015. - Raven Smith

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. Want to make a podcast? Spotify's got a platform that lets you make one super easily, then distribute it everywhere, and even earn money. We like that. All in one place for totally free. It's called Spotify for Podcasters. And here's how it works. Spotify for podcasters lets you record and edit podcasts right from your cellular telephone or your computer. So no matter what your setup is like, you can start creating today. Then you can distribute your podcast to Spotify and everywhere else, those other places that podcasts are heard. Video podcasts are also available on Spotify. And when you want to take conversations with your fans to the next level, Q&As and polls are the best way to get them talking. With Spotify for podcasters, you can earn money in a variety of ways, including ads and... and podcast subscriptions. And best of all, it's totally free. Zero catch. We've been using it ever since we started How Long Gone. And ever since I discovered Spotify for Podcasters, I feel like having the option of turning off the Q&As and the polls on the user dashboard has really helped boost my creativity and take it to another level. I highly recommend giving it a try. Download the Spotify for Podcasters app or go to www.spotify.com slash podcasters to get started.

It's okay, dumbass. Bro, it's fucking snowing, bro. It's snowing in Montreal. Yeah, I mean, it's not going to stick, but it's still disheartening to say the least. It sounds like you caught a case. Bitch, I just feel like I caught a case. It ain't going to stick. It ain't gonna stick. You know I got the best lawyers. You already know what the hell is. I'm sorry. We've been getting some great sunshine over here, bro. I know. I know. It's so good that you're posting selfies with a kettlebell. That's how good the weather is. I had to let it fly. I'm feeling myself, you know? I understand. We got you gassed up in the group chat for that photo yesterday. You and your little bum bag. My boom bag. Boom bag. I don't wear the bum bag crossbody. I just wear it around the neck. It's your version of a chain. It's the Patagonia Rockefeller chain. Sometimes my fitness shorts don't have the right pockets to carry all of my things when I'm out on the street, so bum back around the back. Look, I get it, bro. I totally understand. I buy workout shorts and pants specifically based on pocket count. I'm not going to wear an Apple Watch like you, so I've got to bring my phone. Yeah, sometimes I will get some shorts for free, and sometimes those are lacking pockets, but they're still really comfortable and they're really light, and I don't want to let them go. Are you firing shots at a pair of really expensive shorts I gave you for free? No, no, no, no. Those shorts are too good to wear for fitness. Those are... Those are going out shorts. Those are your dress shorts. I mean, they're $400 shorts. I'm not going to wear them. I'm not going to do squats in the mud wearing $400 Arc'teryx shorts. That's fair. I appreciate the respect you put on our name. We got to do a little housekeeping here before we call our guests.

So tomorrow we will be releasing a, a t-shirt that you're all hungry for to commemorate how long gone struggle with the New York times corporation. It will be, it'll be for sale tomorrow, tomorrow morning. It'll ship around May 1st. Luckily my screen printer in Atlanta. was was able to do this and i'm happy to give some money to a small business um and speaking of small speaking of small businesses that's what how long gone is and i know you motherfuckers want to stunt and line our pockets at the same damn time so yeah since we're not digital panhandlers we we like to offer a tangible good for your support dollars a classic trade of money for goods. It's what this country is built on, TJ. Some podcasts will be like, if you give us $10 a month, we'll let you watch the freaking video of us talking that you already listened to a month ago. Nobody gives a shit about that. Your favorite bi-coastal elite podcast would never ask for that. It will be also very convenient for the New York Times to hit us with an actual cease and desist because they already have our email addresses and we've been chatting with them already. So Debra will be able to just reply in the thread already and be like, hey guys, you also can't do this. And I'm looking forward to that if it does happen. I'm looking forward to that, too, and we'll have to light all the stock on fire in a performative protest. And not because it wasn't selling. No, of course not. Not like Burberry or something. No, no, no. We're not big fashion. We haven't been acquired by LVMH just yet. There are talks, though. There are talks. Of course there are talks. I don't want to spread rumors. Today, I'm very excited. We're going to have our first guest from across the pond, bruv.

Very curious to see how the connection is. I am too. But best-selling author as of this week, Raven Smith, also a columnist, former Vogue columnist. Now he does it for the newspaper. I can't remember which one. A British one. Yeah, British newspaper. Raven is extremely funny. One of my favorite people to see when I'm visiting London, if that ever happens again. I can't wait to have a little pudding with my mate. You know what I mean? But Raven does love a lunch dessert. I've had lunch with him many times and he always orders dessert. A cheeky lunch dessert, I'm assuming. A cheeky lunch dessert, yeah. So let me bang his plus four four line. Talk to you shortly. Ring his mobile and we'll connect. Hit the mobile. All right, bye. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, so do our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world... writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative, but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept quote unquote donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian.

stateside with kai and carter this is covering a lot of our bases jason it's a it's trying to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world and i know you particularly have quite a lot of questions a lot of questions but how often because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot how many times do they do three times a week and i i have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do that's just a guess the guardian is not some billionaire owned They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone. It was brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need a fucking something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive. And that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code

how long taskers book up faster, especially for same day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code how long with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. Hello. Why did your voice go up? I don't understand that. Let's see. I feel like also because of this time difference. There he is. Because of this time difference, I'm on time. I feel like you might be a little twisted, is what I'm saying. Are you under the influence? No. You can turn your camera off too, King. I'm easy. I had to just go out and clap for the NHS. I love... What a real laugh. Weren't you just doing a GQ promotional event with my favorite singer, James Bay? I was on a GQ promotional event with my favorite singer, James Bay. Yes, I was. I just went and chatted about my book as Bloody Purr, which is what I'm doing. Then a quick clap for the heroes, and then here I am. If you want to clap for heroes, then you should be clapping for us, King. Okay. I don't know how to turn the camera off. Can you see me? Yeah. Okay, I'll just flip it. I love your loud shirt. Thank you. So you're doing a bit of a digital press tour right now. You're lined up one after another. Yes, it's been like dominoes falling of just chatting to people. It's been quite nice, though. I mean, I've never launched a book before, so it's not like I've got an experience to relate it to. You'll get used to it, sweetie. You'll get used to it. Yeah, as a published author. Well, actually, Jason's the only person on this podcast right now who's not a published author, so I feel a little bad for him. We can form a calming circle for you. Yes, exactly. Well, I did notice, though, and I don't want to gash you up too much, but it is a bestseller, correct? It is officially a bestseller in Britain, yeah. That's amazing. It feels very surreal, especially since I don't go out. So it's not like I'm getting recognized more on the street. I'm just still...

