. It's two guys with microphones. Why do we need to be there at 5 o'clock when the doors are 8 o'clock? We don't need to be there at all. We need to be there – if we go on stage at 9 o'clock, we need to be there at 8.50. We don't need to besmirch our wonderful promoters who are bringing us out internationally. I was more talking about... We're doing them a favor. I'm saying I need more info for my personal DJ sets. I try to keep it as easy as possible. I'm like, what time do I start? What kind of music do I play? Those are the only two questions I have. Okay, well, I'll tell you right now. 4 a.m. jungle. That's it. Let's just go ahead and work with that. But that's wrong. I don't know if it's wrong.

I get so frustrated. My vigilant, whatever, hyperactive, pragmatic brain, I'm just like, here are two questions that have definitive, objective answers. That's right. And then there's never a response where those questions are just answered and then that's it. It's always just like, yeah, it's all good, whatever. Whatever you want to do, bud. And I'm like... Well, they want to leave it up to the artist himself. I understand that, but I also understand why it's frustrating. Yeah, I mean, just help me help you. So, all right. I know in Canada there's a band called Arcade Fire that's pretty popular. Okay. Just run it back. That's a good start. Just play the catalog kind of. Play Arcade Fire. I think you should skip around so you can still do the knob stuff, but just kind of play it. Don't do it sequentially. We do an hour of Arcade Fire, an hour of Feist, and then a quick Bieber Drake 30-minute. How much am I being paid for this? I don't know. I haven't gotten into that yet. What? This is more of a team building exercise. Whose team? Our team. It ain't building shit. Yeah, we have to build with our international audiences. I need you to touch flesh with some of the international audiences. I can do that without working. I can sit in a club in a bottle service booth. If you consider DJing for an hour while you're drunk and somebody hopefully offers you some of that nice, pure... Toronto White. They have good Coke in Toronto? I've never done any, but I'm sure it exists. Oh, yeah. You've never done any? No, no. I mean, I've never done any good Coke in Toronto. Got it. I've done a lot of it. I've never done any good Coke. It probably exists, though. A lot of snow, not a lot of pow-pow for my snowboarders out there. Exactly. Okay. Yeah, I mean, the DJing, you're not paying me for my hour of work. You're paying me for my 10 years of experience. Exactly, all the experience you have. It's a little bit of that, number one. And number two, it's like the songs, I don't just go into the DJ booth and someone hands me a USB stick with all my favorite music.

ready to go, organized, and all that stuff. That stuff takes hours of time. Are you looking for sympathy for being a part-time DJ right now? I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm looking for dollars. I'm just saying because it's easy to go in and be like, hey, let me get more tequila, and I'm going to play young dro music. That part is the easy part. organizing the playlist, downloading music. Luckily, we have a six-hour flight from LAX to YYZ. How's the Wi-Fi for downloading FLAC files and waves? I thought you probably had most of the FLAC files you were looking for. We're not really looking for... We don't expect you to give us the most up-to-date set. That's not really your thing anymore. You know what I mean? Oh, interesting. Price going up now, bitch. Price going up now. No, I don't want your indie sleaze set. I want somewhere in between. We'll discuss. We'll discuss our... I mean, because as my broker, you know that as my agent, the more I get, the more you get. You understand how commission works, right? I understand how commission works. Because I want you to be rewarded for your work just the way I am. But the last time I did this in Chicago, I never received that commission. Okay, well, I didn't receive an invoice. Oh, okay. I didn't know it was like that kind of. Do you think that's how it works? Uncle Sam's always watching. I don't think with the amount of money. Especially with Canadian stuff. I don't think with the amount of money that you're making, Uncle Sam's watching that hard. Okay, well, let's say instead of an invoice, we don't have to fire up our Google Docs. That's right. Just a Venmo request. That's kind of like an invoice when you think about it, isn't it? It's an invoice amongst friends. Your family has to eat. Those apples aren't cheap. I don't want to take money out of your mouth. It's no sweat off my back. The apples are stolen, let's be honest. Well, they were rung up as a far less expensive apple. Of course. In fact, it was the most expensive apple. Of course. No, that's a nice sleight of hand. Oh, and it's so yummy, too. They look great. No, we'll sort this out. But anyway, we'll see you guys. My only point is...

You book my travel. I want to reward you for this work. I know that you like to do all that stuff. Oh, I love it. Yeah. But I'm saying I can't sleep at night without knowing that you get your 5%. That's right. Well, if I'm only getting 5%, I also can't sleep at night. I'm more of a 20% guy. Well, that 5% will turn into a 50%. If those zeros keep going up, Chris. I know, but Jason, the problem is that you're not really helping me create a demand for your talents. Look, I booked myself a Golden Voice. Golden Voice, check it out. It's just like Heaven Festival. Low ticket alert. It's coming up in Los Angeles. And also, the good people at Golden Voice were so nice enough to give me an extended guest list. My guest list at this fucking... The music festival has more spots on it than my fucking wedding. The guest list, Jason, was given by the good people of Golden Voice is impressively long. So this is my call to action to my listeners. I want to give back to you guys just the way I want to give back to Chris for all of his travel booking and hotels and spreadsheets. Here's your confirmation number, whatever it is. Yeah, that's right. So if you are a friend of mine and you personally know me, like not just a long shot person, or of course you're a cool or hot person, send me a text, send me a message, and there's a good chance I'll put you on the guest list. Text only. Message, that opens it up. If you have Jason's phone number, you can text him and you can go see Block Party in a Dust Bowl at 3 a.m. That's the deal I'm making. No other kind of messaging is allowed. No, that's why I said if you're a close friend of mine and you know me enough to text me, send me a text, unless... you're cool and hot. Yeah. Okay. Well, let's see what happens. And then you have to know how cool and hot you are to shoot your shot. And also, if you're DMing a 40-year-old guy to get on a guest list for a festival of throwback music, you're probably not going to be that cool and hot. That's a great point. I mean, I'm very interested to see what the crowd is like, but I also know the crowd at every music festival is bad because it's big. Stagecoach is like the most interesting one now.

