007. - Ryan O'Connell

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. Want to make a podcast? Spotify's got a platform that lets you make one super easily, then distribute it everywhere, and even earn money. We like that. All in one place for totally free. It's called Spotify for Podcasters. And here's how it works. Spotify for podcasters lets you record and edit podcasts right from your cellular telephone or your computer. So no matter what your setup is like, you can start creating today. Then you can distribute your podcast to Spotify and everywhere else, those other places that podcasts are heard. Video podcasts are also available on Spotify. And when you want to take conversations with your fans to the next level, Q&As and polls are the best way to get them talking. With Spotify for podcasters, you can earn money in a variety of ways, including ads and... and podcast subscriptions. And best of all, it's totally free. Zero catch. We've been using it ever since we started How Long Gone. And ever since I discovered Spotify for Podcasters, I feel like having the option of turning off the Q&As and the polls on the user dashboard has really helped boost my creativity and take it to another level. I highly recommend giving it a try. Download the Spotify for Podcasters app or go to www.spotify.com slash podcasters to get started. What up, loser? What's going on? Sorry, I had an AirPod difficulty. Damn, bro. I'm sorry about that. I have to wear regular headphones, not AirPods. Why? I think like a latency issue.

Maybe. When I'm hearing my own voice and then it has to go to the Bluetooth and all that stuff. There's a little bit of a lag, maybe. Should I use my big boy plane headphones? If you want to feel more professional, yeah. But I don't think you need to. Okay, good. I just want to make sure that technically I'm doing the right thing here to make your job easier as the AV squad. AV squad? Yeah, you little nerd-ass bitch. You're twiddling the knobs. You wouldn't be anywhere without me. That's true. Straightens glasses. I agree. I agree. So I heard in our text message chat that you did cut the hair. Is that true? I did, bro. I think it's a two all over. I mean, I'm not. I honestly. I'm not used to it yet, but I'm not mad. I don't look crazy. I was concerned I was going to have a funny-shaped head or something. But I also know from a group chat that you shaved your head, too. So you went from a three to a two. Very brave, very crazy move. Bitch, first of all, my hair on top is... done with scissors the sides are a one so it's like it's still a pretty big shift yeah i think i think they only do the top with scissors just to make you feel better about how much they're charging you that reminded me of um god i forgot what it was a it was an old podcast i did a long time ago but they're talking about bird man and his he has some type of mental disorder issue where he He pays some, like, he's a bald-headed man and has been a bald-headed man for decades. Forever, yeah. And allegedly he has his own barbershop in his house, like MTV Cribs style, where, you know, you haven't made it until you have that. And then he has a guy come over and give him a mock haircut once a week in his private in-home barbershop. And it's like a big thing that everyone has to play along with because he's, you know.

He's paying them a shitload of money, probably. Honestly, that story, all I can think about is how that makes me want to be as rich as Birdman. To do something that stupid. It takes a certain level of income to do Birdman behavior and still be able to walk the streets a free citizen. Normally, that type of stuff will get you locked up. That's true. Unfortunately, I don't think I have the stomach for illegal activity at this stage of my life. Well, how did it feel? Because you have more hair than me, as you've stated on this podcast many times. You talked about your giant dick, and then you said how much hair you had. So I would just like to... Sounds like the quarantine's hitting you a little differently, Chief. You okay? Hey, bitch, I'm fine, okay? I've just been cooped up for 14 days. Doing some little dick venting over there. I feel bad for you. I would never take it out on my co-host. Absolutely not. I do have more of a luscious, supple, voluminous lock than you. That is true. I did it out of boredom, pretty much. It was more of like, I get a haircut once a month. I have my man. I love getting a haircut. We have a chit-chat and discuss things like you do with your barber. But, you know, he's closed and it could be, you know, it's at least going to be a month, but it could be many months. And if I'm not going to see anyone anyways, it just kind of makes sense. And, you know, my hair was not long to begin with as well. So it's, you know, in a month, it'll grow back. I have a whole thing, though, because you basically got the haircut that your twin brother has. So you knew it. You were not risking it all the way I was. That's true. And also, I was once in grade eight, so I do know what my head looks like with a buzz cut. Thank you for saying grade eight. I've never ever, first of all, cut my own hair. That's obviously far below me. And I've never had hair this short either. But I'm pretty with it. So like I said, so far, so good. I think I'll probably premiere it in three or four days once I had a little time to settle. You know what I mean?

Yeah, my girlfriend cut it for me, and I was like, oh, I haven't done this in a while. I figured I'll just have you cut it first, and then I'll give it a shampoo and conditioner just to be sustainable, use less hair care products. Yeah, of course. And she was like, while you're down there, maybe just give it a little scrub, you know what I mean? Like, you know, use like some type of moisturizing face scrub on the scalp. Oh, yeah. Because, yeah, that scalp probably could dry as a Sahara. I mean, it hasn't seen the light of day in years because my hair is so thick and rich. Damn, same. I'm going to hit. All right. All right, dickhead. I'm going to hit a dry rub. I'm going to like what you do to meat, I'm going to do with my body like a dry scrub. You know what I'm saying? Get all that dead skin off. I'm going to do that. I scrub my shit. I scrub my meat. Yo, I scrub my shit, bro. Okay, we should call Ryan O'Connell. Our friend, long-time friend, legend of podcasting, creator and star of his own show on Netflix called Special. They're doing season two, or they were doing season two. They had to stop because of this damn virus. We'll get the scoop. We'll get the scoop. Let me call him, and then we'll get the scoop. Yes. All right. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need a fucking something put together, a cabinet. Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need. TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. And I mean, how it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs.

handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive. And that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code how long taskers book up faster, especially for same day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code how long with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world, writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative, but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early, and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince.

Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and they're just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. Yes, what up? Oh my God, can you guys see me? Oh, we can. You can disable that though, Ryan. There's a little video icon right next to the red X button and you can hit that to mute the video. Okay, what are you trying to say, Jason? What are you trying to say? I get it, okay? Ryan, how much do we have to donate before you start taking your shirt off and stuff? How does this work? $40,000? I don't know. I'm out of work, so... We only have tokens. The price flies every day. Every single day. How are you, Kang? What's going on?

Oh, my God. Babe, I don't fucking know. I mean, it's quarantine vibes, honey. She's on a roller coaster. She wants to get off, but she can't. You know what I mean? I actually really do know what you mean. I've never felt more like I know what you mean than right now. Chris, I'm kind of obsessed with you in quarantine. You're a Virgo like me, right? Am I correct? Yes, I am. This puts the troll in control for us. Ryan, we're all Virgos, by the way. This is Virgo gang. Wait, oh my god, LOL. We're all in such deep crisis. Oh my god. This is now about Virgo quarantine only, please. Wait, I'm addicted to us being Virgos and totally fuked by this situation. Oh my god. Can you tell me, Ryan, can you explain to us and our devout listenership why... it's so much worse for Virgos well Virgos just we really are horny for routines and we're like we're really horny for control in all aspects of our lives and so this is like corona comes along like from spring break ready to party and like she's gonna take all the control away from us and we're gonna not know what to do with that do you think that might be you know when you watch like a movie or a tv show about like the power hungry control boss who then likes to be like sexually tortured or or you know basically become out of control Do you think that is happening to us in a horny way? Oh my God, you're like, you're reading my bio. That's so sweet, Jason. I thought that I sent it in before the time we got to do this. Sometimes the boss needs to be bossed around, you know? Yeah, that's very much in our DNA. That is the Virgo way. Yeah, it's, I mean, look, I think I'm turning a corn. Like, I think the first... A corn? Corn. I'm turning a corn. No, I mean, like, I think the first week or two were, like, be traumatic because I went from shooting my TV show, which was, like, 16 hours a day of, like, being a psycho and, like, working nonstop to, like, truly nothing. Congratulations on season two, by the way. Oh, thank you. Well, we got halfway done, so, like...

We still have four episodes to edit, and I think that's, like, the sliver of sanity that I'm holding on to is that, like, we still have work to do, and I'm like, okay, it's fine. We're still moving forward. Things are still moving forward. Are you guys doing it? Ryan, are you guys editing remotely? Oh, honey, we are editing remotely. This sounds very Hollywood to me. Can you explain the setup? Yeah, it's basically, like, very, like, middle school chat room vibes. It's, like, it's very, like... Speaking of horny, continue. I know, I know, right? Exactly, exactly. No, there is, by the way, this whole, like, Zoom aspect and, like, phone call, there is something very, like, OG, horny vibes about it. Like, it's intimate in a weird, horny way, don't you think? I have not, I have yet to Zoom. I have not Zoomed once. But Chris, you have been in AOL chat rooms and done horny things like that before. Of course not, Jason. Don't even bring that up. That's disgusting. I would never. God, that is so offensive. Wait, Chris, before we move on, where did you hide? Because I know your ass is not in New York right now. I know your ass is not in New York. Where are you, my elusive Chanteuse? Where did you fucking go? Where did you fucking go? I'm in Canada. I'm in Montreal. You knew that. I think we talked about it. I don't think I did know that. Wait, you're in Montreal. Wait, random. Why? My girl lives here. That's why I'm here. I'm quarantined. He's in the poor man's Martha's Vineyard. Another Canadian obsessed? Okay. Keep this coming, Ryan. Whatever's happening, Ryan, keep that coming. Ryan, I will hang up the phone. Okay, I will hang up the phone. Ryan, she has it tight. We know that. Oh, God. I'm truly addicted with another Canadian mom on. Okay. Oh, God. Okay. So, anyway. So, basically, editing remotely just means that, like, we're in this weird chat room called Evercast, and we just, like, look at the footage, and, like, the editor plays it back. It's really monotonous. It's super tedious, but I am, like, hashtag grateful for the work, and it, like, keeps my mind off of everything else.