Before and after we got the news that it had done well, I just sat in my house looking. I feel like most best-selling authors don't really get noticed on the street too much anyway. I don't know. I feel like, I don't know. I would like to, I hope that if I saw Donna Tartt in the street, I would like, it would be a thing. I mean, I think that it would be exciting for both of you because, you know, she probably doesn't get recognized that much, so then you could approach, you know, and have a little chat. Yeah, I don't know what I would say to her. I've always had this dream that I would have such a profound effect on her that she would rewrite the secret history with me somewhere. That's how I hope I affect every person I've ever encountered. Chris has that same feeling about a lot of models from the 2000s. Yeah, definitely. I have that feeling. If I just meet her, she'll get it and then it will be happily ever after. It will change the course of history. It will have impacted their history. Well, have you found the digital? But I mean, I guess this digital thing worked. I feel like for you, a lot of your readers are very logged on. So it might have worked in your favor in some ways. I seem to have found myself with a brand that is me sitting in my house chatting into my phone. So, yeah, nothing has really changed in terms of, like, this experience hasn't changed that particular part of it. I think I spend loads of time on my own, which I love, but there's also a lot of, like, going to the cinema on my own, walking outside on my own. There's lots of things that I'm, like, I'm very happy on my Todd. But there's a lot of like, there's no, it's just literally I'm going to go out once a day. Now, can I ask, Jason and I obviously are both avid followers of your, both of your social media accounts, and I'm sure the listeners are too, but you've been chronicling a long, long home renovation. Oh my God. And I just wanted to check in on that since being displaced during this crisis seems difficult.

We're just entering month eight of me not sleeping in my house. This is I mean, it just it's so I feel like I'm at sea. But there's something about, you know, I don't really know where my anchor is. But there's something refreshing about that, too. We we basically have a lot of like the back. There's a big cavity in the back of our house with no back doors. And they're just like sitting in a factory somewhere waiting to get shipped. They're just we just we just have to wait until things start moving again. Is that the final piece or one of the final pieces? I was like, there's like six dominoes. And that was the first one that didn't fall. And then now it's just, we wait. Are you in the house? No, because it's literally got a hole at the back. It's so unsafe. Yeah, but just plug the hole. You know what I mean. So they send the back door. Yeah, but they send the back doors and then you can, and they're also sending a window for the, this is really. Stupid. They're also sending a window for the bathroom, which means we can't grout, which means you can't shower, which means the only water is coming from the bath. We're staying at my friend's house, and basically it's never a priority. It never makes sense to go back and not sleep in my friend's house at the moment. Well, is the friend there? No, he's got a place. He just converted a post office in the countryside, so he lives there. Yeah. What a dream. You know, why do I fantasize about the British countryside so much? It's Enid Blyton. It's like, you know, people write about it. It's Heathcliff and Kathy. But it seems boring, to be honest. No, that's like the good thing about it. That's probably why, you know, there's a lot of kind of like gouty, boozy English people. in the countryside there's not much to do you like play a game of billiards and drink heavily are there are there pools like do people have pools on their estates yeah most people do i you know i would say that like in those like private country estates it's a lot of like 12 13 year old boys who are driving land rovers but don't have licenses like learning to drive across the land

I'm quite into that. I feel like it's quite like a good vibe. Yeah. Yeah. I think English eccentrics, that's where they, that's where they tend to kind of huddle. I think that that is, I've found my calling now. Thank you for that information. Yeah. You just, everyone wants a country pad. Like it would be lovely. Um, but you need one that's like two hours from London and basically all of those places are chock-a-block. Because you don't want to travel for like 10 hours. No, no, that's too much. So we should get a scene report on London during Corona since you're our first international guest. I know Jason's got a lot of questions about the mask wearing. Has it hit Europe yet? Because it's bad over here. We have it in Europe. That is too much. London's kind of like, it's bad, but I think it peaked last weekend. So it won't peak again until we all start going back out. But we locked down a bit late, so that didn't... There was a lot of talk about herd immunity, which I think meant that we weren't locked in soon enough. My understanding is that Boris doesn't want to tell people to stay in. He wants to advise them to. He doesn't believe in this nanny state, which is part of the reason that the rules feel a little bit flexible. There's a lot of people sitting in the park at the moment. Well, did you guys think Boris was going to fucking kick the bucket? No, but I think... If you don't have an experience of knowing anyone with Corona, apart from myself, because I think that I had it, but like a lot of people, I think that I had it and I have no way of knowing. Well, as a trendsetter, I would expect nothing less. Yes. Those three days of fever just put me at the top of the report. I think just Boris getting it, it just suddenly, it did feel very, very serious. It wasn't like ambient of obviously people are sick. It was like our prime minister's in intensive.

care that's not that's not a small thing at all do you think i have some people say he faked it for the sympathy do you think that's possible i just don't think anyone's that callous i hope not i hope not either but you know what we're in like a prime time of like twitter and i actually would say whatsapp rumors are so rife so it's like of course there's going to be a suggestion that we're not being told the full story yeah i feel slighted by your by your prime minister but i i have no i have no skin in the game on this honestly he went on that first night when we all went out to clap for the nhs he looked like absolute shit he was definitely ill i was like he should not be able you know when it's like he looked delirious he looked exhausted he i was like because he's normally looking pretty good Exactly. He wound in the kind of haystack hairstyle when he became prime minister. And he just looked like he had pajamas on under his suit at that point. Like he wanted to go home. That's like TJ going to a formal event, actually. It's very simple. No, no, no, no, no. I love a jammy on the streets. Well, that's what everybody is doing now. Is that like a cookie over there? No, like pajamas, jammy, my jammies. Pajamas, pajamas. Yeah, pajamas. Okay. Pajamas. Have you seen friends or are you really obeying these rules and only locked down with your hubby? I'm totally locked down with my husband. There's some weird parking permit issue. So he goes for a drive between 10 and 12 each day. So then I have my alone time. But yeah, it's just the two of us literally. Just talking or not talking. We are talking, but we're not talking at the moment. You said every day he goes for a two-hour drive? He has to move the car, so he goes and sits in the car somewhere else. We haven't seen a traffic warden for three weeks, but we're still really worried about getting a ticket.

So the poor guy is sitting in his car somewhere, but he's loving it because does he love the alone time as much as you do? Or is this just as a gift to you because he knows how much you need it? Both of us work a lot, but I'm at home a lot. But all of those things that we were doing when we were first going out, like cooking every night, chatting, talking out loud to each other, those things have come back. It's the 1950s again. Yeah, we're just, we're hanging, we're spending a lot of time together. And I think in the same way that families are and other people are, I think even though there are new frustrations within that new dynamic, we'll probably miss it once we go back to like dashing about. Speak for yourself, sweetie. Yeah, no, it's difficult though, isn't it? Because like my, the temperature can get so, so high and there's nowhere to go. So it's sort of like we're better at resolving stuff as well. But he's still working too, right? So you both have your tasks. He's working, but he's always worked in an office. So we're sharing space. I'm used to just doing whatever I want all the time. I am. We're very similar in that way, King. The second my husband finishes work is when he's back in my life. So I'm used to whole days of just managing my own time and not having to communicate anything apart from when I'm writing. Well, how is your productivity? It's okay. Yeah. It's difficult, isn't it? Because I long for distractions, and then once I've got something to work on, I'm still distracted from it. I would say I'm still writing really well, but there's less commissions. There's something quite ambient about launching a book, the amount of kind of chat and work and kind of just keeping the wheels greased, which isn't really quantifiable. So you're always doing something, but when I get commissioned to write a piece, I know when it's finished. Yeah, no, I understand that. I mean, I felt pretty busy, honestly. I mean, the days go by fast. We've said that on this podcast a few times, but the days go by faster than I thought they would.

