271. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. Coming to you live, raw and uncut, unedited from Glendale. Chris is back in America. Chris is back in Glendale. I never left. Oh, man, it feels good, Jason. Love to be here. The sun is breaking through the clouds, and it's going to be a nice 75 degrees this afternoon in Los Angeles, even though it's December. I don't think that's true. I think it's going to be a little chilly. It's 57 right now, bro. It's 11 a.m. Yeah, 57. That's what I'm saying. We've got time, though. It's got to heat up. We're not going to get there. I think we're finally done with global warming winter, and I think regular winter is starting to arrive. No. I refuse to accept that. Why? I'm Greta Thurberg. This shit is sticking around. No, I'm Greta Thurberging. You're saying... No, no, I'm saying that global warming is real. And unfortunately, it's continuing. I don't want it to, of course. That's crazy. You just say it needs to continue? Well, for my personal advancement. For some of your stock investments, it's sort of, we need... global warming to keep going where it's going we global warming can't dip no no i hate to see global i'm bullish on warming when they announced the the new variant you know what i mean global warming dipped a little bit but luckily my i've i've held strong in my global warming investment that's the real metaverse my portfolio manager said stay strong on global warming you keep keep the money in there chris don't don't fuck around let's hold the line

Not that one. Not that one. You can finally sell GameStop, but you've got to keep global warming. I don't think that global warming, or I mean, as I've lived on this earth, I don't think that seasons are disappearing. People are saying there's no more spring and no more fall. It's either just really hot and sunny or way too cold and shitty. Even weather itself has moved to a classic or trash juxtaposition. That classic or trash shit is very real. That's a great point. Even weather said, let me check that out. This sounds cool. I think that all the seasons are still there and they're still happening. I think they're just simply shifting to different parts. The belt is still wrapped around the pants, but... The buckle has shifted over a course of an evening. You know what I mean? Sometimes the belt buckle would be a little bit to the left. Oh, I thought you were referencing like a white belt. I listen to the faint. I pull the buckle to the side. Like international noise conspiracy. That's too far. Oh, I see. That's global warming extremists where it's not for everyone. Okay, so it's just a slight shift. Like you just adjust it when you went to the bathroom and you were drunk and you just left it a little bit. Yeah, so yeah. You put your belt on. Like if you go to like a sloppy wedding. You put your suit on. Everything's looking good. Your tie's good. Your belt is aligned. The buckle is due north. It's centered on your Adobe document. It clicks in. Right above your crotch. And then you go home. You got some Whataburger stains on your pants. The wedding was in Austin. It's actually really hot right now for bachelorettes and weddings and stuff. Austin is so popping right now. Yeah, so like... The mason jar, mezcal, margarita. There's a little bit of that on the pants. The Whataburger mustard is on your IZOD tie. It was crazy, though. The show house was actually open after the bachelorette party. It was sick. It was open. They didn't let us in. But you look at the mirror, and the belt buckle is askew. But it's still there, and your pants are still up. So the seasons are merely skewed, but they are maintaining as they always have. Yeah.

Winter is still here. It just starts in December instead of starting in November. Yeah, I would probably agree with you. I mean, I've just suffered through some cold weather, and I don't love it, but, I mean, you do get to get fits off. I got this new friend of the show, Ben Dietz, actually. This is a while ago, but he just texted me out of nowhere and was like, hey, I have this jacket for you. I was like, okay. And he just showed up on a bike an hour later. He was like, hey, this is my dad's and it doesn't fit me. And I thought you would want it. It's like this belted cashmere camel coat. That's too thoughtful. It's very nice. So I got it dry cleaned. It's ready to go. I was taking all. But it's it's smelled like shit. It's so warm. It's just it's too. It's like I was too warm. Too warm. Well, I wore it to the parade Soho store opening party because I hadn't been outside all day because I was grustling so hard that I basically would... My New York schedule was wake up at 5.30, go to Fierce Grace Hot Yoga or Hot Hit at 7. Fierce Grace? I'm not happy with the name. I'm not happy with the... anything except the workout that sounds like one of like beyonce's film production companies that's one of her many arms of the parkwood entertainment that's that's oprah's ai wing so i would go to fierce grace i'd be done at eight and i'd be back in the house basically till sundown because i would have shit to do you know what i mean so i was like oh it looks chilly outside so i put you know but then damn i powered through but that is a that is a grunt do you get like A little cuckoo just being locked up in your apartment all day? I know you have the internet and the metaverse to swim around and fly freely. When you're buying and selling NFTs at the rate that I am, it's kind of like your mind doesn't rest. I'm just fine. I would actually say it's stimulating more than it is depressing. Known indoor kid, Chris Black. I didn't love it, but there's shit to be done. But I did get to wear my new coat. And I also got a new coat from Drake. So I'm just coated up. Some people are suited and booted. You're coated and throated. I'm coated and throated. She's coated and throated. That's a bummer because I'm always too cold. I'm always freezing. You know that about me.

Well, it's because your body is so large that the blood isn't able to make it. No, it's because I'm just skin and bones. I don't have a lot of meat on here. More meat than I would like. I wouldn't send it back if the chef put it down. Come on, bro. Come on, bro. Yeah, your legs are one of your better features. You know what I mean? Okay, so I'm always cold, but very rare. Do you get too hot in the winter? When you have like too big of a coat, you have the seat heaters on and the Beamer. This is the problem. This is actually, Alex and I were talking about this. You got to roll the windows down. In New York, you get overheat all the time because you're walking. So you bundle up and you walk and you get too hot and you take something off and you're too cold. It's a problem. But here in LA, the coat situation is very tough this time of year because a coat that I wear in New York, like a proper longer coat, feels... dramatic in LA. It feels, like, kind of obnoxious to wear that. That's right. Like, yesterday we were walking around the Westfield Central City Mall and, you know, a guy walks up in his fucking, you know, bonobos trousers with his fucking coat from Suit Supply. I'm like, this guy looks like a fucking clown. But it was cold enough to wear a coat, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You feel gooped. There's not a lot of places you can walk around in LA with, like, a proper... No, you look weird. You need, basically... Formal winter coat. All the coats in LA have to stop at the waist. That's really... a rule that i would say yeah because you can't go hiking if you're down to the knee length with your with your wool coat no so it's a it's it's a real challenge dressing you know luckily i have many great options yeah um but that's because you you looked in your closet and you said challenge accepted i'm gonna get after it today that's exactly what i did but it's just it's nice to be back man it's it really is it's really nice to be back i love traffic you know i love My local gym. You know, I've seen all the sights I need to see already in 48 hours. You know, I saw that as snowing in Hawaii, but not in Denver. Not to get on my Thunberg. What do you think about that, Chris? I think Obama's down there right now. So maybe Santa did that for him to kind of give it like a Christmas. Obama made snow happen in Hawaii. He's quote unquote from there. What is the quotes for? Well, I mean, you and I both know.

