884. - George Civeris

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. How long gone? Recording in progress. It's Chris Black. I'm back in snowy New York City. Well, not currently snowing, but there's snow on the ground. And, boy, let me tell you something, Jason. I almost kissed the ground. Okay, because you were back in America, because you're in New York, because there was snow, because what's going on? I mean, all three, but I had an interesting thing happen where I was supposed to have a pretty lengthy layover. in in montreal after being on the you know the plane for whatever 13 hours or something coming back from tokyo so is that tokyo to montreal direct tokyo to montreal direct yes and then i went to the desk at the air canada employee who is a younger gentleman and he i was like hey there's this earlier flight can i get on it it leaves in 30 minutes and he was just like sure And that was it. There was no, there was no like issue. He pushed a couple of buttons, handed me a new ticket. I was still in first class. Like, I was like, this is how it should work. This is how it's supposed to be. And it made me, it gave, it pumped me up and allowed me to stay up a little later than I wanted to. And, you know, reacclimate hopefully, but I'm starting to crash right as we started podcasting. Oh, okay. We've been, we've been recording for one minute just to let you know. So we've got another 114 to go.

I'll be fine. I guess I should say 74. It could be worse. I have some cold brew. I have my concentrate. I'm burning my incense from Kyoto. I'm still zenned out mentally. I could use some Kyoto incense. How far is the flight from Montreal to JFK? Like 45 minutes. How did that feel to be so close? You're landing the plane. And you're like, no, we got to go to Canada first. This has happened to me before where the person in charge of booking the flight will hit you with the flight you want. You're like, perfect. And then three days go by and they're like, actually, that flight isn't available anymore. And I'm like, that's because you didn't book it after you sent me the fucking email. It's not because it's not. The flight is definitely taking off. The flight is leaving. So you forgot to book it, which is fine. But now I got to lay over in fucking Montreal, one of my least favorite cities. Obviously, I had PTSD just landing there. Because you had to spend all your whole COVID there. And you're like, I don't know if I'm ever going to get back with what's going on in the government and et cetera, et cetera. Exactly. Is Trump going to shut the borders down in those 45 minutes over your layover? You're over there getting a little Tim bit. And next thing you know, you're in handcuffs. Next thing you know, excuse me, sir, you're not getting on that fucking plane. I tell you right now, put your timmies down and put your hands behind your goddamn back. I don't care if you've seen heated rivalry. You've got to go to the secondary customs. Sir, we're going to need you to go to the secondary search, if you don't mind. It would be really doing us a favor if you just kept it down. Well, welcome home. Welcome home. And then how many more hours until you get on an airplane and come to L.A.? I mean, flight leaves at 7 a.m. So not too many. Not too many. I have to go out tonight. We're going to Mineta Tavern with Jeff and Sarah for a little holiday dinner. Oh, do send my regards, please. I'm getting four or five hours max tonight and then touching down in L.A. Okay. Tomorrow. And then keep your Wednesday chill. Keep your Wednesday up. What time do you land on Wednesday? Like 10 a.m. I mean, that's the thing. That's why I leave that early is because you get a full day in L.A. I'll get the rental car. I'll be at Backyard Bowls.

You know, I'll have ass in seat by noon. I'm going to go hit Max and Helen's with Ryland at noon if you want to pull up. I'm good. I don't need to carb load at noon. Although that place does look good, but is it possible that it's just a diner? It is a diner. Yeah, but is it? I understand that, but I'm saying like. Is it so traditional that it's – what's the idea? It's just better or it's just more expensive? Yeah, I think it's just like if I were to do regular diner food, a Belgian waffle, a tuna melt, bacon, eggs, and a hash brown, you know, I would do it this way. Me being famed, how long gone guest, Nancy Silverton, you know, what if – With her mind, what would those bacon and eggs look like? Sure. I'm sure it's delicious. I mean, it looks fucking banging. And it's funny you brought up waffles. Because I had a waffle moment that I wasn't. So Blue Bottle in Japan is, like, very good. And there's a lot of them. And there was one sort of connected to my hotel. And Mike Nouveau was like, you have to have the waffle. I'm like, what's the fucking waffle it? Whatever. So on my way out, I'm like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to give myself a treat. I'm going to have a waffle. I didn't realize. Who are you? Bro, these motherfuckers, they bake that shit when you order it. They pull the dough out and press it and then give it to you, which I was just not expecting. They should. I mean, I think most waffles are made to order. Not in a coffee shop, though, right? It's a go setting? This is different, bro. This is different. I guess. Well, I know that the waffle, the ninja waffle maker. Yes, yes, yes. It's a hot waffle maker. I don't have any ninja stuff, but everyone says the waffle maker and the ninja ice cream maker, they're actually good and killing it. But I think people are really waffling now. They've like perfected the vertical load pour in. Like the waffle iron is vertical, not flat. Vertical load pour in is crazy. You just hover over the slit and then it just – Not to go.

Not to go Mano mode, but that's crazy. So all you do, you just hover over the slit and you drop your batter right into there. There should be a little crevasse. And then you just hit a button, cross your fingers, God takes over, and then it shits out a perfect Belgian waffle, which sounds... I mean, it's delicious. You know, just in terms of how gravity and cooking works, it doesn't make sense, but apparently it does. But I was hoping it was going to be more of an Asian waffle if you're getting these in Japan. No, this was a classic. They had, like, the full machine that looked like a restaurant. You get Nutella on there. You get some chocolate fudge. You get a maple honey bourbon. No, it's just plain. That's why I liked it because it was just regular. It was delicious, and it's exactly what I needed. But I will say at the lounge in Tokyo. something I've never experienced before, Inari Tofu Pockets. One of my favorite delicacies. They had those things lined up like sausage links. So you were all the way on the other side of the world, and you were still able to find one of your favorite lunchtime treats. Not just find it, Jason. I'm talking they had these things lined up like fucking sausage links for real, for real. They had all-you-can-eat Inari Tofu. All-you-can-eat. Banging. Banging. So good. I guess the joke is that that... dish was invented in japan but yes so it's a likely place to see inari tofu no absolutely i just i wasn't i wasn't expecting it you know and when i saw it i was i was pleasantly surprised because the lounge obviously stinks because they got you know they got hot pot in there basically so it's a little it's when you say it stinks you're speaking literally as in the odor is repellent it doesn't like oh these couches are uncomfortable and Like in the critic kind of way. Yeah, exactly. It's the only airport lounge I've ever been in where I thought I might leave smelling like food for a 13-hour flight. You know what I mean? Like a Hokkaido fish market when you walk in there. Exactly, exactly, exactly, exactly. We have to talk about this Rob Reiner stuff because it's one of the darkest stories I've ever heard. It's really one of the darkest things I've ever heard to the point where it's like,

I actually, and I never feel like this, but the media is really reaching. And like a guy from the Hollywood Reporter wrote a story about going to dinner with them 10 years ago. It's just getting, it's just too much. Oh, so it's like the same fever when somebody dies. it's like here's the one time i was in the background of a photo of that person in 1996 when i was a kid and i'm gonna write my dedication post kind of thing it's that it's that but it's it's just really dark and just like i don't know kind of unbelievable or mark maron is like remember when he was on my podcast in 19 we replay we replay the rob reiner episode you know is what maron would do but yeah i mean it's like I know, obviously, that those movies are all classics and the guy's a national treasure and some people don't like him because of his politics. But, I mean, come on. Like, that shit Trump said. Trump's usually pretty funny. Like, we agree on that. That was like, oh, D, you suck. Like, this is why people hate you. It was a nice reminder because I think we're so numb to hating him. Yeah. That it's a little bit like, oh, yeah, you're actually, like, this is insane that you think this is okay to say. Yeah, I mean, you know, people always mention, yes, he's awful. Yes, he's this. Yes, he's that. But, man, he's so funny. Truly funny. And we need moments like this to really remind people. And I think those moments are happening more and more every week or in every month. You know, him talking about, you know, a beloved filmmaker and actor decades over known as the nicest guy. Every single person loves him. And he's just like, yeah, what did he say? Oh, yeah. It's Trump derangement syndrome. due to the anger he caused others through his massive, unyielding, incurable affliction with a mind-crippling disease known as... Mind crippling. So in his mind, he is being funny. He's doing a funny Trump tweet. It's just not the time. But it's just... Yeah, it's like, this is what you should be doing when one of your enemies is walking down the street and there's a video of him getting pantsed or, you know, like...