well so do you have do you have any hollywood insight on production schedules is everything just fucked and except like the simpsons some other corny like fucking animated stuff oh yeah animation is probably like anyways live laugh love like animation is like unaffected they're like fine Um, no, I have no insight. And I think that's kind of why I'm addicted to this whole thing is that like, no one knows what the fuck is going on. So you have like execs calling you and like, like conversations. And it's like the underneath to all of it is that we're all just like sort of TBD. And it's like, I mean, I think if I was to guess, and this is me just pulling out of my ass, I have no knowledge. I would say probably we're going to finish like resume shooting in the summer. Like I'm just hoping that Corona summer of what year? I hope my, my hope is that like Corona gets bored and like fucking goes on vacation to like Mars or fucking Pluto in the summer. And then we can like, we can get our lives back for like three months and then maybe she'll crash again in the fall. I don't know. Like you hear so many different stories, but I have no idea. Like, do you, are you, no, we're no, I have no idea, but I can only take so much. That's for fucking sure. Um, I don't. Are you glued to the news or are you in your zone? No, she had to stop. I had to stop doing that because I think the first week that was all I was doing and I was feeling like, wait for it, depressed. So like I had to stop doing that because I do think that there is a level of catastrophizing. happening which i think is good because it forces dumbasses to stay inside and like not go to fucking runyon canyon right now so i think like i don't ryan do not attack jason on his own podcast oh okay jason my little rule breaker addicted i will die on that literal hill we call runyon canyon okay You know Stretch is a bad boy. You know Stretch is a bad boy. Oh my god. Well, Jason, I feel like you're kind of, I feel like everyone on social media is, like, living their best quarantine life, which, like, enrages me and makes me, like, Steamboat Willie because everyone's, like, I'm just, like, cooking and I'm just, like, exercising and, like, honestly, like, let's do a fucking push-up challenge and, like, honestly, this is, like, a really good time for me to be me and, like, connect with myself.

We have refused all push-up challenges. We don't do challenges on how long gone. We're against challenges and we're against bread baking. I am in the kitchen, obviously, though. Jason be eating good. He sends our group chat an update every day of his caloric burn via his Apple Watch to let us know that he's not getting fat. Oh my God. Well, that, that's a, that's a real fear that's going on. I do like two courses a day and I'm like, that's it. Well, I know you're a, I mean, you're a workout daddy and we've talked about this a lot because I followed your journey as if you followed mine. But I just, are you lost a trainer? Yeah. I mean, here's the deal. I still see my trainer via Skype, but it's like, honey, we all know, we all know it's not the same. We all know. Player, it ain't the same. I mean, bodyweight exercises, okay. Like, why don't you just blue all me until eternity? Like, I, like, can't. Do you know what I mean? It's like, I'm literally, like, chasing that high, and it's like chasing the fucking magic dragon, and I'm just like, okay, like, am I going to get off via exercise or not? Like, it's just, like, it's not the real thing. I guess it's similar to, like, therapy via Skype. It's just, I guess that one's a little bit easier for sure, but it still isn't. I don't do it. I don't do it. I don't like it. It doesn't work for me. Ooh, defiant. I just, I just like, it's like a mental thing. I need to be in the zone. The body weight exercise I think is difficult, but I've found that I just have to like do more of it almost. You know what I mean? Like if it's, if it's a 20 minute routine, I do like an extra 10 or 15 minutes and then I'm feeling a little more like gassed. Are you going on runs around the hood? Yeah, I'm doing basically what I'm doing right now is the berries every day. They do a berries on their story. It's with bands. It's pretty good. And then I do a sprint routine because our last guest, super trainer Joe Holder, told me to sprint to get a six pack. Don't you already have one, Chris? I can never tell. God knows you'll never show it off. It's all very, very under wraps. We're very close, Ryan, but I wouldn't premiere unless I'm like Hollywood, unless I'm like Marvel ready.

Unless you're going to go for a Kumail journey. Yeah, exactly. Chris, how many do you have right now? If you don't have a full six of Harmless Harvest, are you working with a two or a three? No, it's more of a four with a faint six. You know what I mean? Those lower two are almost impossible. I mean, that's genetics. We'll say four on a good day, Chris. Four if I haven't eaten or drank anything for 48 hours, yeah. Oh my God. I feel like six packs are just like, they just make me sad. It's like six individual teardrops on your stomach. Well, I do think it's mostly, I think it's genetic and food based. And I also think that there's just only so much a regular person. Who really wins with a six pack? You know, who, who really truly gets turned on? Chips don't like it, so as usual, I'm only appealing to men, but I don't know. I don't even know if they like it. Chris, you know your demo. There's nothing wrong in knowing your demo. I don't know if dudes even like it. I mean, I guess they do. I guess gay dudes like six packs more than women on men. Yes, I think so too, but I'm not into it because I need something to kind of grab onto. Not too much, but Jesus, something. Otherwise, it's like quicksand. So Jason's more your type. I get it. Yes, yes. That's good to know. Oh, my God. I love just podcasting with my two dads on a Sunday. It's like going to church. Chris, I will go BMI challenge with you, talking all that. BMI challenge, Jason. We'll do BMI challenge. Oh, oh, actual hell. Yeah, I mean, I'll do anything to beat you. Well, the problem is... You're not, you know, we're different because I'm more of an athlete and you're more of a cook. So it's a different, you know what I mean? It's like a little bit different how our bodies react to things. Right. But I relate to your balance, Jason, because like you're a foodie bitch from hell and you love a good food moment. And so you also love a good exercise moment. And I just, I really, Chris is making it sound like being well-rounded is a bad thing. I don't know.

I know. No one is more well-rounded than me in this podcast right now, but I appreciate that. You are the least rounded. That is not true, Jason. I just don't cook because it's dirty. Everything else I do, I do. What? You don't cook because it's dirty? What are you talking about? It's gross. It smells bad. You have to clean up. It's just not for me. What are you doing for food these days? Is your GF cooking? What's happening? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a great cook, so I'm good. Oh, addicted. Does she cook you, like, little naughty things, or is she keeping on the diet? Nah, baby, we're on the diet. No, no one's getting anything naughty. If it's anything naughty, it's me going to the local Canadian supermarket to grab some bad peanut M&Ms. Oh, that sounds yum-yum. Wait, what is the vibe in Canada? Is it, like, more chill, or are they, like, actually, are they ronid out as well? I mean, it's chill because Canada is chill, but I can't really, I can't really tell. I think New York is just doomsday shit. And that's what I hear about the most. I don't really, you know what I mean? Like LA, I mean, LA doesn't sound that crazy. It's not. I mean, it's so hard to tell because I think in the next few weeks we'll really get to know. But I think that how spread out we are will work in our favor. I mean, that's my hope. Like, we're not packed. The density levels are not as high as New York. But I don't know. I mean, I appreciate that, like, Garcetti got his shit together pretty early on and was like, oh, actually, we're going to lock this shit up. I think we locked it up right when New York did. But New York was, like, way ahead of us in terms of the pandemic. So I hope. that actually will serve us. I don't fucking know. Jason doesn't know anything. What does your day-to-day look like in this? Oh, my God. Okay, babe, it, like, waxes and wanes. Okay, so, like, last week I was editing all day. So from 10 to 6, I'll just be editing an episode with my editors. And then 6 to 8, I go on, like, a psychotic walk around the neighborhood. But, like, my neighborhood is, like, lit. You know what I mean? Like, I live, like, Melrose and fucking Fairfax. So it's, like, I'm having to dodge, like, 40 Vanessa Hudgens, like, per, like, walk. You know what I mean? Like, it's, like, it's truly a game of whack-a-mole. And, like, people also are, like, not...

the space. They're just like, anyways! And it's like, I truly have to be a psycho. It's like a game of Frogger. I have to run into the street to not touch anyone. It's just kind of a hint. Ryan, what type of person do you think is the worst at social distancing? I mean, I think the fucking... Go by race, please. Well, no, I think the Vanessa Hudgens types. And we all saw the video, right? We all saw the video. Oh, I love the video. The video was give me that content direct, like put it directly into my veins. It's like my heroin. I'm obsessed. It's like, like, you know, we all thought Vanessa Hudgens was that way. We all kind of like had our suspicions that she was that girl. And that video just confirmed everything in the most delicious way. It was delicious. And you know that Vanessa Hudgens has some poor best friend named Maribel, who was her yoga instructor, quarantining with her. Maribel's trying to escape, but she can't. This is like no way to live. Can we do something about this? Vanessa's like, Girls Week, you're quarantining with me. And Maribel's like, wait, I have a family. I have a boyfriend. She's like, no, not on my watch. We're staying in my mansion. Let's be this. That's definitely, definitely what happened. They were, they were all wearing mid 60 jeans for the whole time. It was crazy. Oh my God. No, but it was perfect. But no, basically that's my, and then Erewhon, I live three blocks from Erewhon. So Erewhon is L O actual hell. It's just like people, I mean, Erewhon's already like, people are like emotionally unstable, but I think the pandemic is really. So it's going off. Erewhon's a fucking movie. Yeah. Erewhon is, I am legend, but like, it's not. It's like, it's like totally like, like district nine vibes, but like people there are just so lit. They're like, you know, obviously six feet apart. Everyone's in like trendy masks and like getting their fucking sunflower butter. And like, it's just not, it's not the look. One thing I've noticed is I've only been going to Whole Foods or something, not Erewhon, but I think everyone does a really good job at social distancing when they're waiting in line to get into the supermarket. But then once you go inside, it's sort of like all bets are off and people are just one foot away from each other and there's no distancing going on.