I actually overheard this woman talking about how hungover she was from Stagecoach, and I was like – Where did you hear this going down? I can't remember. It was at a restaurant. Was it at the bungalows again? You're always there. No, it was at a squalette. I looked over, and I was like, you do look like Stagecoach material. But I think of Stagecoach as like the whitest thing in the world, but I don't think it is. No, they have some of the guys. Does Nelly perform with Florida Georgia Line? Oh, I thought you meant the crowd. I do mean the crowd, but I mean, it's just that kind of music to me is only like 40 plus whites and flip flops. Yeah, no shit. But I don't think it actually is, is my point. Well, I mean, obviously it's not 100.0%. I think it would surprise us what the numbers actually were, is what I mean. I don't think it will surprise us. I think anything more than 1%. will be a surprise. Okay. We'll talk to our friends at Golden Voice about this. Golden Voice, if you could send over just a racial breakdown of your festivals, all of them, not just stagecoats. This isn't an audit or anything. This is just for us to know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just so I can help market your brand better to my demographic. We don't care either way. I mean, it's kind of up to you guys. Yeah, this is your thing. You can't choose your audience, as I always say. You can't choose your audience. Is that what you always say? I do say that. I didn't know that. Yeah, you can't choose your audience. So you make something, and it's cool, and then bozos start liking it, but they're spending money. You've got to love the bozos. That kind of counteracts your whole ethos and everything you say. I don't mean I want to hang out with them, but I want to take their money. That's two different things. I think that you can create your audience. You absolutely cannot. If something is good and it gets too popular, then the audience immediately is bad. But there's a scale at the top of once you reach the level, there's like... you know, like the top 10 pop stars, whatever, like the most lucrative recording artists right now, there is a spectrum of your audience is cool and your audience is not cool. If there's 10,000 people at something, 9,950 of those people are going to be lame. And the 50 people that have a laminate or a sticky on their leather jacket are the only ones that you want to associate with. But they're not spending a dollar to be there. Okay, this is interesting. So you said at the 10,000,

person mark that's where that goes down i don't that was just a general i know i know i know that was a general thing but let's what is that actual mark like once the once the concert is over a thousand people is that where it begins oh i think it can begin sooner than that unfortunately but yes i i say a thousand is a good start we start to see a nice divide a room of 200 people if you're like a niche thing it's like everybody's gonna be pretty cool you get to a thousand it's like oh yeah this guy yeah he works overnights at urban You know what I mean? That's it. And that's a person in the cool department. Cooler. Yeah. I mean, I don't, I don't, I'm not, this is a theory that obviously a working theory, but yeah, we're building the track as the train, but it's like anything else. Even when you're, we're, we're backstage at Coachella and I'm like, Oh, most of these people are fucking bozos. And the only time the crowd was good backstage at Coachella is like, The five actors watching Phoebe Bridgers was like, that's as cool as it's going to get. You know what I mean? The entire Apatow family watching Phoebe Bridgers is cooler than the 50 VIPs in the dance tent. Oh, Chris, come on. Don't come for AAPI artists. No, no, I'm not coming for any AAPI artists. I'm just saying like the dance tent were like 50 year old guys and in like. You know. Balenciaga. Balenciaga oversized t-shirts. Shout out to my friends at Balenciaga. You guys rock. We love the Balenci family. And, you know, it's just like this guy's smoking cigs on Mali and the sun just went down. There's bad everywhere. No, of course. None of it's good. And it doesn't matter. You've got to sell your tics, baby. And it's not global electronic music versus white music. No, no, no. It's everybody. Everybody is at risk here. Everybody's at risk. Okay, Fauci. If you do, yeah, exactly. No. I saw a picture today of Fauci posing with Don Lemon, and he's wearing a turtleneck with a suit. Okay. I'm like, this guy's hamming it up, man. So he looked like Jack Harlow's grandpa? Jack! Yeah, he went to – it was Fauci, Jack Harlow, Drake, and Drewski at the Kentucky Derby yesterday. Okay. Did you see the pictures of the Kentucky Derby?

This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, so do our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world, writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could, you know, have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools so those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable. And they're just easy, but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts.

Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcast. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. I saw some of the pictures at the Kentucky Derby. I don't think it's doing any favors for Jack Harlow's career. The people at the Kentucky Derby, the fact that that turned into Drake, Jack Harlow, and Drewski standing over a crowd just getting – like people were just – they weren't doing anything. They were just standing somewhere, and the whole crowd could see them, and people were just losing their fucking minds. And, of course, Bia had to DJ as well. You already know that.

So the Kentucky Derby is not cool, guys. But F1 is the same thing. It's like F1 now. There's an event in Miami, and everybody's there to turn up. Everybody's getting paid by fucking sponsors to DJ. But I guess at least it's like fast cars. It's not horses. Yeah, but horses is perhaps more sporting. Well, you can also bet on it. Yeah, yeah. And as we know, Drake has been promoting stake.com. He's worse than fucking Jake Paul and Steve Aoki with Pokemon cards, man. Somebody was like, bro, do we need to realize Drake just has a gambling problem? He doesn't, he don't need this. He has a gambling problem, but he justifies it by getting paid Sponcom. He's gambling, he's like betting on women's college basketball. Because he smashed the assistant coach. You know what I mean? He's really laying some money on the line. That reminds me of a friend of the show, Mikey, when he knew he was in too deep with the gambler's curse. When he was like, yeah, I knew I had to stop when I... I like put 300 down on like women's college hockey. Like it's not even televised. He's like, I didn't even watch the game. Didn't even know. I had to blindly bet on this. I only found out the results the next day on ESPN five. Yeah, man. I mean, a tip, you get a tip, you get a tip. I'm still a little upset that we weren't invited to the Kentucky Derby. I think the Kentucky Derby, I mean, I don't want to go, but I want to be invited. I would like to see, I mean, Because the Kentucky Derby of, you know, I haven't paid attention to the Kentucky Derby since I was like 12 and it was just on TV, you know. But it has a reputation for being a stuffy, kind of waspy, yuppie, white people. But also, yes. Mint juleps and hats. It's that, but it's also people are partying. So I think that's maybe part of the reason this crossover. Gambling and partying are things that someone like a... platinum-selling recording artist Jack Harlow would enjoy. But how do you think the core audience and demographic feels about it being overrun by teen rappers? Oh, they're fine with Jack Harlow because he's white. Drewski, they're not okay with. Okay, so they're okay with Drake because they know him, because he's famous. They're okay with Jack Harlow, but Swizzy and Drewski, they're getting a little bit of a... Swizzy maybe because he's married to Alicia Keys, and Alicia Keys is popular with white women. Okay, but how do they feel about Boy Wanda?