Something small and embarrassing happens to a person that you are an enemy with. You know, Rosie O'Donnell moves to Europe and he'll take a dig. That's fine. But when the body is still warm, you know, a mother and father killed by their own son, something that could happen to Donald Trump, who knows? Eric, keep an eye on that guy. Barron, he's strong. But, yeah, it's just awful. So hopefully more people are going to be like, yes, this is really bad. But on the other hand, what do we got? Gavin Newsom. The best twist from this thing, or one of the more interesting things, is that I guess the son was seen arguing with Bill Hader at Conan O'Brien's Christmas party, which Bill Hader doesn't seem like a guy that I would want to talk to. And I can assume that Bill Hader... was probably not in the mood to talk to the guy who's been up for three days, you know, asking people who's famous. I don't think it has anything to do with Bill Hader. I think it was just the dumb luck of he's the person that this guy ended up landing on. It's not because it's Bill Hader. He was the unlucky person. Of all the guys to talk to at Conan O'Brien's Christmas party, Bill Hader is the guy who's got the least time for this kind of thing. Is what I'm saying. Bill Hader doesn't like himself. He definitely doesn't want to talk to you. It's dark, dude. It's too dark. I don't really know. It's been an interesting couple days as far as dark stuff goes. We got Brown University, awful tragedy. sydney australia an awful tragedy we have the right trying to say that gun control is useless the video of the guy tackling the shooter like a guy that owns a fruit stand just nutting up and tackling the guy and then getting the gun from him is is sort of like why we have the internet i think that's that's also why we have australians as as the rest of the world gets more pussyfied australians are going to be there he was drunk but whatever he still saved the day you know we don't we can't

Can't prove anything. A little liquid Kuro. He caught him. That's Australian smelling salts when you see KD on the bench giving a little. He tackled that motherfucker. Truly awful. Truly awful. It's a horrible way to kick off the holiday season where we're supposed to be resting and hanging out with our loved ones and reflecting on a year that was not awesome for a lot of people unless you were a billionaire. How Long Gone is here to hopefully give you a little time to turn CNN off, turn Bloomberg off. for an hour let's be real let's be real fox news you can turn that off too let's let's just be honest let's be honest to turn you can turn off the barry weiss interview for just 45 minutes go go walk the dog and do the dishes read this barry deep dive on the plane tomorrow shout out to to friend of the show kareem new york magazine uh reasons we love new york cover but i mean it's big him i mean look kareem's cover is great the cameron winter debbie harry is probably going to be my winner yeah you can't really compete with that one i was talking with the photographer the subway hands saying i told her that that was my favorite and she said it was hers for her favorite as well i don't i don't know who that is You know that Instagram account, Subway Hands? No, I've never seen it. But that's the person they hired. Basically, they do this, so they hired them to do their thing, is the idea? Yeah, Subway Hands, it's like an Instagram. It has like a half a million followers. It's just sort of like candid images of people's hands on the subway. Okay, okay, okay. It's a classic slice of life. That sounds good. I'll follow. You've got a woman reading the Paris Review wearing loafers. You've got a guy with a disc man. You've got a guy holding a stick, crossword puzzles. It's all there. Dude, I almost... I almost bought a Discman in Tokyo. They had one at Beams, and I was like, man, should I buy this? It's like $100. I feel like I could be a CD guy, but then I pumped the brakes. I think I was delirious. You've got compact disc derangement syndrome. I'm going to buy you one on eBay, Chris. Don't worry. I want a cool one, though, that's see-through, you know? Well, just write down the exact SKU on Santa's list, and we'll make sure that it comes.

All right, we have a guest. Oh, wow, look at this motherfucker. All right, be quiet. We're going to intro you. I might say your last name wrong. We have a friend, our friend today. Our guest today is our friend George Severus. I think that was close. Maybe let's try Severus. Oh, same shit. Fuck you. All right, that's the same. I know. Yeah, it's close. Tomato, tomato. Ask your doctor if Severus is right for you. Yeah, it feels very prescription-y. Anyway, George has a new special, A Sense of Urgency, which I actually listened to today on Apple Music. Oh, Apple, yeah, sorry. Very modern of me, but it was just named New York Times Best Comedy of 2025 on the list. I didn't see what else was on the list, so we'll get into that because we've got to start. We've got to compare and contrast. Was it better than Robbie Hoffman's special? We'll find out. I wonder if Robbie made it in time, you know, under the deadline. We're going to find out. All right, let's call George. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, so do all our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world, writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could, you know, have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools so those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more.

So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code how long taskers book up faster, especially for same day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code how long with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned.

They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. you know i do think robbie's honestly probably came out after they made that list which and i bet you i bet you would have made it if it came out a little earlier all right who else is on this new york times good comedy of time list like what else is on there the new york times good comedy of time i went out and got the print edition over the weekend and actually the way it's formatted i'm right next to amy poehler so it's it's my you know i'm tied with someone else for you know, my category. And then next to me is new talk, best new talk show. And it's Amy Poehler. What is the category you're in? Okay. So thank you for asking. So there's various, you know, there's various, he does like best impression, best satire of the left, best satire of the right. And there's one category he always does, which is get this best parenting comedy. And so I have a, this like long 10 minute joke in the special. That's like about what if I had a kid? And so it is me tied with the comedian Rosebud Baker. And the description starts and he's like, you know, if you want really great like tight jokes about parenthood, you know, Rosebud Baker has a special. It's all about being pregnant and it's really great. And then he goes, but the best comedy about parenthood comes from a gay guy who doesn't even have a kid. Damn. OK, so you came through with a category maybe you weren't expecting to be recognized. I really it's honestly the most offensive. Like imagine actually having. And then some gay guy comes through and has this, like literally the joke. As you may have listened to it, Chris, is like the joke where I'm talking about having an imaginary adult daughter. Yeah, and I think you should be able to pick a New York NYU graduate. I love that idea. You just go and kind of pick one. We all know that Amy, don't we, George? Who's your Amy, Chris? Who's my Amy? You know, the daughter I described. Yeah, I know, I know. Amy also wasn't the right name for me. I didn't want to say anything, but it doesn't feel NYU-y enough if I'm being completely honest with you.

had an initial amy how jewish is amy what about what about like a camille or a chloe or something you know what i mean okay so it's funny you say chloe i had an early version of the joke where i was like would brainstorm names and i'd be like yeah she has like an effortlessly chic name like amy or anna or chloe sevigny or something and people and like no one it wasn't quite Right. Like I obviously it was almost like too on the nose to name drop Chloe Sevigny. I wasn't even thinking of I wasn't even that Chloe is just a traditional hot girl name. We all totally understood in the straight community. At least we recognize that. I don't know. Is there are there hot guy names or is it just like Chad? No, I think they're hot guy names. I don't know why, but the name that's coming to mind, which is so not right, is Paul. Paul is hot, I think. Paul famously my middle name, George. How's that? Well, there you go. How do you receive that? Famously, that's famously, he's well known for having a middle name. Yeah, and Jason, Paul Stewart, Paul Miscall. Yeah, Paul Miscall. Maybe that's what I'm thinking. What's going on with Paul Miscall? I feel like people are talking about him being old. Yes, people are saying he's lying about his age because he has some grays. Well, I think that's just because he's Irish. I feel like they age like, you know. Well, it's all the generational trauma. Yeah, they're born and they're already like. Do you think he is lying about his age? I could see shaving off a few years. Do you think Margot Robbie is lying about her age? Margot Robbie? Did you say Robbie? One time someone told me that it's Robbie, and I just say that. Fuck them. Fuck them. That's Margot Robert. That's what cleans my floor when I go away. I love saying... Kara Swisher, because someone once told me it's Kara Swisher. Bro, people are lying to you, bro. They're clowning you. Kara Swisher. Margo Roby. You're saying that Mrs. Roby is lying about her age. I think there's, you know, for a long time, people were saying Mrs. Roby was lying about her age. Speaking of Paul's, this is a very divisive one. Uh-huh. And also a good for a tomato-tomato name, Paul Dano, or Paul Dano. How do you say it, and is he hot?