Yeah, I think it's a marathon, isn't it? It's not a sprint. So I think I'm always expecting the day to be taking it easy and then suddenly it's lunchtime, suddenly it's bedtime. How's your cooking? My cooking's good. I love cooking. It's definitely like a meditation for me. I find it's the only time in my day normally when everything else... Like my head is only filled with like sauteing onions and cooking. So I find it really therapeutic. Same. Yeah, you guys are – I'm jealous of you guys, you little chefs. Well, I think it's important to use your brain for a good portion of your day and then also to use your body, use your hands and, you know, make things with your hands. Chill, bro. Chill, chill, chill. It's not that kind of podcast. It is. It is. I love it though. And like stocking the freezer up, like batch cooking, all that stuff. I find it very like, I like having to think about it and manage it. Do you have a garden that you can tend to? No, we're at our friend's flat. So we have two tiny balconies. So we basically just nip out there every so often. But we're not growing anything at the moment. No fields of rocket. I've never been green-fingered. I've never been... You and me both, sister. I've never been that interested. In our house, there's loads of potatoes growing in the flower bed, and we don't know why. And they just grow and die and regrow the next year. We've been moving walls and knocking chimneys down, so garden is quite far down. So potatoes are just like weeds over there. Yeah, well, in our garden. They cost money over here. Yeah, we have to pay for our potatoes. We pay for – I would not eat those potatoes. I've seen the cats. We know you get your potatoes. You get your potatoes from Tesco, we know. But, I mean. We get them from all – I've been getting veg boxes, which is quite good because then you – the thing is with the veg boxes, you have to cook stuff you wouldn't normally just buy. So I quite like the challenge of like, oh, I'm going to eat turnip tonight, I guess.

You know what I mean? It feels wrong throwing it away. It gives me a more varied diet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you remember why you don't eat turnips. I will sometimes prioritize the order in which things are going off over the flavor of a meal. So I will feel content eating something and saving it from any kind of bin, regardless of flavor. I feel vindicated in that. That's good. I think a lot of people are doing that. I mean, I think conservation is key in this difficult time. We don't know where our next meal is going to come from. No. Well, the shops are open. I mean, there's loads of food in the shop near me. Loads. What's the vibe at the shop? Is this a low-rent area? Are we talking upmarket? What are we talking? It's like a corner shop, like a bodega, I guess. My culture is not your costume, Raven. No, I know. I also feel like you always have a deli counter in the bodega that does like that wild boar ham subways and shit. We don't have that. We don't have that. You're talking about Boar's Head. When I lived in New York, I like lived off Boar's Head. I lived right by the factory. That's stupid. A long time ago. What is the British version of Boar's Head? Nothing. I mean, ham here is like not, it's not great. There's a lot that like Jamie Oliver. Well, we've got Italy nearby, so you can get some from Italy. But Jamie Oliver did like this whole thing of like, because they do this, they spray it off the bones and then make it back into a ham shape. So it's not... Oh, don't watch Jamie Oliver. He'll make you lose your appetite. Yeah, he basically did this whole thing about turkey Twizzlers. I don't know if you know about it, but everyone was just eating. In schools, they were just feeding kids like offal, but made to look not like normal food. Turkey Twizzler? Turkey Twizzlers. That sounds like one of my kettlebell moves. It looks like a little girl's ringlet, but it's big, and it's made of turkey, and it's covered in bread, which looks fine, but the turkey is like, it's like the most processed thing you could eat. That sounds, and they were feeding children this in your public schools? There's a lot of confusion about what, they have to give children one vegetable.

vegetable option in their meals and they were counting pizza as one of those. Me too. He was trying to sort of change that perception. It worked for a month or two. Is this like a clanger? I don't know what a clanger is. I learned it on the British Bake Off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's one of those. Don't eat turkey twizzlers. When you come here, because when I went to, when I was in the States, someone gave me a corn dog. And I was like, oh, this shouldn't be, this isn't what, people shouldn't eat this, but it tasted like heaven. That's a turkey twizzler. Corn dog is good. It is good, but you know that a corn dog is not like. The highest quality. You have to get a sustainably sourced dog that you batter and dip yourself, which no one ever does. We had this cat sitter who came in because we were going away and he and I was feeding my cat this like quite popular brand of cat food. And he said, it's like McDonald's for cats. Like you can be very. You're basically tweaking all the time on McDonald's, and you can live on them, but just not for as long as you would maybe want to. It's fine. You can live like that, but not into old, old, old age. I could pour hairspray in my petrol tank, and it'll dry for a while, but it won't be a good idea. It's like the cheap... fly-by-night sustenance, which people can do. So you got cat food shamed. Well, no. We went away for Christmas, and I was like, wean him off it. And we came back, and now he's on some good biscuits. Thank God. So now he's fine. What's your alcohol intake? I know you like a little nip here or there. I do love a nip. I try not to drink before seven. It's really boring. Drinking in the day sucks, actually. I really want the change of tempo that a glass of wine brings, but I'm not on one at all. I think like all things, the slowing tempo is that much better when it's prolonged versus happening all the time. I'm trying to just be like...

I basically, when I feel, like, tipsy, I'm like, oh, now I can go to bed, and then I go to bed. Like, there's no, like, staying up, chatting. It's not a party vibe. It's very, it's quite civilized. You're using it as a medical sedative at this point. Yeah, it's almost, yeah. It's just, it's not, like, I enjoy a couple of glasses, but I don't want to get drunk and wake up feeling like I was drunk last night. It's not, like, very pleasant when you can't, like... buy something rubbish to eat and walk and get any fresh air. The veg box isn't going to cut it when daddy's feeling hungover. No. What is your, what is your normal go-to hangover cure? Oh, good question. I want to say yoga. That's so naff, isn't it? Oh my God. You're white. You're wider than me. Okay. Yoga, yoga is a given. I was thinking more of like a naughty food and drink. Oh, I eat loads of naughty food and drinks, but just like only like 20% of the things I eat are trash for my insides. Absolutely. So I'm just trying to think. I just keep going to Whole Foods because it's still quite novel here. And I keep eating those like whole pots of those little pots of Parmesan chunks. They're kind of cracky. You're just eating raw Parmesan chunks? yeah they're just like little chunks they also do the crisp ones but they're like quite expensive what what whole foods are you going to there's one in soho so yeah that's from my studio yeah i love that one oh my god it's so small and compact i went into that the day before we officially locked down and it was fucking stressful everyone was bugging It was really stressful. Were they bugging from the pandemic? This is the day. We thought, everyone was like, we shouldn't really be out, but we're not being told to stay in. And it was the day when it really turned, and I was like, I'm not meant to be out. This is not a good vibe. And I got on the tube, which was really daft, and people just had their hands over their mouths. There were no masks. It was feral. Do you think, you guys, do you think?