I didn't know Boy Wonder got the invite. He may have got the invite. Well, one thing that was very bad that I saw involving that was Jack Harlow being carried. Did you see this? Yeah, he didn't want to get his shoes dirty. He didn't want to get his shoes dirty. His shoes that looked like he got them at a Barney's Warehouse sale. It's not even like he was wearing the fire new Matt Williams Givenchy sneakers or anything. I want to know how you're a white rapper because every day you wake up and you're like, oh, fuck, I'm a white rapper. It's incredibly... Bro, he's the most certified white rapper since Eminem. Yeah, sure. I think. Yeah, and speaking of sports, it's like winning the Special Olympics. No, I agree with you, but I think that the... Have you listened to the Jack Harlow album? Just dropped on Friday. Fuck no. The Drake song is also called... It has something to do with horse racing. Oh, God. I bet it's sponsored by one of his fucking... Steak.com gambling in Tangeray. Damn it. But so there's a video. So you wake up. You're like, all right, I'm a white rapper. I am the number one album in the country right now. You know, talking like a black person for a living. But see, that's the thing. And then I'm like, let's go to the Kentucky Derby. And then I'm going to make a handful of black people carry the one white person there so his shoes don't get dirty. And nobody is like, Jack, the optics of this are. Beyond awful. Optics don't matter. You're the only person that noticed that. Because that's his security guards. He pays them to do whatever he tells them. Go look on black Twitter. Oh, are they not happy about it? No. I mean, it literally looks like the Egyptian times. No, you're right. You're right. The peasant slaves are carrying. It looks like what I'm going to make you do for my 40th birthday when you carry me out on the Chaz lounge. It's like the Chappelle bit where. Where Prince makes his security guard carry him around like a baby because he doesn't want to... No, it's not great, but I feel like Jack Harlow is kind of untouchable for the near future. Yeah, I mean, black people weren't listening to Jack Harlow to begin with anyway. No, that's absolutely not true. They shouldn't be. Especially after there's a video of him being carried by black people because he doesn't want to get his shoes dirty. Jack Harlow, like it or not, is a superstar. Everybody's listening to him.

He is a superstar. He is talented. He is charismatic, but he has TikToker hair and he's a white rapper. It's never going to go across the line from me. Oh, no, no. I'm with you. I mean, I listened to the Drake song. I'm like, oh, yeah, this isn't bad, but I never need to listen to this again. But the hits are, I mean, the hit hit is like a hit. It's music for people who really want to say the N-word, but then they have to say, like, what is it? There's always like, you're my... Not Ninja. No, it's not Ninja. Which I was listening to Die Antwoord yesterday, and they were talking about... Are you good, Chief? No, Carolyn made me listen to it. Because we were talking about Rosalia, and she was like, a lot of it reminds me of Die Antwoord, and I was like, fuck you, that's the worst music of all time. Is that accurate? One could make an argument that it was. I don't want to listen to either of them, so you can hold that. Well, you could make an argument, but the music of Die Antwoord did not age well. But it was like, all right, you're a white guy. who is like a rapper and you are from Africa and you're like calling yourself a ninja. And it's kind of like you can just tell the essence, the aura of like these people want to say the N-word and be a part of it so bad. And they, instead of their brain being like, no, don't do that, that's wrong. They find a workaround. They try to find a workaround. I don't, I've totally forgotten about Diane Ward. I believe that was a Vice Records. The music aged so terribly. I mean, everything about that was awful. It sounds like LMFAO. But didn't it come out? Wasn't it like a joke? Kind of. It wasn't like a full joke, but it was like a pandemic. It was more of a video artist that happened to make music as well. They were more of a visual thing. There's that one guy, I forgot his name, who hangs out with Diplo. He has the bowl haircut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like that. Yeah, where you're like, okay, this isn't real music. Were they actually a couple? I don't fucking know. I think they got canceled for finally being racist. They did. Fuck those guys. Yeah, fuck Diane Ward. We can agree on that. I saw that Chappelle brought his attacker out on stage at an intimate stand-up show. He's in jail. No. He had the police bring them. Bro.

I hate, like, don't, first of all, now you're friends with the cops. I'm about to eat my apple. Now you're friends with the cops. The cops, it's so bad for the police to be like, oh yeah, for Dave, anything. Yeah, that's insane, dude. Well, speaking of the cops and Dave, the attacker had a deadly weapon and the intent to kill, which is a felony. Yeah. And they never, the sheriff never gave him a felony. They just gave him misdemeanor for like trespassing and shit. This is feeling a little. So he didn't really have jail time. Something about this is feeling a little funny to me. Yeah, no shit. So apparently like the next day or like two days after he had like a small gig at the store or the improv or whatever. And I think he organized. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard about this. Have somebody produce his attacker on stage so you can ask him why he did it. This is why – and Chris Rock – they're so not funny. It's so corny. I don't understand how people like this. Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle are funny. No, Chris Rock came out and did the same shit, like making some more Will Smith jokes. It's like it's not funny anymore. It's over, dude. Keep it moving. Hey, man. I mean Chappelle said like, hey, at least you got slapped in the face on stage. Or at least you got attacked on stage by – You know, one of the most famous people in the world. That's not funny. It's not funny. I got attacked on stage by a homeless guy with leaves in his hair. That's not funny. It's just not funny. It's a decent premise we can build off of. I mean, it's just, these guys aren't funny. It's like, this is not, I mean, I think that. But I don't think he brought them up for a funny thing. He brought them up for like. Which is even worse. A moment of real. Even worse. Why? Because comedians think they're fucking philosophers and they're not. I don't care what Dave Chappelle thinks about the world. He's a philosopher for sure. He thinks he is because he smokes 100 cigarettes and sits on a stool. In 2022, who would you consider to be a modern-day living philosopher if not Dave Chappelle? Guys that I don't know for good reason because they're too smart for me to know them. If you're a real philosopher, everyone knows you. Disagree. If you're a real philosopher, you're teaching somewhere. You ain't on Netflix talking about how you hate trans people. That ain't a philosopher's job.