Yeah, it's actually Donno. It's a secret third. It's a secret third. Paul Donno. Yeah, that was sort of an all-hands-on-deck situation with the Hollywood types. It was kind of there. We've been busy. Guys, Paul is not known for his looks. Let's not kid ourselves here. But he has a very beautiful wife. Yeah, he's rich. I don't know if you know how it works, but sometimes if you're rich and famous, you pull a chick that's a little bit out of your league. And he's also really smart. Okay, that's important to me. Yeah, I know that he doesn't use social media. He just reads in his garden and all this shit, and there's some people that like that. I'm just saying he's not a leading man because of his looks. He's a leading man because of his... Does he crush animals to get off a little bit? I don't know. Would you call him a leading man? I would say he's sort of a character actor and a leading man only for maybe a Kelly Reichardt. I feel like he's somewhere between character actor and leading man. I feel like he's character actor plus. That's fair. He's not going to play Batman. People think of him as such a talent. Yeah, well, not Quentin Tarantino. I think Quentin Tarantino is also ugly. Well, I saw something. Someone was like, Quentin Tarantino was so ugly that him not addressing that ever is actually a form of dishonesty. Yeah, I said this. You said that? No, no. I said this to Jason on the podcast because I saw the same thing, and I was like, that is such a funny thing to fucking say. No, totally. It's really so true. It is kind of like if someone – if there's something – noticeable about you if it's like you're very tall very short very like have like a specific thing, it does make me suspicious of you if you're never joking about it. If Jason never talked about his beautiful ears, what would we even have to do? I think my height, maybe. No, we're covering. Oh, yeah, if you never acknowledged, that'd be really funny. No, I never hit my head. I don't know what you guys are talking about. Never talk about a big dick. It's like, what's going on inside of that head of yours, you know? Wait, I just got served in this clip. Okay, one of my favorite things that I keep getting served is,

Do you guys know what Sniffies is, I assume? No, I don't know what you're talking about. Okay, great. No idea. Is that some gay stuff? I don't know anything about that. I think you guys probably know more about Sniffies than most gay men I know. I delete it, and I re-edit, and I delete it, and I re-edit. I have it blocked. You are telling on yourself so much, Jason, because it's actually not an app. It's only a website. You have to go on a browser, although I think now it's announced. Well, depending on what country you're in, George. That's right. I use a VPN, so I can kind of do it anywhere. I don't know what they're doing in Estonia, but I keep getting surf clips from the official Sniffy's podcast, and I'm thinking about this because we're talking about penis size. Bro, can you get me on that? I really want to go on that. Literally, I think it's a DM away, Chris. I don't think it'll take much convincing for them. We can get this done before lunch. the sex nerd phenomenon like people that are very kind of like methodical about talking about sex and that's sort of what the podcast is like and they had someone on and from what i understand from these clips i saw he is like he seems like some sort of motive like speaker and his specialty is having a small penis like he goes around sort of like breaking the stigma around having a small penis is he good looking or buff at least yeah totally like totally fine you know normal uh good looking his thing is he's out and proud and he wants to change the narrative i do all of this with a tiny dick yeah get like me bitch yeah but they're also they're using they're using this very like social justice language about inclusivity but talking about having a small penis and it's like and you know he's being like you know i'm not gonna lie to you like there will be some rejection but it's all about taking in that trauma and not letting it become anxiety like and then using it to your advantage and then he goes into like you know some guys actually prefer a small dick because they can't like you know take a bigger one and it actually can be your secret superpower wow that's that's exactly what i want from the sniffies podcast because i'm not i didn't know where that would be going as far as what they're talking about really and what the subject matter have you you haven't seen any other episodes i'm sure oh

I'm telling you, I'm seeing one-minute clips, but I haven't listened to a full episode. There was another one that got served to me that it was all about fisting, and this guy, again, a very nice guy, clearly, is some sort of sexual health advocate. I'm sure he's doing great work, but he was talking about fisting, and he was like, that's why it's so important to break these myths that you see on fisting Twitter. That is so iconic. Like that is brave. That's brave. I keep getting these videos on Instagram of like a guy. He's like in the airport and he's young and good looking. And he's like, yeah, I'm just they don't know I'm leaking right now. I love getting fucked at the airport. And I'm like, dude, relax. He's like, I love cruising in the airport because I might get caught. I'm like, I think if you get caught in the airport, you could actually be in trouble. It's a federal crime, perhaps. Yeah, like I don't think you might not make your flight, you know what I'm saying, to be a prostitute if you don't get caught. And they're saying, worth it. Yeah, it's crazy. You guys are crazy over there, George. I'll tell you what, Matt. George, how does one hop onto fisting Twitter? I wish I knew. I'm learning what I know through the Sniffies podcast. I'm not on fisting Twitter. I'm like one of those boomers who learns about memes in the New York Times style section, but for fisting Twitter. Have you seen these mameys? What does it mean? Speaking of fisting, have you seen the Epstein photo with the black rubber glove where each finger seems to be something that you would insert inside of a hole? Oh, no. I haven't even seen that, you freak. It was like on CNN, guys. I didn't find it on 4chan. Is CNN what you call your Reddit threads that are private? No, Jason's on fisting Twitter. I've been listening to... I don't know what possessed me to go down this path, but... I, I have, I'm on, I'm going to race with audible where they, I keep paying for it because I have free credits, but then I don't use them fast enough. So then I keep paying for it for an extra month. And so I keep, so I'm like, I need to download 13 audio books. And so I downloaded the, um, the Epstein accuser memoir, but the only place I listened to audio books is the gym. So I'm literally like.

at the gym listening to the most traumatic story of repeated uh repeated sexual assault of a minor assault that and and so i'm learning so yes i'm learning so much about um epstein from this book and i'm like i've become one of those people now that's like that's not funny like i'm kind of out on jeff and the whole story i feel like yeah It's dragged for so long, and it seems like there's no... There was a new expose today in the Times. Y'all sound like MAGA. No, there's just no finality to it, and there's no... It's sad, because I think the way it's drizzled out is it desensitizes you to it, and now it's just like, it's like, oh yeah, whatever, I don't know, more Jeff shit came out. It doesn't seem exciting. Yeah, it becomes more about the conspiracy. It's like... Yeah, it becomes more about the meta-narrative than what actually happened, which is, like, legitimately one of the most horrifying things that has ever happened. I still don't think there's any surprises that we don't know about at this point. I don't think anybody would shot, like, I don't think Conan O'Brien's on the list or whatever. You know what I mean? I think it's just going to be... Camel, though! Kimmel? Yeah. No, I'm kidding. I would love if Kimmel was on the list. Kimmel's old private chef was Epstein's private chef. I think Kimmel's a sinister deviant, personally. He's the boy who cried wolf a little bit. But don't you think, though, that with the man show, it's like... It's almost a Howard Stern situation where he put his id out there so much that there's nothing else left. Like what he used to. Yeah. I mean, it's he used to be cool and now he's not. And you hate to see that in a public light. Sure. Now he's funded by the Disney Corporation. It's different. But Colbert did the same thing. Like you at least you know who they are and you know that they're putting on a mask to please Disney. Whereas someone like Ellen, it's like the whole thing is that she never showed who she was for like decades. But that's why Ellen's cooler is she did it right. I mean, she did. She had to disappear, unfortunately. That's not her fault. Robbie Hoffman's got a great joke about that in her new special. Jason, we're talking about my special today. I know. That was the joke, George. That was the joke. I did watch your special last night, though. Thank you. I paid for it on Amazon Prime. Wow. Well, thank you for supporting Amazon. Where would you prefer I watch it? No, no, no. I really appreciate it. What did you think? I thought it was great.

