807. Alex Kazemi

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. It is Chris Black coming to you from the islands of South Carolina. I'm still here. I'm driving a golf cart, Jason, that has a screen, and it allows for Apple CarPlay. Have you seen that before? I have not seen that before. I believe that it exists, and it really reminds me of when people's baby strollers have built-in iPad attachments. I'm driving to the grocery store using this. golf cart holds it seats six comfortably and uh it's got i'm listening to my you know elderberry wine is blasting through the sound system you know the birds are chirping i've got the map up just in case you know a quick turn comes up you're listening to mama b-sides on the island literally what i'm trying to do alex maybe listen to some um stuff she likes last night which really threw me off my game it felt inappropriate for this setting was it was it like normal music or what what was going on oh yeah it was normal music it was just like it was uh chief keith you know exactly what i'm talking about with her and as much as you enjoy the music of chief keith you felt it didn't seem right for a south carolinian Bluetooth golf cart situation. Yes, exactly. It's a little more no shoes, no shirt, no problem. But with money, is that what it is? It is exactly what it is. That's exactly what it is. So I found the music to be inappropriate. No shirt, no shoes, no debt, no radio.

That's what I put it on, so we were fine. We're good to go. I let her have her couple songs on our short commute. That's real sweet of you, man. Real sweet of you. I'm a nice guy. I'm a nice guy. Let the old ball and chain throw some GBE on it. Glory, boys. Old Block. When you're driving around a small island, is it one of those things where there's no cars at all allowed? Or like a Catalina situation? Or is it like... 50-50, hybrid. 50-50. They're called, I hadn't heard this term before, LSV, low-speed vehicle is what it's called. So there's parking spots. Couldn't have made that less fun. Back in my day, Jet Ski. Yeah, Jet Ski. Snowmobile, all these fun names. Low-speed vehicle. Jet Ski sounds so fun. So fun. Yeah, I'm going to go write a Sea-Doo in the sea. Watch me do it. It's so fun. You're like, what's up with this thing? It's sweet, huh? It's a low-speed vehicle. Keep it moving. It's an LSV. Nothing to look at here. Are you driving it no shirt? Are you smoking a cigarette on the way home from dinner? Are you doing... What you're supposed to be doing when you're in this situation. You know the answer to that is no, unfortunately. And I wish I was. Are you driving with your legs crossed with your row trousers? No, I'm not that. I'm not taking it that far. I'm letting my left leg. hang out a little bit on the side, which is a pro move. Okay, now we're getting somewhere. I have to dig this out of you. I want you to offer it up. I'm hitting the stanky leg on the left, and then I've got my music playing. I'm wearing some sunglasses, but I usually have a shirt on. Okay, okay. But I know that that is kind of sacrilegious in your opinion. The shirt needs to come off. I mean, if the shirt doesn't come off, then offset it with something. A Heineken 0.0. I don't know what it's going to be. I need a koozie. That's what I really need is a koozie. A low-octane IPA in your low-speed vehicle? Yeah. Everything's different low country, as you know. No need to pull me over, officer. I'm drinking gay guy beer. It's going to be fine. Oh, no, no. This? Oh, this is pussy beer. Don't worry about it. We're all good here, officer. Oh, no, no, no. Well, I guess speaking of summertime travel,

I overheard something. I was having a convo with a friend, and we were talking about there's a rave, like a techno party upstate New York called Sustain Release. I think we've talked about it with a DJ or two on the pod, but they were mentioning that they want to go, but they're afraid of all the ticks. They have like a tick fear. And I was like, there needs to be a prep. but for Lyme disease, Lyme's disease. And I feel like... I think the Hadids already came up with that probably, but they might keep it in the family. They just sold it to Julie for $7.50 plus stock. Julie, the morning after Lyme pill is going to take off. I mean, we've got... Everyone goes upstate. Everyone explores, you know, the upper eastern seaboard forests. you know fire islands and p towns and all these places where ticks be ticking right that's no that's true those are these are all hotbed for the tick community get a limes morning after what'd you do last night uh i fucked a guy in some tall brush you're like well let's go to target I mean, I need the morning after lime pill. I mean, this isn't a bad idea, actually, because people are, in my opinion, irrationally afraid of ticks. It feels like obviously it's bad, but it's not like, I don't know. It's like being scared of snakes to me. It's just, it's not going to. Right, right. It's having like a crippling fear of like black widow spiders. I'm probably going to come close to one of those like three times in my entire life. Don't let it ruin your whole thing. Don't let it ruin your whole thing. Luckily, I hate the grass and don't ever want to be in it long or short, really. You're not a grass hater. You can't be a grass hater. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I just mean that. You're like, well, there's a spectrum. There's certain grasses, a little Kentucky blue. That's fine. Sounds like you're talking about a new zen flavor.

the people that are spending more time outdoors are probably less afraid of ticks, is what I'm trying to say. Sure. So people like us who aren't outdoors that often in that way aren't thinking about ticks on a daily basis. Yeah, just like our guest, Max. He's like, ticks, I'm worried about rattlesnakes, bro. Like, fuck a tick. Yeah, a tick is the least of my problems. I will burn that thing off in the cold plunge as soon as I'm done with this. I like the idea of burning something off in the cold plunge. I will give the tick... a disease more like it. I wanted to, uh, talk about the Brian Wilson a little bit cause it's been affecting my household, um, at an alarming rate. Um, but because my father loves Brian Wilson and the beach boys and yesterday he died and it was a, you know, I came home and he was kind of blasting the playlist and I let him cook. I let him cook, you know, I let him cook. It's, it's, that's, I mean, that's tough when you lose your guy. Could you imagine not letting him cook? Yeah, sir. See, I know you're paying for this house. Could you turn that down a little bit? That'd be great. We don't need to do the whole pet sounds. I'm ready for a little Jamiroquai while we're getting our pasta dinner started. If you don't mind switching it off. If you don't mind just letting me kind of handle the Sonos from here, that'd be super sick. So, yeah, I mean, you got to let them do it. And I think just like, you know. Check on your strongest dads right now, all of our listeners out there. They're going through it. I saw a lot of great Brian Wilson anecdotes posted on social media, which was a nice change from an RIP, and here's my personal relationship to this artist, and more like, damn, this guy was funny, which is much preferred, if you ask me. Treating him like a Norm MacDonald, where you're like, this is why this guy was a real true legend, versus... Here's a selfie of me and this guy where he clearly didn't want to beat in the photo. And we're basically best friends, and this one's really hurting me. But yeah, I think Brian, legendary genius musician, but he did have a little tinge of that something going on up top that all the great geniuses have.

Totally. You get the good with the bad. The genius has some dark sides to it as well, and that's what makes bullshit good. Yeah, RIP to the goat. And I'm trying to think what's going to happen when one of my goats passes away, you know, and how I would handle it. I mean, like who? who who would be i mean well i guess tom petty he passed away he was one of your goats right yeah tom petty is one of the goats i feel like he would i feel like sometimes when these guys are old enough i don't feel as much you know i think the 27 club ruined our generation so you're saying like when ryan adams finally bites the bull the way he's looking it's it's right around the corner So I better batten down the hatches now because he's looking like he they're looking like they blew him up like a damn tire. He looks like it's crazy. OK, so you're saying it's time for you to start writing the O-bit for. We got to have the we got to have the O-bit. I'm not saying I'm not saying it's Justin Bieber level, but it's not. It's not good. It's fine. Bieber's fine. Bieber's not fine. Bieber is not fine. Well, I will. Bieber is not fine, of course. But it is it is alarming me because you're always. I mean, I'm not saying that you've been waving the Ryan Adams flag, but you've been bullish on his return. So for you to speak... I'm actually not bullish on his return. I think I'm more personally hopeful because I enjoy his musical styling so much, but I also know that he's a dickhead and has wronged a lot of people and seemingly can't get sober. And the shows are bad. Okay. You're not bullish. You're hopeful that he may end up back on not the wrong side of history. I think it's getting less and less possible as we move into the future. But yes, I am hopeful. I'm hopeful for that. Yes. But it's much like the way you listen to R. Kelly when your family comes over. I'm going to listen to Ryan Adams in my headphones in private. And I think that's fine. Okay. You got your headphones on. And Ryan A. is bumping it. Bumping that. Did you see Playboy Cardi's Ice Out Lollipop? I did see that, and he was putting it in his mouth. Pause, correct? What else do you do with the lolly? You know what I mean? You know, as much as I dislike his music because it's awful and for children or people that like Travis Scott, I think doing something like that that is so stupid because you're so rich is unfortunately entertaining and cool. I agree with that, and I was thinking, like, okay, the guy's...