Okay, that's fair. It's crazy to me that all of this stuff happens and no one's like, but wait, none of this is funny. That's the whole point. That's what these guys are supposed to be doing. Well, they're all at this show laughing their entire time. They're there for five hours laughing their heads off. The 50 white people that spent $100 on vodka sodas to hear Dave Chappelle make fun of them. I guess they had a good time. Or the 7,000 people at the Hollywood Bowl who paid $500 to see him. They all laughed their asses off the entire time. That's because if they don't laugh, then they didn't get their money's worth. That's a fairly interesting concept. You go into this wanting it to be good so badly that it has to be good or you're embarrassed. Because of the financial... Value proposition? I spent two Gs to take my chick, and I paid $40 for stacked parking to go see Dave Chappelle, who I fucking love, and I post about Instagram all the time. It can't not be good. If it's not good, then you look like an idiot. Okay. In your mind. You can say that about any live event that you attend. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Of course. I mean, I think that's true about anything. And it's also not necessarily a bad thing. No, but I think people are afraid to admit when something's bad if they were excited and paid for it. Most people, absolutely. 1,000%. I just don't think... It's the same reason why when the Stones play some of the new ones, everyone's just like, okay, we've got to sit through the new ones. No one's booing them. It's out of control how unfunny these people are. It's unbelievable how unfunny he is. I think Dave Chappelle's a funny guy. He hasn't been funny. The TV show is funny, that's about it. But I think that... All this stuff is making them so famous that they can't be funny anymore, to be honest. Well, it's become more difficult, for sure. Especially if you're an older head like that. Yeah. There's too many eyeballs. Yeah. I mean, it's interesting to see live performers being physically harmed or at risk of being physically harmed on stage. It's kind of exciting and interesting. Because I don't think any of these people are actually worried except...

like Rogan or Chappelle, like those, those guys could actually get killed. Yeah. Those guys are more worried than like a really famous musician with like a stalker, but they also have 10 security guards with fucking pistols. Yeah, no, for sure. But I think that like, I mean, yeah, I would love for, I would love for Rogan to get grappled at the store. I wish you would, bro. I mean, I can't decide who's the least funny. I don't even know. It's like a, it's a race to the bottom. Rogan is far from funny. If you ask me. I've never heard Rogan say a joke that made me laugh. I don't know if I've digested enough his material to even be able to say that. You know what I mean? That's right. That's right. So we were at a nice ceramic party this weekend. It was beautiful. I walked in and the edible had kicked in. I kind of had a me day on Friday. Oh. What does a me day look like for TJ besides spending two and a half hours in the box next to me? I was in the sauna. We're not in jail. It's a sauna. I was in the sauna. I was in the dunk tank. I did some fitness, and then I just kind of like – I'm just going to read, smoke some weed, just kind of lay around and relax, rest and recharge. So I was coming in to this party. In a different headspace. Your first interaction of the day, maybe, with other people? My first interaction of the day. And so I walked in. It's a beautiful house, you know, a private home setting. And it was a clothing brand that had a party in collaboration with a ceramicist. And I walked in the front door. And the very first thing that happened was there was like maybe 10 people in the main living room. And one of them, like a blonde woman, you know, attractive, seemed to be. who people were hovering around at the party and i walk in and she looks at me and gives me a little wave like a hey what's up and i was like oh shit i don't know who this fucking person is this is classic tj though well everyone everyone can relate to a situation like this where you got to be like hey yeah but you think maybe she was just greeting you because you were new in the space you know what i mean no no no it felt familiar

Yeah, so, like, when you walk into a party, especially my seven-foot-tall, ridiculous-looking self, everyone is like, like, they'll do a double-take, like, who is this guy? Why is he here? Do I need to hide my valuables? Whatever it might be. But this person was like, hey, and, like, gave me, like, a polite little wave and, like, a what's up, and I'm like, I guess I got to go over and say hi to this person because she greeted me in front of the whole party. So you couldn't slink off somewhere. You had to. Yeah, I mean, it would have been rude of me to go and get a baby carrot and an orange wine and just mince around. So all eyes were on me, so I had to approach the bench. And I'm like, well, I guess I have to. I mean, this is a thing I've done a thousand times in my life. This is one of your better skills. Try to figure out who this fucking person is who I don't remember for whatever reason. And I go over to her and I go in for kind of a side hug, which was met with a bit of a. Recoil? Recoil is a great word for it. And the recoil happened, and then she said, do I know you? And she said this loud enough for kind of the room to hear. So you're saying she greeted you in like a, you're walked into the house, I'm going to greet you. You took that as. I must know her. You went in for a familiar to millions type of side. No, it wasn't agree. It was a, it was like, Oh, Hey, what's up? And I, and I literally, I have my hand to God. I did the move where I looked behind me to make sure that she wasn't saying hi to somebody else. There was no one behind me. It was me. So you, so you, so I was like, there's this Shirley is somebody who, I don't know, like maybe my friend's girlfriend or whatever it is. I used to work with her cousin or I don't, It could be a fair thing that it's like, oh, you probably don't remember me, but I knew your brother. I worked at this restaurant, whatever. But then you were rebuffed. So I said, where am I side hug at? Which I didn't want to do, but I felt I had to because all eyes were on me at this party. I go in for the side hug. Do I know you? While recoiling. And then I said, it looked like you did. At that point, friend of the show, Sam Jane, was like,