I mean, I have a few questions. Okay. But I watched Robbie's special and your special the same night, so it was real. Is it bad that I listened to it? Because I've never done that before, and when comedians are like, yeah, my new album, I'm like, all right, cool, you pressed your album at Third Man or whatever, but this was available on streaming and Jack White wasn't involved, and I had to do some packing. No, that's fair. I never do stuff like that, but I found it really nice. I actually don't mind a comedy album. I think some things... You know, something's obviously like a facial expression helps or like a gesture or something, but I'm not an especially animated performer. I think you can get pretty much like 85% of what I'm doing with audio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I'm not carrot top, bro. It's all good. Yeah, I'm not doing... Your cadence could almost lend better to an audio-only format. You know what I mean? Yeah, well, you know, it's the podcasting training. But you're better looking than most comedians. Do you think so? I'm not trying to... Yeah, I'm being honest with you. And you've gotten hotter since the last time we podcasted. that's also true and i well jason has been responding to i don't know if he's on sniffies but he's been responding to some of my uh more uh pg-13 rated photographs oh i didn't know you were posting i am i i'm sure i follow but no p no you follow i here's what i did am i not on the am i not on the close friends whole pics no no no yeah this is not close friends i the the week that the day in fact that the special came out somehow uh you know when instagram decides like they we don't care about you anymore and nothing is getting views like the day that i was like literally trying to promote something suddenly no one was seeing my stories and i had this flashback of like oh is this what people talk about when they say face for algo one of the most i don't do you believe do you believe it to be true well i didn't i i didn't until this i was like i'm i'm this is a last ditch effort here i'm trying to promote a special instagram is not showing it to anyone i guess i have to do face for algo and i'll tell you one thing really yeah i deleted everything i'd posted and then i posted my face and then i always thought that was like a hot chick fake thing like oh yeah oops body for algo now free palestine or whatever you know what i mean no it's very i mean every every dj i know when they're like posts or like a band when they're posting

I'm playing this festival or here's this tour or whatever. It's never the image of the information that you need. It's always like, here's me and I'm only wearing a bra. It's Diplo doing yoga in his Emirates suite instead of I'm playing Vegas again. It's something that's going to get thrown into the shuffle. The fact that I know exactly what Diplo posts you're talking about is so humiliating. Sorry, Diplo is one of the best posters we got. I agree. He's unbelievable. Yeah, he looks great. He looks great. This is what I'm saying. That's why it's no problem for him to post face for Elgo. Yeah. Or torso for Elgo. Do you know anyone who's tapped that in your community? Diplo? Yeah. Ooh. He's famously bi. I don't believe that. Oh, in my community, like gay men? I was trying to think of like hot women I know. He's bi? Jason claims this. I've never heard this. I don't think Diplo is bi. I'm not saying he's bi. I'm saying he's... Maybe he's everything, you know? Yeah, I could see that. He's seen the end of women and is interested in seeing what else is out there. Totally. I think that, I think that, I think when you fucked enough chicks, you can't go down that road. That's, I mean, free ditty, but that's real. Yeah, that's what happened to me. You slayed enough puss over in Athens, you almost, you had to go again. Yeah, I was, I turned, I turned 18, I said. That's enough of that. I've had quite enough. You looked around, no one's left. I've had quite enough. Yeah. Okay, well, I was talking about how I noticed that you and Robbie Special, you both had bits and similar thoughts on gay men having children. And we were just talking about how children can be a bummer and sometimes do murders and stuff like that. But what are your thoughts on gay men having children? I know. I mean... I don't know. I just got back from a vacation with our niece. That was like, it has really made me soft. I'm like, I want to quit my job and just be a full time uncle in a way that I never really thought I would feel. And you would think that would make me want children. Podcasting is not really a job, but I see what you're saying. You can go to doula school at night when you're potting during the day. Podcasting is not the only thing I do for barely minimum wage. I have various other jobs, too. Sometimes I go on tour and kind of barely sell medium-sized venues.

um and kind of look at the sheet they give me we'll come check you out in january and uh in san francisco i i heard that you guys have a couple shows yeah yeah are you are you gonna be there no for sf sketch fest we did a show there a couple years ago though and it was really good it was pretty good sketch fest is like maybe the best planned comedy festival um it was well planned i think in america and like we didn't have any fans in the audience because they didn't want to go but everyone that was just there for the fest were all like nice and engaging and like yeah they good attitudes it was great they all really they all really show up um no but you would think that like having a niece or like enjoying having a niece would make me want kids more but it actually makes me i'm like completely satisfied i'm like they live a 10 minute walk from us i can go there anytime i want and like if i want to hang out with a little baby and like play with blocks i can and then i can just go back to my home and get on sniffies that's right the sniffies is going to decrease if you had a little but i agree the whole point of being gay is you don't have to do that well but the thing is because they're not like i mean i agree with you in theory but i also know so many gay dads who are like okay like dropping off the kids at school and then i have like a hookup and then i'm going to the gym and then i'm going to my job as vp of marketing Yeah, no, that's very, yeah, that's getting, yeah, like, hit it, yeah, no, that's, I've heard stories like that, too. What a day. But I think they're also, like you said, they're rich. And that's the, I think the big differentiator is that any gays I know with children are rich. Yeah, I had this other joke that I'm trying to do where I was like, it's about my own internalized homophobia or something. And I'm like, yeah, the rich gay men, I know they're having children. It's almost feels like they're giving themselves a trophy. And then the poor gay men I know that are having kids. It's like, what are you, Christian? Like, what are you trying to prove? It's almost like darker. It is darker. No, I completely agree with you. I completely agree. But you're different. You guys are intellectual gays, which is a different. Thank you for saying that. I would say that's a different tier altogether. Well, of course, the fantasy is to sort of live in a Woody Allen movie. And it's like, it's, you know, I'm Wallace Shawn and his.

You know, his kid is like leafing through Harper's on the floor as he's like entertaining 15 lesbians who are all adjunct professors. You taught him how to make martinis. Yeah, exactly. That could happen. I don't think that's out of the question. I mean, yeah, we'll see. I don't know. You guys are firmly no kids. I mean, I know you currently don't have children, but it's not in the future. Thank you for listening. I don't understand completely. about what it really means? Has no one had the talk with you, Chris, with the birds and the bees? He doesn't know where they come from. Yeah, I'm like, so hold on, you're saying, oh, okay, I got it, I got it. I feel like that's not really kicking around anymore. Neither of us have kids, not in our immediate plans, too. But I don't know if, I just think that the... The New York of it all also makes it like it just seems crazy. I mean, I know, but also I I'm married to someone who grew up in New York and like cannot imagine living like he's literally never lived anywhere else. And even as a theoretical idea was like, do you if we have kids, maybe it would make sense to move. somewhere that isn't new york and he was like that's like that's a weak will thing to say like it's like no if you can't make new york work then you don't have children i kind of i kind of agree with it so you're saying it'd be easier to give up yeah bitch where would you move george where the fuck are you gonna move portsmouth upstate where are you gonna go i mean i know well because there's i think that honestly you can then the best thing to do is to just move to los angeles because i because then it's sort of your bringing the suburbs into a major city, whereas moving upstate or moving to the suburbs does feel like a defeat. Moving upstate feels like the lowest. form it really does shout out to all of our upstate listeners we love you guys no no i mean i don't know anybody who lives upstate all the time i i'm sure i know i know a couple of people david geeding what about like connecticut because that's very trendy right now is to move to what is it called litchfield county oh yeah that's it don't worry i hear about litchfield county every fucking day chris gets a few zillow and redfin links i got i got my zillow i got my zillow updates coming in every day but i would never go there full time and i just want to pool totally but i do think that's like