Yeah, and this is humiliating for me because I've orchestrated my life in such a way where I've never had to go to a grocery store ever. Same, same, same. I'm like Paris Holt in The Simple Life. I'm like, what's a banana? I don't know how things work. I was not expecting to let grocery stores into my life. It's like total non-consensual grocery store vibes. You know what I mean? I'm not, I don't know what to do with it. I like went to Whole Foods with Jonathan and I was like, what is cooking? Like, what is this? I don't understand anything. This is your Schitt's Creek kind of. Yes, it really is my Schitt's Creek. And like, of course, like, but then of course, you know, I always find the bougie grocery store where everything's kind of pre-made. And like, so next door to Taroni, there's like this new market that's like Yum Yum. Have you heard of it, Jason? It's called like... I forget the name, but it's delicious. It's basically yum, fresh pasta, fresh sauces, organic natural wine. No one's in there. You don't have to do anything. That's my safe place. You have to spend a little bit more to get that, but it's worth it. Jason, are you going to Cookbook in Echo Park? I go to Cookbook in Highland Park. Oh, shots fired. Okay. It's disgusting. We hate Highland Park on this podcast. I want to make a clear statement. Wait, Jason, where do you live now? Because you moved out of that Atwater Village Oasis, correct? I'm in Glendale now. Glendale Oasis. Why are you calling Jason's apartment an Airbnb listing? What the fuck? No, you're actually in Glendale. I'm kind of shook, honey. Glendale, really? Yeah, I mean, it's the new Atwater. You'll see in a few years if we're still alive. I've not seen it yet, but God bless, I trust you. No, Highland Park is the worst. Glendale I really like, actually, and the house is fire. I mean, that's the other thing. Well, it's no West Hollywood. It's no Fairfax and Melrose. That's true. No, but I'm over this area too. I was using sarcasm when I said that. I'm sorry. Seeing Fairfax deserted is honestly my hard-on, my thrill, because I fucking hate that shit. Everyone just lining up around the block for John and Vinny's and the Supreme Stores. It's just so nice to see it deserted. Where do you want to live, Ryan? Palos Verdes?

He wants to live in his mansion. Now that you're a real Hollywood bitch, where do you think you deserve to live as a real player in the game? Babe, I really want to live. By the way, this is totally not practical because you know my ass doesn't drive. So this would not work. And by the way, if I lived there during a pandemic, God help us all because I'd have to parachute down. But I would want to live in the hills of goddamn Silver Lake, babe. I would. Wow. Season two hits different, Jason. You hear that? Season two hits different. It doesn't really hit that different, honey. I'm still in my fucking Melrose Place apartment. No fucking way. That's a pretty great apartment. I've been to that apartment. I like it a lot. I know, I know. Have we ever potted before, Chris? I feel like this is our first time, which is really random. Is it our first time we're making that up? I think you might be right. That's kind of insane because I've podcasted with both of you for hundreds of hours. I know. Jason, I actually was feeling nostalgic a couple weeks ago at the gym and I was trying to find our old Tall Tales episodes and I couldn't. I don't know. My phone was malfunctioning. Are they up? Can I still listen to them? Maybe. I have to look. I may have changed that feed and then just moved that feed over to this one. But I probably, I mean, I have all of them on my computer. We potted for the first time in 2012, which was like... Damn. We've known each other that long. I guess I knew you when you lived in New York, so that's a long time. Chris, you and I have met, you and I have known each other for such a long time. We met for the first time at Mercer Kitchen. Pause for laughs. First of all, I still go to the Mercer because it's eternally chic. I know. No, me too. I mean, I've stayed at the Mercer. Trust me, I'm still on that Mercer shit. Oh, wow. He just flexed. I've stayed there. That cost me very much. Once again, season two hits different. Season two hits different. No, you know what? It was one of those, it was, you know, I make historically very bad money decisions and I was there promoting my book in like 2015, you know, my book that paid me $2. And I was like, but I felt very chic. You know, I was there to do book stuff, AKA I had two events and I stayed at the Mercer Hotel for two weeks. Two weeks? It was the most psychotic.

You spent more at the Mercer in two weeks than your entire book advanced. This is absolutely demented. Absolutely. And my fucking book, my book rollout was pathetic. I remember I had like one event at, um, I went, I went, I went with you and my shooter, Jim Parsons, just on deck. Yes, yes. But I remember my publisher was like, oh, we can't afford to bring wine. Can you bring your own wine? And I was like, LOL. And then did I tell you guys this? They called me the week the book came out and they're like, oh my God, amazing news. Your book sold 7,000 copies the first week. And I was like, wait, that's a lot. Like, I don't think that's right. They're like, no, it's amazing. Good job. And I was like, okay. And then three days later, they're like, they called me and they're like, oh my God, we made a mistake. It was 700 copies. Still solid, though. No, I don't think so. Definitely fucking not. That's why you had to make the move from publishing to Hollywood. It hits different. It really does. It's really the only way to make a real living as a writer. Do you want to write a book? Do you have any interest in writing a book again? You know, it's funny. I started writing something during quarantine, obviously, because what the fuck else I'm going to do? And it's something, I don't know if I can publish it because it's basically like auto fiction, but it kind of drags everyone to filth. Like it drags them to hell. So like, I don't, I don't know if I can like publish it until like I have fuck you money. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, it's like. I still have, like, please, thank you very much money. You know what I mean? So it's like, it's not, it's not, I don't know. You know what I mean? It's so hard, though, because you want to tell the truth about things, but you also don't want to, like, burn 40,000 bridges. No, of course, of course. That's my struggle. You know what I mean? I don't know, though. You understand telling it like it is, Chris. You always tell it like it is on the internet. On the internet, I do. I think for a check, I would really tell it like it is, depending on how big the check would be. But I think that...

writing books like that is just hard. You know what I mean? Like writing, I don't know. Like, I think my book was like dumb and silly and pretty easy. Yours was like your life, you know, that's like, you can, you can only do that once. You know what I mean? It's like, it's all there. The material is all there and you have it to mine from and you do it. I think that. something else is more difficult you know there's something really freeing though creatively about writing a book because in hollywood when you're like working on something you have 40 000 cooks in the kitchen telling you what to do or trying to like mold it into something else and i think a book is just a much more solitary process and you work with one editor so like the result is much more pure i mean i've been really lucky with special where it's like i've i have like 40 000 studios involved 40 000 production companies but everyone kind of understands what it is so they don't fuck with it which is amazing but i mean like i've been in other situations when on writing assignments where it's just so many people trying to make it one way i remember i wrote this um this like teen comedy for a like major studio again and uh it was like a mean girls-esque teen comedy and i remember um i had a notes call with them they're like you know we think it's missing something um have you thought about writing in a school shooting That's amazing. Yeah, that's a great idea. You're like, no, I haven't thought about that, actually. Yeah, I was like, well, totally, it's kind of a left turn. I mean, you know, this is a comedy and I just don't know how one can recover from a mass shooting. And they're like, oh, you know, but you can do it in a way that's not so like, you know, like, I don't. And I'm like, I don't think you can. I think a school shooting is kind of one. I don't know. I don't know what the absurdist comic take is on a school shooting. Like my writing class didn't get me that far. So that was kind of the shit that you kind of deal with is just like insanity. So a book by comparison is kind of a much more like pure expression. No, it definitely is. I just don't think at this point, I think it's very hard to reach people with it in the same way. That's the only issue. You know what I mean? That's the only issue. I don't know.

How many episodes is season two? It's eight episodes. So we shot four of them. And so we're halfway through. I'm fucking obsessed with the episodes. I think everyone's going to really like them. It's not, well, I can't say it yet, but it's going to not be the same length as like last season, which is good. We're going shorter. Love it. Yeah. We're doing, oh, you got Quibby's now. These are five minute webisodes. You can only see them on netflix.com slash webisodes. It's still on Netflix. We've been booted off the main platform and now we're only on phones now. It's true. Can people watch season one right now on Netflix? Yeah, of course they can. Okay. I just wanted to make sure. I don't know. They rotate shit. I don't, I don't really use Netflix. I'm kind of anti, no offense. Wait, why? Tell me more. It's, it's actually, they've been pretty, they've hit a run for me. They put too much money into trash standup comedy, which I hate, but in the last like six months, they've done a pretty good job because cheer was the best show I've ever seen. Kira was fucking incredible. By the way, I am so worried about how Lexi is handling fame. I really am. She's going to die, for sure. No, no, Lexi's not okay. There are some people, like, Jerry will be fun, flirty, and thriving. Have you seen Jerry on Grindr or anything? Do you have any gay stories? No, I have no gay stories, but I assume that Jerry's going to buy a house in Silver Lake before me. I'm sure he makes a million dollars in cameos alone. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ. Wait, Jerry's gay? Some pandemic humor from Jason fucking Stewart. Uh, and the pharmacist was amazing. And this tiger show, I finally watched it. It is pretty fucking good. So, you know, it's, it's good, but it's like, I have to say like, it left a really bad taste in my mouth. Like the, I think the first three episodes are like, LOL, insane, like fun, fun, fun. And then it gets so dark that you're kind of like, I mean, it's sort of, I don't know. It wasn't exactly like the fun thrill ride. I also think that like people are wearing pandemic goggles in terms of their enjoyment of it where it's like.