He's not American. Exactly. I didn't say that, but I heard. He can say, I didn't lie about the country I was born in. It was more of a little fib. It's like when I forget to ring something up on the self-checkout at Whole Foods. Exactly. I wasn't stealing. I wasn't stealing. I merely forgot. I'm obviously an upstanding white member of society who would never steal from a corporation like this. Officer, this is... I believe there's a shut-in-case whoops-a-daisy here. Officer, I come here every day. You think I'm that stupid? You really think I'm that stupid? They know me here. When I go to the smoothie bar. Edgar, Edgar. It's happening again. When I go to the smoothie bar, I say, Mr. Black, nice to see you again. I had a very nutritious just yesterday. I thought of you. My man, I finally had one today. Oh, my God. So I've been recuperating because it's been a lot of partying. This is the part about December and wintertime that I don't like. It's very fun. Every week there's like a lot of parties you got to go to. Holiday party, housewarming party, birthday party. A lot of people move to a new place around this time of year. And I'm just always fighting like a hangover. I'm always eating cheese and drinking wine. I feel like you've been fighting a hangover and eating shitty for... I would say a majority of your adult life. Yeah, but it turns up a notch in December. It's like October for a baseball fan. Yeah, you're Mr. December. I'm Mr. December. I remember this last year because you had this whole thing where you were like, yeah, I just do my thing and let it rock. I gain a little weight and then I'll just figure it out later. And it sounds like maybe you're going to walk that back right now. Well, once you get older, every year that ticks on that calendar. On that Chanel advent calendar, it gets a little tougher to clear things up. It's getting harder to say the right things. That's right, Chris. That's right. Yeah, but I'm doing a little bit of that just to counter it. But what I was saying last year was more so like coming to grips with the fact being okay with this month is going to be...

where you do more eating, you do more drinking. It's cold out. You're not out in the sun walking around and doing fun stuff. You're less active. You're hibernating. So you're going to pack on your December 10 pounds to remember. No, the December 10 pounds to remember is not part of the How Long Gone Metaverse. I'm approaching it a different way. Because this is the first time I'm going to be home for a nice stretch where I can really lock in. I texted Hunter as soon as I got back and said, it's fucking zero dark 30 time. December is my time to remember abs. And that's what we're going to do. Okay. So you're not in album mode. You're in album mode. I'm in album mode. And this is not a fucking game. I told Hunter I want to lock in. And I'm having a little bit of an ankle issue. But he's going to run me a program for cardio. So I'm really going to go hard body for the next month. Luckily for me, I don't eat any of the stuff that's fun for Christmas. Yeah. Fruitcake, out. What else is there? Cookies. Cookies, out. Well, yeah, the fact that you – that's the difference. I think sweets is the difference because I normally am not a sweet hunter. I see, but they're around. But, yeah, Christmas, they're all around. Are you going to make your famous TJ thumbprints this year? Yeah, of course I'm going to make them. Well, this is the first year I'm not going to participate, but I thank you for your service. I'll send you a pic. I'll mint one as an NFT. It'll spin around in a circle. It'll actually show a thumb putting the jam dot down. Don't, Chris. I'm sorry. I hate to give it away. I'm not editing this episode. I'm so good at ideation. That's free radio right there. So you've been going to a lot of parties, and honestly, I thought today, because last night we were planning to record this episode, usually we do at 10 a.m., you're like... 1030. And I was like, okay, good. We're going to get TJ on one of his little hungover, little stinky pods. But then I get here today, you're making me a cup of coffee. You're sprightly. You got your Gucci sunglasses on. You seem to be, your hair looks pretty good. You seem to be feeling good. I'm feeling, I'm feeling good. But yes, because I've been really addicted to your pre-workout. Now, when I go to the gym, it's, it's there. There's a lot of changes have been made. So are you saying that you finally learned to work out because pre-workout?

That's a part of it. I never stop learning and trying to improve. Don't spit out the water. Sorry, I had some alcohol in my mouth when Jason said he doesn't stop learning. I don't know why that's so funny. Okay, so you don't stop learning. I don't ever stop learning. When some don't even know what you're originally talking about. You're talking about I'm saying your gym flow has improved because of pre-workout, which I guess you had resisted. I'll be like, here's a plateau. Here's a box I need to live in and work out of. And pre-workout has let me know that you can burst through that wall Kool-Aid man style, which is basically. That should more be the ad for pre-workout than just Kool-Aid. Kool-Aid is pre-workout for kids. But I was like, oh, I don't need to live in this box. It's time. The rule, see this barbed wire fence that's keeping me in here? Pre-workout comes in with some scissors and snips it. And now you understand why I'm vibrating on a higher plane. Yeah, so like my problem, one wall that was set up for me was the Equinox parking only validates for two hours. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world... writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative, but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools.

So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash how long for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code how long to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable. And they're just easy, but, you know, still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. You know, they focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe, go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot.

because I can't do anything. You need some art hung, TaskRabbit. You need something put together, a cabinet. Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf. TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code How long? Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. Wrap your big brain around this one. 40 minutes of that two hours is going to be sauna. shower, getting dressed. Sure. So I'm already down to an hour and 20 minutes. I mean, that's barely scratching the surface. And the hour and 20 minutes, that's the moment your car drives into the parking lot, not the moment you start working out. So, like, you drive in, you get the thingy, you find a parking spot, you walk down, you check in, you have to get your validation, you have to beep the app, you walk upstairs, you change, you put your shit in the locker. By the time you're starting to work out,

We're already down to an hour, maybe an hour and five minutes. You just don't have time for you. Let's say I want to do 45 minutes of cardio. Now what? I got 15 minutes to do what? Is this something you've approached the Equinox staff about? No. So basically what I started doing is riding my bike there. Because then I can just work. You're saying the bike parking is unlimited time. Unlimited time. I didn't even have to click a button or get the ticket or anything like that. That's nice. Just for all you entrepreneurs out there, let's figure out a way to charge for bike parking. I think that's something we're missing. Yeah, but with my bike, I'll just park it on the sidewalk for free. I'll just wrap it around, lock it up to a fucking stop sign. That's what I call a life hack. I appreciate it. So, for example, because of pre-workout, coursing through my thick veins, I did four hours at the gym. Look, not all of that was obviously working out. I want to get behind this, but it also feels like maybe you're not using your time that efficiently. But I was pretty much doing stuff the whole time. But all I did was, because I've been living in the two-hour box, I'm always looking at the clock. I'm always... On somebody else's, I'm on borrowed time. You were able to free your mind and your body followed. Exactly. So I'll look at the clock and be like, all right, I want to be in the sauna for 20 minutes. It's going to take me five minutes to shower and seven minutes to change and then four minutes to walk to the parking lot. You're constantly doing mental math instead of gaining. Right, right, right. And yesterday was Saturday. So I'm like, you know, I'm going to go sit in the sauna for 20 minutes, take a cold shower. Maybe get a new towel. Maybe do a little mouthwash, a little Q-tip. All the amenities. Go and then grab a clean towel. Go back in the sun another 20 minutes. Another cold shower. Wow. Air dry. Dick and balls hanging. Spread those cheeks. I appreciate how you're just using the facilities in a way that's probably bad for the environment. That goes back to my kind of... Oh, yeah. Eight towels minimum. I just don't...

The whole locker room area, I just tile the whole floor. You have a path to the shower that you build with towels? It's like a never nude on Arrested Development, but never tiled. Instead of wearing slides, you just put towels down everywhere? You cover the shower floor in towels? Every day, I feel like Rihanna at the Met Gala. I got two of the fucking guys whose polo shirts they maintain on them. Carrying my towel train. I don't think. I just don't think that. More keels, Mr. Stewart? I just don't think that. I guess I don't shower. I've never showered at the gym. Neither have I. But when you sauna. I just don't. It's not. I don't know. I don't know why. And this is a Chris problem. But I separate. a sauna steam room situation from exercise. Like I go to the infrared and do my thing for an hour. You're one of those people who you can't let the peas touch the mashed potatoes and gravy. Exactly. I don't mix on my plate. Church and state. Yes. I find that I'm more, I'm at Easton probably total an hour and a half. You know what I mean? Or maybe an hour. Hour 15. But I don't know if I could even spend four hours at the gym. I don't know what I would do. I can only stretch for 20 minutes. I mean, that's how long a Joe Rogan episode is. Good point. Yeah, you live your life two Joe Rogan episodes at a time. So I wake up, I have breakfast, go to the gym, that's one Joe Rogan. Then I come home, lunch, dinner, two Joe Rogans. I see what you're doing. Yeah, I drive into the parking lot, get the two-hour ticket, listen to Joe Rogan when the episode's done. Get in my car. Drive out. Do a U-turn. Come back. Get another two-hour. And boom, now it's time to hit the sauna for my Rogan. Rogan in the sauna. The phone stays outside on the floor. One AirPod in. I'm not a monster. I would say that Rogan in the sauna does feel appropriate. Oh, yeah. Except I can't listen to Joe Rogan anymore now that I listen to the Tim Heidecker office hours where they satirize Rogan. Is it funny?