Our British friends are going to be free before we are. I think we'll be let out in chunks. I just don't know what those like in stages. I just didn't know what stage I will fall under. Is it by age? Well, they're saying that they're going to let under 30s out to like man the tills. You're under 30, aren't you? I mean, I was. I have been, yeah. Man the tills. man the tills and all of that kind of like make stuff happen because they're meant to be the most robust i don't know i think it's all it's all about testing and i don't know how they're going to do that but we have like ocado which is like food delivery and they've bought 10 000 tests but you're waiting about 21 days for an ocado delivery at the moment so it's and you have to sit in a queue for four hours to even get on the list for that so it's all a bit like and also i feel like that people People want to flout the rules, don't they? You know, all those people sitting in the park, they're just going to go out and say that they've had it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's really difficult. I would assume it's quite difficult to work out who's let out first. And that first night, if everyone's let out, there's no chance in hell I'm going out. Yes, you are. You're going down. No way. Yeah, you are. You can't resist the nightlife, baby. It's a call. It's a siren call for you. I love the nightlife, but I don't go out on New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve is amateur drinking night where everyone who has no experience, like people who really do not have any longevity in their drinking go out and get absolutely wasted. You're very experienced. I just know when to like drink a cup of water and I know how to get a barman on side and I know how to get into places. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Yeah. I know how to go out. Yeah. Jason, Jason, my cohost and I've been friends for a very long time and he was, you know, Jason has deep ties to nightlife and I have been so fucked up with Jason and I've never, I've never seen Jason fucked up ever in my, in our entire relationship.

And I know I'm doing more drugs than he is, but I've still never seen him fucked up. It's incredible. Like one of those stained heads on Easter Island. That's him. That's him. His big old stone ass. But I think like you, Raven, you kind of know, you get a little tingling in the back of your throat where you're like, it's time for me to leave. Nothing good is going to happen. And then you just kind of, you call an Uber and you go home. Before you do something terrible, like fall down the stairs or something. Everyone that has an epic house party story, but you have to kiss so many frogs before you get to the prince of a great house party. I've been to so many bad ones. And of course, the great ones I went to are legendary, but they don't happen all the time. And New Year's is very seldom a night where you have a great time. You just want to be having dinner with your friends. Once we are on lockdown, I just want to go to my mate's house for dinner. Just have a nice little roast and a lovely bottle of wine. Yeah, they don't have to cook. We'll just have a drink. I hope that we are kind of returning. I think that's the thing that I'm missing the most, actually spending time with my mates. Same. Yeah, it's something that I think as we all are moving out of our 20s, it's something that I've found that we just don't really hang out with our mates. We just hang out with our life partners only. for the most part literally everything in my diary is an event rather than a like do you know like do you have the word coach you don't coach we don't coach anymore like coach is like when you just don't you're not doing anything you're just hanging out oh yeah yeah yeah yeah but like birthday drink like we used to sit and just watch what was on telly that night like x factor or whatever and now we meet up to go and we have a drink before we go into the theater or we go to a birthday drink so it's someone's hen do it someone's bloody baby shower there's a like it's always an event of some sort there you have to craft a reason to to drink publicly with your friends instead of just like hey i'm just gonna come over yeah what are you doing here

I think it's really normal that you're like with them on WhatsApp all day, every day. So you just, you forget what it's like to hang out with people and just chat. It's just not like that really anymore. So, and I think, I hope that's something that will come back, even though it wasn't doing that just before lockdown anyway. I think nothing's going to come back. I think people are just going to start wearing masks and hand sanitizing a lot. I think that's the only thing we're going to see different from this, unfortunately. I don't have much faith in the people. I hope there's some compassion. I reckon that there will be a big drive in Britain to fund the NHS. You know, there's been a lot of talk about Boris wanting to sell it and privatize it. And I just think no one will stand for that now. because of the work that they're doing. The numbers of them that aren't surviving and they're still fighting every day to keep people healthy. I just think it will inevitably turn into something, a more public legislation. You're probably right. I hope so. You guys are, I hate to say this, but you guys might be smarter than us. So as a collective people. It depends, doesn't it? Because I also think you probably feel like this too. I live in a bubble. All my friends are saying the same thing, but there's still going to be people just buying as much fast fashion as they can afford as quickly as possible. That wasn't something I was doing, but that's certainly a big industry pushing thing. So I just wonder how much it will take for that kind of relationship to change, for people to not want to constantly treat themselves, which is essentially what our society had become. Unfortunately, I think that's – I don't know if I could ever unsubscribe from constantly treating myself. That's a brand pillar for me. No, I know. But there's some – I crave rarer things now. I don't need a nice, great shirt every week, maybe. Do you know what I mean? Listen to this guy. He has one bestseller, and now he doesn't need shirts. Like, what the fuck? I'm going topless, yeah. I'm like a barbarian. I don't need a top.

Have you bought anything during the quarter? No, I've become completely obsessed with filling my basket with patterned shirts and great trousers and great shoes and then just shutting the tab. Like, okay, we'll come back to that. Like, I haven't completed any of my purchases. So does H&M keep emailing you about it or how does it work? Raven, you have some stuff in your cart. Raven, are you on the RealReal? Hey, we noticed you left something in your car. No, I'm not. I honestly want things that feel special, but nearly all of my impulses to buy stuff is to wear it somewhere. I'm just in my house. Well, if you're doing Instagram live every day, then you need new threads, bro. Ironically, because I've been... renovating and i've hardly had i've been decant so i stayed at my mum's for a bit i went to my husband's sister's for a bit and i've been decanting and decanting clothes now i have two white t-shirts and six going out tops so i don't it's really bizarre so i'm just living in these two t-shirts because i don't want to dress up to like Just get back in. On top of the duvet is what we call daytime at the moment. I'm going to get on top of the duvet instead of underneath it and then I'm going to watch the trailer traction. It does make a difference though. I'm on top of the duvet as we speak. It's a new work. It's just a change of pace. I do my best work laying down. Do you eat in bed, though? No, I would never. I told you a bit, and I was like, this isn't... Chris doesn't even like eating in his house, let alone... You don't cook at all? Well, no. Obviously, we have no choice now, but in regular life, no. Are you enjoying it at all? No. He's becoming a bit of a whiz with the sourdough loaf, though, isn't he? No, I'm getting really good at doing dishes, though. I'm the cleaning god. Oh, yeah. That's quite good, though. I hate it, but it's also satisfying. You know what I mean? It's like you're accomplishing something, at least. Cooking is a bit like that, too. Are you working out, though?