somehow that has remained chic compared to like moving i mean you wouldn't to move to like hudson that would be so lame la is the right because i live technically in the suburbs in in six hours i'm gonna go to a puck dinner at mr chow and then go to a gay guy's white elephant party with a bunch of Chic photographers. Oh. I drive back over the hill and I'm back in suburbia. You can't do that in Hudson or Woodstock, you know? Woodstock's far. What gay guy? Ian Markell, photographer. What gay guy? Yes, you do. I thought all gay guys knew each other. You know, it depends. I mean, maybe you don't know each other, but you've hooked up. I mean, at least. Yeah, no. I mean, that's, yeah, it's like me and Jonathan Bailey. Like, you know, I don't have his number. I was talking about how not famous. He was the one who was people's sexiest man of the year, correct? That's right. And I was I was having this argument because he's not famous. Like he's he's in all this stuff and he's really big. I bet 50 if I pulled the streets of New York City, half people wouldn't recognize him by his face. I so I was talking to Sam about this and I've I've noticed something with him where women love to be like, I want him to fuck me. Like they they they love to like really sexualize him. And it's this weird. because he's gay wait what's his name again let me google him jonathan bailey from like uh wicked you know i first saw him he was in phoebe waller bridges uh show she did before fleabag okay flex on it all right you're a real head all right got it crashing not the pete holmes crashing but it was also no we don't talk about pete holmes on this podcast don't you fucking worry yeah i'm sort of like how no pete zone we don't You should have him on. You should have him on and then murder him. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and they're just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing.

Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated, but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer. And quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. Hi Talk House Network listeners, it's your old friend Nels Klein from Wilco here. Wilco is touring this summer and we'd love to see you somewhere on the road. We're playing shows this June and July in Rochester Hills, Michigan, Chautauqua, New York, Lafayette, New York, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Vienna, Virginia, Forest Hills, New York, Portland, Maine, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Memphis, Tennessee, La Grange, Georgia, Charleston, South Carolina, Virginia Beach, Virginia, Wheeling, West Virginia, and Columbus, Ohio. Plus, there are even more dates, some with Willie Nelson that I didn't even mention here. So please go to wilkoworld.net to see the full list of dates. We'll see you on the road this summer. Study and play. Come together on a Windows 11 PC. And for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds. Get the Unreal College deal. Everything you need to study and play with select Windows 11 PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft 365 Premium and a year of Xbox Game Pass Ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn more at windows.com slash student offer. While supplies last, ends June 30th. Terms at aka.ms slash college PC. I used to, I think during my heyday of like taking.

tons of pills and just listening to podcasts all day i unfortunately i unfortunately listened to hours of that podcast i was like this is maybe the least cool guy that's ever existed on planet earth i mean it's it's insane because he's christian he's christian too right yes so crazy very in touch with the emotion his emotions though i think that's his his crown i remember one time i was listening to that again this must have been like 15 years ago and i found And I was in the middle of a conversation where Tig Notaro was explaining how important it is to take a probiotic every day to Pete Holmes. And I was like, I need to go to law school. Like, I cannot be doing this right now. I can't be listening to Tig Notaro tell Pete Holmes that it's important to take a probiotic. Where did Pete Holmes come from? Thank you for asking. He came from Boston, where I also started comedy. So he has when I was starting in Boston, like a lot of people had a lot of trauma with Pete Holmes because he. whatever i don't know what his like status in that community was but he had just gotten his show on hbo so it was like this big success story but that show on hbo they showed like three episodes of it and then got rid of it wasn't even like i mean it was honestly like i don't know if it was two or three seasons but it was definitely multiple seasons i want to say was it really yeah Oh, I thought that was like a come and go kind of situation. It had a moment. It was during a time where you could do that. It was also back when in a post-Louis, I mean not post, like mid-Louis world, people thought that the lifestyle of a stand-up comedian was somehow like the most interesting possible thing you could make media about when it's in fact the least interesting thing. We were lied to. Yeah, we were lied to. Yeah, we really were lied to. Yeah. I mean, it is, you are just, because I've done it, all you do is go from bar to bar. and try out bad material to silence. Like, that is it. And at the end, you eat a sandwich with a fat guy and have a cigarette and go to bed. Yeah, exactly. Especially, I mean, yeah, between, I don't know. I don't want to spend any time with Louis or Pete Holmes, pre-cancellation even. But how do you feel about Louis now post-cancellation? Because I've heard that the material is sort of not bad. How do I say it without...

I do not care at all about Louis C.K. And I think that you never did. No, it's fine. It's all fine. Comedy is not funny. No offense to you. These guys aren't that. I mean, people are like, you don't get it. It's so cerebral. I'm like, dude, I think I do. No, it's not. And I don't think it's that funny. And I think he's I think also when you get canceled, people really want you to be a genius even more. Like the people that like you really want to uphold you. Well, there is this idea, you know, comedy is so like. at the most basic level because it is the most like populist art form you're trying to make like a room full of people laugh by definition it can't be that smart and that's okay like i i think that's like an interesting challenge but what that means is that then the bar for calling something cerebral or smart is so low that it's like yeah i do think louis is is more smart than you know many other comedians but that just means he's like average well do you feel that when i was watching your special last night i thought a lot of the you know this is some specific material some higher minded subject matter have you wrestled with the thought of reducing the intelligence level to gain your popularity he can't he can't it's impossible I will say because I when I started in Boston, something I really liked and I thought was like a really productive challenge, unlike people I know who started in Brooklyn, is that I was constantly performing for like straight guys with like red socks caps and their girlfriends who are wearing. You could just say it racist. Yeah. Well, I did. Actually, the show I hosted in Boston was. In a MAGA bar. It was in a bar that was MAGA owned and they had a framed MAGA hat. This was like 2015. So it was like leading up to the 2016 election. Oh, early. And they had like... It was a first edition MAGA hat? Yeah, probably. Sorry. Go ahead. Sorry. And I got like a sick validation out of being like, okay, these people like in theory hate me, but I'm making them laugh. Not bad for a queer.

Exactly. Speaking of specials, I checked out the Matt Reif crowd work holiday special over on Netflix. Now talk about Cerebral. Dude, it was in, he did that shit in Tempe, Arizona. And I was just like, dude, this is a twisted, he's like, I've never been here before. But he, dude, he had like middle-aged black men crying at what he was saying. I was stunned. I mean, I think he's like, ultimately. evil but i also think he's incredibly talented at what he does like it does take a talent to go anywhere he's very good at what he does that the thing that he does happens to be evil but i don't feel any different i honestly and i know i'll get killed for this i watching that or watching louis ck is no different to me honestly like and i think that like that's cool it's all sort of the same when i watch comedy it all feels sort of the same to me i think it's partly because the the like convention of it is the same no i understand i mean it's like if so it's like i used to i mean i guess i still sort of feel that i not that i now know more about fashion than i used to but i remember when i knew like literally nothing all the any runway photo would just i'm like okay this looks like this is close yeah like mugatu from zoolander and it's like i don't care if it's something respected or something not respected it's it's just like i'm just looking at it i'm like yeah that's someone dressed crazy i just think that there's a it's also i mean i don't know we talk about this all the time because i'm just like dave chappelle i don't know when was he funny last i don't remember with chappelle i do think i do agree with you more because i'm like i was also so young when chappelle i mean i used to love chappelle show but well chappelle is fucking really funny it is but i i it was to me i was a teenager like or not i was i don't remember but like i had like a high school sensibility so i don't know if i were to re-watch it now would i still think it's like genius maybe there'd be the nostalgia part of it where you yeah yeah probably um could you explain in the origin of your love of wasp culture yes um what's not to love what's not to love you know what i realized doing that joke is a lot of people like don't know that uh acronym like people would like ask