He's got it. It looks, you know, basically like a pretty great one-for-one replica of a lollipop. I love that it's, like, anatomically perfect and very realistic. You know, there's no Jewish to it. He ain't messing with no fake shit. Well, he's like, if you're going to get a nice stout lollipop, you kind of have to go playing Jane otherwise. Yeah, of course. what can you do it'll be it's a great for you but on the resale market good luck and i was when he was licking it i was like what i wonder what this thing tastes like and obviously the color of it i realized he was like what if it's codeine flavored is what i'm saying you know what i mean of course oh that's the that's the activist flavor no question i mean i is i've had a lot of diamonds in my mouth at different times so i kind of the flavor is that right no no i'm joking the flavor just probably the flavor profile he's sucking on daddy's ear even for a one one and three quarter carat you know when i'm when me and when me and nick lachey are getting busy you know what i'm saying sometimes you get you get a little diamond diamond stuck in them did you say nick lachey because he was the first person that popped your mind who would wear a nice diamond earring kind of yeah yeah okay yeah since he's the host of of the netflix reality dating show he's he's on my on my mind a little more often than he used to be sure sure top of mind as i say all right well um let's talk about our guest and talk to our guest hey alex kazami is a writer and his first book Or is it his second book? I think it's the second book. Second book. New Millennium Boys. New Millennium Boys is being turned into a TV show, correct? Probably. I don't know. I guess we'll find out. Boys spelled with a Z, a suburban odyssey, but I've known him a little bit through the years. He's got a lot of interesting connections. He's done a lot of random stuff for a lot of high-profile people. And he seems to have a fascination with our generation, you know, late 90s, early 2000s, even though he's a younger guy. And he also came prepared with about 30 bullet point conversation topics, which I think is something that our guests need to start doing more often. That's more than we do. So thank you for that. All right, let's give Alex a signal.

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So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world and i know you particularly have quite a lot of questions a lot of questions but how often because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot how many times do they do three times a week and i i have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do that's just a guess the guardian is not some billionaire owned They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. Alex, what's up? yo how's it going dudes what's up what's up you said you sounded a little funnier there i'm glad you got a frog in your throat are you good you get some water yeah yeah no i'm good i was uh i i was nervous that i fucked with the creative process by coming into the zoom early you did but we're gonna let you slide this one time okay i'm so sorry like 12 right on the dot virgo psychotic energy exactly right we are double virgos in that chris is a virgo and i'm a virgo not i'm a double virgo but i will i will say

I'm keen to all of your obsessions, and I observe you talking about them a lot. So I think this is the first one I'll bring up. Whenever we hang out, Virgo, Virgo, Virgo, Virgo, Virgo. So I want to know, what's up with you? Are you like with all the astrologicals, or are you focusing on Virgo specifically? Well, Peter. the thespian we had dinner with was also a virgo the chris black replacement at dinner peter vack yeah i'm a little i'm a little pissed i'm a little pissed off about that because that guy's much better looking than me um i hope he brings as much to the table uh as i could never chris but he is a very good looking guy i think that was like my biggest like hollywood cucked douchebag moment when i said to the table um i'm so sorry but i'm maddie healy and lucas gage are sending their love for not being here tonight i think that was my rock bottom that's that's a that's a that's a twisted cast of characters that i would love to be the ham and that's exactly the ham peter's genes are insane though you're right chris his his oh his not his biological genes you mean his biological genes yeah yeah yeah no oh well speaking of genes we got lost in century city mall because he was like like obsessive over finding like the perfect look for dinner with bread. And he thought the place to go for that was century city mall. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I hope you hit J crew. Where else is there? Well, he had a really hard time finding anything. We ended up at vineyard and vines. Okay. Okay. I'm in, I'm in South Carolina right now. I'm in vineyard vines country. There's one just down the street and I'm, I'm very interested. What, what. your take on vineyard vines was as a i thought it was really cool i felt like uh peter was really stepping into his uh unlived americana white male frat boy fantasy and he he kind of regressed from like 38 to like 21 in that moment and it was very beautiful to watch he's like i'm not in dime square anymore i'm gonna put on the vines yes i'm gonna own i'm gonna own my abercrombie model

Yes, exactly. It's like someone who thought that they would be in the Bruce Weber campaign, but never made it kind of thing. I'd love to see him in a Southern fraternity for a couple weeks, just see what happens, kind of whip him into shape. Yeah, exactly. Different than making it your internet aesthetic, the real thing. Also, if I was coming from out of town, if I was living in New York, I'd come to LA, I'd go to the Century City Mall, and I'm looking for the perfect pair of pants. I think Chris might agree. I'm going to go into many, many stores because you never know. You have to go to all of them to decide because a pair of pants is very... specific and personal to you the fit we marched you just have to through every department store in the mall it was psychotic i've never seen him he's like well you're not used to it because you know this is a new yorker's walk and you don't get it and he was walking so fast and i was exhausted by the end of it like sweating get me a fucking water bottle we lost where the uber was gonna pick us up because we got lost in the mall it was a wild moment in my life and you're like can we go back to eataly i got my eye on a burrata slice you know it's really you know it's really interesting is that i think at least jason and i can say this i don't i don't remember the last time i bought a pair of pants and been able to wear them without tailoring them exactly so it sounds like big vac might be also sample size another he is sample size of course another yeah i think i think he's he's sample size and he's very pretentious about clothes he's got the izzy miyaki polo on right now and it is a small It's a men's small, if you don't mind. Do you have anything smaller, 32, 32? Okay, well, I'm glad that you guys, Century City Mall is one of LA's greatest attractions. I'd put it right up there with kind of Rodeo Drive and the Walt Disney World, you know, all that stuff. Yeah, it's a must stop. Would you put it up there with Dantanas? I've actually never been to Dantanas. Oh, wow. Yeah. Wow, shocker. Well, I know. Musso and Frank's is disgusting. Okay.