We live right by Hampstead Heath at the moment, which is a godsend. Have you been to Hampstead Heath? No, I've never been there. Could you explain what that is for our listeners? For our American listeners, can you explain what that is? It's basically like a village in the middle of London. It's got loads of little windy roads in Hampstead Village, and then the Heath is basically like different hills of nature. It's not... urban at all so if you're really it sounds like the grove for our listeners yeah so it's you so there's no cars it's all pedestrianized you can walk for miles there's this place that my husband and i called dick fields which is where the gays tend to congregate and like so is that where they have public sex i love public yeah yeah yeah but i can't find it i'm like i keep walking around i saw sam smith walking in the park today and i was like He's looking for Dickfields. We're all looking for Dickfields. Is it called Dickfields because of penises? No. Only my husband and I call it Dickfields. Dickfields also sounds like a department store in London. Yeah. It sounds like if I was a Bond girl, I would be Dickfields. I figured you knew Sam Smith from just around. No, he follows me on Instagram, but I've never seen a scene underneath my DMs, so I'm assuming someone from his team followed me. Damn, damn. I just thought all British people knew each other, you know what I mean? Raven, who's your most famous Instagram follower? I mean, Sam Smith's fairly well-known, right? He did a Bond song. My favorite by far is Jerry Saltz. I mean, I just feel like that is such a... I find Saltz kind of obnoxious, to be honest with you. There's something about him which is his humor, which feels like it's from a different time, but I quite like that. I do too. I feel like he's still carrying a bygone flag.

I like him getting roasted for bringing those 18 coffees home and putting them in the freezer because that is truly insane behavior. It's madness. It's absolutely insane to do that. Of all of the questions, that's not the answer. Whatever your dilemma is, buying 18 coffees is not the answer. I don't know. Raven keeps a stable of famous friends and followers, so it's tough for him to make that kind of call, Jason, putting him on the spot like that. I agree. Yeah, I was listening. I love them all the same. Isn't that what you say? Because most parents have a favorite child and you're just never meant to say. My favorite Raven is when he's being faux humble. That's my favorite. That's my favorite stock. I just want everyone to feel safe. Shut up. That's really sweet of you. My civic duty. The British GQ live stream that you were on right before this, there was a question that said your Desert Island dip. Yes. So that's like what is the one dip that you would bring? And I totally thought it said Desert Island dick. yeah you know what i tried to stop a podcast called desert island dicks and it was like get people to come on that's a great idea the five people they want to have sex with no because it's literally just like sad lusting there's no there's nothing more about i'm saying i really want to fuck this person and this person and this person do you learn a lot about someone from that i'm not sure i mean if you if you're a good person you know if you're if you're good at having a wide range of those five dicks, then it can tell a lot about somebody just like your five favorite foods or movies or albums. You can really paint a good picture. It's not the same. I think I would have trouble getting people to agree to come on and say that they fancied five random crap people. Especially a famous person being like, I really want to have sex with this stranger. You can't do that. Jason could go on and say Dua Lipa five times. That's more of you, Chris. No, it's not. I recall two days ago you posted a photo of

Dua Lipa on your Twitter. With the guitar. Yeah, Dua Lipa completely naked wearing nothing but a ugly guitar. And then Chris's caption is, I am the guitar. That's a funny tweet. That doesn't mean it's based in reality. It is a funny tweet. I'm an actor. Always based in reality. Raven, I'm an actor. I'm playing a character. And if you guys don't understand my art, then I don't know what to do. I mean, how am I supposed to translate that for you? I thought you guys were smart. And your character that you're playing is Dua Lipa reply guy. Yeah, exactly. I'm an Oscar winner. And there is Oscar Buzz. There's Oscar Buzz, for sure. I don't love her. I actually think the music, everybody likes the music, but I don't think the music's that good. That first album's banging. The new one's just okay. I just think it's really hard to launch an album of dance tracks and no one's allowed to go out and dance to them. I think I've had a hard time. All of us here at the How Long Gone podcast have had a tough time with her dating Anwar. Well, yeah. I feel like, I don't know. She's still kind of mysterious to me. I haven't really read up on her. Do people kind of not care about her over there anymore? She just keeps growing more and more here in America. Yeah, she's getting very famous. In Britain, was it a little old news? no in the bat in in the wave of that first album she was at she was absolutely huge but normally you go out and hear someone's song like one kiss i heard all the time when i was out love that song yeah so it's almost like it can't really bleed and you have i have to go and put on my phone and put do a leaper on in order to hear it at the moment whereas but not i won't hear it in a club and be like oh that's do you know what i mean like there was this there was this thing like in um like the late 90s early noughties at the end of every summer there was a number one that was like just people coming back from ibiza and remembering a song they'd heard and just playing it and then make and then it would go to number one so the end of every september there would be like ibiza tunes in the number one it's just normal to like want to hear a song out and then like experience it that's not just listening to it yeah you guys have that song of the summer type of spirit over there

where the whole country just decides this is our banger. We don't really have that here. Yeah, but I think when you're like me, I listen to Radio 4, so I can tell you about the Archers. Do you know what I mean? But you still go out to the clubs. But you're still at the club. Yeah, and I love bangers, but I'm not up to date with the latest bangers. But yeah, you don't have a DJ friend who keeps you informed. I'm surprised. I would say that I will know the song of the summer because once everyone else already knows about it, I don't think I can call them out early. Yeah, understood. I mean, that's a tough thing to do. I think you're right, though. I think environment makes a big difference. People are saying that there's a new Playboy Cardi song and it's really bad, and people are telling me it's because you're not hearing it in the club. And I don't know if that's a good excuse, but I think that is true with something like Dua Lipa that's truly only made for the club. It's context. Her songs are made for like... Boutique fitness. Her songs are made for like when the sun's just peeking up over the horizon and you're like, oh, that was an amazing night. Like that's how I feel about One Kiss. It's like... I love that coming-of-age movie description, Raven. I love that. Do you know Charlotte Church? Was she big in America? I know who it is, but she was not big in America. She was like a choir girl that did incredibly well, and then she turned into a teenager, and she did one song called Crazy Chick, and there were loads of really iconic pictures of her in the papers of her. with glaringly wide eyes at like 10 a.m. in Ibiza, like the weekend you turned 18. Like that's what that Dua Lipa feeling is. It's not like the cusp of your night. It's like the cusp of adulthood. You're like, I don't have any responsibilities and I'm having a good time. God. That's what I like about him. Remember those days?