Well, yeah, we'll talk about it in a second. But I've listened to Joe Rogan before where he's like, oh, you can't bring your phone into the sauna, but AirPods are fine. So I just listened to a podcast, put my phone outside the sauna. And as soon as he said that, it changed my life. I was like, oh, this is so sick. So once again, Joe Rogan's giving you... You can find a... The reason you believe COVID is fake, Joe Rogan. And now you know that you can wear AirPods in the sauna. So that's two pretty good things he's giving you. There's two truffles in a pile of shit. That's pretty good. But a truffle nonetheless. You know, not everyone's willing to dig through that feces. I watched a documentary about truffle hunters actually on the plane. So that's kind of... We've seen it. Yeah, it's not good. It's no booksellers, but... What's her name? That chick who was always reading? Remember? McNally Jackson? No. Who? The old New York broad who's always reading books and does lectures a lot. I'm going to let you. There's a documentary about her recently on Netflix. I'm going to let you just keep going. It was her and Marty on stage waxing about the old bits. You're close. You're close. It starts with an F? Leibowitz. I had to mind that. I just thought it was funny a month ago when I was trying to describe it. And I was like, the bitch doesn't always read in. The bitch is reading all the time. You're like, oh, family of whips. Okay, so I learned that you can listen to music in the sauna, blah, blah, blah. That's great. But after I listened to, it was like a week ago, week and a half ago, Tim Heidecker, his podcast, Office House, friend of the show, previous guest, who was going to come on, but he had to reschedule. He's coming back early January. He'll be back on early January for you Heidecker heads out there. He did a video on his podcast where he did a 12-hour live stream of him. It was him and two other guys where he's playing Joe Rogan, a Joe Rogan-like character. They never mention Joe Rogan. Heads, no. They never directly reference him, but it's very obvious. And the two guys that are with him, they're like other sketch comedy kind of dudes. I've never heard of him before, but...

They play the role pretty well, but they did a 12-hour live stream where it's basically just full deadpan improvised impressions of them. 12 hours? 12 hours. And the episode of the podcast, I think, is like three or four hours, and you skip around and you feel like it's just the same 20 minutes repeating, but then it changes and it's a little different. It's like... I mean, it's like, it's pretty impressive performance art. And when I listened to it at first, I was like, oh, I wish I was in the room right now. I would do such a good job, you know, keeping up with these guys, doing Joe Rogan impressions and talking about stuff. You do a great job keeping up with famous professional comedians and podcasters. I mean, I could offer a lot. And I was like, these guys are only sort of touching on the broader strokes. Yeah. And no one's really going into the kill with. hyper-specific references that are really going to cut to the bone. Because you've been listening to so much, Rogan, that you can kind of show them some things that they ain't ever seen before. That's right, that's right. I'm going to blow your mind. Shorty, let me blow your mind. You're doing an eye job. Let me show you when, yeah, big dick swinging comes through and starts doing some real stuff. But then as the episode progressed, I was like, oh, no, these guys are actually really good. And they have the ability to just never break. They stayed in character the whole time saying the most ridiculous shit. I actually don't listen to Joe Rogan. I've never listened to it. So who are his – does he have like a producer guy and then like another guy that are like – It's him and one other guy who's like his producer guy who like Googles shit and like pulls up videos about eagles. And he's a minor character, but you like know his name and shit, or does he like talk? Yeah, he's a decent – A supporting actor in it. People know his name. He'll talk. It's not like on Tim Dillon where he turns the other guy's microphone off. Yeah. Which is so weird. You just hear him laughing. Well, no. That guy, unfortunately, plays a lot of golf, so I'm kind of out on him. Everyone who is a podcast assistant plays golf. I'm sure Rogan's assistant plays golf all the time and makes fucking $1.2 million a year. I was listening to Joe Budden today, and he's like...

One of the guys that works for him, like some young guy that works for him, is like, yeah, I'm leaving. He's leaving Joe Budden to go to HBO podcasts. I'm like, what the fuck? HBO podcasts. Well, first of all, yeah. Second of all, like, I didn't know that Joe Budden to HBO. Pipeline existed. Pipeline existed. Yeah, that feels. That's like someone's bro works there. I mean, to be fair, I mean, that podcast is fucking big and he worked there for a long time. I'm sure he knows shit. It's not even a shot, but it's just like, that seems insane. It does seem a little. But I like it. It's got spirit. Somebody at HBO is like, let's zag instead of zig. So I was listening to it, and then it really made me... Before, I would listen to Rogan, and I would only listen when it was an interesting guest. Like, oh, I want to see what's going on. Yeah, when Fauci was on, I know you listened to that one. Fauci, Kanye, things like that. But the Jewel episode, amazing. Do listen to the Jewel episode. Great one. Dreams last for so long. Not bad. Even after you're gone. Okay, go ahead. I've been listening to Joel. I can't listen to Joe Rogan anymore. It's sort of like I knew that it was stupid. I knew all the shit that he said was really dumb. And I know he was spreading misinformation a little bit. But I didn't care because I would just listen to it. Sometimes it would be funny. Sometimes it would be entertaining to hear him interview. Very famous people about shit. And now the rose-colored glasses have been smashed. And I tried to listen to Joe Rogan a couple days ago, and I was like, this is unlistenable. It's so fucking stupid. And I don't think I can do it anymore. Well, that's how I feel about every podcast. So I'm glad to know that you've joined our ranks. I think that's every podcast or almost every show. It's just like a little membrane. kind of web is built around your brain with this product and as long as that membrane is intact you're able to enjoy this thing and as soon as somebody comes and pokes it pokes the pudding skin it's over i can't watch pen 15 anymore after one little thing could happen you know i mean i

I can't even talk about Pen15, you fucking nerd. It's getting better, Chris. Come on. Season 2, there's a lot of wild improvements. I'm sure it's true. I just think that it's like there's just so much out there. I would just rather watch Selling Sunset than any of this stuff that people care about. It's like the Beatles. Friend of the show, David's show. You're being a rebel by watching the more popular show. No, I'm not being a rebel. I'm being economic with my time. Like, friend of the show, David Cho, is like, you need to watch The Beatles, Doc. I obviously love The Beatles. A lot of people have been talking about it. I'm sure it's amazing. I've seen all the screenshots. I've seen the style stuff. It looks great. Eight hours, it's just not going to happen. I'm not going to watch it. I don't care. I agree. But thank you, David Cho, for sending me your Disney Plus invite because I will be watching Beauty and the Beast tonight. Fellas, is it gay to have a Disney Plus subscription? It's definitely gay to have Disney Plus. Do you know why you have Disney Plus? Because it's got all the Marvel movies. Oh. Yeah. Bro, I'm a grown ass man. The only people that should have Disney Plus, you gotta have kids. If you ain't got kids, you got Disney Plus, you need to talk to somebody. You got a dry dick. Yeah, that dick's Sahara. Also, ladies. Is it gay to have a Disney Plus subscription unless you got kids? I don't even like ladies doing it. I know chicks love Finding Nemo. They them community. Don't subscribe to Disney Plus unless you have kids. You go home with somebody, you see they have Disney Plus, don't fuck them. That's the new bookshelf Warhol. That's the new book quote. Yeah, that's the new John Waters book quote. Or John Waters, that's right. You go home and they got their streaming up and they got Disney Plus. Put your pants back on. Yeah, you'd see a Woody Allen movie back in the day. You know, he'd bring a nice little 17-year-old back to the crib and she's thumbing through the bookshelves like, oh, oh, it's the first edition. Oh, you've never read, you know, whatever. And now instantly makes a beeline for the,