And I just don't – Dantana's is more my speed. I've just weirdly never been there, which it does feel right up my street. You guys, like, have been a victim of Brett's, like, restaurant rotation neuroses, right? Well, Brett's restaurant rotation neuroses is not dissimilar to my own. Like, I like – I would eat at jar once a week, too, you know? What about La Stala? I had gotten to the biggest drama because he took – brian the founder of paper i mean the owner of paper at uh to la scala and he bitched at me for like 10 days about it because he said it was disgusting well la scala is only known for its one salad i believe yeah and it's it's a it's kind of like a white beverly hills woman salad which is definitely what i want I've only been there one time. I don't remember much about it, but I think it is sort of a holdover from a different era. Is it a normal occurrence, Chris, that Jason throws shots at guests at the table, like at dinner? He kind of threw shots at me at dinner. I mean, he throws shots at everyone. No one's saying, are you kidding me? I get more shots than anybody. He said I had lonely crypto boy house arrest energy. Did I really say that? Yes, and it's a course in my brain because you dissed my pitch about what five-star hotels are missing. Hold on, hold on quickly, just quickly. Repeat that diss one more time. I just want to get it clear because that is one of Jason's, that was honestly amazing from what I remember. Lonely, crypto boy, house arrest energy. That is. Okay, that is really specific. And Jason, I just want to pat you on the back for that. You know, like Virgos are known for like mercurial evisceration, right? Like that's connected to the archetype of Virgo. Yes, it's directed at me three times a week. I know all about it. Yeah, yeah. So it was fine, but he wasn't down. No, you were kind of down with my five-star hotels are missing. What are they missing? Can you please repeat that for our guests? So basically, I really think that we're at a point. in time where uh five-star hotels need like a homey hangout service like paid by the hour like super platonic you go to shake shack with the buddy from the hotel you watch a movie uh harmony corinne movie talk about music and because la everyone in la is so flaky so i'm like when i'm in these hotels i want to hang out with someone so i thought that it would be great if they offer that along with that they should offer cryotherapy float tanks like it's 2025

What did you say, Jason, about the I wanted to go dance with the Russians or whatever because of White Lotus? Like I thought that would be possible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like when on White Lotus, they're like, hey, take us to the club and bring your hot friends and entertain us. We want to go to a hostess club in Koreatown and see what happens. Exactly. Like that's like that's like that's what I think is missing. How many baskets of fruit do I have to buy Jenny before something goes down? Exactly. Exactly. And I think that I just feel like that. I really think that they need to start like doing that because it's like, you know, friend, the cabana boy, you know, like, like, like, why is that not an archetype? I mean, that's you're, you're not wrong. I mean, I think that, um, that a lot of people need friends in a lot of situations, whether that be a five star hotel or otherwise. And I think that what you're describing sounds like sort of like prostitution for friendship, which is not a bad idea. Exactly. That's what's missing from the world. Well, exactly. I would say that this exists. Unfortunately, I think what you're looking for is something. where they don't necessarily need to be hot because i think at a lot of five-star hotels you can contact the concierge hand them a you know a hundred dollar bill and say you know i'm looking for a little companionship tonight which means i want to attract i haven't seen that go down person to sit across from me at dinner i'm not trying to fuck them i'm not trying to blah blah go to the movies, have a nice dinner, and that's it kind of thing. And you just want that person to be the valet guy. Yeah, like, exactly. Or like, you know, the person, the cabana boy or the cabana girl or someone like that. But I think it should be like a bro. I'm going to need them to be hot, just so you know. I'm going to have to put it. Yeah, like a wingman, right? Yeah, that's cool. This is getting into the pickup artist zone, but I kind of see what you mean. This also feels like a Spike Jonze film that's being made right now. I think this is a good idea. I think implementing it would be a little hard because I think it would become nefarious quite quickly, depending on how much money is being exchanged for the services. Yeah, I guess so. Maybe Raya could do it, so they could do curation. Yeah, there we go. Raya curation of hotel staff.

Exactly. Okay. Well, how about this? How about this? This is for Chris and I. I'll ask you this, Chris. Let's say a hotel hires How Long Gone or whoever it may be. Tim Dillon or all these people. And it's like cameo for hanging out with one of these people. Like, hey, I want to go out to dinner at San Vicente Bungalows with Chris Black and Jason Stewart. And there's a price for it. What would it be? Oh, my God. Have you guys been there? Okay, wait, I'll continue for this answer. Yeah, we've been there. Oh, man, I want to go there so bad. When we went to Dantana's, you got picked up in a Rolls Royce to go back to the hotel. I think you can figure out a way to get into the bungalows. Yeah, yeah, no, I will. Back to the question, Chris. The question is, you're on call. Okay. The hotel's like, hey, somebody's like, oh, they're like, I want to go to dinner with Chris Black. and then we're going to go see Wilco at the Greek or something like that. For you to get out of bed and hang out with a stranger, obviously this person is successful enough to pay thousands of dollars for this. I have several follow-up questions. Male, female, what do they look like? You will know the sex of the person, but I don't think the way they look. I don't know. That's a good question. Man's going to come cheaper because I can hang out with any bro. that's what I've done my whole life. So I'm going to have to give, I'm going to have to give the fellows a break. Let's just say it is a man who's like a 45 year old tech guy who likes reading GQ and saw your name. He's got plenty of money. Oh, I'd do this. I'd do this. I mean, if, if, do I have to get the tickets or, or the tickets provided by the artist? You don't lift a finger. Chris, your MX doesn't come out tonight. I don't have to lift a finger. I don't have to suck anything. I'm saying he'll pick you up on the Uber black flowers. I'll do this for five. I'll do this for five. Okay. I'll do it for five. It sounds like a decent night out, you know? And again, because we've learned to talk to literally anyone, I think I could have fun for two hours. You know, I don't think it'd be that hard. Okay. Okay. What about you? I'll, I'll, I'll call it nine, nine K. Okay. So let, well, what if it, what if it's a, what if it's a 25, 23 year old Asian USC student that wants to go to a rave downtown? 13,000.

All right, $13,000. You're not cheap, TJ. Oh, my God. Wow. I know. I know. He drives a hard bargain. I'm more in here with the people. Would you be like $1,000 per hour or $500? What is your rate? No, I said $5,000 for the whole night. Oh, $5,000 for the whole night. Okay. But maybe an hourly rate is a better idea because if it goes past, you know, if I'm giving them the best friend experience and it's like almost an overnight, that's going to cost more. An overnight. Yeah, this is kind of like a psychoanalysis of the male loneliness epidemic right now. I keep hearing about this epidemic, and I don't know if there's anyone in my life that's suffering. And I wonder if there are signs of someone. You know what I mean? Every male in my life is trying to get more lonely. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. more isolated yeah i would like to be as isolated as possible and that's not just when i'm in the sauna but i guess i just don't yeah i keep hearing about this and i believe that it's a real thing and it makes a lot of sense i just still i guess maybe it's a thing you would never know if someone was suffering from it's a silent killer i feel like jason like because of his height like that was my first time experiencing his height and like you know like the yaoming manorexic vibe kind of thing and like that was like fucking mind-blowing to me and i was like this guy could get any fucking girl, have any fucking friend, like, just, like, born with, like, super god genes. Like, I was like, is, like, Matty up to, like, your waist? Like, IRL? A lot of people are up to his waist. Well, like I said, Mingerexi. Unfortunately, it affects me negatively because I'm standing next to him all the time, and I think people think I'm short when I'm not. I'm being dwarfed by my co-host. Chris is a very tall guy, but in comparison. But I would say for me, I do have some of that energy, but it usually only applies to people who think I am a professional athlete of some kind. And then when I tell them I'm not, they're like, oh, okay. But also with the pipeline of the last name Stuart and then being into food and Martha, what's that? Are you a Martha Nepo baby? What's the story there? No, no, no. Zero Nepo over here. I got it out the mud.