Yeah, I know. All the ketamine is gone and it's time to rock home. Do you think people are partying in quarantine, Raven? Do you think people that you know are still getting drugs and using them? Oh, I don't know. I'm assuming that there's a few speakeasies. I kind of think so too. TJ, what do you think? I saw that there was one in San Francisco where the police raided an underground party that was going on. Yeah, I feel like there's some one in every city. I think it's going to start happening more and more. I think people will start kind of considering it like a punk rock rebellion thing to do it. Yeah. I have this feeling of like, I don't want to go out, but I think once I'm out, there will be no rules. Do you think people will start having... I won't want to go home. Do you think they'll start having positive nights? Like COVID positive nights? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely. That's so good. Definitely. Frank Ocean's new underground party is called COVID+. What was his club night called? Prep. Prep. Prep 19. I think that is one of the most tone deaf. Also, everybody I know that went to it said it was just full of fucking straight skateboarders. It's not, they were like, it's not even some, it's not like some heyday gay party. It was like that. It was full of Supreme t-shirts that had come to life. That's exactly it. That's it. They grew arms and legs. I feel bad because, not bad for him, but there's something about these like, these like. gay men in the media who are meant to be progressive and they just it's really like they that's fucking stupid it's silly well i mean i do think they're all under immense pressure to be like the voice of a generation you know what i mean yeah to stand for it yeah yeah yeah to stand for it it was like at least the guy's trying something you know like he shouldn't have been so criticized i think for doing i think we've also hit this this bit where you can't do anything good anymore no whatever you do everyone's like but also you're rich so fuck off do you know what i mean that thing bothers me so much it's like somebody gives 10 million dollars to charity like well that's nothing to them because they're where i'm like guys it's still 10 million dollars like let's not no one has to give 10 million like why can't

If someone gives you a Christmas present, you can say, but you could have afforded three of these. Yeah, exactly. Well, on that subject, Raven, are you a person who reads the comments? Or do you avoid reading your comments and replies and stuff like that? Oh, my comments. Like if you appear on something, you know, on a YouTube or whatever. I've been reading my Amazon reviews, if that's what we're really getting at. That's unhinged, Raven. That's like low common denominator. I didn't know that you weren't meant to do that. My editor was like, shut the tab. Shut the tab now. Stop reading them. They're not even bad, but I was like. oh well that this oh who is she what else is she reviewed uh but most of them are positive i read the comments under my pictures and just try i just it's good to like do a sense test of like whether or not you're being a complete prick online i i agree i definitely am being a total prick online but i like to check you like to check and make sure i but i've stopped like i hope that i've stopped The internet is full of so much hate. I'm trying not to put any hate out there. I think it's fine to be probing and questioning and hold things up that are absurd in the way that we operate. But I try not to be like, this person looks shit. There's enough of that. It is taking the easy way out. I just think we, I don't know. what's changed for me recently in getting better known is that people genuinely have an opinion of how I should behave. And I've never really, I never expected that. I find it completely overwhelming. You should, you should have done this. You should have done that. You should have tweeted about this person. You should have said something about this. Like telling you, telling you how to do your job. Just telling me.

No, I love when people send me posts being like, I'd love to see your caption on this. And I'm like, yeah, thanks. Move on. But there's a level of which there's an expectation of how I should behave. And when you're anonymous, that's not... I was thinking about this on House Party and on Zoom. When you go to a party, there's actually great... big expanses of time when nobody is looking at you and you are just like having a good time and actually on Zoom, someone's always watching you or you're looking at yourself. So I think that's what you miss from socializing. You'd never lose yourself in the moment because you're constantly trying to do your like best, show your best side to the camera. It's impossible to be a wallflower in a Zoom chat. It's impossible to like sit back really. Whereas on a night out, you can just have a little time out. Or lose yourself in just dancing with your eyes closed and open your eyes and be like, oh, gosh. Are you going on Zoom a lot? I've been on a few group Zoom calls. I haven't done that many work ones. It's normally my mates using their work accounts, which I quite like. Yeah, I feel like I've seen a few of your, like you've done some Zoom, like some public Zooms chatting with other people. Yeah, I quite like it. It's just it's I think what's the weirdest thing is just getting your energy up to being walking out onto a stage, essentially, because you're just sitting in your house all day. Like normally I would leave the house. I would listen to Red Hot Chili Peppers Can't Stop. Like that is the perfect song to listen to just before you walk in. What the fuck? I know. But you walk in like I'm ready. No, I'm not ready. So like a boxer walking out to the ring, that is your pump up music. Yeah, but only I feel bad saying it out loud. But yeah, that's what's in my ears before I walk in somewhere. You should feel bad saying it out loud. Yeah, but when you're sitting at a desk all day and then you're like, oh, I'm on. It's very like you're going from zero to on. There's no green room. There's no.

producer chatting you up. It's just like... There's no transition. You're just like... There's no opportunity to change your headspace because you're just living in one room. Yeah. The new content type is not built for everyone. There will be casualties. But you seem to be thriving, though. I feel like, honestly, the way that I operate is me at home. trying to write and chatting online as a kind of as a diversion and that hasn't really changed for me i wonder what it's gonna happen like it was so funny i was listening to a podcast about um the imagine video and they were like and then this person's in it and then this it was like some episode and i didn't get past jamie dornan who's number three i was like oh the Kardashians are in it. Like I had no idea what happened after Jamie Dornman. Cause I was like, I don't need this. This is not something I need in my life. No one needed it. And that's why there's a podcast about it. I was not able to watch it. I honestly think that this time, six months ago, a year ago, people would have said that wasn't great, whatever. But this is like, no, no, we're not having it. People are dying. How dare you do this? How dare you try and spread hope? Well, I don't think... I just don't think people like Gal Gadot very much. I think that she doesn't give us enough to decide if we like her. She's beautiful. Yeah, but she's like soulless. She's like a piece of paper. Do you think if Gwyneth did it? It would be different. And it was the exact same people, but she was the bookend. Yes, 100%. Because people, even if they don't like her, they like to talk about her in a way that's not like you're stupid. It's just like I don't get it. Who doesn't like Gwyneth? Honestly, if you really reach into your heart. She just has the time. I'm going to say anybody that's not white actually. I don't know. I think basically she's, I mean, I obviously love her. It's well chronicled, but I understand why someone would, but I think that if you're smart, you understand that she's in on the joke and that's what makes it tolerable. Yeah. She knows that that.