like has will be like i've never heard of the term wasp really which i i thought yeah i don't know i mean you never know people come from you know all different backgrounds but i will tell you about my love of wasp culture which is that so my i mostly grew up in greece but i spent like six and a half i believe years living here when i was a kid and we lived in suburban new jersey and it was like a very waspy it was almost like connecticut adjacent it was like a new york city commuter town and my parents were foreign my parents were greek and all our friends were mostly like other diaspora like a lot of indian or jewish families of the wasp yeah that was exactly that was the community i was a part of but the overarching sort of like vibe of the school i went to was very country club waspy like a lot of lily like men like grown men and lily pulitzer ties and like salmon colored shorts and and whatever and i mean it just it really seemed more foreign to me than if i were to like like study some tribe as an anthropologist or like it it just is so different than anything i was familiar with i do think that uh Things would make way more sense if we treated wasps as, like, this sort of other. As the alien, as the reptiles that they are. Yeah, yeah. Like, I think I have more in common with most other cultures. Did you develop a naughty love of wasp people? Like, do you have a wasp fetish, like a Bruce Weber kind of vibe? No, that's sort of, yeah, I mean, I say that. I do think I make that joke in the special. No, if anything, I have a real distaste for it. Wow. I mean, you can take that distaste and use it in a sexual power way. Except for both of you. I wish I was a wasp. Unfortunately, I'm not. You ever put a wasp's head in the toilet before you tap that, George? You know, something like that. I'm not. I wish. What do you think about white people like Jason kind of going and raping your country for all of its good stuff?

A hotspot. There's no more good stuff left after I got to it. White people to take donkeys down to get some fucking grain alcohol or whatever the fuck you guys do over there. I have a great donkey guy if you need one, by the way, George. Text me after. I tried to give Jason grease wrecks, but then he was already on his way back when we were talking. No, I actually think Greek people... in my experience at least, and I think it's a little different now with the rise of Airbnb and with truly lecherous tourism. But when I was growing up, Greek people loved tourists because that is where any money in this overall failing country comes from. It's like they don't have any significant... I mean, the two things that make money are shipping and tourism. So I think generally speaking, I think it's not a coincidence that Greek people are... generally are really good at english like you know grow up speaking english are very good at like uh hospitality like i don't think they see tourists historically i don't think they they've seen tourists uh with as much suspicion as like people in spain or italy or france yeah yeah they're like wow you guys want to come here all right cool i mean without the tourists what would you guys be doing well literally it gives you hey don't don't let's not forget about stavros when he dated Paris Hilton and several other, you know, there was the Greek shipping era of Hollywood. I thought we were talking about my good friend Stavros. Well, that Stavros, for all I know, he might have been doing the same thing, low key. I think that if Stavros wanted to date Paris Hilton, he could. Look, I don't know him that well, but that seems like a stretch. The power of the Greek. I mean, I know that you guys are powerful people. No, I think he specifically is a very powerful Greek person. I think he, like, can unite the country. That's cool, actually. That's a real vote of confidence for one of his own. Yeah. Do you think he ever will, though? No. I also wanted to talk to you about what podcasts you have beef with, because I know that just, I mean, not actual beef, but, you know, when you see Bo and Yang and his buddy.

kind of doing their thing. Oh, yeah. Because we have smart lists. It's like, all right, these fucking guys do exactly what we do, but they're rich. Of course. Bowen and Matt, they do the same thing, but they're, you know, what do you think about it? No, we mostly have beef with Michael Barbaro and Ezra Klein. I like that. The other gay guys in podcasting. And, you know, they know what they did. I saw this amazing clip of Matt getting in trouble with Andy on Bravo. There's a clip of Andy being really clearly like, you owe me a book. Where is it? Do you think that was real or fake? Here's what I'll say about Matt, and I don't want to give a PR answer. Matt gave me my first ever writing job. Matt is one of the most supportive. Amanda Seyfried in an interview or something. Matt is legitimately one of the most supportive and kind people I've ever met. I believe you completely. If Matt is in a feud with anyone, I will be team Matt. I don't think he's in a feud with Andy. I thought it was a very interesting I can't hide this moment on television on a show where nothing is ever serious. Well, I sort of think Andy likes to push the limits of how honest he can be on that show. Totally. Out of sheer boredom and monotony. Exactly. Because he has to deal with all these fucking morons all day. I mean, don't talk about my girls like that. Oh, please. I can't. I don't don't. I love the Mormon community. I'm not going to let you talk about them like that. No. In 2020, we are, you know, this is we are leaving. I'm now like a gay guy on in 2026. We are leaving Housewives behind. Period. I can't listen to any more. What is the tea, George? Tell me more. I think my thing with the Housewives is during the peak, peak lockdown, I overdosed. I watched all of Roni from beginning to 2020. Not Roni. See, when you say Roni, you give yourself away as someone who's OD'd before. Just spell it out. Let's try to cover our tracks a little bit more. No, it was Roni and Vanderpump. I did those two.

Because people told me those were the best ones at that time. And then after that, I couldn't do it again. My favorite thing, actually, not to go back to Matt, but his boyfriend is from Below Deck, I think. I know. And he was recently hospitalized. He was hospitalized for clearly overdosing on party drugs, but saying it was vaping. That I can't comment on. And he put up, hold on, Jason, he put up the fire. the shirtless selfie in the hospital thirst trap like looked insane like so ripped and i was like honestly dude worth it like you look this is over i was vaping cocaine but it was vaping i was vaping so much i loved it well actually that reminds me of your special you said that every every month i mean actually no this was on your podcast where like every month you should have one sort of like dumb, mind-numbing, brain-rotty thing. And I do think that's a good policy, like one thing per month, because I think people take the whole Poptimist, like, you know, reality TV is actually like Shakespeare. Like, I think people take that too far, where it's like, okay, maybe read one book. Look, as much as I like reality TV, I know that it's stupid. I do think intellectualizing every single thing. It's good to have a know-me-fry. I think Nomi, yes, I think Nomi has a great ratio. Chris has a good ratio. I like to think I have a good ratio, but I do think he can cut the Bravo down a little bit. Chris, you famously don't watch narrative television. Is that still true? No, I don't watch movies. Oh, you don't watch movies. Thank you to our Criterion Collection friends for sending me a 40-disc Blu-ray box set of the best films of all time. I'll be re-gifting that, but I do appreciate it. I would absolutely love, if you want to give me an exit gift for this appearance. Unfortunately, I've already committed to my friend Spencer, who's the biggest film head I know. Well, I did listen to you railing against Letterboxd. Because it's dork shit. I mean, tell me if I'm wrong. Why would you spend your time doing that? No, the most amazing way to use Letterboxd is almost like Twitter in 2012. Watch a movie, and then you write a one-sentence thing that's like,