Similar to Martha. Okay, just a coincidence. Just simply a coincidence, yeah. She has found more success than I have, though. I wish I knew how to use an air fryer. I will never use an air fryer. Using an air fryer is probably pretty easy, bro. I think that's the whole point. I've never cooked in my life. That's cool. This is where you and Chris can bond. Unfortunately, I have cooked in my life, but it's been only one step above putting cereal in a bowl. Is Uber Eats killing your spirit? No, I like to go pick up actually in New York. I mean, occasionally, occasionally, but in New York, I feel like it's the, the delivery system is so fucked. And so, and I, I'm never say stuff like this, but unfair and stupid that I will, I will kind of try to go out of my way to not get delivery and just pick it up. Okay. Okay, cool. Maybe that'll bring more of like a. a thing for me well it also you get some steps in so you kind of earn those calories yeah yeah yeah you're you're you're hunter and gathering it's connecting with your primal root we don't have a soho house in vancouver so oh i didn't know you i didn't know you lived in vancouver yeah um you you've been many times oh yeah oh that's crazy many many times i love vancouver what the fuck what areas do you like that's so weird you know vancouver what's the rich part yale town that's the part i like oh is that nice Yeah. No, I'm kidding. Yeah. I like, I like Yeltown too. I used to go there pretty often and I do like it quite a lot. And it's, I, even though I don't, I'm not like a big natural beauty guy. You'd probably really love like Gastown and like Neighbor and all those stores. I've done, oh yeah, I've been going to Neighbor since, yeah, for years. I mean, I used to work with Arterix and their base there. Yeah, we are. And Stussy, right? Yeah, Stussy's got a big office there too. Yeah. And what's the, what's the furniture store in Gastown called? That's like kind of legendary. Oh, fuck. I don't know. It's like a family owned. I can't think of. It's really good. I think they have Versace home there, actually. Oh, is that something you're in the market? What are you riffraff? Who's buying Versace? No, no. I mean, that would be that would be cool. At one point, I'm like, I'm one of those people who are like haters of their apartment because I fucking have a window AC unit and I want to kill myself over it. And I want central AC in my life at this point. Vancouver is a very expensive city. So, you know, you're not.

It's no New York, but it's not cheap to live there. It's probably the most expensive place to live in Canada, at least. It's very expensive. Have you thought about some of maybe the prairies? Ottawa? Anything like that? You can get Central Air in Edmonton. I don't know. I've never even been to Toronto yet. I went to New York for the first time in my life in the spring. That was the first time I stepped in the East Coast ever. I don't know where I would live other than Vancouver right now. How old are you? 30. Okay. We got a lot of growing to do. Are your parents... Okay, do your parents live in Vancouver? Yeah. Do you live with your parents? No, no. Fuck no. I live in my own... I have my own place. Okay, you have your own place. You live solo dolo. Yes. Okay, no roommate, no chick, nothing to speak of. Me with a roommate? Can you fucking imagine? You've never had a roommate ever, right? No, no. Oh, must be nice. That's called privilege. But you're not a nude house man, though, right? No, no. Okay. No, but why is that? Do you lose that joy when someone's there? Just some people who live alone, I don't know, they... They like to be naked at home. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I think the big problem with me is, is like I'm a workaholic and a lot of my work and life space is in one space and I need everything to be separate. So I kind of joined like a kind of private club in Vancouver recently with like a crazy high admission fee. So I hope that changes my life in my 30s. Can you tell us what it's called? So at these clubs, what happens there? You can eat, you can socialize with other members. There's a bar. Yes. So. when i did the tour basically i got to like see the how everyone else was kind of like in the kind of same space as me like mentally i saw how they all kind of like were sitting in these like really beautiful like libraries and like bars and all this type of stuff so i'm like okay maybe i can go write and read here and have something from the

private restaurant and all that type of stuff. If friends are in town, I can bring them here. You get all the concierge, 50% off the Fairmont Spa. A lot of cool stuff that I'm really into. I feel like in my next phase of my life, in my 30s, this is what I want the vibe to be. Are you going to work here? Are you going to use this as your WeWork? Yeah, I'm going to use it like WeWork. When you're working, you strike me as a guy that's got a bunch of stuff pinned up on a wall with red string going in between it? Oh my God. Or are you more of just a laptop cat? Oh, I use, like, offline devices like AlphaSmart and, like, the FreeWrite machines. Okay, okay. What is AlphaSmart? That sounds like some Joe Rogan shit. What is AlphaSmart? AlphaSmart is, like, a keyboard that is – it's, like, a keyboard offline. Like, it's just, like, basically you use the USB after you're done using it. It's a digital word processor. They used to give it to, like, special needs kids in the 2000s, like, who couldn't write. Like with their hands and they need to learn how to type. Yeah, it's just a way. So you it'll give you like a text file and you can put on your computer and edit from there. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you and you use this to write a book. The first book. Well, there's two books, I guess. The second book was written mostly in fragments. I'm like ideas all over the. place guy yeah you strike me as that so are you jotting stuff down everywhere do you have writing on your walls and stuff okay yeah keep it to paper yeah it's kind of like a beautiful mind like you know like yeah like it's kind of that vibe what's what's your you know what's your notes app looking i just saw um john mayor had maggie rogers on his radio show and they read each other embarrassing lyric ideas out of their notes app oh no i keep i keep my my notes app very very secure but i use an app called scrivener aren't you writing a book Someone in New York told me at a meeting that you are at a meeting.

Like an AA meeting or a business meeting? No, like it was like a CA. Yeah, no, I am. I am. I am. And I don't use any of this, but maybe I should. And so it's just CB? It's not like a how long gone guide to life thing? No. Well, hopefully after we do the show, we will be doing that book, but no. That book's coming. Just wait. I feel it. We got a proof of concept going, like the Desus and Mero. Yeah, that book's coming. Do you remember the Desus and Mero book? What was that about, Jason? Do you remember that? It was the Guide to New Jolk or something. I don't know. think it was similar is what i'm saying we're thinking about it now that it was god level knowledge darts life lessons from the bronx yeah similar i mean and that's just what the giggly squad did too so i think how long gone could maybe come through and i could drop life lessons from the oc life lessons from the oc was good that's good that's people oh yeah yeah no that's in the bag we can get a we can get a forward from seth cohen for that yeah it's like involving like how how tight or loose your trucks are you know lots of stuff to cover really really super important stuff Did Mel invite you guys to the Boy Smell's party in LA? Jason went. Yeah. I was supposed to go, but I didn't. Was it fun? It was very fun. Yeah, it was great. I mean, you know, anytime at the Eagle, hard to have a bad time. I'm concerned. This brings, but I'm concerned about Mariah Carey because I watched her at the BET Awards and it was kind of, it was. a little scary he's amazing the rigmarole like who the fuck uses that word that's incredible she looked she looked fully lobotomized like she was propped up and had like a robot back how does someone get to a point where they're dating anderson pack like what like what went down for that to happen that's the biggest question i mean he was playing drums with her on the bet awards because he's you know he's nasty with the skins are they are they still dating oh yeah i think it's like a full-on i mean i think she likes him young like all divas and they should have that right and and i respect it

but she could do better than Pac. All right, fellas, question. Would you hit Mariah for the story? For the story? What do you mean? For the story, just to say that you did. Oh, yeah. Isn't she a BBW? I like Chet Hanks' perception on the world. Oh, okay. Yeah. So you would, when in doubt, do as Chet would do. Chet Hayes. Yeah, he's my favorite rapper. I think White Boy Summer is better than Illmatic, honestly. I agree with that. Finally, something we can agree on. Yeah, I definitely think that he's a superstar beyond age. I think Chet Hanks has better beat selection than Nas. I completely agree with you. How are we going to get Chet Hanks? He's been beasting in the underground. People aren't taking him seriously with his art. What does he need to do? To get to that level, to get the respect that he deserves. I guess he has to hire Mel Ottenberg as his creative director like Addison did. I think he has to find one of the LGBT creative directors. He needs an LGBT creative director. Not wrong. I think that's what's missing, right? Because they pull up the references on their Pinterest boards, their Y2K 2000s references, and they shock their client, and they're like, oh, my God, I've never heard of this thing. And then they recreate it, and the Internet goes wild. Isn't that the formula? That literally is the formula. This is from a PlayStation 2 ad. They're like, okay. Yeah, yeah, Chris Cunningham ad from 1999. Oh, my God, bro, let's recreate this. That's the vibe. But I think that Chet, from what I've experienced and witnessed on the World Wide Web, is going shaboozy mode. He's going country. No, no, that's my nightmare. He should go like Salem trap, like Jack Donahue vibes. I agree. I don't think he has the dark enough. His energy is dark, but not that dark. Yeah, I guess. Do you think Jack Donahue is dark? If he isn't, he's. doing a good job making believe that he is yeah for me i perceive that as light so maybe i have something wrong yeah you definitely have something wrong with you i mean there's no wait there's no question i wanted to run into head at the porno awards i thought you guys were going to be there too i would never go to something like that i think it's stupid it's an arts and culture event though it is well they're trying to i know that's what they told you like i met adam 22 there