I think that this was not released when it was. I don't know if it would be, maybe I shouldn't say this at my employer, but like, you know, I, I, I really liked it, but I just, I don't know. It felt very dark towards the end in a way that I know it was too dark, but I think it, I think that was what was kind of fun about it. It was a true rollercoaster. Like you went through every emotion of like fear, shock. I mean, when the, when the good look, no spoiler alert, when the, when the hottie second husband kills himself, like, I know. That shit was crazy. Like, I did not see that coming. And also that they had, like, footage. I mean, not of him doing it, but off camera. Like, the reaction? The reaction footage? No, it was amazing. I mean, it was, like, the footage you could not – I mean, the footage and the access that he had was unreal. And Carol is my fucking queen. I'm obsessed with Carol. Carol's a murderer for sure. Yeah, but I'm addicted to it. Like, I love it. Like, she's unhinged, but she's smart. And, like, I mean – I don't know, like, there's something about her that I found so fucking watchable. And then Joe Exotic, yeah, sure, whatever. But, like, the whole thing, like, post-Travis's death when he, like, literally, like, like, flew out his mom just to, like, make him look good and then, like, was done with her. Like, he's not a good person, obviously. There's also, like, a lot of Matthew vibes happening, obviously. Well, that's the thing that I think is so strange about shows. Like, even thinking about, like, the original reality shows and how fucking crazy people were, it's like, they can't show them doing drugs. So you have to just always remember that everybody's on drugs. And that's the same thing with Joe. Joe exotic is on meth that whole time. I know your Coke at least. I just know what that looks like. I think all three of us know what that looks like. I also like, I keep on thinking about simple life and how. Nicole Richie went from detoxing from heroin and rehab straight to like Simple Life. And I was like, oh my God, do you think that she fucking tried to cop while in fucking Alabama? I bet she did. Oh, definitely. Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These are the thoughts I have. It's like, is she like asking townspeople for heroin? Because like, she went straight from fucking rehab for heroin. That shit's crazy. No, it's very crazy. No, it's really serious. People forget that she like was a heroin addict. I'm kind of obsessed with that.

Well, her driving the wrong way down the 405 is one of the most legendary Hollywood stories of that town. Actually, driving down the 2 Freeway, Glendale's main highway. Oh, my God. She was zonked out on fucking Vicodin. Driving the wrong way is goals, kind of. I know, but now she's rebanded herself as a farm girl in Glendale, which I'm addicted to. I've always been a Richie stan. Yeah, me too. I love her. Oh, I love her. She's so fucking funny. And she did all the heavy lifting on that show. Paris was like in a Xanax. Hey, it's like being like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Nicole was like, okay, I guess I'm gonna have to fucking work for a paycheck. Like Jesus fucking Christ. Like she really did the heavy lifting. Somebody has, well, do you see shows like when you watch it now, do you like know too much? Like, like you've seen how the sausage is made. Yeah, but I also, like, I think in terms of, like, scripted television, yeah, because I can see, like, I can see turns coming from, like, a mile away. Like, I know what's going to happen. But I think for reality shows, I think that, like... There's nothing that's going to beat the era of the early 2000s when people didn't really know what they were doing. So then you got amazing shows like Rich Girls with Allie Hilfiger and Jamie Gleischer. Classic. I mean, classic, classic, classic. You got High Society on the CW. You got NYC Prep on Bravo, which was fucking incredible. Love that one, too. Jason's going to hang up and listen, I think, soon, if we don't. Oh, my God. Jason, are you not a reality head at all? I guess the golden age, but you're talking about some – We're going deep for him. Yeah, you guys are doing some rare B-sides. Okay, we're going to pivot. Tell me what your guys' schedules are, daily schedules, because I need to know what other people are doing so I feel either less bad about myself or more bad, depending on the answers. Please tell us what time you get up and start listening to EDM. yeah i was i was thinking much when you were talking about you know you know when a script is going to turn from a mile away i'm the same way with electronic dance music i know when that is about to come so so when you said that i really did feel that uh i love i love when you call it electronic dance music you never ever sure i know it makes it so much more funny well you know it's so cool it reveals itself to be so corny electronic dance music it's so corny i love it

I have been rising around 7 a.m. It used to be 6. Oh, my God. That's so early. Well, I mean, it's not that early, I guess. I like being up early. I like being awake when the world is kind of still asleep and quiet and I can get some more work done and clear the head. Drink some coffee. Drink some broth. Read some news. Read some emails. Do some fitness. And then, you know, do a pod. We're podcasting three times a week, which is a lot. God, giving us the content we so desperately crave. I love it. I love that you guys are doing this. I think it's such a good idea. And I feel like you guys have gotten some banger guests. You know what, Ryan? We have. Chris is turning into a Trump-like character as well, which I like. I think that this podcast is going to be back up and running by Easter. No problem. I think that actually we are getting good guests partly because we know people that are funny, but mostly because people are at home and literally have nothing else to do. It's like this is the prime time to be doing this exact thing. Oh, I know. Imagine turning something down right now. Imagine being like, no, I'm good. But Ryan, you've done a lot of podcasts in your day. You know that podcasts are very fun. They're easy lifting. It's not that much work. But the process of scheduling them and getting three or four people all to be in the same room in the same time and someone's running late and blah, blah, blah. That's the hardest part. And now that is completely removed from all podcasting. Just like, hey, can you do 9 a.m.? Yep. Can you do 10 at night? Yep. I know. All you got to do is call. I know. It's so amazing. I haven't done a podcast in a long time, though. I've been kind of in retirement. Well, no, we had to bring you out. I mean, you were top of mind from the job. Honey, well, I fucking got in. I slid in the tweets, and I was not afraid to put myself out there and say, book me. It's all about being booked and busy during corona. I can't agree more. I'm sorry, Jason. So what do you do after we pod? Because you've got eight more hours.

After we pod, I will... So what are you doing? I will then figure out what dumb thing I'm going to cook and put on Instagram stories. Sick. Then probably eat an early dinner and do a little bit more work on the laptop, which there's not a ton going on. Get some emails going and then smoke some weed and watch something on television. But going to sleep early, trying to get a lot of sleep, just keep the immune system going. Maybe go back around 10 or 11. That sounds really dreamy. It's not bad. And then do some home improvement type things on the weekend. Wait, but are you with your GF? Yes. Okay, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. Okay, good. That's good. Can you imagine being songable right now? I would be so sad. Well, I mean, there's pros and cons. Okay, tell me, because I don't know any cons at this moment. I feel like I would be going so insane. So are you core with partner right now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Jonathan's fucking here. He's, like, cooking shit. It's, like, insane. He's never cooked anything. We realized we had a pantry. We never realized that, that we had a pantry. These doors open. What? The amount of – I feel – this is making me feel like I'm gay. The lack of – I didn't know I had a pantry either. Fuck. It's fucking crazy. I was like, okay, because my apartment is 1920s old Hollywood, so there's this thing in our kitchen that doesn't look like a pantry. It looks like a fucking, I don't know, metal door to nowhere. And then we opened it for the first time three weeks ago, and it was a fucking pantry. I've lived here for over five years. So this is like a Narnia closet. You've opened a portal to another world. where you can put cans of beans. Yeah, and by the way, I'm not proud of this. I feel like my, you know, my allergy to cooking used to be like, oh, so interesting. LOL, I don't cook. Like, Carrie Bradshaw, Vogue's in the oven. And now I think it's just, like, embarrassing that I don't know how to do anything. Speak for yourself, sweetie. I'm leaning in. Like, you could die on that hill.

I'm mask off, never cooking. That's just where we're at. Fair enough. I'm not doing it either. Jonathan's doing it. Some people know how to live off the land, and some people know how to pay people to live off the land for them. Exactly. It takes all kinds. Are you not baking bread either, Jason? Are you kidding? He's going insane. I'm not doing bread baking, but I am doing a lot of... a lot of cooking projects for sure, but yeah, she does. Um, the problem is, is that Jason and KK are both incredible cooks and it's like restaurant level. So it's like, I think when I've said this to you before, Jason, I think when you have those skills, it doesn't feel as laborious as it does for someone who doesn't have those skills. It's like pretty second nature for you at this point. Like you're not going to, it's nothing for you to prepare a full meal of restaurant quality where for me, like, taking a bite of an apple feels laborious. I can't even... Yeah, but Chris, I don't think you get... I don't think you have a hard-on for food just in general, I feel like, right? Have you ever been a food person? He does, but he keeps it suppressed. Exactly. Like my sexuality, I keep it suppressed. No, it's just... He checks a lot of boxes, we'll say that. I just... Shut up, Jason. I like... Jason has talked about this a lot. I like restaurants more than I like food. I like the whole thing. Yeah, you love ambiance. Yeah, I love going out to eat. I love the whole thing. I like when things are good, but I don't need to. That's not what food does not drive me the way it drives some people. I eat to live. I don't live to eat, as they say. You can like driving cars without knowing how to put them together and change the oil and all that stuff. A lot of my friends, because we're obviously inching towards middle age, this is what they're into now. This is what people do. The hobby and everybody now, especially if you live in LA, you have a house and you have a big kitchen and this is what you get into. You would think that since Chris is such a kinfolk magazine kind of guy that he would have adopted some of these community-based cookery skill sets, but not so much.