media room smashes the home button on the samsung smart tv and then aha you're like this guy yo so i went home with this guy right he's cool he's wearing common projects he has some jeans on i get back to the crib he's got the samsung tv it looks like art you know what i mean it's got the it's got the van gogh background like all right yeah he's it's happening tonight he turns it on i see netflix i see youtube tv i see hulu i'm like all right yeah we can we're still like that motherfucker kept scrolling Yeah, he scrolls himself out of some toppy. Because then Disney Plus came out. The girl looks over with one tear coming down the face like, what's your kid's name? And he's like, I don't know. What's your kid's name? I don't have any kids. Boom, grabs the bear mace. I got to get out of here. The fact that the Beatles thing is on Disney Plus also seems like some sort of psyop. Like, I don't, I feel like that's, I feel like that's Disney Plus trying to get old people to sign up for Disney. 1000%. And boy, is it working because I didn't, the first people I heard about this, like I heard about this documentary a week before anyone was talking about it from my mom and my aunt. Yeah, that's yeah. They're just like, yeah, this shit is fucking. I'm just going to listen to let it be remastered. It's really good. And I'm good. I don't. But you're right. Eight hours is so long. Everything is so fucking long. It's it's insane to me. I feel like I'm watching a Civil War documentary. That's the vibe. It's like four VHS is. I don't need this. Yeah, I don't need this. I'm sure it's good. I'm sure it's great. I'm all set. But I was thinking eight hours of how we made Olivia Rodrigo sour. depending on what she's wearing i'm in on that bts yeah but not the not the korean not the korean superstars yeah i'm talking about behind the scenes i'm talking about i mean i saw that phoebe and olivia were on instagram live yesterday phoebe bridgers and olivia rodrigo did ig live which is sort of like kind of stealing our vibes the fact that i wasn't consulted on that as like a

I don't know, maybe a host. As a consultant? Yeah, as like a host or maybe just like a... Someone to steer the ship. Intermediary, maybe, between them. Because, you know, I'm sure they're friends, but you know how celebrities are. Yeah, it was... Do you know what the purpose of this was? It was just two... It was ACL Live. It was some sort of... It was some sort of promotional tool, I'm sure. ACL Live. Yeah. Well, I think... Well, you know, the ACL fucked Phoebe. They're like... I think that was ACL that turned her off. Like, they told her that she could go over time because it started late because of weather. And then they just like... pulled the plug on the last song. And the sound person was like, yeah, you went over. And she's like, bitch, I know we talked about this. We all knew this was going to happen. It was a big, it was like a big thing. All right. Fuck ACL live. Not the venue that we play. Not 310 ACL live. Beautiful. Those guys rocked. What else we got, Chris? Well, I want to hear about the Gucci party. No, Tom Ford party. I'm sorry, Tom Ford. I only think about Tom Ford's greatest era, which was at Gucci. Of course. You remember the G pubic hair ad, Jason. Carolyn wore all Tom Ford Gucci when we went there. Oh, what did you wear? Timberland. Timberland. Tom, yeah, so we went over, got some, what did we do? We got some Shintaro beforehand. Beautiful. The best tofu salad in Los Angeles. If you're a vegetarian or if you just like tofu, go to Shintaro in Hollywood, get the tofu salad. Exquisitely plated, better than any dumbass Kismet restaurant or something like that. No, I mean, honestly, that place is... Better than Squirrel. And I went to Squirrel. Shintaro is a weekly stop. Shintaro is amazing. It really is. It really is. Every restaurant in LA is bad except for Shantara. And also the waitress, the server there. Triple OG. Triple OG. Been going there for fucking 15 years. She went to the club one time when I was DJing. This is just to give you guys some clarity. It's a 60-year-old tiny Asian woman who's like the nicest person, like so nice, remembers our order. She's a pro.

Yeah, like, wouldn't let us leave the restaurant. She was on the phone, and we walked out and said bye, and she put the purse on hold to come around and give us both a hug goodbye. That's what I'm looking for. That's the Asian girlfriend difference. I don't get a hug, but. Asian girlfriend experience. Well, she's probably like, which one is this? And you're like, no, no, this is the same one. And she came to the club way back in the day in the bodycon frequent dress. I was like, damn, she's about to bust it wide open. The fact that the waitress in Chintar showed up in the Hervé Leger. And Stevie Oakey's like, oh yeah, what do you want to hear? Justice? I got you. No problem. She's like, yeah, I thought Flostradamus was playing tonight. Did I get the... So we went to Shintaro. We went to Tom Ford party, which was at the Saddle Ranch. Famous TikTok cowboy bar. See, I don't like when you do that because to me it's a famous Real World Road Rules Challenge contestant bar. That's a problem, but that's what ages you. It's been there for... Since, like, 99 or something like that. Whatever, [redacted address] Rules real-world challenge hangout, right? Yeah, and now it's moved on, too. I'm sure there's also some C-list, like, Jamie Kennedy-type celebrities, you know, that used to bang there in 2004. Yeah, it was definitely, like, Road Rules crowd. And then the Jamie Kennedys moved in. And then it became an urban hotspot a few years ago. And then TikTok. kind of came in like what are what are like the different versions of that that's like reverse gentrification i don't even know i don't so the appeal of this place is obviously it's sunset strip location yeah and it has a mechanical bull has a mechanical bull and it's western themed so it's so it's just like a corny theme bar but it's in hollywood so people are like better looking i've i've been before but only because I was doing Coke and staying at the Standard. Yeah, all the people that work there are out-of-work actors. Are there great drink specials? I don't know. That was the first time I've hung out there. I'm sure a tasteful open bar, and you were sipping 1942 neat. Tasteful open bar. When you walked in, you were greeted by 20 hot guys, skin-tight, white T-shirt, tucked into some Wrangler's cowboy hat on, some boots.

And it was just trepaste tequila. Just like, here's these little plastic. Did you taste the brand? Like, were you? I'm sure they had a tequila sponsor for it. I did not check. They had another one that was called, like, Texas Water or something like that, which was like tequila and soda with lime kind of thing, like for the skinny girls, you know? Who was DJing? Suj Muj. Okay. She did a pretty good job playing some gay stuff. It was kind of a big gay vibe there, obviously. No, that's crazy. Cowboys aren't gay, bro. Wrap your head around that. Cowboys are men. So there's an actor that's the lead heartthrob on Never Have I Ever, a Netflix show about an Indian person. Oh, yeah, that won a bunch of awards and shit. Unfortunately, failing Mindy Kaling. How does that loser have her hand in everything? She sold her soul to the devil a long time ago. You can see in her eyes. She has the same eyes of Michael Jackson's dad. Pure evil. I'm not going to give her any respect until she admits BJ Novak's the father of her child. Damn. I guess I shouldn't speak ill of Mindy if we ever want to get BJ on. He's like, bro, that's my BM. You can't really be talking on that. Yeah, I was going to do your little show, but now I heard you talking shit about my BM. I'm indicating BJ's BM. Her bio is BJ's BM. BJ's BM. So anyways, there's that show on Netflix, and the main heartthrob guy, he's sort of like a Zac Efron, a poor man Zac Efron, something like that. If Zac Efron had 2.3 million followers instead of 32 million followers, whatever. You know, 5'4", twink cutie who plays a straight guy in high school who's 30 years old in real life. Where is this going? He was the star of the show. He was who everyone was after. Lil Nas X was parading around, Sidney Sweeney. You know, there was a decent amount of real celebs there, but this guy who nobody even knew his name, but they just know him from this TV show. Was that show that popular?