I'm going to go now. And he left. He left. And then I had to run away. So how did it end? You just leaving? Yeah, I said, it looked like you did. And I said that kind of while, you know when you see like a TikTok where someone's doing like a thing, like a blah, blah, blah. I think they might do it with like romantic dramatizations of like Indian people. And Russians do it as well, where somebody will do a thing. A guy will walk by a girl and hand her a rose behind her back. And then the guy grabs the rose and puts it behind his back and then gives it to a different girl on the bench. And then it happens in slow motion, like Matrix style. Great stuff. That's exactly what I was like. Bitch, it looked like you did. And then I did a little Matrix thing out of there. You're like, one Stella in a bottle for me, please. And then for the next three hours at this party. she sort of had to keep an eye on me as if I was Dave Chappelle's attacker, ready to kind of, I don't know. Well, you are tall. You could get leaves in your hair pretty easily. So I was offended that not only did you give me, you started it, but now you're painting me as a predator that you have to worry about at this party. That's a very cool power move, though. It's a very cool power move. And then I go up to you, Chris, my friend, and tell you the... The CliffsNotes version of the story. I wanted to save it. You saved the 20-minute version for the podcast. Yes. And I tell you a very brief recountment of what happened. You go like, oh, that's the ceramicist. That's the person who this whole party is for. Who is very cool and I had a great convo with. So it sounds like this could be a TJ problem. No, I think by the end of the night, she kind of realized. That, you know, we should squash this. Look, I don't want to go to sleep mad, babe. And she would give me a polite smile in passing through a hallway or something like that. That's nice. Whereas I would sort of, you know, dump my old wine into one of her vases or find one of her cool brown cups to kind of put some of my waste in, you know. Is this for napkins?

I have the flosser toothpick stick. If I don't pull it out and put it somewhere, I'll just be... I love when TJ has an uncomfortable social interaction. As a man who thinks he is the lubricant in all situations, to see you put on your heels by a beautiful ceramicist is kind of poetic. It really is, man. And that hasn't happened to me in a while. That's just a day in the life. But it was humbling, you know what I mean? After that, the next time I go to a mild-mannered wine party, I'm going to have a whole new game plan. You're not coming in high off the rows thinking you're bad. I'm going to come in ready to go. I'll be on the offense. Hat in hand. Thank God. Yeah, thanks to everyone who got our Cowgirl t-shirt. We're going to make some more, I guess. No, it's not. Maybe not. No, it's not. I mean, we could, but why? Money? Jason, I don't do this for money, bro. I do this because it's about creativity and kind of putting great things onto the world. Thank you for creating that shirt. What the world needs more is stuff, and I think we can contribute to that. Okay. I mean, you don't create shit other than a transaction. So, you know, just do your job, Chris. Leave the left brain stuff to us lefties. Yeah, I'll make sure to do that since I kind of, yeah, of course, yeah. I'll make sure to do that. I'm going to hold my tongue now because this is a public forum. You know, we can discuss this. That's big of you. That's big of you. You know, this is about building you up, and today you're about tearing me down. So I like to see this kind of trade. Let's see if we can turn this thing around. I was talking to my life partner this morning, and she was saying that she was going to make chili for dinner. The worst food on the planet. It got me thinking, eating chili, to me that's not a meal. That is something in between an appetizer. It's not an appetizer. It's like I want to feel disgusting and run to the bathroom before I have a meal. I think that...

I think that your version of chili might need to be reassessed, but I don't disagree with you. Well, I mean, sorry that I recognize chili as a working man's kind of down home, lying in the stomach before a 12-pack kind of meal. Try this slice of corn bone. Don't do some dumbass L.A. chili. Is it going to have avocado in it? I'm just saying. Are you doing chili test? Spicy tuna crispy chili. No, I'm saying the number. Spicy tuna crispy chili. The number one item that sells, it's their flagship item. It's their double-double. At Neiman Marcus is a bowl of chili. So where does your working man blue-collar argument sit there? You know what? It's because everybody that goes to that restaurant is 80 years old. That's why. Don't come for the Vanderpump. Chili comes back around as you're very old. How do you know that? Because I just discovered it. It all makes sense to me. It all makes sense to me. Chili is for... Guys that do construction and olds. Okay, so it's the same way that. What are you putting in this chili? Okay, I'm sorry. There's so many. So the same way that when we're born into this world, we're wearing diapers. And when we are leaving this world, we're wearing diapers. That same. You had chili in your bottle? And once you hit the old folks home, you're requesting more chili, extra turkey for me. Can I get some crackers? We have the dawn and we have the dusk. That's right. The sun's in the same place. Is it going up or is it going down? Does it even matter? Does it matter? If the chili's good, it doesn't. You know what I mean? Chili is something you get at Wendy's if they're out of everything else. I don't understand eating chili by choice. It's crazy. The smell alone, the smell is disgusting. Well, a common misconception is the unhealthiness of chili. Oh, I think it's quite healthy, actually. But I think the chili lobby has done wonders for how it's usually a vegan product. It's just a clean protein with beans and vegetables and broth. I'm sure you're adding some meat to your chili, though. Turkey. We do turkey.

God, I got to get out of this house before the crock pot gets fired up. But what it had me thinking is soup as your meal is a female trait. 100%. Even chili, even a hearty soup or stew. Soup as a meal is hot chick stuff. 100%. And I want to know the psychology behind it. Well, unless it's French onion. Yeah, of course, of course, unless it's French onion. There has to be one other, like French onion or like a clam chowder. Clam chowder? What about a lobster bisque? Butter and cream with a little bit of lobster. But it does, I've never, me as a person, I've always like, soup is fine. I'll eat a little bit of soup, you know, like have a little tortilla soup before a meal, a little cup of clam chowder before I have my fish and chips. what you know soup as a meal is absolutely for hot chicks yeah there's no other so so not is it just a female trait but specifically for attractive that's right baddie baddies only baddies only because soup is a you know soup is it keeps you thin it's light so i guess i have to learn to love soup but chili look bro i'm never gonna i've had chili once in my life and i was like this is fucking disgusting to me it reminds me of the way that, like, the smell of it triggers me and the way that the smell of a Red Bull, I'm just like, if I smell a Red Bull on Tim's breath, I'm like, I'm in a gas station. Like, I'm instantly in a quick trip in the south, like, waiting in line behind a guy who I can see his ass crack and his truck is idling. I cannot separate those smells. And chili is the same thing. Chili, for whatever reason, the smell, I'm just instantly like, this is gross. Where does the chili smell transport you, metaphysically speaking? The south, but I can't pinpoint the location. Because my parents definitely ate it, but not like... Does it transport you to a poor person's backyard party? I've never been to one of those.