vagina candle is just like a like just it just gets people talking about it and then we all go and buy crystals i mean yeah but yeah she's making she's making money off of all of it that's what's truly genius yeah she really yeah i'm i'm truly obsessed with her have you experienced have you experienced a goop story irl No, there's one in Notting Hill, but I basically one year took, someone brought me back from the States, one of the vitamin like multi-packs called Balls in the Air. And it was that the three months I was on Balls in the Air were the best three months of my entire life. I have thought about it ever since. So I'm like, I'm like, I'm sold on it. I'm sold. Look, I'm on the, I've, you know, I went to the conference, like I'm close. You went to the conference and there's the cruise, but I guess that's canceled. The conference was a couple of years ago and I wrote about it, but I think in 2021, maybe even 2020, depending on how this thing pans out, I'm going to meet her. I've got some close personal connections now that have popped up in my life that are going to allow me to have the meet and greet, I think. Do you think she gets quite grumpy or do you think she's always just... I think she probably recognizes her insane privilege and tries to keep a smile on her face. Yeah. I also think she doesn't. No, I don't think she doesn't recognize her privilege because her New Year's Eve posts were like, you can manifest anything. And I was like, yeah, you can if you have your family. Yeah, sure, babe. You know what I mean? Yeah, of course. But I also think she does. I think she's also like, we'll do coke. And that's why people like her too. Like, she will have a cigarette. She'll do a bump. Like, she's not as OD as she comes off, I think, in the media. I think it's more OD to have one cigarette a week. That's her thing, right? I think she, yes, yeah. I see your point. And she probably has it in her Google calendar when that cigarette happens. Her assistant schedules it for her. The piece that Taffy wrote, was it for the cut? I was just like, I totally...

can see that duality of like realizing there's a complete absurd ridiculousness to the whole goop universe and also thinking but if i i could if i could be better i could do this if i just committed i feel like it's that tension between like yes it's aspirational in so many ways with goop you have to put in the work yeah you have to pay a lot of money to be to be fully gooped Well, that's why it's aspirational. It's like, you know, she's 50 years old or whatever, 45, and she looks amazing. And it's probably, I would say, mostly natural. You know, she's probably had a, you know, here and there, but, you know, reasonable for Hollywood standards. Uh, but it's also just the fact, I think it's also because people grew up with her. You know what I mean? Like they, she's not like a, she's not like a quack you've never heard of. You like feel like you know her because you've seen her in so many movies and she's famous. So you trust her a little bit when she's telling you to buy this hundred dollar powder and put it in your water and it's going to make you hot. It annoys me that she got the Oscar for Shakespeare in Love because I don't, I don't think she's, she's not great in that. It's not great. What is... I don't... Honestly, I don't even... I don't think I've seen her in that much stuff when I really try to think about it. She's phenomenal in Talented Mr. Ripley. Well, yeah, of course. But like... Yeah, she was in a lot of 90s movies that we forget about. And she was... What's the all green one with Ethan... Shrem? When she was Princess Fiona. Great expectations. She's really good in that. There's something else that she's phenomenal in, but I can't remember what it is. Oh, Jason, I don't know if you know this about our guest, but he's a cinephile, like a professor. Is that right? I'm sorry. Am I? I teach on a film course, yeah, at St. Martins, yeah. Oh, shit. What a flex. Well, yeah.

I think what's interesting, for me, what's really interesting is that, like, the younger people have, they don't have the same, like, they haven't necessarily seen great expectations with Gwyneth Paltrow. So it's actually just giving them, like, just giving them access to a wider range of possible influences, basically. That's what I like about it. And I start to think better when I'm teaching. Because they have really good ideas and it makes me more creative. So it's kind of win-win. Are those kids, are the students actually interested in that stuff? Or are they only concerned with like current, current, current, current? I think that they... I think what my role is to do, because it's a fashion course, a lot of people want to create content that is like the garment is the story. And I'm like, actually... That's never the case, yeah. Well, yeah, no one's going to watch. Someone like Nick Knight can make a film just about a dress looking beautiful, and it's like an industry standard, and it's fantastic to watch. But the way that we're using our phones and scrolling through stuff, you have to be arresting in new ways, and that's normally a better story. So I'm just trying to get them to do proper good stories. What I discovered... about fashion specifically, because I didn't grow up like a movie person because I was so into music, is that I would say movies are arguably the most influential thing on fashion in most ways, as far as inspiration goes. And I just never, I didn't realize that until I was a young adult. I just didn't get it. I would say any good feature film creates an entire universe. Yeah, so all the stuff you're not seeing is still part of this universe. Yeah, totally. I just, I just find that I found that so interesting because to me it was like music was everything. That's the whole point. That's what matters. I think it's, I think the movies are, are part of like the, the hierarchy or the food chain of the fashion. Like if when we are, you know, we're adults and we know about fashion and trends and things like that. So now when a movie adopts a certain trend or a TV show, that's like a year and a half old to us. But then.

you know, a teenager in Wyoming is going to be blown away when they see Clueless or Euphoria or something. But all the people in LA or New York or London are like, oh, that, you know, we were dressing like that two years ago. Of course. Yeah, but I also think that culture isn't like split up into, it's not really split up into the columns of different stuff, right? Like what we're eating now and what we're watching and what we're wearing, it's all part, it's very hard to distill them from each other. They're all intertwined. Well, I also think it moves incredibly fast, you know, and that's why I think it's... It's kind of exhausting how fast it's moving. Oh, it's exhausting. I love it. I mean, I literally get high on it, but I don't think that... I wonder how long the pace can continue. I mean, this might be a reckoning of sorts, you know. This might slow it down some. It'll definitely shake the trees and get rid of some bullshit. I feel like it's already slowed it down a lot. yeah yeah it has it has but i think people are but what i'm saying i think it's slowed it down but people are still scrambling to keep up that pace and figure it out and there might not be a way to do that is what i'm trying to say yeah i mean like what you were talking about earlier raven like when when you see a new clothing company is like here's our new collection and some people are like how dare you think of clothing right now yeah i think we're just going to reach a lot of like but there's people dying whatever you try and do that is is in any way different from that conversation i just don't i just don't talk about people dying you know what i mean that's just not yeah i know i think it's an it's obviously a very real and unfortunate reality but i don't know what i can offer to that conversation i'm not a doctor we're gonna have to move we're gonna have to move past that if we want to progress yeah i just i don't need to hear non-experts tell me anything or even i don't i don't need to i don't need to hear you you know, give me your theory because I don't care. It's not relevant. Like there's facts and there's opinions. And when it's a global crisis, I only want facts. Have you got 5G there? People have gone nuts about 5G here. Well, yeah, it's, it's, yeah, it's giving, it's the reason coronavirus exists. It's pumping through my veins right now. It's created coronavirus. I mean, Jason, I took two bumps of 5G before we called.

Yeah, the 5G is fucking me up. I haven't shit in weeks. Oh my God. Jason loves conspiracy theories. I love them too, but I'm also like, I don't care what you do, stay in. Read what you want, but just stay in. Wash your hands, stay in. My worry is about spreading it, not about... I feel like I've had it, but I don't want to be that person who's accidentally left it on a tube seat for someone else. That's such a bad vibe. When do you think you had it? How long ago? Time is a flat circle now. The other day I was like, how long have I been here? I'm not keeping track of how long we've been in the house. It's probably better that way. My husband was sick just before lockdown. after a big night out. So we were a bit like, well, you've been partying, you're run down. And then I got sick like three days later, just three days of fever. I couldn't really sleep, but that's about it. And there's no, I could have just been seasonal flu, you know? Sure. There's no way of knowing. Nearly everyone I know had a headache because it's fucking stressful. We're all stressed out. Nearly everyone I knew had a headache. It's crazy. And I shouldn't have said on my Instagram, oh, I think I had it and I had a fever because then people were like, I can't taste anything. Have I got it? And I was like, I'm not a doctor. I had a fever. And, you know, now I feel fine. Do you guys put the temperature in your ass or in your mouth? The thermometer? What do you mean by you guys? I mean people in Europe. Because I was just watching the Louis C.K. stand-up that somebody sent me. And he has a bit about dating a woman in France. And he said he learned that French people put the thermometer up their ass.