I didn't know it was that popular. Me neither. But Carolyn was there. So he was walking around, and I was like, oh, there go Lil Nas X, there go Sidney Sweeney, whatever. Did Lil Nas X have his shirt on? He had a whole ensemble. It was like black leather and gold kind of thing. He had like two other power gays with him, two security behind him, and he just kind of walked around. Didn't do shit. Never got on the mechanical bull. But then when... This guy from the Netflix show got on the Mechanical Bull. It was just out of an 80s commercial for fucking Calvin Klein. It was just so egregiously ridiculous. He was hanging out. He was wearing jeans and Converse and a leather jacket or something like that. He's just fighting off different gays like a mosquito. And then everyone's trying to get a piece of him. Lil Nas' security is probably trying to fuck him or whatever. And then he goes over to the bull and takes his jacket off. So he just has a partner respecter on and some tight Levi's. I knew he was going to have a partner respecter on underneath. And he gets on the bull and it's almost like the whole party stops. Like the music stops playing. The bartenders stop serving. The glasses stop clinking. Everybody wants to see this guy ride. And everybody stopped to watch this guy ride. Carolyn elbowing people like a fucking running back. through the crowd so she can get a video of it. Oh, Herschel Walker ass. How long did he last? How long did I last? No, I know you're kind of a quick guy when it comes to bulls, but I'm saying how long did this guy last on the bull? He did a good long ride, and I think the operator of the bull knew to milk it. That's what I was going to say, because I think if the operator doesn't fuck with you, you're off in 30 seconds. If the operator fucks with you, you can be up there for a minute and a half. If whoever Tom Ford hired to produce this party, one of these high-ponytailed girls with the earpiece who was working there, it was like, okay, he's getting on the bull. Her clipboard ass makes a beeline to the operator, and she hands him a 20 and is like, make this last as long as it has to. This is the pinnacle of the night. We need this guy up here for a minute and a half, and we need him holding on tight so the bicep is flexed. Hand him the 20. Guess who's not getting bucked? And he's like, this guy? And she's like, that's right.

Right down the front shirt pocket. So he moves it and it goes from zero to ten on the buck-ometer. My bro's on .5 for a minute and a half. So it was going like this. Yeah, it was like a slow wave. Yeah. It was like a beauty queen in the back of a car. Exactly. Did you do it? Fuck no. Pussy, I would have done it. No, no, no. I mean, the way I've been going hard at the gym, my hip flexors can't handle that. No, it's more about flexing those inner thighs to keep yourself. I learned this when I learned to ride a motorcycle. Oh, go on. This is where your Kegels come into play. Yeah, I'm always Kegeling. Your squeeze power. A, B, K, always be Kegeling. But as soon as I got to build with a bunch of people, see some old faces, it was kind of the perfect party because it was over very quickly. It was supposed to probably go all night, but then as soon as Lil Nas X left, the valet just filled up and everyone was gone. Really? Yeah. Everyone was just there. There was no performance. It was just Suge Mooge on the ones and twos, and that's it. That's it. That's it. But the gift bags were very good. I think everyone wanted to grab a t-shirt and some cologne. That's what I was trying to do at the parade party. They were like, gift bag? I'm like, yeah, what's in it? They're like, a hoodie, logo hoodie, and some other shit. I'm like, oh, fuck yeah, XL? They're like, double XL only. Double XL, what do I look like to you? Well, parade, you know, that's parade. They're inclusive. Yeah, they're so inclusive they forgot an XL for me. And then I'm like, I'm going to text Kami back. I need the Savorski joint in an XL. I want the sparkles. The Savorski? Yeah, I need the sparkly joint. Dude, I mean, I'll be down for that. That party was also, I think I was invited to the parade party, the store opening in Soho, because it was a diversity play. They needed to have a straight white there. Like, we need one straight white guy who's not an investor or a lawyer at this party. Chris Black is available. So they needed a non-Jewish straight person there. Exactly, yeah. So, I mean, Bryn, friend of the show. That's all my VC investor bros. Bryn Trill and I went, and I got to say, the store is fucking insane. It looks nice. It's on Broadway. Like, it's on.

It's on Broadway between... It's in the old two-shot space? Houston and Spring. No, no, no. It's big boy shit. It's big boy shit. It's very impressive. It was probably an Aldo. You know what I mean? It's a giant. She did a really good job, and they also made, which is something we need to look into, is they made one of those claw machines. Yeah, yeah. We need to get a how-long-gone claw machine for our album. Okay. For our album release? We'll do a Chris and Jason stuffed dolls and CDs. Plushies. Yeah, we'll get, I'm sure Jaguar can pay to put, I don't know, 10 of those in different independent stores all over the country. We'll start at 10. 10 of the big markets. We'll start low at 10. But yeah, I was there for, you know, a half hour. So Parade spent some money on this. Parade spent some fucking money on it. It was really well done. I was like super impressed. A lot of XXXL bras is moving. They're moving hella bras, bro. They said, it's a Victoria's Secret. Hold my mezcal. Hold my Yola. Hold my Yola and Ghia. No, it was fun. It was fun. I mean, I saw some heads, too. Who was DJing? What's the music? What's the live story? I think Mazurbate was DJing, actually. My king. Yeah, the music was good. I like the music he plays. I do, too. It was a good party. I mean, it was nice, though. You know what it was? It was nice for me to walk home through Soho all the way to this village alone on a quiet night. With your overcoat that's too warm. My overcoat slapping behind me. It felt like I was in a rom-com. Yeah, I feel like you're serving Richard Gere when you're doing this. I was. I was Jigolo ass. An Alfa Romero splashes you with the puddle. And your cigarette extension falls from your hand. Cigarette extension? Damn, we have been going to hella parties. That's it, though. The Wall Street Journal under your armpit falls out in shock? You know I have the paper tucked under my arm, even if it's after 9 p.m. The news is already old, but it doesn't matter to me. Well, China's bumping right now. The market's over there. I mean, I don't have any other parties to go to. That's it. So I'm glad, because I know your shit. We're just getting started with party season. I'm going to have a holiday party here. You're invited. I think it'll be the week between...

Are we not doing... Christmas and New Year's. I mean, I think we need to do a VIP how long gone dinner. In what city? I think we have to do it here. Horses? Yeah, we could do horses. We could also do maybe something old school. Rent out the back room and horses? We could do something old school. How old school are we talking? Like a Musso and Frank's, Dantana's. So like a holiday dinner for our... our supporting casting characters, or the How Long Gone universe. Our extended How Long Gone universe. All the people that make this crazy rocket ship. Which is basically us. Let's be honest, it's kind of just us. Yeah, I know. I'm not inviting anyone from Anchor. They're on the East Coast. Anchor should be inviting us. Yeah, I don't know who we'd invite, but I feel like we need to do it. We're going to invite all the team from Timberland. The guys over at BetterHelp. The Nestle Corporation is going to stop by. The Nestle Corp. All the guys from Nestle Corp are going to stop. I love those guys, man. I love those guys. They've been killing it. Those guys roll through with their fucking Targus laptop holders. All the guys that you sit next to on the airplane in first class. These guys literally pull the Targus out. They look like wine. They look like wine reps with all their fucking luggage. You always can tell those guys because they got a nice-ish looking... They got the Bonobos guy kind of fit, but then the shoes are always a little too worn. The sole needs to be hung up. They had to put some cardboard between their foot and the sole because they got a hole in there. It's looking a bit rough and ready. I mean, I love... I'm not going to miss those guys when I go to private. When you go to private. When I make it to private, when I arrive at the Blade headquarters and I said... Yeah, but even when you switch to private, you're still going to have to do... Every once in a while, you're going to have to be a commercial girl. No, much like Kanye, I'll just sit and coach and build with my fans, you know, just to feel something. Did he sit and coach? I didn't know that. He did that on a couple flights. I think he flew to New York and coach. Which is like, what are you trying to prove?