You've been to a couple of my rangers. Oh, you call those barbecues. You've been to a couple of my barbecues, quote unquote. I'm sorry. Yeah, I mean, I've been to a barbecue or two, but I don't think, I mean, chili over the open flame, you know, on some cowboy shit, kind of hot. Oh, that's, but I don't know if that's chili. That's like, I'm going to rustle up a pot of beans kind of thing. I think it could be both. Okay. Yeah, I mean, that is interesting about you. That's a good glimpse into the, you know, the. your mind that is constantly being held in a reverse arm bar or a rear naked choke because of the way that you associate different smells into traumatic situations that you've worked so hard to escape out of. They bring you back into hell. Honestly, I didn't like beans for a long time. Chris, are you crying? This is something I've had to work through. Damn, bro. I didn't want to get heavy on today. Beans is good, though. I didn't want to get heavy on today's podcast, Jason, but I'm glad that you kind of brought me out of my shell. Do you do beans in the burrito? You know, that's what I'm saying. Veggie burrito? Traditionally, I didn't at Elmira when I first started eating burritos or tortillas, the triple OG Atlanta spot. I wouldn't because I was like, I don't like these. And then, of course, I realized their benefits and what they do to the burrito. Unfortunately, it does kind of. fuck with the texture, the structure of the burrito, because if there's too much bean sauce, it can kind of seep through. What do you, bean sauce, you mean like if it's too much of a soupy bean? Yeah, if it's too much of a soupy bean, then it can kind of fuck up the structure of the tortilla and make it soggy, and it could even break. You want to... Now I'm the one that's crying. It can even break. So you want it to be like a cement-like schmear that keeps things together, like a hummus consistency perhaps. You know, something that I was raised on that I miss, actually, and this is another tortillas thing, which is, again, is this burrito place I went to. They had hummus there, and I would put hummus on the burrito. Okay. Well, how long gone?

Follow me on Instagram. No, but it was a thing everybody did because you could get hummus and chips and guacamole and chips. But because I wasn't having beans, it made sense. With beans, it doesn't make sense in my opinion. Well, here's the part that's going to blow your mind wide open. He throws the microphone. Chris, I'm sorry to tell you, hummus is beans. Bro. No. No. Fuck, bro. This is such a roller coaster for me. I'm having an existential crisis. So this is a classic case of a victim of branding and marketing. That's right. You have been sold something. I see. That you weren't aware of. The humble garbanzo is merely blended. Yeah, it's blended, pounded, mortar, pestled, whatever you want to do with some sesame seeds. But I think the flavor profile. What I'm saying is if I get a burrito with rice. tofu, broccoli, mushrooms, and then you add a little bit of hummus, that makes sense, flavor-wise. I agree. But I agree 100% that all those flavors go well together, but you can't call that a burrito. I agree. I was 12 years old. I didn't know what a burrito was. I would not try you as an adult in that situation. No, no, no. I get a regular burrito like a normal person now that has all the accoutrements of a burrito lifestyle. But I do find – I do, though, miss the structure of the no bean because the form would stay perfectly shaped. You wouldn't get it all over you. The back wouldn't blow out. You know what I mean? And it's that – You have flyaways, blowouts, all those things. Exactly, but I think that there needs to be – we have to fix that problem. Yeah, and I think it begins at home, honestly. Because I don't want burrito stuff on my hands. That's disgusting. It's going to happen. You don't do a bean and cheese burrito, right? No, I do have veggie burrito, but I prefer it to be. I mean, if I'm getting my preferred burrito. Dream burrito. Dream burrito. What it is. It's a black beans, rice, tofu, broccoli, mushrooms, a little bit of salsa fresca, a little bit of green salsa, a little bit of guacamole. Okay. Is the rice a seasoned Mexican rice or is it more like a white rice? It's like a white rice. Okay.

I mean, that's a white man's health food burrito, which is nothing to sleep on, nothing to snooze on, but you can't call it a burrito, especially me as a member of the Latinx community. Yeah, no, I understand that you only want the birra tacos these days. Birria! Actually, that reminds me of when I was getting my hair cut at the old barbershop. We were talking about... God, what were we talking about? I mentioned that I do have Mexican in me. So I was able to make... I've been reading too much gay lit for you to word it like that. Do you want some? And I refer to myself as like my Zodiac sign. I'm a cracker, beaner rising. Wow, that's nice. The barbershop had a hoot and a holler. I bet they did. That's some real barbershop humor that I'm kind of surprised you took to the airwaves, if I'm being honest with you. Did your haircut suffer or do you think it was better? I had to kind of hand hold. I understand. I had to keep a, I brought my own mirror so I could keep an eye on him through the other mirror. That's really, to show up at the barbershop with your own mirror and just be like, don't say anything and just hold it up. It's the same thing as filming the cops. Or you turn your phone camera on and you're just like, all right, yeah, you start whenever. That's your body cam to get a haircut. Don't fuck up the back, bro. I'm watching. If you film us, we'll film you, bro. I said no line. I said natural. Yeah, he'll be like, do you want – you don't want it to have like a DJ Khaled line. Like you want it to be a little more natural. They always ask me that too. I'm like, look at me, bro. I don't want that. I told you the time the guy went around my entire head with the straight razor. Oh, yeah, that's right. And I was like, honestly, this looks pretty sick. Like I'm pretty impressed. Like at the skill level? Like when you drive by a house that has a perfectly manicured hedge, and you're like, that's not my style, but I can appreciate the craftsmanship. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, how much Latinx, did we find out the percentage? Yeah, it's like. How low is it? No, it's pretty high. It was like around 30-something percent. Yeah. And I got Native American in me as well, a pretty decent amount, like around 10 or so, 10 or 12.