Okay, now we're talking. Did you guys exchange numbers? No, but I emailed them after and we talked. Did you spit any bars for them or did you keep it kind of professional? I kept it professional. I was more so entranced by all the women there. I met Mia Malkova, Bella Danger, Asa Akira, Riley Reid in one hour. That's crazy. Can I be honest with you? I'm not just saying this. I don't know. porn stars names that's not something that i am familiar with yeah no that's okay you're not a gooner these are big names in the industry yeah no they're definitely juggernauts chris they're definitely big big names but like juggernauts i'm kind of curious though because i studied like y2k whack-off material for a decade i'm curious like What were the go-tos? The Wild Things Threesome? When you say studied, do you mean looked at or do you mean participated in? No, I literally studied and read on message boards and news groups and bulletin board systems of men in the 90s who are teenagers talking about what they were walking off to so I could reference it. But I watched it. I engaged. Like Girls Gone Wild. Girls Gone Wild, Infomercial, Wild Things Threesome, Anna Nicole Smith. Carmen Electra, Shannon Mochler. I don't know how to fucking say her name. Hawaii Five-0. Right, right, right. What were your guys' friends' go-tos? Honestly, that sounds pretty accurate of the heavy hitters. Okay, okay. But also, you know, maybe like the Rachel Lee Cooks of the world, you know, where it's a little on the nerdier side. Take your glasses off and all of a sudden you're hot. A lot of dudes whacked off to the criminal video. the fiona video that's actually wild to me because i feel like spank my shit to that i mean i love fiona apple and that's a great video but i also feel like that is not what people like anymore You know, like in post-Kardashian society, Fiona Apple. Oh, yeah, no, back then, though. I'm talking about then. Yeah, for sure, for sure, for sure. I'm just saying it's interesting how far we've come, whereas, like, Fiona Apple wouldn't even move the needle in a situation like that. Exactly. I think it's back, and it's moving the needle now, though. Well, thank God, Jason. You know what I've been praying for. The Serena Carpenter album artwork is really sexy. Yeah, but she looks like a small person. I like it a lot.

Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot. Because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need a fucking something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. And, I mean, how it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a Tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because Taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs, handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it. in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app. using promo code HOWLONG. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book Trusted Home Help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code HOWLONG with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. Hi Talk House Network listeners, it's your old friend Nels Klein from Wilco here. Wilco is touring this summer and we'd love to see you somewhere on the road. We're playing shows this June and July in Rochester Hills, Michigan, Chautauqua, New York, Lafayette, New York, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Vienna, Virginia, Forest Hills, New York, Portland, Maine, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Memphis, Tennessee, La Grange, Georgia, Charleston,

South Carolina, Virginia Beach, Virginia, Wheeling, West Virginia, and Columbus, Ohio. Plus, there are even more dates, some with Willie Nelson that I didn't even mention here. So please go to wilkoworld.net to see the full list of dates. We'll see you on the road this summer. Study and play. Come together on a Windows 11 PC. And for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds. Get the Unreal College deal. Everything you need to study and play with select Windows 11 PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft 365 Premium and a year of Xbox Game Pass Ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn more at windows.com slash student offer. While supplies last, ends June 30th. Terms at aka.ms slash college PC. Do you think it's midget porn? Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. I think that I feel uncomfortable. What the fuck? You just ruined the fucking cover for me now. I can't see that. Oh, my God. Let me double down and ruin it twice. A friend of the show, Martin Booty Spoon, compared Sabrina Carpenter's face to the Mad Magazine cartoon guy. You know what I mean? Fuck this. Don't touch Addison now, because I think she's definitely the hottest young pop star. That's a princess. Hands off. Hands off. You might have a chance with her, bro. That's like age appropriate. So are you a confirmed racist? No, no. She's Latinx, right? I meant R-A-E. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, no, but she is Latinx. Like, that's the whole thing, the debate. Like, she looks like a white girl, but she's Latinx. Yeah, that's the same. That would be a power couple. Real power couple. Who, you and Addison Rae would be a power couple? Yeah, I think so. What are you bringing to the table in that power couple? I don't know. I feel like we need to go back to, like, the... I thought that being a novelist, I would have more groupies, but I've been kind of disappointed in that. I thought that was the whole thing. Well, maybe if you wrote a book that women would read, that'll help you out. That will help you out. My publisher told me that women are like 90% of readers.

in literature yeah that's true but you've cornered the the [redacted address] to oh yeah yeah my book is definitely as we call in canada for the boys it's so you're saying that you can you're saying that you can get your cart and walk around loblaws and no one's throwing their underwear at you no no i think like the i mostly get attention from twinks and um welcome to the club been my been my struggle okay And how do you handle that politely, you know? Don't sleep on twink attention. Like, I respect you guys. I love your culture. I had a twink friend tell me that he, like, fingers himself to Halongong because he likes Chris's voice. That is a lie. I'm serious. Yeah. Yeah. uh he told me i believe it it's his special time like with the lube and everything i think you need to do like gay porn erotica with audible like you need a deal going i'll do anything for money so that's not i'm not above that jason can do you do you make like private jason will you edit it do you make like private gq articles like of people's like like okay so say i wanted to pay you to like make my wardrobe for summer or something and like go online and find stores because i really like the gq article you just did like summer outfits or something like do you do that like for personal like no no i don't do that no i only do i only do that for um are you are you offering alex i've been thinking about it where where are you shopping are you hitting neighbor are you wearing mantle and casey casey i'm like my goal in 2026 is is that i want to make sure that everything i wear is the cost of someone's rent like so this is getting into this is getting into chrome hearts territory though so let's try to keep it let's try to go a different way yeah no no i don't want to look like yeah yeah no but i think like i definitely i love like the prada nylon do you guys know that like what that timothy always wears that prada nylon oh yeah yeah we're familiar with that of course i want that um why don't you cop what's the problem Because I've been kind of bad with my money lately. Okay, so you took all the money you got and you've been blowing it. But what are you blowing it on besides five-star hotels? Redacted. Hold on. How much crypto do you have? No, I don't know crypto. What's your DraftKings? How many sugar babies are you keeping fed in house, Alex?