Maybe he just really needed to get there and that was the only thing available. There's no way that's a word. But also, if I was Kanye West and I was that rich and famous and ridiculous and I'd just walk around wearing masks and Balenciaga croc boots all day, I'm doing fucked up shit like that all the time. I think he has to do fucked up shit to feel anything. I'm going to sit next to some fucking cleaning lady who's going back home to see her family and I'm going to talk to her. I'm going to make her cry. She's going to make me cry. I'm going to write her a check for $38,000 for fucking Tita's operation. All that shit's going down. I'll be like, the cart comes by. Give her two orange juices. Two Svedkas. He's nominated for all these gospel Christian categories. I'm like, this motherfucker is really the king of scammers. That's a smart move. It really is. Because he knows he ain't going to get it for Donda. No, Donda sucks. Even though all my young guys... I think Donda is weird. Donda has become... The Kid A versus the OK Computer. I mean, I haven't listened to it except one time because I was like, this isn't good. It's a grower, not a shower. I know you love that. I know you love that. Because sometimes if you get a nice bottle of Pet Nat, after a few years in TT's cellar, it'll... Where's the cellar on the property? I've never seen it before. Oh, the one on this property? I'll show you after the... I'll show you after you record. I didn't know if it was out back. The door can be a little tricky. Because I've noticed the garage, and I've seen the kind of jail gym, and then the old grill, but I didn't know where the cellar was. It's sort of around in that area. Yeah. Yeah, that's the general vicinity of the cellar. Yeah, so you got it. Yeah, but I guess the cellar is underground, so I have to walk down some stairs, so I couldn't even see the opening. It's temperature controlled down there. It doesn't get too cold. Do you keep anything else down there, or is it just wine? I mean, do you keep... Is weed temperature controlled for you, or do you just smoke whatever? It doesn't stick around long enough to really be altered by... Did you be chiefing? Yeah, man. I have been smoking a lot more weed lately. Have you? Only at nighttime, though. Actually, not. I haven't been smoking more of it, but I've been craving it more. I've become more addicted to it. You're a drug addict. Welcome to the family. I don't want to do stuff without it.

You know, like my daily chores and stuff. You know, what's cool is that drugs make them like more exciting and fun. Yeah. But you have to really, as I said earlier, how I never stopped learning. You have to really learn what the right times and wrong times to do it. And you stick with it. You know, it's like, but the thing is, you can't do it without the other thing happening. Like you have to smoke weed and then do the thing. and then be done with it, and then to do the other work around that. You've got to spray the window with Windex, but you have to wipe it off. You can't just leave it up there. I see. So you're saying that. So if you see a guy who's like a smoked-out stoner guy, like smoked himself retarded kind of bro. He put the Windex on, but he never wiped it off. I see. So it's just the dirt is dripping down into the window frame. It's an unclear film. What you think is going to be doing something good actually ends up doing something bad. That's disgusting. I'm disgusted by you and your drug use, but I guess this is the world that I live in. Yeah, man. I'm tethered to you. Fuck it. I'm not high right now. Are you not? No. You didn't have a little gummy for breakfast? I have been taking a gummy at the gym. I've seen you spreading gummies on your bagel before. This wouldn't be the first time. Can't get the bagel extra hot. If any weed gummy company is listening to this right now, bless me, bro. What about weed cream cheese? Does that exist? I know that Yeasty Boys, they're doing an everything bagel Kiva chocolate. Kiva is like a, maybe that's insider info. No, that's like a big weed chocolate. It drops on 420. But you're telling me that they're melting it into a bagel? No, no, no. So they're doing, like, the regular chocolate bar, but there's, like, a Himalayan sea salt one. They're doing everything salt. They're doing everything bagel seasoning on the weed chocolate bar. You know what? It'll be a fire and ice, savory and sweet situation. We don't need that. We don't need that. I mean, we don't need Yeasty Boys, but we also, I mean, can you imagine? Look, I don't have a great business name. You know what I mean? Like, you know, Done to Death Projects, is it great?

But I'll tell you what it's better than, Yeasty Boys. And they're making money. Whatever you want to say about Yeasty Boys, I guess in terms of branding, it does work. Oh, it definitely works. I've never had the product. Like it hits, it's unforgettable, the logo's there. But I don't like saying something that makes me feel gross when it's attached to a food brand. I know that feeling. That's the issue, but maybe that's why it works. What are some other examples? I don't know. Like I don't want to say this restaurant's name out loud. The worst ones are, we've talked about it a zillion times before, like the hot chicken places. Yeah. Or like a lot of boba-y kind of frozen yogurt places often have really bad names and puns. That's it. The boba is a habitual offender. I saw there was a boba. The biggest line at the Century City Mall yesterday was for fucking boba. Boba's hot right now, brother. They have a dent tie there, too. Oh, I know. That's big on the boba, though. I feel like I took a screen grab because I saw on Yelp there was like two restaurants. You were always on Yelp. I use Yelp as a resource sometimes. There's a lot of places like this all over the country where restaurants, it's like a trend where the name of the restaurant is starting to be like a sentence and not just a word. Sort of like Joe and the Juice. Another one of your favorites. That's a name where you're just like, I just don't want to say that out loud. There's a place mid-Wheelshire called It's a breakfast brunch cafe called Met Her at a Bar. Oh, yeah, that is fucked up. I've heard of that before. There's one worse one, though. It sounds like something you put in your profile. It sounds like a Maroon 5 song title you put in your dating bio profile. What is the other one? And also, if it was B-A-R-R-E, that'd be something. But the worst one of all, breakfast, brunch, salad, sandwich in West Hollywood, the butcher, the baker, the cappuccino maker. No, that's fire, because that rhymes. That takes us to a different level. So, seven words in the name of your restaurant. But what are the ratings? I mean, is it a...

Four stars, 2,100 reviews. So it banged. Met her at a bar, four and a half stars, 2,000 reviews. So these places have good eggs. No, I don't think that means... None of that means that the food itself is good. You think the clientele is bad so that they don't know. So all these fucking... terrible ass people from Sherman Oaks go there and they get a latte that has rainbow blue colors in it. Don't talk about Cha Cha Macho like that. They do a TikTok about how this latte looks different. We're talking about this yesterday, actually, because I brunch stuff. When you drive by the famous Blue Jam Cafe on Melrose, there's always three Bentleys outside, guys smoking weed, but there's a line to get in. You know, there's literally a line to get in. And I'm thinking, because I've been there before, like years ago, like cartels, agent William Morris, we would go there in 2007. Yeah, it has become a gang stronghold. Yeah, but I'm just like, I'm like, all those places, all those kind of places that people line up to eat brunch, it's like, who is that good? I'm going to get some eggs. Those are going to be good kind of across the board. Obviously, there's variables, but the reality is it's going to be fine. So do you have to be eating like the gnarliest, like French toast? like waffle pancake thing to wait in that line is that what the payoff is i think so yeah but i always wondered about this because there's a place also in west hollywood called the griddle which is known for their pancakes and stuff and it was like you go here for the big hangover breakfast pile of pancakes and eggs and bacon and cheesy potato all that shit but there would be an hour hour and a half wait every time and i would always be like The last thing I ever want to do when I'm hungover is stand on Sunset Boulevard just waiting, just drinking water that I bought at CVS and waiting to get a table. I'm just going to go buy a burrito at a taco truck and go to sleep. It makes no sense. Also, taking down...

that many calories at 9 a.m. is fucking twisted better to do it in the morning than i know but that that's just not where my head is i know like at that like at that stage of the day like being like oh yeah i need a high stack of cakes with six slices of bacon well done and orange juice and some hash browns is fucking crazy it is crazy but i think that's the whole point of having brunch on a sunday it's sort of like here's your day of rest where you're gonna do nothing and this naughty thing that we've been programmed not to do, which is eat a 7,000-calorie meal in public while wearing sort of an outfit that you had to put together-ish, depending on where you're going to. Well, only the places you go to require it. You have a dress code. San Vicente Bungalows, Butcher of the Baker, the Cappuccino Maker. San Vicente Bungalows is like, oh, no, our breakfast is actually – our whole breakfast menu is carb-free. We just – yeah, they just have – A soft-boiled egg in a porcelain container. Oh, toast? No, no, no. We don't have that. No, those eggs don't come with salt. We have a caviar toast, but not – I don't know. What is – they do regular toast? I just think that brunch culture, we forget about the food. I think it's subconsciously all about the food. Obviously, it's a social thing, but it's sort of like we're all – like the same way that movie theaters, they're a room where – The only reason why we want to go there is because we get to feel this feeling of guzzling Coke, candy, popcorn, eating 10,000 calories, just snacking like a bastard because it's pitch black, and you feel this weird naughtiness being in a room full of 300 people, and you're just shoveling food into your face. It doesn't matter about the movie, but... People get like a little kinky excitement out of doing something like that. I think brunch is the same thing where we're all agreeing to be in this terrible space, this terrible patio in West Hollywood. We all have a tacit agreement that we're just going to sit here, drink like eight bottles of champagne and eat French toast, creme brulee, pyramids with bacon, cheeseburger, Bloody Marys. It's disgusting. Of course it's disgusting.