permanently tanned kind of olive skin was merely from doing a lot of yard work. You're saying it's genetic. Yeah, well, I guess. I mean, I've always had an olive complexion, but like the olives that you get at Walmart, you know? That's right. Not rich in color and nutrients. That's right. You're not a Flamingo Estate olive. You know when you see one of those gray olives from Flamingo Estate? They've been sitting on your porch all day, sweating. Artichoke looked like the fucking shit that gets stuck in the drain. You know when your chick makes you clean out the shower drain? You pull it up. And you're like, what the? What in the? This ain't. Look like one of those flamingo artichokes. You open up the flamingo box and the artichoke is just doing this. Kill me. The artichoke be stressed out. The artichoke said, put me in water. You know when you come. Fellas, you know when you come home. and your child or your pet accidentally got a plastic bag stuck over the head and they suffocate, that's what the artichoke looks like. Why does the side of the cardboard box have scratch marks? Artichoke trying to escape for life? Artichoke wanted out. Artichoke said, I'm not going out like this. I'd rather die dry on my feet than live on my knees. That's what it is, right? Yeah, that's right. Oh, God. That's right. Yeah. That's exactly right, Jason. That's exactly right. Yes. Who knew that, you know, in 2022, I would be in my 40s and making fun of farmer's market boxes. Look, man. And it gave money for it. The thing is, I'll make fun of anything. That's the problem. Yeah. Not many people can do stuff like that. Speaking of 5eo4in, our last episode of this podcast, what a guy. What a great episode if you're listening to this for the first time because you're a newfound member of the New York Drill community. If you found us on Reddit slash Brooklyn Drill, that's, you know. If you came to us from Rap TV, if you came to us from HotNewHipHop.com, Southern Smoke, Rap Caviar, Rap Radar, The Breakfast Show. Shout out to my dog, Elliot Wilson. You already know. I don't even know who that is. He's Rap Radar Podcast. Oh, okay. He's not actually my dog, but.

Elliot Wilson? He did the Future GQ interview as well. Okay, great. He's a journalist. Yeah, I was going to say, he didn't sound like a rapper to me. Wait, wait, is he an R&B singer? He doesn't sound like a damn pediatrician. What about Fivia? All that pill talk, man. People were responding very well. Friends, commenters. I bet they were. Of just like, that was... I don't know. They resonated. The honesty of which he spoke about pills. Yes, yes, yes. The honesty of which he spoke about pills. And our friend in the show, Decatur Dan, was like, it was just so cool to hear TJ say, all this perky talk got my stomach growling. And then Five Yo is like, me too. I too want to do a Percocet right now. And it's just nice to hear. Just people being real about it, of like, I'm doing pills. I'm doing okay. I'm keeping it manageable. It's something that I've got to keep my eye on. Especially from someone like that, who I think we're... It's nice to see somebody have a healthy relationship with the things that they speak about, because you always see tentations and tekashis of the world. We're also hardwired to think like... these guys are so braggadocious. You know what I mean? They're just dick out. You know what I mean? But him being like, yeah, I was hitting a little too hard. I was going a little too crazy. I had to walk it back. That type of honesty and realness was very refreshing to me because in the rap world or any type of world of that celebrity musician thing... You know, a comedian will go up on stage with a cocktail, but it's just a water or like rappers will talk about guns and drugs, but they actually, you know, like Juicy J doesn't even smoke weed and Hollywood smoker. So, yeah, Hollywood smoker. Exactly. So in that world, it's either. You talk about it all the time and do none of it because you're a Hollywood smoker, studio wankster. You ain't really certified in the fucking streets. That's right. You're just an entertainer. Or the converse is just like, oh, I drank three bottles of cough syrup today, half a bottle of 1942. My weed holder had to change my underwear again because I did soil myself. I soiled the Calvin Klein Palace joints again. Yeah.

So it's always that spectrum. So he's like landing in between. He's like, yeah, I drink a little champagne and have a Percocet and I do my work. I go to bed. I take care of my family. And that's so realistic because I think most people in the world have that healthy-ish relationship with it. But it also had me thinking of, you know that thing when somebody who has an addiction to a pill, perhaps, I don't know. No, I wouldn't. I'm not using you as an example, but let's say you had a back injury, you had back surgery, and they're like, all right, we know you can't have pills, but we're going to give this bottle of painkillers to your girlfriend, to your boyfriend, to your husband, to your wife, to your older brother, and that person will... I'm going to hide it. Be responsible for it. And then I'm going to keep an eye on it so you can't abuse it. And I've always wondered, like, is that – like, I want to be that person. Which one? I want to be the doler-outer. Yeah, because it's two for me, one for you. Well, it's a little bit of that, but then it had me thinking about the sinister dark side. Because, like, I've definitely looked through 500 medicine cabinets in my day. You're stupid not to. You talk about doctor shopping. I talk about pill stealing from my close friends and family. Well, they don't need them. And their pets sometimes if I'm down bad. If they're still there, you don't need them that bad. And I have other pills that I come with. So it's kind of like an Indiana Jones thing. I remove one and add another. Like a teenager pouring water into the vodka bottle thinking they're slick. Yes, yes, yes. And then somebody's going to be like, oh, my ulcer. And then they're going to take a Claritin. Little did they know. It had me thinking about the dark side of it where there must be people who dole out and use that to control someone. For sure. And I think obviously people do that consciously with like Munchausen syndrome and you convincing people that they're sick and giving them drugs to keep them docile. I think Dax Shepard's wife did that to him. Smart move. That's right. Sometimes you've got to give them a little.