oh no you sound like my mom oh my god your mom is questioning your sugar baby addiction no because she's always like you spend all your money on people like that's your whole fucking thing and i'm like oh yeah i mean i like to i like i'm a cultural critic in the zeitgeist mom get out of my room yeah yeah yeah no no exactly i mean the movie with the movie stuff coming like it should be i hope to see fruits of my labors okay I worked in fashion. You don't fucking get paid for anything. What did you do in fashion? Model? No, fuck no. I produced shoots and was an editor. redacted like i still do it but i want my brand to just be novelist like i don't want people to know that i'm at these magazines helping with shoots or things like i like to be like incognito mode off the record kind of vibe but i've done like covers with like lots of people and uh editorials okay so you're just you're just and how much time you spend in playing video games none i've never i'm a work i had a feeling i actually had a feeling so you're so you crack your eyes once you once you you know go for a jog outside along the along the sound you you're right back at the laptop i think it's like uh it's definitely connected to like addiction and like life in sobriety where like when you remove the substance like your everything just latches on like this mutation so like i became like like really ocd and obsessive about food and work and like it's just like anything that isn't a substance will become compulsive and addictive that's my whole brain i get it i get it okay this is gonna get that loud and clear okay so okay but did you actually have a drug problem or did you yeah as a teenager i was really into like amphetamines and um i can kind of see that for you actually now that you say that i know people have come up to people like i have the like sky fire thing where like when you're sober everyone thinks you're high and drunk and it's like i'm fucking sober like you know sometimes that's the world's strongest drug so were you smoking meth or what are we talking about here uh i didn't smoke it but um i definitely like uh well i i had i had meth laced weed when i was 14 uh like a scene kid gave it to me but um in the uh and you're like i think i'm gonna like this yeah it was like a zip

zip it was like a crazy kind it was a crazy i still remember it it was fucking wild but um the it was like adderall like oh i have adhd can you give me this like it was like a kind of thing like it was like a fucking charlie bartlett or whatever that like y2k movie was the indie movie yes yeah okay okay i'm okay this but you were able to you were able did you get busted by your parents or were you able to kick it on your own um i went to therapy because my whole pro because my whole problem was is that i was my compulsive relationship with it was like i want this to work and i want it to fix me and like fix the hole inside me and my loneliness and it wouldn't work so i was like what the fuck why am i doing this so then we went to therapy started the trauma recovery cbt um i did a lot of zoom recovery meetings in the pandemic that was fucking weird that was really weird yeah because i've never gone to an irl one but i went to a zoom one and but now you feel good I guess I feel good, but I still have a lot of fucking work to do on myself. I'm still trying. I think routine, regime, time blocking, color coding, all of that type of stuff helps me. But a lot of people would say that's just another expression of the neuroses. Yeah, but you've got to express it somehow. Yeah, yeah. Being compulsive about the 90s for a decade and Columbine, I guess, helped me be busy. Yeah, we all love Columbine, so I get that. You guys were fans when you saw the news? No, I'm joking. Actually, we had a school shooting a month after Columbine in my high school. In Atlanta? Yeah. Was Magic City active in that year? Magic City has been active since I've known about it. I mean, since I've... been alive, I think. I think Magic City's been around for like 30 years. The first time I heard about it was the Welcome to Atlanta remix. So I was like, okay. That actually, that's probably where a lot of people heard about it for the first time. I have a really hard time parting with that remix because like, you know, with home, I'm not homeboy, but you know what I mean? Like, did he like that? But I have Freak Off FOMO, if you want me to be honest, because it really helped my writing as a novelist. Going to the Freak Offs? Yes, because like I could have amazing content.

like incredible writing content, like the descriptions of the baby oil and like the, you know, the secret words that they use at the door. Like it would be incredible writing content. Right. So you're, you're saying you wish you were a fly on the wall at one of these freak offs because you, the book would write itself. But if, if harm to none, like no one would be harmed, you know, I wouldn't want it to be a bad freak off. Well, you would, you would be, you, you would be harmed. You'd be the quirked up white guy in the corner with his moleskin and that could. that could come back to haunt you well it sounds like you've already got most of the beats worked out and you can kind of visualize what's going on you've already described the baby oil just do a little fan fiction you know what i mean yeah yeah that's that's right are you guys into cults like have you ever been in one i i unfortunately i haven't been in one vegan straight edge that's it i'm straight edge what what do you know about cults it sounds like quite a lot uh like people would say that i'm a part of a few cults because I'm very attracted to, like, the order and the regime and the kind of... Are these names of cults, by the way? Is the order and the regime, are these names of cults? Yeah, no, no, they're not the name of the cults, but they're... I feel like they're the best survival mechanism for the 2020s. Like, just, like, join a cult. forget about the news, forget about the world. Like, you know, I find like that, that's the kind of, people would say, I see your angle. I see your angle. Yeah. Yeah. People would say I'm in a cult because I'm a part of the Kabbalah center, but that's, I don't think that's a call. I really don't. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. You're a member of the Kabbalah center, the kind of. aughts popular religion among celebrities where you wear a red string around your wrist i'm wearing my red string right now yeah okay who got you into this did you do you have a relationship with demi more that you're not telling us about did ashton kutcher well actually i was on the madonna friends and family a friendless at the celebration tour she helped me launch my book pop magic with a video with steven klein and her reading it

I would say Kabbalah is the source of that. Okay, so you're telling us that you met legendary songstress Madonna via the Kabbalah faith. No, no, I met her through Mirawaz. Okay, but you related, the Kabbalah faith brought you closer together. Well, I don't know, it's possible. Kabbalah is like the root source of all kind of... modern new age thinking that people like everything is derived from the kabbalah like manifesting magic with a k witchcraft it all is derived from the zohar and the torah and kabbalah zohar actually he's pulling ahead right now in new york he might be cuomo so that's good to hear so the recent polls are in well out of out of all the uh the pros and cons about kabbalah for those of us who are not experts on it what what are parts about it that you might disagree with or not practice or there's nothing that i really disagree with like i like i honestly really love it like but okay i mean that's good there has to be something like on shabbat i have to do like i have to scan the zohar for like six at five hours like on the live stream okay every saturday that sounds terrible why do you have to do that Oh, because I'm connecting to the light, the tree of life consciousness, like station to station, David Bowie, like from Malhut to Ket there. Like, that's the vibe. Okay, why do you have to live stream it? Well, because I don't have a center here. I don't live in LA or New York. Got it. Or Toronto. You know what? Actually, I would move to Toronto just so I could go to the center, honestly. Okay, just because zooming in is a pain in the ass. So what did people do before technology and computers and the internet? Well, there was like a Kabbalah DVD that would get passed around like of Kabbalah one, like the starters one that is still like at my local library. But before people would have to go to the center and or use audio tapes or things like that. And not to disparage the great. faith but is it it sounds a little i mean i'm not gonna say scientology but it doesn't sound far from it no no it's not like scientology it's not no i don't i don't think at all it's a lot more spiritual i feel like now i sound crazy and like a cult member on the pod but you do you do but i'm saying i'm saying i'm saying it sounds like it in the sense that it is attractive to celebrities and rich people and the hot beds are

major cities i think addison ray needs kabbalah because if she really wants to do like the ray of light thing she needs to she needs to read the text and and get it get into it because if you really think about it um in madonna's career ray of light and american life and music were all directly correlated to the text she was reading and studying kabbalah and she'll say that to this day okay so those are all kabbalah bops yes yes you guys have connected you have connected to the light of god what they call the light in Kabbalah. You've connected to that every time you've listened to Nothing Really Matters or Skin or anything like that. Okay, well, I mean, it seems to work for a lot of people. Does it cost money to practice? Yeah, it's a monthly membership. Okay, so it's just like Spotify. How much are we talking? I think like $150 for online. That gives you access to healers or just text. A text, and then you also get a teacher. Oh, so you get a sponsor. Yeah, like a teacher and stuff like that. I suggested that they do like a Kabbalah for just men, like in the center, but they... Hell yeah, bro. They haven't connected back to that, but I think it would be cool. They're doing Kabbalah recovery Zoom groups now, but yeah, I think it's truly, like I've studied all the spiritual systems and trying to figure out what I wanted to connect to, because as you know, like... in like addiction recovery you have to have like a higher power or whatever and kabbalah was like what really was the thing for me because i didn't want to like be solipsistic and worship the ego so much chris who was your higher power when you found sobriety never thought about it never thought about it i i don't really it's very tough the higher power stuff is very tough because if you grew up um, religious at all, and then rebelled against that. It's hard to ever come back around to thinking that's acceptable. Did you like Manson back in the day? No, no. Manson's for losers. No, no, no. I liked, I liked real, I liked it. No, it wasn't, it wasn't about being like, you listen to like skinny puppy.