uh i guess she really did like that piece of pot that piece of pie or whatever yeah yeah that that's funny no i i understand that it exists i mean jason even when jason explained it to me from his point of view i understood it but i just can't imagine being like this is what i want to spend my time doing when the people who do it for real don't get paid or get any recognition totally i don't i just maybe that's my own twisted movie knowledge it's your you can make a currency out of movie knowledge you know and that's i know and it seems like the gift that keeps on giving like sometimes i will like accidentally find myself in sort of corners of like the move like film internet and there's like whole celebrity personalities that we don't know about that people are like some of the best video essays like some of the best video essays about uh restorations 4k restorations not 4k restorations okay well um speaking of the one bad thing per month to maintain the healthy ratio i think maybe you were talking about the canadian gay hockey show heated rivalry chris and i were talking about it on the last episode i heard neither of us have actually watched an episode so we've got knees on the ground with you let's get into it knees on the ground is gonna be knees on the ground is gonna be reused that's gonna be an extra second fuck damn that's good that is really good write that down uh okay i am well i was off the dome to be clear i'm very disconnected i'm sure there are like whole political arguments. It's like one of them, you know, people are saying that it's like a metaphor for, I don't know, World War II or something. Jordan Firstman's in jail for this. He's literally a Rikers for his comments about this. Do you know what's crazy about Jordan Firstman is everyone is obsessed with trying to People want to find some fault with him because they find him personally annoying. But in fact, he is completely faultless. He's like a nice person. He's talented. Like, but people just find him annoying because he like. plays annoying on screen and because he's like hot and you know posts like sexy photos and is addicted to instagram seems to be confident yeah like people are like we are we never met a confident gay guy that's so rare yeah it's really crazy um is open about his insecurities has made peace with his existence a lot of people are jealous of that but people do yeah people are people do find him annoying and i also think people people find people that got famous during the pandemic

uh remind people of the pandemic like i really think it's like jordan because he got so big by the way he's a talented like actor writer he has many talents but he because we were all in our homes he started doing impressions of banana bread and then like Those got big. Don't get me started on Jake Shane. We only have so much time. That I can't even get into. Actually, I would like if you could. So people see him on television and they're like, oh, is that that faggot that was on my screen in 2020? Like, he must be immoral. He must be neoliberal. This is a good – actually, no, I think you're onto something with the COVID part of it. It is, like, triggering. I think there's something to – I'm sure that this is – there's other, you know, cases that prove that point. But I think you're onto something. Also, as – I'm only assuming, but as a man of Greek descent, do you feel like he's a poor representation of body hair? Jordan? Yeah, like he's letting it go a little too much. I think he's a great representation of body hair. I actually think it's like the rare... But is it a little bit like, pull it back, honey, you know what I mean? Like his nipples are always out? Well, I mean, my nipples are not always out, but I have more body hair than Jordan. Well, that's what I'm saying, but you have it tastefully covered, and it'll come out a little bit, but I feel like every other photo of Jordan looks like, you know, the village people in 77. Just heaving forests. He's living out loud as far as his buttons go. Yeah, since when is living out loud illegal in America? Damn, Jason. Yeah, exactly, Jason. Since when? You guys are not really taking your tits out. Why's that? I think straight men in general need to pull it back. I think we've gone too far. I've never been in a photo shoot where somebody has said, let's do one with the shirt off. That's never happened. The only thing I've ever done, I did do a shoot, and this is Jason's wife's fault, where I did wear only my underwear and a puffer jacket on an exercise bike. Wow. Thanks to matches.com. They're no longer around. I don't think this has anything to do with it, but that was as far as I'm going to take. Yeah. But like a photo shoot set with like three cool guys who are wearing like Carhartt pants and like have cool tattoos. If they're like, no, you should do it. It looks good.

You can't really say no. It's easy to talk you into getting those trousers down. If Rachel said it was like, you can be my co-star, you just have to take your shirt off a little bit, I mean, that's a different story. Some of these people are getting higher returns on shirtless stuff than I ever could. Do you know what I'm saying? That's what I mean. There's like an end game, and they can say we're acting. Sure. I would like to do it in a straight version of a Lee Pace kind of shirtless way. I feel like his shirtlessness is tastefully done. He lets you know what's going on, but he doesn't have the air of a guy who's always got his shirt off. You know what I mean? You got to check out that show on Apple TV. He's literally a Greek god. He literally is. Yeah, it's unbelievable. See, that's the thing. People lack imagination. It's like you see someone. Okay, yes, Lee Pace looks like a Greek god. I get it. But you're going to be so literal with it. It would be so much more interesting if he was a CEO. I think that you're right. But I also think that the world is dumb and we have to feed them with a spoon. No, completely. Chris, what was the name of the women who go dress in loose clothing at the gym? Oh, shit. The undercover bodies or whatever it was. Oh, my God. We need a little bit more of that. Gay men need a lot more of that. Oh, it's like something built? Sleeper built. Sleeper built. Oh, that's good. We need like a Zac Efron. I'm a CEO. And then the kid jumps in the pool and I got to take my business suit off. And everyone's like, holy moly, this guy's jacked. Yeah. Holy moly. No, I respect people where it's like, no, it's like once a year. Once a year you post. And I feel like Lee Pace used to be like this, where it would be like very little. sort of content and then once a year it would be like a photo taken like from down from under his uh balls that's like literally looking up at the underside of his nipple he's spitting cum out of his mouth into the camera on the floor just one a year yeah it's like happy new year i think this is literally because of this show i think it's one of those shows where it's literally like

that's the job is like your yeah your centaur basically so you don't have a choice yeah you know i saw him i saw him fully nude on stage in angels in america must be nice that's the gayest play of ever and that's saying a lot say more i would say broadway is the gayest thing to ever exist so completely i would say broadway is so gay it's so gay that it actually literally horseshoes around to being straight like there's something about like a broadway musical or like Because it becomes just it's Times Square. And what's straighter than Times Square? Like it just it becomes Disneyland. There's nothing gay about Times Square. It's true. Nothing I want to do more than see Angels in America and then hit Hooters for 12 flats before I head back on the train. Sounds perfect to me. OK, well, just to just to circle the horseshoe square. Do you agree with Firstman that the sex in heated rivalry is not correct to the way it happens in real life? What it is portraying is. literally like a gay virgin become like having sex for the first time so i think the critique all of to jordan i think the critique isn't really relevant like i think he's like yes i think if you're like empowered and promiscuous and going around los angeles having a lot of sex like it probably doesn't look like it looks on heated rivalry but like heated rivalry is essentially like a coming of age show so two fumbling hot hockey players they might not know where it goes that first time Yeah, and they're just so infatuated with one another. Where's the five hole? One of them is Russian and closeted. Oh, Russians, I mean, yeah. Did you know that he's Russian? I haven't watched the show. The only thing I know about this show is Jordan getting in trouble for saying that. No, no, he's Russian. Suck my cock, Hollander. And then his phone rings. It's like, it's my brother. He wants more money. And that's the entirety of the show. Yeah, that's actually that's that's a Nora. It's great. I just for the record, I'm enjoying the show and I cannot wait to watch the latest. That sounds pretty good. OK, well, I mean. This is also a win. I think it's a Crave original, the Canadian HBO. Exactly. That's a big win for our friends up there. And I like a return back to the kind of 80s Cold War, Russia is the enemy, will they, won't they kind of thing. It has like a rocky, embargo feel to it. It's amazing how Russia...