You know, break half of Benadryl so they'll, you know, on 4th of July, the fireworks. Yeah, yeah, you got to calm down. But I feel like there's people who obviously do that with the intention of controlling with dubious thoughts and intentions. But I feel like it must happen subconsciously to people who end up sort of using it to control and get things out of somebody unbeknownst. Like neither party knows that it's going on. That's what I was wondering about this morning. I mean, I think it depends on. I don't know. I think some people just doesn't stick. I think some people are like, I fucking have a herniated disc, and I'm going to do this for six months, and my wife is going to give me one of these every three hours, and I don't even like taking it because it makes me feel sick. That's the number one thing pussies like to say. Oh, I don't like painkillers. They make my tummy hurt. Those are the same people who don't like cilantro. Yeah, get over it, bro, because trust me, it's worth it. Yeah, you know, it's better if you like it than if you don't like it. Drugs. It's better if you like it than if you don't like it. Come on. I agree with that. Come on. Yeah. I guess that's pretty much it. A lot of people sent me the Essentia two-gallon water box. Have you seen this? Yeah. Like, I'm not buying it. It defeats the purpose of the gallon, you know? Yeah. I just don't. I mean, a couple other people make those, I think. But, you know, guys, they've also been making, I don't know, giant water coolers since the beginning of time. Or, yeah, or the two-gallon Arrowhead water where it has the spigot. If it has a spigot on it, it's not a bottle. No, I agree. You can't. It's not portable. If I was going to get anything, I would get the Mountain Valley glass five-gallon dispenser, of course. Yeah, of course, of course. Or like Scott Sternberg was saying at the party on Friday, why don't you spin a little more and get the filter water line installed for $600. Yeah, when I would go over to Efron's house, he had a custom line that was just alkaline water. And this was at the peak of Essentia where you couldn't leave your house. Isn't it crazy Essentia's just over? Essentia's over because bottled water's kind of over. Yeah, kind of. But I think Mountain Valley replaced it a little bit. Yeah, the fact that glass... But it's crazy. Essentia was like a status symbol for two years. Just like sports teams or whatever.

It just gets tossed around of whoever's number one. It's crazy. Every major water had its time in the sun over the last number of decades. No, absolutely. I mean, I think the reigning king of water is San Pellegrino, to be honest. Internationally or in America? I think internationally as far as, like, they have had the crown for the longest in their category. Even Perrier? Yeah, because Perrier has diluted the brand. I guess you're right. Perrier is the world's first soft drink. I'll never forget that. This has a Ford versus Ferrari feel to it. A little David and Goliath. We should work on this. There was a time when Essentia, if you didn't have an Essentia large, you were a loser. You were a loser. You couldn't be seen. If I opened the back door of your 3 Series and there's not at least three empty Essentia bottles. They would sell... Essentia accessories and bedazzlement adornments. Really? They would have bedazzled caps that you screw on top of your Essentia or a beaded diamond over-the-shoulder case to hold your Essentia. And then just one day, boom, snap, it's all over. Everybody's buying their sporty and rich water bottles for $50, and we never look back. It was a pump and dump. I'm glad I got out before. Who owns it? Do you know? Is it like Coca-Cola? I feel like it must be somebody. But that used to be such a fun part of the world where every year there would be a new water that came out that was so much better than all the other waters. The other water was good. This water, life-changing. Much like those nasty sodas we've been talking about. It's just a classic reskin of the same thing. And it will work until the end of time. I mean, now it's just the water bottle battles because water bottle. Water bottle battle. The wah-wah-wah-wah-wah also just tells people what you want them to know about you. You know what I mean? If you're like an original Nalgene guy, you're a little crunchy. You've got the Subaru. You've done a little Appalachian Trail stuff. You go to Joshua Tree with your family. But if you've got the Hydro Flask, you know what I mean? You go to SoulCycle. You've got a 3 Series. You're an assistant, but you're working your way up.

This is water starter packs of NYC vibe right here. Yeah, but it's true. It's like they all represent something just like the brands did before. You know what I mean? What does Voss say? Voss says that I'm getting $15,000 for a walkthrough and I stay at the W Hotel. That's good. Okay. And Mountain Valley is very much like Volvo, station wagon, $2 million house. kid with a funny name, and one Rolex, one Cartier. Okay. Yeah, lastly, I don't know if I'm ready for it yet, but I'm ready to start thinking about maybe getting a watch. And I don't know... I don't know where it's going to go. Check out Bezel if you need to find a new watch. Just download the app. I download the app. The app is in beta, and it's not up, so I deleted it. I'll get you a password. Don't worry about it. Okay, great. I don't think you need a watch, but sure. Nobody needs a watch. What do you want? AP? I don't know. Probably just a Rolex, but I want to get with a face that is brown. Okay, so you want Rolex face to look like Dookie. Yes. That exists, I'm sure. But I've looked around. They're not the right browns. I might have to do a custom wrap. You can't. As soon as you do that, then it's worthless. I don't give a shit. Yeah, you do. We'll talk about this off pod. No, but they're all, it's like metallic brown. I mean, obviously, once you pull it out and paint it, you can paint whatever color you want. You can find one. It probably exists. We can talk to Brynn. You can't. I want it to be unique, and I'm willing to. Kill the value of this watch if it means nobody else has this perfect shade of brown. That's a very interesting way to look at something. I'm a very interesting guy. I wish I knew less. How long gone? How long gone? We will see you this week on the show, and we'll see you IRL in Toronto. We will have exclusive merch. Also, our collaboration with our wonderful friends.

At Palms Tennis. At Palms Tennis, we do have a five-and-a-half-inch tennis short that can hold all your balls. Three balls in each pocket, six total. Two kins. No problem. We have a long sleeve, a nice, thick, long sleeve. Feels good. White shirt. There's a tote bag as well. That stuff will be launching this week. And if you're a VIP, you might have already gotten something in the mail from us and our friend at Palms. But yeah, there will also be a few new merch. Obviously, we have a Toronto exclusive. We have a couple other things coming out at the same time. Stay tuned. Some hats as well. Yeah, we're bike. It's summer. We're working. We're like Drake. You know what I mean? We kind of turn on in the summer. I come alive in the summertime. I come alive in the summertime. That's right. But yeah, we'll see you. We'll see you in Toronto. And if you have any good coke, let Jason know. I'm a rich junkie, yeah, all these drugs I buy.