no it's not like satan it's not like satan stuff it's more like religion is stupid stuff like this is like christopher hitchens uh no yeah yeah like ricky like ricky gervais no just like it was a it was part of the sort of everything that came with vegan straight edge hardcore etc so then when people are are you still vegan no no no yeah see the book doesn't cover the like punk archetype um in the in my in my book because i'm just like now visualizing like y2k 90s adolescents but yeah well my y2k 90s adolescents i could give you you know crash course did you watch the tip drill video Yeah. I lived the tip drill video. Are you kidding me, bro? I was in Atlanta. What are you talking about? The BET uncensored one? Well, I just watched Bring Up the BET Awards, the book of Mariah Carey, but they had like sort of a 106 and Park sort of throwback thing where Ludacris, you know, Jim Jones, Ludacris, A. Marie. all these people performed as if it was that era, and it was shocking how good people were. Yeah, Murphy Lee doesn't get enough love. I don't think Murphy Lee ever did anything to deserve. I don't think he ever... Did he ever put out his own album? Yeah, What the Hook Gonna Be? That song goes hard. That's all he's got, though. That's all he's got. I'm looking for an album. But he was featured on so many Nelly songs as well. Shake Your Tail Feather? I know he's featured as not enough to coast on, in my opinion. Alex, I gotta say, your knowledge of this era is... unprecedented. What's going on here? It's impressive and depressing. What about Fabulous? Do you prefer that, Chris? Fabulous has great songs, but a lot of people in hip-hop talk about how well he dresses, and I think it's really funny because he looks like a child. Do you guys remember when the cool kids were on Hype Em? Are you kidding me? Jason probably DJed with the cool kids 10 times. That's so funny. Gold in a pager. Oh, my God. Throwback. Yeah, Hype-em. Calling it Hype-em and not Hype Machine as well. Oh, wait. Well, what would people say back then? Hype-em. I mean, people said both. I've heard both. But I guess the original iteration was Hype Machine, and then people would say Hype-em. I've never heard Hype-em. Just like how nobody says Snapchat anymore. They just say Snap. Who would you guess is my favorite band?

Somebody bad. Yeah, go, go. Guess. I honestly don't know. I couldn't even begin. Like Red Hot Chili Peppers? Savage Garden. Oh. No, that's no. I mean, Savage Garden's good, though. They're better than you, too. Well, that's not saying much. Yeah, I love them. I think Savage Garden don't get their flowers enough. I think those two records are fucking crazy. You're saying their garden is barren. There's no flowers. Yes, I think we need to talk about them more as a culture. Okay, so they were kind of like Australian dudes, you know, early 2000s, late 90s, and they made a lot of ballads, right? And major fallout between those two boys, like crazy. and feud but they had like big like you never have to work again late 90s records that monoculture money that are played that are played in grocery stores to this day type shit well we yeah i think that's like what what oh it's so interesting because a lot of like millennial male artists are like trying to figure out how to understand the world because they grew up wanting that monoculture world where, like, if you broke out in, like, in the arts, you would be, like, household, you know? But it doesn't happen like that anymore. No, it doesn't. No, it does not. So, like, in a Justin Timberlake-y kind of way? Well, like, even, like, for as, like, an author. Like, if my book, like, came on, like, as a preview after, or, like, a TRL, like, moment or something. There's so many authors who were on it. like mtv in the late 90s and and stuff like that and like it's just like that brainwash is gone you know centralized culture we try to do it here on how long gone you know and i like that i like that have have authors on and talk to them in a trl style surface level conversation for an hour and 17 minutes you know do you guys versus the new yorker deep dive or whatever you know do you guys know the supplement bromelain um i i don't i've heard of it but i don't know what it does it's like a part of the like uh the bigger loads subreddit like the supplements community um i'm definitely kind of interested in in because i'm really into like male vitality kind of like uh like ashwagandha black maca shilajat like i'm trying to figure out like

how to get up like the testosterone all the time and um it's interesting trying to you're trying to throw some ropes is what you're saying bromelain the group of enzymes found in the stem and fruit of the pineapple known for its ability to break down protein yes bro you're 30 years old yeah yeah what do you talk what what's the problem maybe he's just doing preventative you know we start taking our neutrophil now before we go bald yeah yeah what do you what do you do what do you do this is not what you should be worried about you should be worried about getting a girlfriend yeah i think that's probably where the energy needs to go but you you can't say that because i can't I can't say sexuality because I'll get in trouble if they think I'm one thing. I have to be ambiguous, to be mysterious. We're finding a partner. I have to have the Benson Boone mysterious vibe. Benson Boone has a mid-girlfriend that he's seen holding hands with in public all the time. Oh, okay. All right. But he does play both sides, but obviously we're guilty of that on this podcast. She has a beard, but she's around. Peter Vack was probing my sexuality, and then he went to go on to tell the table that his dream role is... mc in cabaret and i was like i think that's pretty gay dude yeah that is it is that's pretty yeah not really but i mean the age-old question actor or gay you know well redacted remember the story that brett said about the the actor that he like is pretty much 100 confirmed gay behind the scenes and uh who bradley cooper pedro pascal um uh fucking gives to me and this is common with actors like he's more of a thespian than anything else to me like he you know that overpowers any sort of sexuality that i could deduce from watching him. I feel like Matty Healy's, like, sexual ambiguity is, like, the coolest, like, way to be. I don't think there's any, I don't think there's any question that Matty Healy's a stick man, though. Yeah, no, I know. I don't think he, if you, I don't think you're confusing anybody. Yeah, but I like that he, like, makes out with twinks on stage and stuff. Like, he, like, fucks with the Matrix a bit, you know? Yeah, that's true. And it is a lost art. And I'm glad that they were able to make it out of that Malaysian lawsuit unscathed. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, they're definitely my favorite, like, rock band. I think they're, like, the only rock band.

in the world, are they? Check out a little band called The Killers next time you put your AirPods in, Chief. That's Christian rock, right? Isn't that Christian rock? Brandon Lee. Brandon from The Killers, he's so fucking Christian. No, he's Mormon, first of all, which is cultural. He probably doesn't do a lot of stuff we do, but he does produce great songs, and that's what matters most. Yeah, I guess. He has rules. Brat, Brat Summer is around the corner, round two. Brat two, I'm ready for it. Jason's living it every day. His shirt's unbuttoned right now, I bet. If I'm even wearing one. Well, actually, Alex, I mean, to go back to the beginning of our convo. Yeah, no. What about that specific millennial generation, late 90s, early 2000s culture do you find yourself drawn to? Like, why do you use that as such a focus specifically? Oh, I think because first off, I was very... fascinated by my generation and gen z's fixation and obsession with that era like you've never seen an era in history as talked about or referenced or obsessed over and like people act like that was like the fucking peak of humanity right so i wanted to like go back and sort of unmask and look at the darker casual cruelties and quote-unquote freedoms of that era and also just kind of understand like um the male culture that i grew up with with in high school i was in high school from like 08 till like uh i dropped out but 08 till 2012 which was a more like steroids version of the y2k masculinity so it was just like an exploration of uh everyone else's fascination along with mine okay so that so when you were in high school 08 to 012 that's when it was like the last run before we became a little more politically correct and a little more axe commercials entourage um it was pumping megan fox and transformers that's like my adolescence and then so that was like the last big hurrah before we became you know less sexist less homophobic less you know open traditional masculinity is what i like to call it not toxic masculinity okay thank you for making that distinction i appreciate that what can i ask you what your parents do for a living