There's a lot of disgusting stuff that people get off on. I've heard that. It's like you're sworn to secrecy. Are you trying to bring up Bourdain again? We've kind of done it. We've got water sports. We've got all kinds of shit. You want to get into it, brother? I mean, what's worse, brunch or water sports? Tough question. I don't mean to put you on the spot. Oh, it's brunch. Brunch is worse. I mean, depending on what hat you wear to brunch, it takes things to a different level. But you get to do that. You get home at 1 p.m. And you just sleep for the rest of the day. I'm a big, stinky piece of shit. It's disgusting. That's not a world I want to live in. Every day is the same. And until we recognize that, people complaining about, oh, the weekends, I just end up doing work I couldn't finish. It's like, yeah, bitch, that's what life is. Life is always working, and you're never going to finish. Some people, they climb to the very top of the ladder, and right when they're about to hit it, They go, I'm here. And then they jump off. I pull off. They pull off too soon. Exactly. They were so close. Exactly. Now they're back in square one. It's just like if your life is so bad that you have to look forward to brunch, then you need to do some soul searching. Brunch vibes only. Brunch is only good if it's after church and you're kind of with the brothers. With your brothers? Yeah. Yeah. Like your literal family or like your congregation? I consider my Christian family to be my chosen family. that's actually really sweet because we don't always get the family that we want no and i love friendsgiving because it's like it's my chosen we get to find them it's my chosen so for brunch me and my chosen family are hitting blue jam blue jam has legitimately become a yeah blue jam is like oh oops i left my glock on the table let me run back inside all glock that's the cereal they serve at fucking blue jam and i'll like right down the street at hot wing cafe A known Decatur Dan stronghold. I've eaten many a wing there. There's a video of a couple, you know, just like a TikTok ass couple, you know, guy who looks like he's in the NBA wearing head to toe, mad happy sweats or whatever. You know, chick who has a bunch of work done. They're just sitting there enjoying their wings on an afternoon. And a guy with a mask on walks in, has a mask on and like some type of bait hoodie or something like that.

does one lap around the dining room, sees this table like, oh, they got their little Gucci bag and they got a watch on or whatever. Got a little baby mama bust down or something. Walks up to the table, pulls the extendo out of his hoodie pocket and doesn't point it at him, doesn't say anything. He shows it to him. Just displays that my Glock has a shtendo on it. And they don't say a word and they both just... Boom. Just like, here's your watch. Here's your phone. Here's my wallet. Here's my keys. Here's my bracelet. I saw some other shit like that. Five seconds are gone. These guys were sitting, this couple was sitting outside. These two, and guys, like two guys walked up and faced either of them. Like, do you understand what I'm saying? And they, same kind of thing. Just like showed the stick. They just calmly took off all their shit and gave it to them. And that's the world we live in now. It's happening now. Yeah. So that's why I don't eat wings. That's why. I mean, it's starting to become a real thing, and I don't know how much of a psyop it is and how much of a real thing it is, but there's a lot of rich people who are scared now. There's a woman, like a wife of an executive. Yeah, she's got home-invaded murdered. Yeah, like an 80-year-old-looking woman. There was also some shit in Beverly Hills, like a woman was walking her child, like in a stroller, and the guy just walked up. I mean, that's the perfect time to rob somebody. That was in Hancock Park. That's where Uncle Pauly live. That's where Sweet Green live. Uncle Pauly would have shot that motherfucker. He ain't let nobody take his rollie. Uncle Pauly would have the lead pipe in his sweatpants. Nah, bro. Salami paid for this Rolex, and you ain't taking it from me. Uncle Pauly would take his book bag. You say, run your shit. What'd you say, bitch? Hold on. Oh, you thought I was just the sandwich guy? No, I'll kill him, motherfucker. All right, we gotta stop. I know he's listening to this right now, and his car is liable to wrap the... I'm going to wrap the M5 around a telephone pole. He's loving this too much. He's like, yeah, that's right. You tell him. You tell him. Yeah, I'll kill him, motherfucker. And it's on the news all the time. You go on DrudgeReport.com. It's just like L.A., home invasion, crime wave, smashing grabs. When you go to get a watch adjusted, the guy was basically like, told Alex, don't wear this.

Like, just don't wear this. She's like, yeah, I mean, okay, yeah. So why do I have it then? No, but I mean, it really is. It's home invasion season. And it's flash mob season. You know, when 80 people get together, they run to the Nordstrom Rack. They take all the diesels. Bro, they're going. They'll go 50 deep and do the Louis store. They'll go do Bloomingdale's. There ain't nothing you can do about that. But I want to know, if you're coming 50 strong into the Nordstrom, how are we splitting up the loot? I think it's. everyone every man for himself you get what you get i would i think that but also to get that many people organized there's organization going on there definitely is but i mean how do you plan that because you're on the honor system like hey fellow gang members no i think there's a head gang member who's like all right we're putting all this shit in a pile We're going to split our tips. We're going to split our tips. We're pooling tips. I would love if you guys could give $5 to get some beer for the kitchen. That's kind of the vibe when you get back to the stash house. Yeah, but okay. So let's say I'm gang member 38 out of the 50. So you're mid-ranking. I'm mid-ranking. You're a foot soldier. I'm not a day one, but I'm still a little green. Okay. I walk in, and everyone's like, all right, I'm getting these shoes. I'm getting these jewelries, whatever it is. But they're not doing this because they're not doing this to keep the stuff. They're doing this to sell the stuff. Okay. Here's my guess. So I see everyone's doing that, going for their high dollar items, handbags, whatever. I hit the cash register, and I just grab the whole cash register. Even though we're in a cashless system, there still could be some money in there. So let's say I go home. I got the cash register. I run out of the Grove. I go into the park over there by Erewhon. I grab a rock from a pool garden. This is not how it works, Jason. I smash the register open because you grab the shit and the 50 people have to all run in different directions and then you go link up at the...

at the trap afterwards, you don't all run out single file. I know that, but I think there's transportation available. I think there's a couple of sprinters. They get into sprinters, but I do think they scatter like roaches, but I think they get into sprinters, it's organized, and all of the kind of divvying up of assets is done back at the warehouse. I've seen some movies. But I'm just saying, if I get the cash register, I smash it open, I grab all the money out of it, let's say I got $1,200 in here, What if 300 of that 1,200 goes into my sock and I go, bro, I got 900 cash. That's how you get killed. Good job, Jason. That's how you get killed. How will they know? Bro, they know. They know? You can't cheat a cheater, fam. If you're literally in a gang of people who rob for a living, if you are found out to be a robber of the robbers, they're going to just kill you. I mean, okay. You think it's worth $300 to get killed? You probably would. I still steal 10 engagement rings. And I go back and go, bro, I got nine rings. They're going to be like, great job. They're not going to be like, where's the other one? You think that, but eventually it'll come out. They'll check your eBay account. They see us up there. They know what you're doing. Okay. They go to the local pawn shops near the stash house. They see it. These scare tactics won't work on me. You'll get got, Jason. And that's why you're not a leader. See, I'm at the top of the pyramid. I'm saying put all your shit in the pile. And if you don't put your shit in the pile or me or one of my. You'll know. closer foot soldiers finds out i will have to kill you i'll have to kill i won't obviously do it myself i'll have somebody do it all right well i don't want to die so exactly you know what you're right it's not worth it chris right so so so do you think that this is all just crime really is getting that bad or they're trying to scare us out of the cities and out into the country what's going on all of the above all the above i mean i think crime is getting bad but i also think like this shit