Oh, my God. Kinfolk, just drag him to hell, Jason. Drag him to hell. Jason, we're going to have to talk after this podcast. Let me just tell you that. Wait, so are you going to be in Montreal the whole time? I mean, assuming you can't go back to New York right now, right? I mean, yeah, I'm going to, I'm here for sure. I mean, if I, eventually I might go to Atlanta to see my parents and my sister, my sister is like, my mom and my sister both are in like medical field and they're still working. Like it's like, and they're, they don't seem like it's that big of a deal, but I don't know if that's just cause they're in Atlanta and it's like, people are called the China virus there still, or like what the deal is. You know what I mean? But like, I talked to my sister this morning, she's had new twins. Like she has four or five month old like daughter. And I think that. She's going to work three days a week still, and my mom takes care of underprivileged pregnant women, goes to their house, and she's still having to work because that's an essential service. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's pretty wild. And she's like, how's your little podcast going, Chris? Is that going good? Yeah, exactly. You and your tall friend are verbal shitposting. That sounds fun. Did you guys finish your article about ways to stay creative at home? Oh my god. It's so true. This whole thing is like... I like being bored. It's such a fucking luxury. I feel so privileged. I mean, even more so than usual. I mean, it's like, it's, I'm so fucking grateful for just like to have the space to be like, Oh, I guess I can just like focus on writing projects. Like, Oh my God. Like we should all be fucking lucky. It's it's yeah. It's fucking crazy. It is. What do you guys miss the most? Uh, the gym for sure. the least surprising answer okay what about you jason uh i guess i miss supporting local business shut up jason shut up what do you what do you really miss you asshole i don't i mean i was um my girlfriend and i we were like walking a couple days ago and she asked me that and i really couldn't think of it and i was like i i guess it's spending time with my friends like visiting yeah visiting my friends and family you know i'm taking that for granted but she said something really interesting she said i miss

my ignorance and i was like yeah that is that is very real yeah that's too deep that's too deep but she right yeah i mean this whole this whole thing is kind of acted as a black light and like everything that we kind of knew to be true but have been buried deep down it's like she's coming out yeah one way or another she's coming out she's coming out and it's like yeah i just i don't i can't conceive of this happening i can't conceive of a three-month lockdown even though i think that's what it's gonna be and um i think the hardest part yeah is trying to kind of keep the motivation up because it's like even like i have these two things i have like i have i have to do work i have like these other ideas that i'm whatever anyways but i need to produce something and it's like everything i kind of do or want to say feels so pointless and i think that's the hard part for me is kind of getting over that like what's the point of what i'm saying like it's still it feels so inconsequential i think i think that's affecting all forms of content of like how do i create content that's not about you know this crazy thing that's happening to our world right now without feeling like a sociopath or i i think that i mean i think that's i think we need that desperately though ryan to be honest with you i know i i think that's the thing is that it is it is like what's the point and how can i do this right now but the other side of that coin is like we absolutely need anything that's not talking about this fucking virus because it's i think that first of all the amount of people who are talking about they don't know what they're talking about is mind-blowing like the shit i'm seeing on instagram is truly demented like i know Stay inside, fucking losers. If I see one more hot chick in a cool sweatsuit telling me to stay inside, I'm going to lose my fucking mind. Oh, I know. Seeing influencers navigate this thing is kind of my heroine. It's poetic. It's poetic. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. There's a gay guy I follow on Instagram who I'm pretty sure doesn't know about coronavirus. Given his content, I'm like, you under...

like it's like it's truly business as usual like fully but like it's like okay like here's a picture of him in a waterfall like shirtless and there's no mention of anything and there's never been and i'm kind of addicted He's like, all these airplanes are so empty. It's crazy. Anyway. Do you think he's got a fire backlog maybe? I think, yeah, he might be backlogging, but he also might just like kind of, he might be doing that thing, which I almost respect more, which is that, okay, addressing a global pandemic is kind of beyond my depth. And so I'm going to continue doing business as usual, thoughty pictures, which I appreciate. I mean, I think. All gay men are like two weeks out from just posting pictures of their holes. I think the horniness level is so severe. I think it's going to just be asshole city in two weeks. Just you wait. That's my prediction. How has the core affected your relationship in that department then, Ryan? I don't feel like my sex drive. is existent right now and i feel so jealous of anyone that's like we're having lots of quarantine sex and i'm like that's must be nice that must be nice like i'm just not like call me crazy but this uh atmosphere is not exactly i think that's a pretty normal feeling to have yeah right but yeah i think you also still have to maintain you know a healthy relationship in that way totally you have any ecstasy in a drawer somewhere or something Oh, my God, no. Are you out of poppers? Are you out of poppers? Do you have poppers? I never do any of that shit. I'm like, I have not done drugs in so long. Oh, my God, I'm so glad to not be on drugs during this. What a grateful thing. I really, I'm not. I really wish I was zonked the fuck out of that. That would make this shit go by. This is honestly, and you might be able to relate to this, this is the first time I've been like, damn, pills are really fire. Like, pills really are it. I mean, I have definitely had that thought because there's something about just staying home that lends itself to just being completely pilled out of your mind, listening to music. You have no obligations. Like it is the perfect setting. You don't have to do anything. There's no, like, it's not like you have to go to like a dinner, like, or like you have to go to a work meeting. So you can be high as a kite in your bedroom, which is like where the pill head behavior lives. Oh my God. Well, it actually lives in a high end hotel, but in this case it would have to be the bedroom.

Yeah, no, it really is. It is like the perfect setting for PillHead, but imagine like trying to get pills during this thing. Like I'm sure your dealer would have gone totally AWOL. I'm actually, I'm trying to find a drug dealer who will talk to me off the, like, like anonymously about like how business has been since Corona hit. Oh my God, that is so good. I think, I mean, I honestly think business is probably up, but like everybody just has, it's just very quiet because no one wants to admit they're doing it. Like the face, if it's face to face or whatever. So it's like my drug dealer has, has the non touch just doorstop drop off. You can check that box on, but I'm talking, I'm talking about real drugs, not weed. Like I want to talk to a drug dealer, drug dealer. He's like, I'm selling Coke during Corona and business is booming. Wait, Chris, that's a really good idea. Like I, I think, well, if you know any drug dealers, let me know. I fucking don't. I feel like if this was six years ago, I'd have been like, here's my fucking Rolodex. I have a lead on one, but we'll see if he'll talk. It doesn't need to be. There'd be no reason to mention anyone's name. That's not the point. You know what I mean? I just don't know how smart they are to understand that. Well, because I'm sure business is booming, and I'm sure people are needing to escape now more than ever. But I wonder if there's a pill shortage with pharmacies. I wonder if... I don't know. Someone that listens to podcasts DM me actually and said he works in like a pharmacy, like in a CVS or whatever, Walgreens. I didn't ask where, but he said prescriptions for Oxycontin and like painkillers have been up and people are like coming in to get them filled. Oh, my God. That would be me. I'd be like, I would risk Corona. Like, I'd be like, anyways, I'd like fucking just like raw dog, no mask, like no gloves. Yeah. I mean, well, if people are hoarding toilet paper and, you know, they're addicted to shitting, they also have to be hoarding Oxycontin. Like, I don't know if I'm going to be able, you know, I want a six month supply of whatever this pill I'm addicted to is.