Russia is the one place that I guess popular media is allowed to be completely racist against. You can just portray a Russian as truly the most depraved, disgusting. It's true, actually. It's very true. And we're running out of countries that we can do that for, you know? Yeah, that's right. Speaking of multicultural, would you consider yourself to be an anti-Rosalia gay, a rare? Oh, no, I don't. Well, I do have this. No, I like. Listen. you know i have to i have to listen i have to listen i have to first um i have to first finish my phd in romance languages in order to understand that album um no i'm i actually i like what i've listened to and i think it's great i just think it's very interesting how all these gay guys i know that are like literally addicted to ketamine are like this is the most like cerebral This is the most complex album I've ever heard. This is all I say about this shit. Nobody that says they like it, likes it, understands it. I'm also like, the people that started saying they liked it the second it came out, I'm like... So is it complicated where you need to spend five weeks with it or is it not? Because the first time I listened to it – Like saying how good Infinite Jest was the week it came out. You're like, you didn't finish it, bitch. Yeah, exactly. But there are some people that are able to enjoy and grasp the music of that, right? It has to be. Otherwise – I don't know. I don't know any of them. I don't know any of them. There's something that feels very academic with her whole – Again, I like her music. I support her or whatever. It feels very academic. It feels like the opposite of a Charlie, which is so id first. We're going out. We're doing drugs. Where's Aaliyah? It's like, get in the classroom because there's a test. Pencils down. Yeah. I don't disagree with you. Okay. That makes sense. Sometimes you watch Below Deck. Sometimes you watch the Ken Burns doc. Yeah. But I was telling Sam this. I actually think Rosalia would be best served with, like, she should do a residency at Lincoln Center where it's like she performs that album live with, like, a full orchestra every night. I would go. I'd pay a lot of money to see that. I think that's how it's meant to be, you know, experienced. But I don't know. I don't know if me listening to it. Not a bumper shoot?

right i don't know if like me going to i don't know horse meat disco and having the beat drop during berghain is gonna they're gonna try they're gonna try they're gonna i'm like oh is this the original latin it's like no they're gonna force a square peg in a round hole on that one for sure well it's one of our specialties chris that's that's true are you drinking i'm not paying attention to i'm drinking that's no that's my favorite the vintage brand oh yeah from I used to get that at Key Foods over there on Avenue A, but you're drinking the plain. It's more like broken here. Yeah, just plain. It's the best. It's kind of hard to find. Well, it's on Fresh Direct, which is what I use for groceries. Shout out. I use Fresh Direct as well now, but I didn't know it was there. I'll check it out. And let me get on my soapbox. These days are always out of good culture cottage cheese, and I have to get the other brands they have, which are not as good. There's a nationwide shortage of the good culture cottage cheese, George. I know. Is this because it's a TikTok trend? I guess so. It's because it's very high in protein. High in protein. And then the ones that have more fat are the ones that sell out. Faster because they taste better. Because we don't care about fat and calories anymore as long as there's protein. I can't imagine having a meal without protein. That's fucking disgusting, you fat sack of shit. Says the one vegan. I mean, it is true that you see someone ordering spaghetti al limone and you're like... what is wrong with you i i don't give a fuck about that and i literally think like that now because that's how i've been told to think like i'm like oh well i gotta have i gotta get something it's part of a balance like last night i had some uh some gluten-free spaghetti pomodoro as well as a salad of pea shoots and arugula as well as a nice ribeye steak you know so you get a little bit of everything but if you only get the little i understand how you're just eating cardboard brother sure does taste by the way I'm spending all of January in LA and I need the official how long gone. I need a recommendation list of what to hit up. Where are you going to be at Largo? Yeah, I'm doing the Largo residency.

Actually, they pay you zero dollars. You get to sleep backstage, but it's pretty sick otherwise. Are you looking for mics? Are you looking for some street tacos? What's up? Literally best street tacos. Yeah, because I mean, I've spent a lot of time in L.A. Are you going to be in a room? No, no, I'm not. Sorry. No, it's just like a lot of little. It's nothing interesting. I wish I had something to announce. It's like a lot of little things. But I haven't lived in L.A. for an extended period of time. since like pre-pandemic i don't know what the cool restaurants are i mean i know horses no that no that's kind of all we're good on that and i know greek i know greekman's yep yep yep and i know greekman's feels sort of a little too in your strike zone hat in a hat that's a little it's an unfair shout out to jonah our dear friend at greekman's uh oh and then of course i still all my references it's like i go there and i go to squirrel and i'm like god i love this well squirrel rocks it's so good We're going to have Jessica from Squirrel on the Pod whenever she switches that dinner service on. I've been hearing about dinner service for literally two years, so I don't know what's going on. The plan started in 2017, I think, and we're almost there for Din Din. But once it's coming out, we'll get the scoop with her. Are you bringing the man out, or is this a solo bear hunting journey? No, it's a solo... It's a solo bear hunting journey. And the bear is Jordan Firstman. He has a job, so he can't really. He has to eat at all of New York's best. Well, that's the thing. I have a bone to pick with him, too. Him talking about Levo Door like that. Like, come on, bro. Calm down. Thank you for bringing it up. Because he actually requested that I bring up his list and promote it while I was on here. I'm not kidding. He's in the other room. He might be able to hear me. But he said that it's too late for him to come on to promote it, so I have to promote it on my episode. It's New York Magazine's best restaurant in New York. My husband is the restaurant critic for New York Magazine, and his list of the 43 best restaurants in New York is now live.

On grubstreet.com. I just saw the Levodore headline. I was like, people are brainwashed. Well, and guess who's doing the brainwashing? It's coming from inside the house. I know. I know. And I don't mind. I can't. George, what are your thoughts on Levodore then? I mean, I went when it. I went with him when he went to review it, so it was very early on, and I loved it. I guess now it has gotten so overhyped that I understand if there's some sort of backlash that I'm not aware of, but I did really enjoy it. I don't think there's really any backlash. You would. I think we went with Mike Grimbaum and Julie Wiener. Oh, wow. Heavy table over there. Okay. Heavy table. Must be nice. No, I mean, I think that I forget that you have to go out to eat every night now. Well, not me. I go... Well, God, this is... a sore subject and he's skinnier than you right he correct i and and i he like is constantly complaining about getting fat and i'm like okay well your waist is i know your waist is skinnier than mine because i'm you're getting passed down pants that no longer fit me so it is offensive of you to say that you are getting fat when like it is you know it's right there in black and white that's that's tough right in the household yeah that's tough no i he gets so many good hand-me-downs for me and i get nothing because he is both skinnier than me and likes wearing tighter fitting clothing whereas i like more oversized so like there's nothing we can share but he's shorter than you right at least no just kidding i know that he's taller the same height maybe he's a little taller but i okay uh no he has to eat like four to five times a week and i usually join like once a week you mean out out at a restaurant in new york you mean out at a restaurant yeah yeah sounds like fun to me i guess for some reason i would i do that by my own you know because i want to but being forced to feels different well not just that but then you're forced to your or you would be ordering things you are not even craving oh yeah you would have i mean the amount of like just like animal innards and liver and like uh sweet breads that he has to consume

It's too much. You can only have so much quail per week, right, George? Yeah. I hit my quail quota, and I had to kind of tap out. Quail quota. Yeah, we just had some amazing squab at Bobbo. Oh, I went to the new Bobbo. The shit was smacking. I didn't have any squab, but I loved it. I actually don't know if his Bobbo review is out yet. So maybe I should. Whatever. By the time this is out, it'll be out. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. We went with Lily Murata and their wife. God, what a dream. What a dream. What a dream, Bobo. The only better thing would have been if Mario was there himself. But, you know, you can't win them all. Well, Lily is. Matthew said this, so I can't take credit for it. But he said Lily is the unproblematic Mario. Wow. My third eye just cracked on that. He's absolutely right. Yeah, Lily. She tells me to sit on her lap. I'm not offended at all. I'm not scared sexually whatsoever. No, I'm sitting. I'm sitting. Slaps my ass with a towel. It's welcomed. Orange Crocs are definitely in the wardrobe over there, too. That's definitely part of the rotation. Okay, well, I'm going to be in New York next month, I think. Let's try and get a power dinner on the books, if you'll have me, George. Well, Matthew will have you, but... As I said, I'll be in LA next month. Oh, that's right. That's right. Matthew will have me. But he will take you out, and you guys can have a nice romantic date. Yeah. New York Magazine owes me money anyway, so that's perfect. Well. Join the club, sweetheart. All right. Thank you for joining us today, George. Always a pleasure. Go stream his new special on Amazon Prime, or you can listen to it on Apple, Spotify, Tidal. All the streaming services. A sense of urgency. Thanks, guys. This was the best day of my life. We try. We try. Thanks again, and we'll see you soon. All right. Bye-bye.