This happened, like, I remember this exact kind of crime happening in Atlanta in 2007. Like, and it was just crazy. That was just like because of the first, that was like a recession, right? Yeah, but it's like this has always happened. But I think people are just more, I think people are more tuned in to the news and people want things to be bad. I really think people want things to be bad. It's like COVID's so bad. This is bad. Everything's bad, bad, bad, bad. So now, being a city slicker, living in a city. is going to be considered bad now. And then the propaganda is going to be, we got to move out to Montana. We got to get some land in Lubbock, Texas. All that happened during COVID and it's all bullshit. Everybody's back. The prices are up again. It's all fake. I know, but that's why this is happening now. They're like, that didn't work to get people out of the cities and out into the country because the population density is all fucked up in the country. We got so much land. You think this is a Biden thing, as usual. They're like, all right, we use COVID to control overpopulation because Bill Gates, put the microchip inside the vaccination. So he's, he, he's like, all right, I killed like 5 million humans. And they're like, that's better than everyone else. Thank you. That's pretty good. Still not enough. So they got it. We were still fucking too much. So now we got to like, if we can't kill everyone, that's bad PR. Then we got to at least spread it out a little bit. I believe all the cream cheese on the Yeasty boys is only on the corners. And we got so much. Extra bagel to schmear. This bagel needs a schmear. I got one good bite and the rest of the bagel, dry bagel, all fucked up. I mean, look, cities historically were dangerous. That's the whole thing. That's what cities were until white people fucking opened Sweet Greens and Reformation. Most of the Sweet Green leadership team is not white, Chris. Their customer... However, that is a good point. It's quite white. And thank you for all your service. But I just I mean, cities historically were dangerous. And then obviously suburbs were created for a lot of nefarious reasons. You know, when you when you I'm not talking about the suburbs, I'm in the suburbs now. It's it feels like a sweet spot, but you sort of feel the you want to get further. You still feel I personally don't. But I think that they're trying to create a narrative. Interesting. Because when you're in the city, if I'm walking around in New York, I can't have that Thule on me.

That's illegal. That's what you think. You should hang out with me and Maino. If you go to one of your little fucking bookstore after parties at someone's apartment. You think I didn't come into the parade party with the tool on me? You're fucking crazy. I had to stay strapped at the parade party. I said, Brynn, how big is your purse? I got the Draco with me tonight and it doesn't fit in the waistband of the APCs. I'm saying nobody is walking around in LA and New York with That is not true. If you go to Rodeo Drive right now, there's 40 guys with guns. Okay, that's fair. And I don't like that. But I'm saying in the city, you didn't need a gun. You just fight someone, you stab someone, whatever. But when you're out in the country, even if you're a liberal, even if you're a full liberal cuck, it's a wise idea to get you some type of gun if you live out in the country. I will never own a gun. We know. I have no interest. Not even paintball. I don't. Maybe a starter pistol if I get really into running. But otherwise, like owning a gun is just not, I have no use for that. And I would say most people that own them have no use for them and don't know how to use them. And that's the whole problem. That is a big problem. That's a big problem. But your ass. country tj i feel like you want to get a little streppy i don't i don't want to you have to but if i lived out in the country middle of nowhere in the woods just me me and the trees and the grizzlies and the only thing stopping uh you know a crazy intruder from killing my beautiful white family Is these wimpy little arms? I mean, you ain't gonna do shit. That's the thing. Then I need... I can fight off five to six intruders with my bare hands. That is the difference. What kind of... Are you talking about squirrels? What's going on here? Specify what kind of intruders they were. No. All manner of rodentia and vermin. Small rodents I could fight off. No, I just don't think that... I think that it's just... You need a gun, bro. I disagree. I think the further out you are, the less you need a gun.

I need a gun more where I am now than if I lived in Idlewild. What about an actual bear? A mountain lion? Bro, that doesn't really happen. That doesn't really happen. You've been watching too many movies, bro. That doesn't really happen. I never watch movies that have bear attacks in them. You watch The Revenant. And that bear got got. So my friend Dan, his wife, Momo. They have a house in Santa Fe. It's on a ranch. Beautiful house in Santa Fe. It's not out in the middle of nowhere woods, but it's kind of a remote road. There'll be a house and a few acres and another house, and everyone's got a big yard. It's sort of like the grounds are a little more open. It's not just like a white picket fence, and here's my house, and here's your house. It's a little bit of open country. Her older sister lived there, and she kept a little pistol in the bedside table. You never know. No, of course not. Wanderer off the street. I get that. I get that. You're just laying there asleep. You just smoke a little weed. You're watching Gilmore. See, that's the beauty for me. You hear the door open. I am constantly alert. You hear some Timberlands going boom. I'm constantly alert and ready to fight. That's the thing. That's part of the reason sobriety rules. I can jump up at any point and tackle an intruder, and that's why I work out. Okay, let's say this guy is in your house. You hear a little sound. What is that? It's nothing. Whatever. I'm alert anyway. And you hear a fucking chainsaw shard up. Luckily, I have an MLB official. Do you just tackle him? No, I have an MLB official Supreme baseball bat that I keep under the bed. And I'll fucking knee his ass. Supreme axe gets thrown. Luckily, I have all the Supreme accessories to fight off any possible intruders. Okay. Like I said before, I don't want a gun. But sometimes... You got to kill a guy, you know? Look, I agree with killing people. I have no issue with killing people. I just think you'd be more satisfying with my bare hands. Oh, yeah. 1,000, bro. Because I know you're on your little Clint Eastwood shit. I'm on my Joe Rogan shit. I'm on my piano wire swag. I'm talking about you come into TT room. You open the door. Nobody's in here. But I'm hiding behind where the door opens. It creates a little pocket. Bitch, if you're hiding out of the door, you can see your whole face.

And then you walk in, and then I take my sneakers off, so it's just my socks or my Crocs. Of course. A little tiptoe right behind him. Piano wire around the neck. It's out, bro. You're clumsy, guys. There's a struggle. Yeah, there's a struggle. Yeah, I watched the breath fall out of you. Damn. This podcast took a dark turn. Yeah, so next episode, we'll talk about different ways that we fantasize about murdering other humans. on a daily basis stay tuned now uh we'll be back with more podcasts this week we got a nice great episode coming up we have it's interesting we have yeah we have two episodes i'm very i asked god can we get a guess and god said bet yeah and i'm god and i said yes i can't i didn't say i said daddy i want her and you said yes dear that's what i did that's what the kind of service i deliver for my best friend and co-host and an important part of the local community jazz right me too okay uh how long gone uh you know we'll have more news soon about the album we're doing something special with our friends here at amoeba in la um You remember them from selling CDs and stuff like that? Not selling Sunset. Not selling Sunset. Great show. You remember them from where you used to sell your CDs? Yeah, exactly. Where you get three cents per album? When you needed a little cash and you had to steal from your dad. You know what I mean? Get a little store credit so I can get this fucking... Yo, bro. Hot, hot heat album. Have you heard Wu-Tang Enter the 36 Chambers? Okay. How long gone? You know where to find us. We're back next week with many more episodes. You know what the fucking deal is. No other updates, I guess? We don't have any other house to clean? I don't want any other updates. I just want to hit the tennis court. Let's go play a little Green Bell Crest. All right, guys. Thank you for listening. We love you. And stay tuned for some slam dunk pause this week. Later.