Yeah. Oh, my God. It would be so annoying, though, just having to do the upkeep and making sure you have it. That's the thing. It would be such a frustrating thing. That's half a ton of doing drugs. Oh, I love counting. You got to count. You got to make sure you got what you need for the next fucking high, man. Yeah, but of course my brain would have been like, okay, I'm going to get like 30 pills and that will last me for like the whole time. And of course I'd be out after like 14 days and be like. You'd be out way quicker than that. But yeah, I do think people are drinking a lot. I think people are getting. with spit uh that was me the first week i literally was like calling domain la and like getting fucking things delivered and being like natural wine yes and like that's that's did you just do jason voice when you're talking about natural wine that's crazy right what time of the day would you start drinking local organic natural wine oh my god no that that has been my drug but then i had to stop because it was like me and jonathan like we're just like polishing up a bottle of wine. And then like, and then it became like, oh, let's just have like three fourths of a bottle of wine. And then it was like, okay, this is just getting weird. Like, let's just stop. So then we stopped, you know, it is, but I bet people are drinking more and not talking about it or like doing it in kind of a way that's like, lol, like wine time, Corona time. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, there's definitely the opportunity to get away with it. You know what I mean? Like, as far as like attitude wise, I think that people are accepting. Also, Ryan, you mentioned domain delivery. What about sweet green delivery? I did do sweet green delivery. Well, for the record, by the way, domain doesn't do delivery, but they do it for me. They're like, yeah, excuse me. I have a Netflix show. And they're like, oh, sorry. You know, it's bad when you're in so deep with your local wine store that they're like, actually, we'll just bring it to you. Like, literally, like, it's not a badge of honor. Yeah, Jason, I was about to say, somebody calling a wine store in L.A. and saying they have a Netflix show is literally like shooting fish in a barrel. Oh, I literally can't bring the line forms of the lab. I think we all got Netflix shows during the course of this conversation. But yeah, I know Sweetgreen I did once, but then I got kind of freaked out by the salad bar of it all. I don't know if you have any luck with it. No, I haven't done delivery for it.

in the in the core but i think i mean i'm sure i'll be doing it soon but yeah i know what you mean have you been supporting local businesses and ordering food online for delivery or pickup i i did a pickup last night at a local place yes wait where'd you go what what place hail mary pizza place oh my god that place is so it's so good good Wait, Chris, were you saying it's so good? Did you have pizza? I'm confused. Yeah, actually, I had a cheat day with when Jason bought me, well, myself and Yimmy Yayo, we all three of us went to go see Kacey Musgraves together. Wait, are you okay for some lime addicted? Before we went, I took the squad to Hail Mary for a meal because Jason paid for the tickets, so I took everyone for dinner. I don't know what the fuck Yayo did, but we'll figure that out later. He was there for us to get more guys at the show, I guess. Yeah, for us to make fun of an Australian to his face instead of on the phone, you know? Wait, Hail Mary is truly some of the best pizza in Los Angeles. It's so fucking good. I know. I've been going there since it opened. It's great. The appetizers and the salads and stuff are really good, too. The whole thing was great. It's all fucking good, and it's very casual, although it's in the old Connelly space, which makes me sad, but whatever. It's fine. That's true. You know, it had to happen. Um, no, but I'm, I'm ordering, like I got, um, ice cream from Antico the other day, Jason. I still haven't had the ice cream there. It's so fucking good. It's like soft and creamy, like soft serve. So I've been doing that. I feel like I'm honestly going to get gout before I get Corona. Like I'm not, I'm like, I'm like, I'm full on. You're losing a foot before you lose a lung. Yeah, I'm literally going to just be like, I'm honey hogging it up like pasta every day. Like it's going to be really bad because again, I have like the last four episodes of my season to shoot and I'm going to be coming back as a full blown bear. Are you doing full frontal finally this season? Oh my God, no, but I did wear a cock sock for like an entire week. Wow, please tell us about that.

it's it's not great the first week i had all my sex scenes and it was um it was like a journey it was like not i mean it's like They're very, very uncomfortable. And also, cock socks are really hard to get into. And then they kind of tighten. They're uncomfortable. And then I had to do a scene in the bathtub where the cock sock just flew up. So I was full frontal for that in this crew that I barely knew. Although we put enough bubbles to obscure my penis, which is so nice. So the cock sock is there in place to hide your penis when you are naked? Yeah, and my penis was exposed during the bathtub, and I thought for a second, maybe we don't need bubbles, but you guys, we all know what a penis looks like in the bathtub. It's not great. It's not great. Yeah, you know your angles and bathtub is not an angle for you. No, I mean, I think penises are truly, like, the bathtub is the great equalizer. They all look the same, which is just kind of sad, shy, not ready to be its full self, hasn't found its voice yet. It has its sea legs. Still searching. Still searching. Exactly. So I made sure there was a lot of bubbles there. And then, yeah, I mean, there was just like a nice costumer to help me put on the cock sock, which was very pleasant. And, you know, it's, you know. bodies are humiliating they do things that are humiliating it's it's not that might be the most poetic thing you've ever said that's so true it's so true i mean i really i could not imagine what it would be like to just do a full nude sex scene in a room full of strangers i mean it's so incredible i agree it's so insane you guys it's really it's weird though you get used to it and then it becomes its own kind of fun thing like i feel like It's what? You slut. There is something kind of cool, though, about, like, I remember, like, one of the sex scenes I had, I had just met the actor, like, literally 20 minutes earlier, and it was our first scene together, and there was something really kind of thrilling. I mean, also, you know, fucking a guy that you just met 20 minutes earlier is not unheard of in the gay community, so it's not, you know. I was about to say, when you said I had to do my first scene with this guy, I was like, it sounds like you're talking about pornography.

Well, it felt like that sometimes. You know, you guys know from the sex scene in season one, it's sort of the same thing, which is it's very graphic. So it's like, yeah, it's very, very real vibes. I don't know. It's so weird to think that that was my life. And now it feels like four years ago. You know what I mean? Like everything before the virus feels like another lifetime ago. Yeah, no, so that was, yeah, there's a lot for you guys to look forward to in season two. I know you guys are thrilled. I love dicks, so I don't know what you mean. Wait, Chris, when you, did you post a picture of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel? Was that them? No, dude, that's, that is, oh my God. Oh, I'm blanking on the name. Keira Knightley. It's Keira Knightley and Jamie Dornan. Wait, am I crazy for thinking that looked like JT and Jessica Biel? No, all white people looked the same during that era. During the low-rise jeans era, all white people looked the same. Oh, my God. For the first time, I actually care about Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel because I thought they looked chic. You can find a chic picture of those two from that same era, though. I don't think either of them can be chic. No, they're unsheakable, in my opinion. I went to this, um, this, like, gay fundraiser called Glisten, and Jessica Biel and Jessica Timberlake got it. Glisten? Glisten, yeah. That's gay as hell. It's gay as hell. It is gay as hell. Great name. Jessica Beal got an award for, I think, something for being an ally. I have no idea. It was such a who moment. Jessica Beal, what is going on? She's literally a manila envelope. I feel like neither of them are allies of gay people. Oh, I disagree. I think Justin Timberlake's had sex with a guy before. Uh, well, I mean, let's not get too dark, but we all, we all remember that, uh, the Lou Pearlman of it all. It's like, you know, they had to do some weird, you know, you know, Lou is, Lou is getting it. Just because he had sex with the man doesn't mean he enjoyed it. Right. Right. Jason. Wow. Jason. Don't, don't keep speaking from experience.

You could try it. I remember seeing those behind-the-musics or those interviews of NSYNC and Backstreet Boys and then those interviews with Lou Pearlman and thinking even at 12 being like, why is this old, creepy, gross man obsessed with these teenage boys? It was so apparent. It was so, so clear. You're right. It was just so obvious. I don't know why. It was a simpler time. We didn't know. But also the parents being like, oh, he seems nice. Anyways, have fun, honey. Like, it's like, uh, mom? Well, it reminds me, but it reminds me of like, I think you grabbed those people from the middle of nowhere and that's what happened. I know. I know. It's just, ugh. Anyway, but no, Justin Timberlake is probably an ally. He's probably seen some shit. But Jessica Biel, I don't know. It's like, it's- Also, what is Jessica Biel even famous for? Seventh Heaven? Yeah. Which was incredible. Classic. But they haven't done anything else. She hasn't been to anything else. Well, she's in this show called The Sinner, which apparently is good. Oh, yeah. Alex likes that. Is it network or is it like CW? I think it's like USA vibes. Okay. Well, you know, do networks – this is a good question for a Hollywood professional. Does anything matter anymore? Like, you know, it used to be like you want a network show. Now you want a Netflix show. Or is it just like I have a show now and it's on fucking Hulu. I don't give a fuck. So glad you asked, Chris. What a good question. So basically, it's interesting because network to me, again, watch what made the bridges I burn light the way. Okay, so network is still pays a shitload of money. It pays a shitload. It pays the most money. having a network show is not as chic as it once was because no one really watches network shows anymore. So like, if you have a fucking show on CBS, then you're buying a fucking cute house in Laurel Canyon and you're like living, laughing and loving towards the bank. Is anyone watching the show? Does anyone care about the show? No.