My dad's a property developer. Of course he is. I should have known. Okay. Your dad's a property developer. He's in bed with China over there in Vancouver. So they think you're a full-blown freak. I'm a mistake. I was supposed to go to Ivy League schools. My cousins, I was supposed to... yeah i'm i'm definitely proud they're proud of you now that you have all this impressive output and you're gonna have you know tv show and all this stuff right yeah well it's a film but uh it would be cool if it was a tv show but yeah it was a tv show i'd actually watch it so i was wishful thinking yeah they're yeah no i'm dude the movie thing is so weird i was at like a restaurant bar and i was trying to talk to like the 24 year old guy there and be like yo do you want do you like a nora and he was like i don't know what that is i watch youtube shorts hell yeah And I was like, bro, it won five Oscars. And he's like, no, I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm like, what fucking prison am I living in? Like, where am I? Like, what am I seeing every day? I mean, most people don't watch any. I mean, John Mulaney talks about it. He's like, yeah, I mean, I watched the Oscars. Conan O'Brien did an amazing job detailing every film that was nominated. And we all clap and talk about how awesome they were. and just a fraction of a fraction nobody sees any of these movies yeah no one reads even even the ones who won best picture yeah i mean like that's the thing like when you're like a i mean it's also so weird because you could even go down the street and ask someone like hey do you know who this person is and in our reality it might be like oh that person's so huge like tate mccray or something and they might be like i have no idea what the fuck you're talking about great example tate mccray is a great no honestly because i think you ask somebody they're like oh my god she's huge you ask somebody else you're like who is that i have no idea it sounds like somebody that works at a gas station but imagine doing that with like limp biscuit or britney that'd be impossible no you're absolutely right no you're absolutely right i mean i i think it's um that's just where we are so who surpassed the the monoculture uh taylor i guess

i mean that's kind of it really i mean yeah you know did you guys go to eras no i would have but i i didn't um i just felt like it was a big ask to whoever i would be asking and i just feel like somebody else who cares more should take the ticket if that makes sense that's really sweet i just don't i mean i i think it'd be interesting to see and she's got a couple slaps of course but what's your favorite taylor song um but daddy i love him of the new album pause yeah it's it's like a touchy topic but i like torture poets to more of it as well shit slaps but i i think that it's interesting that that i mean i know a lot of people that went for sport but three and a half hours of taylor swift is i i can't do that really yeah it was definitely like a a dope i mean it was like crazy like people like ran in like it was fucking woodstock i went for like the cultural history and event and also because i am i love the music um but the amount of money that i spent on those case you'd never fucking speak to me again like like go ahead go ahead tell us how much you paid for the airs tickets on well tell us how tell us how good the seats were for okay but also these were for every like it wasn't just for me i bought them for like multiple people in my life like it was how many people came with you stop beating around the bush how many people came with you how much that cost okay guess guess the number You bought six tickets. No, I don't know, like four or five. Guess the number. Oh, I bet they were $2,500 each. No, dude. This is like really high money. Like, guess. You're saying you spent more than $10,000 on four tickets to see Taylor Swift? Well, not just for me. For people to make them happy, to give back. Cabal is all about sharing. Okay, Robin Hood. Okay, Robin Hood. Cabal is all about sharing. 27 grand for four tickets. You're close. Okay, bro. You need to be put in jail. You need to be put in jail. You can't spend 30 racks to go see Taylor Swift for sport.

I know, I know, and I know, and it's really bad. As a creative director, can you write that off? Your mom needs to kind of take over your finances, I think. No, no, I don't want to, no, my nightmare is getting cut off because I have no survival skills. I'd fucking die. I can't, I can't, like, I can't get cut off, but I think, like, yeah, it was a moment, but I have to, like, live in, like, abundance consciousness, right? Like, that money's coming back. I'm magnetizing it back. It's returning, you know? And it's all going to come back after this episode. They're going to be like, this Alex kid, he's got a good head on his shoulders. I'm going to hire him for the big job. Super Bowl commercial this year. Old Spice. I can see it now. I can see it now. So, okay, you got to get your spending under control. Chris wants to punch me out like bloody sucker me right now. No, no, no. I like it because I do stupid shit, too. I'm not above anything. And I'm in no way judging you. I just think that is a mistake that you... you know obviously it's fine you're gonna the the sun's gonna come up tomorrow but let's just not do that again isn't it good karma though because they created such beautiful memories they get to stick with them and they get to enjoy it it's a very nice thing to do it's a very nice gift gift to give absolutely absolutely like the only reason that i think people should want to be well like to attract wealth or whatever is so that like if people are trying to become something in the world and they want to be have money to spend like that they should do it for the sake of service and like what you can share with your friends and like who wants to just keep everything for themselves look i completely agree with you i just think there are other examples of this besides and i'm glad that you are channeling that beautiful energy and giving taylor swift another thirty thousand dollars well it doesn't even go to her right yeah let's not yeah yeah you're our friends at live nation were able to stuff that money in their overly stuffed pockets somehow ticket master cues though bro those are fucking evil i don't want to even

try to go to a concert now because of those cues. Like, if I'm not getting guest list, I'm not coming. You tell them, bro. You tell them. You let them know, player. Yeah, I would say the Ticketmaster cues are dark, satanic playgrounds, aren't they? Is Kelly Catron going to kill me after this? Like, is this, like, did my PR training just, like, go down the drain? I wouldn't let you. I mean, we're the bumpers in the bowling alley where we're keeping you in line. But can we get Kelly Catron on the pod next? Oh, yeah, for sure. I could definitely swing that. And Anna Delvey probably, too. No, I'm good. I'm good. We'll stick with Kelly Cattrall. Yeah, yeah, stick with Kelly. I had a few moments. When you're working with Kelly, it literally becomes the hills or the city. It's those moments with Whitney and Stephanie Pratt. It was a shamanic experience, what I went through in self-transformation. She has no tolerance for... my bullshit self-transformation i like that and then you probably like it when mommy tells you what to do right yeah i'm i definitely uh need to be like uh mothered by the world definitely i think uh i think i'm i think uh like the broken wound in me is like looking for like maternal attention or like uh i think if i had grown up with like more or uh inner love or given to me i probably i mean they everyone did their best i think i was just a bit of like a problem child and so i internalized a really bad self-image at a young age okay we're working our way through it one pot at a time alex your growth you know two years ago i would never have you on how long gone absolutely and now here you are today well good job Well, my ray of light era. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Alex. I appreciate it. If you could just send over your login for the Kabbalah website. I want to kind of kick the tires on that, if you don't mind. Yeah, yeah. Definitely share my login with everyone. Spread that love. Alex's book, New Millennium Boys with a Z on paper book is out now. Yeah, paperback. Yeah. Paper book. I have no social media accounts, so write me a letter that's on my email, my website, alexkazemi.com.

There's a letter, like fan mail letter. So write me a letter. It's nice of you to give back to your fans. No social media, of course, because if you had social media, you definitely wouldn't be alive today, right? Oh, my God. I wouldn't survive. People like me need to be in a straitjacket to hit post now. You can't do that. All right. Well, much to chew on for the next time, Alex. Thank you for doing the pod. It was a fun ride. Any last words? Oh, yeah. My buddy Harrison, the Dares Deluxe Edition is out today. because this is out friday right i told him i would plug it yeah yeah um yeah so so go cop the dares deluxe and um is the how long gone uh 50 variant vinyl coming soon yeah that's coming soon it's gonna be it's gonna actually be human blood on the inside and you can kind of watch it move around we're gonna release it when sabrina drops just so she can be number two yeah exactly there you go against us um boom thank you alex good to see you Thank you.