No, you get like a strip. We always had a strip that looks like, I don't know, and then you put it on your forehead and it like gets, when it gets, like a mood ring for your head. Well, that's no fun. And the colors go up to the temperature. That's what we had. So not in your mouth or your bum. Wow. You guys are advanced. Truly. What can I say? Future now. Raven, have you had any friends or acquaintances or people that you know who you've sort of had to separate yourself from because they're turning a little too cuckoo crazy because of all this? No, but just the level of chat on WhatsApp was really stressing me out. Just like, oh no, Boris is dead. And I was like, why are we sharing forwarded? Boris is dead. Boris is in intensive care again. He's not going to survive. And I was just like, this is making me feel quite stressed. Boris isn't my uncle. We don't need these daily updates. But it's also like... the New York times has got this. I don't need to be worrying about like the food's running out. This is like the kind of low level hysteria and the friend of a friend who knows something. So I just deleted WhatsApp for like three days. And I felt free. Nothing good comes from WhatsApp. No, we don't use WhatsApp here. And I got a text from my mom saying, have you been getting my messages? And I was like, Oh yeah, I deleted WhatsApp. So, but yeah, I just find it very, I don't want to, be part of like uh people spreading rumors that they really believe like i'm fine if we're joking about it but not if people are like i've heard on the grapevine that this this and this has happened you know we have a tv show called holby city which is like it's like er but like not but like sexy no the opposite like really homely Well, that's kind of British versus America in general. Yeah, so they had ventilators as props, and they've just given them to the NHS. Isn't that crazy? Just sitting like a BBC studio, they had like three ventilators, and they were like, oh, these are real. Well, we've got three. Do you guys want them? And they're like, oh, are you serious? It's crazy. It's so funny. I really like that. And you know like Ann Summers, so like fetish.

where it's now donating, like, protective wear to the NHS. I've seen that. I've seen that. The idea of, like, Ann Summers and Holby City saving the UK is just so fantastic. I'm glad you guys are just as fucked as we are. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, we're fucked. I think, you know, the aim is to stop the NHS getting completely overwhelmed, and I think that's why we're all in, right? Yeah. Essentially, we're probably all going to get it. in some form. I can't wait to get it. Yeah, I know. But even in those early years, I was like, if I just had it, then I wouldn't be constantly terrified of getting it. That's what I'm saying. I think it's like, it's, it's mental, it's mental relief. Yeah. But you know, in that people are getting it a second time. So I don't know when this is going to, you know what, let's just, let's just, you know, we can wrap this up right now. We're all, yes. And that's it. I mean, that's it. We're all fucked. We're all going to get it. But you know what we're not all going to be is best-selling authors, Jason. Before we all die, make sure we go and purchase Raven's new book. You can't buy it in America because I've tried to buy it because my promo copy, you promised me, never showed up. Do you not? The whole of HarperCollins shut down, so there's no post room. And also, the post in America is also in the middle of shutting down. Chris, I'm going to send you one. Just send me your address because I've got one here. It's got a few scribbles in it. Well, I would like it personalized, please, obviously. I've already signed it. I've got a few signed ones. No, do not send me a prefab copy. I want to Chris, the most brilliant American man I've ever met. You're also really good looking. Thank you for reading this book. Okay. Yeah. If you could just do that. Yeah. Is it going to see a release in America though? Seriously? Oh, hopefully it's all, but there's a whole system. So it's based on demand. Yeah. We just, we just wait and see. And how many units you sell, which is very much in question at this time. But you, but you're, it's available. You could buy it for the Kindle. And is there an audio book version?

Oh, yeah, I read the audiobook. That's around. Okay, so there's options for Americans, especially the dumb, lazy ones who can't actually read. Audiobooks are just such a remedy. I've been burning through them. Actually, when I'm on my phone, I feel like I want to be elsewhere, but when I'm listening to an audiobook, I'm just in the book. I prefer it, I think. I just listened to AA Gill, his memoir. How is that? I've wanted to check that out myself. That's really good. Okay. All right. I'll add it to the fucking pile, mate. Raven, what is your book about? What can you tell us about it a little bit so our listeners can look it up? Raven Smith's Trivial Pursuits. It's the idea that everything in your life, all of the small stuff is actually significant. So the idea that all the trivial things that you're chasing to kind of paint this portrait of who you are, I try and chew them over rather than conclude why they're good or bad. So it's like about 20 essays on the stuff I wrote about being tall. Wow, that's very topical for this podcast. Because there's just three tall hotties chatting right now. I could read a whole book about being tall. Yeah, Jason's whole life is about being tall. You should. You know that statistically tall people are more confident because of an entire life of bias where people are nicer to us. Yes. I love that. And taller people, they make more money than shorter people. And we die sooner. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, I think on average, taller people don't live as long, but you live a better life. Yeah, if I've had my ass kissed for 65 years, then I'm done. It's fine. Yeah, I don't need five extra. So I write about being tall. I write about dick pics. I write about emails. I write about all the stuff, but it's kind of like a sort of jaunt through my psyche as I...

Wrote the book as well. Raven and I were friends during the process and it was fun to hear you suffer through making this book. I find it absolutely devastating. Truly, how's it going? Terrible. Every time you hit any kind of milestone, there's just another one behind it. I found it really tough to stay in it all the time. It's a bit like Corona. It just takes over. Well, I can't wait to check it out. Good. It's available at all good bookshops, including Amazon. Fun to read, nightmare to write. That's every book, I think. Yeah, I think so, yeah. But it's definitely a good read. Raven, where can they find you on your popular Instagram account and your hilarious Twitter feed? It's Raven underscore underscore Smith. Great. On both of those. And I wanted to personally thank you on here because you're the first guest where my girlfriend became excited about instead of like, who's this girl from Twitter? That's good news. You've got fans everywhere. The book is very much an extension of me. waxing lyrical on all the stuff in life. So it's not dissimilar to the feeds. All your ravenisms. All your ravenisms. Yeah. Well, thanks for joining us. Thank you for giving us a corona report from across the pond. It's very important for our listeners to understand what's going on globally with this pandemic. Who needs a New York Times? You know what I mean? So true. And we will talk to you soon. Thank you. Thank you. Speak to you later. Later, mate. Bye.