But your bank account is happy as shit. Whereas, like, if you're going to do a show for, like, let's say, I don't know, Comedy Central or whatever, the checks are probably not as sexy, but, like, it's chic, and the right people will watch it. So it's kind of an interesting trade-off. Yeah, no, I mean, that's what I kind of figured, but I've watched network TV in the last week, and I just am blown away with what's on. It's so bad. It is. Like, it's crazy. actually crazy how bad it is it no like i saw you know what fuck i saw this um the first like 10 minutes of this show called carol's second act dude dude dude is that is that the one where she hears things and then it becomes musicals like on the no i don't know what that i don't know what that is but no it's about um a wife who has a second act as an as a doctor she like becomes a doctor or something like late in life chill and hygiene but like no but like There's no jokes. Literally, it's like this. Hi, Carol. And then the last one from the audience. And then she's like, hey, Carol, do you have that stethoscope? And they're like, and you're like, what the fuck is going on? You're like, they're not even trying to do jokes anymore. They're not even trying. They're like, Carol, you're 10 minutes late. Was Chuck Lorre involved? Like, did Chuck Lorre make it? I mean, probably. I mean, I don't know. It's all so fucking weird to me. I'm like, because you watch the shows from the 90s, like Will and Grace and Friends and whatever, whatever. And, like, there were actual fucking funny, sharp jokes. And now they're just gone, girl. They're not there. That is, I mean, that shit doesn't, people are just phoning it in. Well, network is for low common denominator. intelligence levels well it's the radio of tv yeah but it's no hulu i will say but oh my god did you guys see pen 15 it's like the best show of the year in my opinion was that on hulu or is that on netflix hulu but do you do you subscribe do you do you just have everything ryan do you pay for every single streaming service

No, I have Hulu, I have Amazon, and I have Netflix. The new wave of streaming, it's going to have to be a real fucking Sophie's Choice. I'm not going to get all of them. There's no fucking way. Do you pay for Netflix or they hook you up, right? Because you're part of the family. I don't have an account. I mean, I use my boyfriend's account. Damn, damn, damn. Corona affects us all. What? The corona quarantine affects us all. I know, I know. But no, but they gave me a Roku, and Netflix gave me a Roku to set things up, and I still haven't done it yet. They're honestly, I have to say, this is not, like, you know me, because I always tell it like it is, no matter what. They are honestly such a dream to work for, because they really let you do whatever the fuck you want to do. They really stay out of your way, and that is like... You don't get that anywhere else. Like, I just think that they're really like, okay, like, live your truth. And then they're like, they're involved, obviously. They're not, like, hands-off completely. Like, they do give notes. But they always, like, if I push back on a note, they're like, okay, chic sale of e. Like, you just, as a creator, you just don't encounter that, like, truly anywhere. Well, maybe I will move my show to Netflix after all. Well, this podcast has already been optioned to do a TV show. We're just trying to decide where it's going to land. We're still sniffing around. Of course, of course. But then the gay disabled person gets voted off. They're like, actually, can I just be the two straight guys that are figuring things out during quarantine? You've got to break a few eggs to make an omelet, Ryan. You know that. Exactly. Wait, Jason, are you lolling or do you have a show in development? No, no, I was lolling. I do not have a show in development. But, you know, stranger things have happened. That's what it's called. It hasn't been picked up yet. I love that. Honey, use this quarantine to let the muse come to you. Maybe I will. Who knows? Are you guys... Let's see. What fun things... There's Club Coming. Have you guys seen the comedy show Catherine Cohen doing live every Wednesday for Club Coming? It's really funny. I think Nomi Fry was on it, right? Yeah, I was on it right after Nomi. She's amazing. I haven't, but I don't... I'm going to do something on Instagram Live this week, I think, for somebody else, but I've never used it before. Okay, well, it's really fucking funny. Catherine's hysterical. Do you guys know Meg Stalter?

No. Oh my god, I feel like, okay, what? These are all like fun, small, all comedians. Yeah, we're like regular, we just watch football and talk about, you know, like beer. I know, you guys are like fucking talking about like, I don't know, Chris Delilia or whatever. First of all, we do not talk about him, fuck him. Love how you called him Delilia as well. He wears Yeezys and thinks that's like cool. Yeah, he's like a sneakerhead. What's his name? It's Chris Delia? Delia? Delia. Okay. Wow, the most interesting thing about him. Knowing how to pronounce his name correctly is not a cool thing. I want to make that clear. Wait, what stand-up comic shows have you seen, Chris, that you've liked? Because I know that you ragged on Netflix for not having good ones, but you said... None. I've never seen one that's good in my entire life. That's not true. We watched Cat Williams, and he loved it. That was fire, yeah, but that was old. There was one with a blonde chick, and obviously I'm biased, but it was pretty funny, actually. Wait, are we talking about Eliza Schlesinger or whatever her name is? I don't know. I honestly don't remember. I watched 20 minutes of all of them and they're all kind of bad and I just keep it moving. Oh my God. Ali Wong is a really funny one. No, Ali Wong's not, Ali Wong's not funny. Sorry. Are you fucking kidding me? Like not even a little bit, dude. Wait, Chris. Oh my God. Your law meter is broken. I won't even smile at an Ali Wong joke. Oh, my God. Jason agrees. Jason's keeping it. Jason, tell him. Tell him why you're mad. I will stay out of this convo and let you. Chris doesn't like an immigrant's tale or journey as much as we do. Oh, my God. I love how you guys are just trying to get each other canceled. He doesn't appreciate the peril that some people have gone through and the humor that can rise from it. Wait, Jason. I don't appreciate Ali Wong doing a black scent all the time and thinking that's acceptable. No, you're thinking Awkwafina. Oh, you're right. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. Awkwafina is really not funny. I will agree with that. Ali Wong is not funny either, but better. Ryan, where do you stand on Awkwafina? You guys are just doing fire takes right now. These are scalding hot takes. I'm getting burned listening to this. I think disliking Awkwafina is pretty normal.

I don't think it's that scathing hot. Really? I feel like everyone loves Awkwafina. I don't know. I haven't seen her show. I thought she was really funny in Ocean's 8. I didn't even think she was good in that movie she was in. That movie was amazing, but she wasn't even good in it. I didn't see The Farewell. I thought she was good in that. I liked her in... What is it? I can't think of the name. Do your guys' taste always align, or do you guys always differ? What is one thing that you guys agree on, and what is one thing you guys disagree on? We differ a lot, I would say. Do we? Yeah, we do. I mean, Jason likes bad stuff, and I like good stuff, so it just depends. I mean, EDM is one dividing line that we share. EDM and IDM, we both don't understand. I don't understand house music. It's not that I don't like it, but that's something that Jason can specialize in and I will stay out of. Chris likes music for boring, straight white guys, and I like music for fun white guys. Jason, I disagree completely. Chris is a shoegaze head like myself. Yeah, Ryan and I actually have great taste in music, and Jason likes bro. fist pump date rape tunes so i don't i listen to as much slow dive as you fucking queens do okay i do all of that shit of course jason jason no jason has pretty far-reaching taste as a as a dj you know i and and music supervisor for film and television um you know it's part of his job I mean, yeah, yeah. I don't listen to as much Spaceman 3 as Chris does on a daily basis, but I've done a lot of drugs to a lot of that music, for sure. No, Jason, it's not that dissimilar, but I think we divide at certain places. But we appreciate, you know what I mean? Comedy, particularly, I just have a bone to pick, but Jason probably has better, I feel like he has a better grasp on it than I do. I know, but Chris, you are such a lawler that it's interesting. I feel like you reject most comedy, like most laws. Because when people are standing on a stage trying to make me laugh, I find it not as funny as something natural happening. I would never. I would never do that. When people say to me sometimes, you should do stand-up, and I'm like, that's really hurtful. Why would you say that to me? I could talk to you, Ryan. I could talk to you for 20 minutes or Jason for 20 minutes and laugh harder than watching a stand-up special. That's just how it is, in my opinion.

Yeah. I also, I just, I hate it. It's so put on. Like I, even when I did, um, Catherine Cohen's, um, club coming thing with, with Nomi, like, uh, I, they were like, the producer was like, Oh, do you want to do it? Can you do like a minute and a half of something like a bit or whatever? And I'm like, I don't do that. And I had to like tell Catherine, I'm like, I don't want to just sit here on this. Like, you know, I, I'm more, it has to be a conversational. Otherwise it feels weird to me. I don't know. I just don't find it. I don't know. It's a bone I have to pick. But, I mean, I will laugh at jokes, but, you know. Maybe it's the format. Chris appreciates urban comedy more than anything. Urban comedy is definitely better. Really? Like what? Basically, any black stuff is funnier. Always. What do you guys think? Wait, what are you guys going to do when this is all over? Like, what is your, like, what is your, like, number one, I can't fucking wait to do this. Like, take me there. I want to go there. I'm going to be at the front door of Equinox at 5 a.m. listening to John Merritt on my AirPods ready to get a fucking pump on. That's what I'm going to be doing. Wait, wait, Chris, have you fucking read Jessica Simpson's memoir? No, I haven't yet. I haven't yet. I haven't yet. Oh my God. It is literally a page. It is fucking fire. It's the best book I've read in years. I know it's, it's, it's apparently amazing. I've read, but I feel like I've read the excerpts and it's like, am I really missing that much? Honey, honey, you are. Really? She, she comes for John Mayer in such a perfect way. Like she fucking eviscerates him and it is. Perfect. I mean, it's like everything that you kind of, again, it's like the Vanessa Hudgens video. It's like everything that you have felt in your soul about John Mayer to be true without actually knowing. But Chris is a big John Mayer stan, so I don't think he's going to enjoy that. Yeah, the only stuff I feel in my soul about John Mayer is talent and great looks. I don't see much. I don't really see much else. No, I mean, I think he is...

I appreciate what he's been able to do with his life and career and public persona, but Jessica Simpson was the lowest of the low for him as far as public behavior. No. Oh, no, no, no, no. Okay. So he is a true sociopath. Like he really is psycho. Like, and we, I've, you know, we've all heard. He goes psycho on a Stratocaster. If you ask me, hell yeah, boy. Hell yeah. Ryan's like, what's a Stratocaster? I don't know what that is. I know. I'm like, honey, what is that? That's a type of guitar. Oh, that's a guitar. Yeah, no, he's musically talented. I will give you that. And he makes great dentist music. You know what I mean? Bill Cosby was a good comedian too. If I'm ever getting a cavity filled, honey, I want to hear Room for Squares or whatever the fuck that's called. I want to hear Bigger Than Your Body. I want to hear that. I'm getting drilled in. But I don't know. As a person, I think he's kind of hot garbage. Who's worse, John Mayer or Ryan Adams? Two of Chris's favorite musical artists. That is such a good question because I've always had a soft spot for Mandy Moore. Me too, sweetie. I made the disturbing choice to listen to her Marc Maron interview. No, no. Listening to Marc Maron is a crime. If you listen to Marc Maron and you listen to this podcast, we need to talk. No, but here's something. I don't listen to it, but I was getting really desperate for content, and I don't listen to a lot of podcasts. Have we told you guys that I'm weirdly obsessed with Dax Shepard, which is so weird and unexpected for me? That is very unexpected. It is so unexpected, and I don't know how to be cured. I need help. Chris listens to his podcast as well, actually. I listened to one episode about getting ripped and that was it. Okay. Some of the episodes, here's the thing. I love a good interviewer and this is why I'm obsessed with like Howard Stern as I'm obsessed with people that can get other people to say anything. And because Dax Shepard is a celebrity, quote unquote, other celebrities feel safe with him. It's true. And I feel like he's able to get them to reveal things they ordinarily wouldn't.

I agree, Ryan. I've listened to a few episodes of his podcast and I was sort of blown away by how good he is at interviewing people. He really is. And I didn't want to admit it, but I was like, shit, he's like, if you know and appreciate an interview, he was doing some impressive shit. He does some really good shit. The Gwyneth Paltrow interview is incredible. Okay, now I'll listen to that. Chris is back. Okay, I'm back. Yeah. Well, Gwyneth comes across very well. I mean, look, you know how I love her no matter what. Wait, did you see Goop Lab? Yes. Three of them. I don't think that needed to exist. You know what I mean? But she looked hot. She looked amazing. She looked bored. like through most of it, she looked like she was like very kind of like not there, like kind of outer spacey. I actually almost got like some medicated vibes. That's the, I think that's the potions and powder she's having. I think the vibe that I got from it was in her mind, it was like, I'm going to. get this money and then my staff is going to do all this stuff. And then the Netflix was like, we want more Gwyneth. And then she sort of had to be in it against her. I feel like she, I disagree. I think she did. Well, I think that's true, but I think she did it for the staff. I think she was like, I can do this. And I, my staff can get broke off big checks for being on this and I don't have to pay them. And then everybody's happy. But imagine being like the poor, the poor gay assistant of Gwyneth Paltrow. That's like, has to do ayahuasca on television. Like, no one signs up for that. You know what I mean? You don't have to do ayahuasca, but you kind of, you know, like, you know. It'd be better if you did. It'd be better if you did. Yeah. Like, it's kind of sad. And then, like, I love her, like, chief content officer. Like, that girl. Oh, God. She was so annoying. The one with the dark, short dark hair. Yes, yes. She's in a nightmare. Oh, my God, yeah. But it's like. I actually interviewed her for a podcast one time, and she was a very intelligent, nice person. But go ahead.

No, she seems like it, but I'm obsessed with the power dynamic, which is Gwyneth has all the power, and these people are truly her servants, and they do her bidding. I love that Gwyneth never gets involved in anything, like any of the tests. Oh, but I also love that she's always fasting. Like, always. Oh, and my favorite thing, too, is when they did this push-up contest. Do you remember that episode? I don't know if I saw that one. Okay, so this was in the episode where... Ah, fuck. I think it was, like, in the ice cold, like, when they go swimming in the ice cold or whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Windhoff, yes, yes, yes. Yes. Okay, so then, like, so basically they, like, did these breathing exercises. And then like when Hoff was like, okay, now do pushups, like you're going to be able to do more than you could ever do before. And Gwen was like, Oh, I don't think so. I haven't eaten in three days. And then like, I guess I shall. And then her chief content officer was like having to do it with her. And you could just feel when they both did it, that the chief content officer knew that she had to lose. Even if she could do more push-ups than Gwyneth, she knew that that was not the look, so she had to go down before Gwyneth. It was an understanding that did not have to be mentioned. And then sure enough, Gwyneth did five more push-ups than her and was like, oh my god, that's so crazy that I was able to do that considering I really haven't eaten in three days. It sounds like we're describing more of a dictatorship than anything. Yeah. But I'm here for it. I mean, if there was a dictator, it might as well be Gwyneth. You know what I mean? She's the only leader I respect in these difficult times. I turn to her. I turn to her to lead us. Ryan, what did you think about seeing so much high-definition vagina on the episode about vaginas? Before you answer that, are you a gold star, Ryan? Yeah. Yeah. Like, hold on to your butts. This is news that will shock literally no one in the nation. Yeah, of course. I've never, never, ever, ever. I don't know what you're into, bro. I don't, you know, like. No, I was, honey, I was fucking boys at age 17. Go off. Fuck yeah. I was having my fucking, yeah, my little romances and like, you know, blowing the neighborhood hippie.

No. So basically, that was, no, my best friend in high school and I shared a boyfriend for a whole summer. Dan, you're a polygamist too? Dan, you're ahead, bro. You're on some different shit. No, it was literally the summer between senior year and college, which is notoriously a very weird summer because you're done with your life, but you're not in your new life yet. So you have three months. It's like feeling very ants in your pants. And this boy in my high school broke up with his girlfriend of like four years and everyone wanted to fuck him because he was so cute. And my best girlfriend and I were both like, I'm going to get him. She's like, no, I'm going to get him. And it was like. It was, like, this idea, like, it was 2005, and it was, like, I don't know how to explain it because he wasn't gay, and he wasn't even bi, but it was, like, I just kind of knew that, like, it was possible. Like, I could feel it in my bones slash boner. And then we both kind of got him around the same time, and we were neighbors, and so he would go to her house, and then they'd hook up, and then he'd go to my house, and we'd hook up, and it was like that for three months. It was great. This has a Joe Exotic energy to it. We were both able to get him hooked on methamphetamines and sort of have our way with him over the course of the summer. I do feel bad because that summer we were on so many somas, like muscle relaxers. So everyone was just like popping somas and like hooking up and having like weird language. By the way, hooking up on muscle relaxers is not recommended. It's so slow. That doesn't sound cool, but I mean, you're young. You don't know any better. Totally. You're like, sure. Like it should take an hour for me to lift my arm. Like that's fine. No, but okay. So anyway, no. So the vaginas. Yes. Okay. I was not expecting that. That was, um, that was a new thing for me, but obviously not a new thing for you guys. Was it. Have you guys ever been that deep? We've all seen vaginas, obviously, but I think the most jarring part of that was just a high-definition, flat-screen, 4K close-up of a vagina for multiple minutes at a time on Netflix. I think that was the first time anyone's ever really seen that.

I don't even need to see – I don't want to see the newscaster in 4K, much less a 70-year-old vagina. It's fucking crazy. Like a five-year-old can pick up the remote and play that episode and they're essentially watching pornography. Yes. But it's very well-lived. I've always known that vaginas are more complicated than penises because literally anything is more complicated than a penis. But seeing it high definition and really getting that – inside look it there's so much going on i mean like so much going on uh yeah it's like opening up a like a piece of electronics and just all the wires and cables and everything I would never, ever, ever be able to master that. Whereas a penis is very much like, you know, it is what it is. It's just like there's not much to it. You know your way around it. You know what I mean? Whereas a vagina, I feel like it's like my pantry. You could discover a pantry. You could see something that was there all along, but you never saw it. And you're like, what is this new door? Ryan, on that note, we're going to wrap it up. We've already called a callback joke. Exactly. Ryan, we can also do this once a week with you if you are okay with that because clearly we can just go on forever with you. Honey, I'm literally always fucking available. We love to hear that booked and busy also means always available in this time. Just trying to get those slots filled. Just trying to get those slots filled. Let's fill those slots. Ryan, we're all trying to fill some slots. You know what I mean? Yeah, of course, of course. Thank you, Brad. Ryan, of course. Can you tell the people where to find you? On the internet? On Netflix, maybe? Flex? Oh, yeah. You can watch my show special on Netflix. And then you can also find me on Twitter, where I'm actually engaging with the medium again. I was really anti-Twitter for a while.

And this pandemic has been really humbling. I've really come back with my tail between my fucking legs. Welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, totally. Ryan Ocon. And then on Instagram, Ryan Ocon, where I do nothing. But where do you ask me anything? That's what I do. It's just that. They're good. Yours are funny, though. So I accept it. Are you sure? No, Chris, I honestly, I actually was going to text you because I was like, Chris will always give it to me straight. No, I like them. I really find talking to the camera on Instagram, it's like you can't come across – you will always come across unhinged. Even people that are, like, stable and smart and funny and get it, there's always a little dose of crazy. So I feel very self-conch, like, coming across as a little psycho. No, no. I mean, I think that the psycho is, like you said, it's baked in, but I appreciate it. Okay. Okay, good. That's part of the deal. Okay, good, good. It means a lot to me. You know where you can find me. You know what I'm saying. Add Dented Death. Add Dented Death Projects on Instagram. Jason, where can I find you, Ken? Follow me at ThemJeans on Twitter and Instagram, please. I'm not doing AMAs, but maybe I will. Who knows? This is just the beginning, guys. Yeah, honey, this is going to be a long journey. It's going to be a long, long journey. Thank you, guys. Thank you so much, Ryan. All right. Bye guys. Bye.